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Date: December 11, 2022
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It took me 2yrs to get this boring, so should I wait for her to get over that guy and meet in the middle after 2 yrs? They might get together for years coz he travels for work and he us really a interesting guy. My life is really boring I think that makes me boring too plus an introvert i am.
Literally just a fool will do sooo. I don't think it will be right for anyone. In such case they can just Adopte Baby. It will be better.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so insecure. Why did she even tell you? She should have known that this would potentially hurt you.
Please don’t change for her. Copying others won’t help you. What makes a person most attractive is confidence, so just embrace who you are.
Listen… I'm on her side. I didn't get a college graduation (class of 2020, thanks covid!) which i'm okay with because the whole pomp and circumstance all feels a little tedious and unnecessary. The Taylor concerts are incredibly difficult to get tickets to, it's not guaranteed that she'll go on another tour, and she will cherish the memory of that concert for the rest of her life. She can go out with you and celebrate on a different night and it won't change the four years of work you put in to earning a degree.
Well you’re in for an eventful Christmas.
Given the timeline, I'd get a paternity test. It sucks, but you can't discount that possibility. As to your marriage, it's dead. This was likely an exit affair, given her reaction once confronted. Someone concerned about their marriage would be crying up a storm and begging for forgiveness, etc.
Her callous response is refreshing since you get to avoid the whole “is she remorseful or not phase”. Look up and implement the 180, and give it a few days in order to properly process what happened. Reach out to friends and family for support and to set the narrative going forward. Once you've processed it, get a lawyer and try and have an amicable divorce.
Staying with an unremroseful cheater for the kids is moronic. Given her callous response, she clearly isn't in love with you anymore. I'm guessing she justified her affair by making you out to be the bad guy in her head, and it got to the point where she actually started believing it. No one likes to admit they're a POS, easier to blame your spouse and play the victim.
Thanks a lot, I really appreciate it. I’ve thought about suggesting couples counseling since this came up and will put more thought into it now that you’ve mentioned it. ?
Has his wife explicitly told you this?
I do try all these things. He’ll either tell me he doesn’t care that it upsets people. Or he’ll say I’m ‘gay’ for caring about others feelings.
He just gets mega defensive. He also tries to stir up arguments
I'm going to give you the hardest bit of advice you are going to receive but also the most important.
You have to not care.
Your MIL threw a huge tantrum. It sounds like she has a rich history of doing this; people get scared of people who are unpredictable and are willing to engage in extreme behaviours to get what they want. But it's just noise and bluster. She might have been intimidating when your fiance was a kid and needed her. But you don't need her for anything now. So it's just noise, no more significant than a crying baby.
Because you have all reached an age now where she needs you a lot more than you and your partner need her. She has no power and no leverage. That is what happens to parents when their children grow up. It's time she learned that lesson.
What is she going to do? Move out? Great. Refuse to attend the wedding? Won't really make any difference to you. Go non-contact? Well, with a married son and probably grandkids at some point in the future, she would be cutting off her nose to spite her face there. You could easily live with no contact with her; for your fiance it would be unpleasant but not restrictive of his current family life because he is starting his own family with you. But for her; she would face the prospect of missing out on her son's wedding, missing out on grandkids and being very, very lonely in older age. That's how the power dynamic changes between parents and their kids as everyone gets older.
Any dramatic action she takes harms her far more than it harms you. In fact, short of cutting you from her will (which is about 30 years from being an issue), she has zero leverage. Hopefully she has the intelligence to recognise this, or at least your FIL does.
It's neither here nor there that you sent the recording to him. It's not relevant. What is relevant is that you and your partner have ALL the power in this relationship now. She has none and if she hasn't realised that already, she soon will be.
All you need to do is learn to laugh at it and just carry on with your life. She can say whatever horrible things she wants and you just need to laugh. Because she has no power over you and she can't do shit without really ruining her own life.
