Stop. Stop with these “rules” regarding this situation. She was assaulted. Period. Someone who has had too much to drink can’t consent. You need to leave her because she is better off without you overlooking the fact that she was assaulted.
Like he’s upset because I haven’t called him all the time and he wants Goodmorning text etc and since I’m not doing that plus I didn’t see him when I said I was he’s mad and said he wanted to kick my ass beat me up etc and he’s like oh you’re playing with the wrong person then complains about the same shit over and over again
You're right everyone's situation is different. And I'm not saying she shouldn't talk to him and discuss this with him. Obviously something's triggered him if hes been sober for years and now all of a sudden when he has a wife and family hes ready to blow that all the hell just so he can get high again. But he also lied to her face and tried to send her and the kids away so he could start using again and keep it from her.
It's not like hes actively using, hes been sober for years. Not to mention what this could possibly do to their children. I'm sorry but as a mom I think airing on the side of caution for your children is the smart thing to do. At this point she doesn't think hes used yet but no one knows that for sure. All I was suggesting was that she leave him a letter explaining what she found out and that she needs a couple of days to process what she knows. And she would like him to think about the ramifications this has if he starts using again. You act as if I told her to find a divorce lawyer and take him for everything hes got. That's not what I was implying at all.
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We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:
A healthy feeling of “soulmate” is most often from deep understanding, routine emotional validation often on the sixth level (google six levels of validation in relationships if not familiar) and familiarity. You can find this in someone, but you can also build it and you can also lose it. So it’s not something inherent or permanent. But when you do feel it, it can be strong and very compelling. That said from your description what you for O and still have for O sounds like it started as a crush, that’s often from finding in them something you’re missing in your life. What you should have done is break it off with O the moment it got to even a small crush, figure out what that was you were missing in your life that O had and cultivate it in your life either in yourself, with a platonic friend, or with your current partner L. Instead you emotionally cheated. Not cool.
Then you were experiencing the fun honeymoon stage of a crush, but that either calms down into love, or goes bad when the honeymoon period ends, and that’s exactly what happened to you, it went bad. Then you go back to L? So not ok. At least you recognize that was wrong, that you used him as a rebound. But then you dream of O, even though he betrayed you? Come on, this is ridiculous, Os not your soul mate, sounds like he just is better with connecting to you on an emotional level than L. So work on that with L. And to add insult to injury you unblock O, so you opened that door to emotionally cheat again on L? Wtf? Poor L.
So short version, break up with L, he deserves better. As for O, date him or don’t, hard to say because you give no details of the betrayal. You’re feelings now for him could still just be due to a crush, limerance, love bombing on Os part, trauma bonding depending on the betrayal, or you romanticizing what you dont currently have, thinking the honeymoon stage is love, when it’s just a stage.
Lol man you must be hypontize by your husband dick if you think your doing what he was doing. Lol you kicked your own daughter out of your house so you can keep your marriage the fuck out her with that type of shit trying to blame the ex
Different people have different opinions of what works and what doesn’t. A potential solution might be to actually suggest a collaboration and team effort to support one another on your weight loss journey. I have repeatedly offered my wife my full support in any way she needs to achieve her goals. I happily changed the way I prepare food per her needs. I changed my diet to eat foods that she eats. I offer to exercise with her whenever she asks.
Tell your gf you feel better with the emotional and mental support and are happy to try some of the things that work for her if she is willing to try some of the things that work for you.
“I get it this is just something all guys are into” not sure this is an accurate statement but either way you tell him you aren’t into it. Also, why do you want to be ok with it? If you aren’t you aren’t! No shame in that. No shame if that’s something you are into but clearly you like what you and your husband have so tell him that.
She is having a lot of sex and is busy.
Stop. Stop with these “rules” regarding this situation. She was assaulted. Period. Someone who has had too much to drink can’t consent. You need to leave her because she is better off without you overlooking the fact that she was assaulted.
Like he’s upset because I haven’t called him all the time and he wants Goodmorning text etc and since I’m not doing that plus I didn’t see him when I said I was he’s mad and said he wanted to kick my ass beat me up etc and he’s like oh you’re playing with the wrong person then complains about the same shit over and over again
You're right everyone's situation is different. And I'm not saying she shouldn't talk to him and discuss this with him. Obviously something's triggered him if hes been sober for years and now all of a sudden when he has a wife and family hes ready to blow that all the hell just so he can get high again. But he also lied to her face and tried to send her and the kids away so he could start using again and keep it from her.
It's not like hes actively using, hes been sober for years. Not to mention what this could possibly do to their children. I'm sorry but as a mom I think airing on the side of caution for your children is the smart thing to do. At this point she doesn't think hes used yet but no one knows that for sure. All I was suggesting was that she leave him a letter explaining what she found out and that she needs a couple of days to process what she knows. And she would like him to think about the ramifications this has if he starts using again. You act as if I told her to find a divorce lawyer and take him for everything hes got. That's not what I was implying at all.
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A healthy feeling of “soulmate” is most often from deep understanding, routine emotional validation often on the sixth level (google six levels of validation in relationships if not familiar) and familiarity. You can find this in someone, but you can also build it and you can also lose it. So it’s not something inherent or permanent. But when you do feel it, it can be strong and very compelling. That said from your description what you for O and still have for O sounds like it started as a crush, that’s often from finding in them something you’re missing in your life. What you should have done is break it off with O the moment it got to even a small crush, figure out what that was you were missing in your life that O had and cultivate it in your life either in yourself, with a platonic friend, or with your current partner L. Instead you emotionally cheated. Not cool.
Then you were experiencing the fun honeymoon stage of a crush, but that either calms down into love, or goes bad when the honeymoon period ends, and that’s exactly what happened to you, it went bad. Then you go back to L? So not ok. At least you recognize that was wrong, that you used him as a rebound. But then you dream of O, even though he betrayed you? Come on, this is ridiculous, Os not your soul mate, sounds like he just is better with connecting to you on an emotional level than L. So work on that with L. And to add insult to injury you unblock O, so you opened that door to emotionally cheat again on L? Wtf? Poor L.
So short version, break up with L, he deserves better. As for O, date him or don’t, hard to say because you give no details of the betrayal. You’re feelings now for him could still just be due to a crush, limerance, love bombing on Os part, trauma bonding depending on the betrayal, or you romanticizing what you dont currently have, thinking the honeymoon stage is love, when it’s just a stage.
He ring-a-ding-ding'd her.
Lol man you must be hypontize by your husband dick if you think your doing what he was doing. Lol you kicked your own daughter out of your house so you can keep your marriage the fuck out her with that type of shit trying to blame the ex
Different people have different opinions of what works and what doesn’t. A potential solution might be to actually suggest a collaboration and team effort to support one another on your weight loss journey. I have repeatedly offered my wife my full support in any way she needs to achieve her goals. I happily changed the way I prepare food per her needs. I changed my diet to eat foods that she eats. I offer to exercise with her whenever she asks.
Tell your gf you feel better with the emotional and mental support and are happy to try some of the things that work for her if she is willing to try some of the things that work for you.
Honey, it's three months. Just say sorry i wanna break up and leave. That's it. It's simple.
“I get it this is just something all guys are into” not sure this is an accurate statement but either way you tell him you aren’t into it. Also, why do you want to be ok with it? If you aren’t you aren’t! No shame in that. No shame if that’s something you are into but clearly you like what you and your husband have so tell him that.