Trust me on this. I have similar issues with my mother (not quite as extreme) but nothing she says makes any difference to me and I just don't care. Because I have my own family now. Whatever I do or she does, she isn't going to break the relationshop because it means loneliness for her and missing out on grandkids. So whatever little tantrums she has I just let slide over and laugh about because I really don't need to care anymore
God your husband is full of a ton of misogynistic bs – I’d think seriously if you really want to raise a child with someone with those ideas/ beliefs. Actually I’d think seriously if you want to remain married to a man who thinks like that.
Why should I be the only one to compromise here?
You get to make the rules for your wedding, but you also have to accept that there will be people who can't or won't go because of it. Just let it go and think about the larger relationship after the wedding.
Facts
I’m sorry, but your boyfriend is not only dumb as rocks but aggressive when you question his ignorance. That’s not just a bad combo, that’s a dangerous combo. This is a guy that you’ll have to fight with over basic common sense issues constantly.
Please respect yourself and dump him. Don’t date anyone that doesn’t receive reasonable criticism well.
Update me!
If you go out by yourself you are gonna regret it. It's not the solution. The fact that you say you wanna it the clubs without him show that you are not better than him…
Maybe you don't realise you come out as flirty, even if you dont reciprocate. And that's also what he's doing.
If you think this is an okay thing to do then bring your husband since it shouldn’t be a big deal. If your husband’s presence makes it awkward then that proves that this was never going to be a platonic conversation
He said that we would be together forever anyways so house > a wedding. He is the type of guy that sees a wedding as a scam lol but I see wedding as a sign of love. So it’s really hard to convince him. He has a finance masters and I’m mba in finance and we both work in finance so we do know quite a lot about that stuff. That being said that I know if this house before wedding thing is happening… it means no wedding because the house would clean us out for a couple years in terms of finance. I offered the option of elopement or just sign papers but he said then what’s the point if we are not gonna have a party. Like ughhhhhh
You need to be forward and direct. Tell him that you two don't align in your future and you need to find someone who can provide you with what you want and what you need. It doesn't have to be super drawn out. You both know you're not compatible. Just be honest and open about it.
You could possibly ask her to pay some nominal amount of rent, but not even close to half,
Thats really dependent on how much the mortgage is, and what the cost would be to rent something comparable.
She should be paying fair market rent, maybe a little less.
that the mortgage was already yours before she moved in and would be yours to pay anyway whether she was living there or not.
She'd have to pay rent if she wasn't living there. That logic cuts both ways.
You’re insecure. It’s entirely normal to get dressed up to go out with friends.
That was advice that I have never in my life expected. Thank you.
Again, you're focusing on this example. You feel smart because you get it and think that OP is somehow in the wrong because he doesn't.
This is one example!
I guarantee that there are things OP says that his wife doesn't get, and he likely explains the connection to her when she asks. Stating that an explanation is tedious is somewhat obtuse, because conversation, by definition, is people explaining their thoughts to one another. If this is a frequent problem for OP's wife where she not only where he's concerned but where acquaintances and colleagues are concerned, then it is an issue that needs to be addressed.
At best, people are going to become dismissive of her because asking her to explain her thought process every time is too exhausting. At worst, she risks her ability to be employed, financially stable, and her relationships with friends and family. If she becomes agitated with OP, then that anger is likely showing with other people, too.
And again, this example is just an example. Continuing to focus on it doesn't help OP.
Sounds like she told you what you wanted to hear instead of the truth
Write out what you would reply to her if you decided to. Wait a day then reread what you had written and ask yourself would sending it make you feel better? Or would it open up feelings you’d rather keep dormant for now? I think you know the answer.
Wow, you really are the Charlie Brown of clueless wonders aren’t you? You really don’t deserve your girlfriend and you should be ashamed of yourself for what you allow this church bitch to carry on with you like that. She should be ashamed of herself too. What a snake. You are a dirtbag boyfriend. I wish Sarah had a handsome male friend to treat you to the same treatment you show her. Do her a favor, and end things so that Theresa can get stuck with the likes of you, and Sarah can find herself a man who actually has enough respect for her and the relationship than to allow some bimbo on the side to carry on like that, who is man enough to shut that down and not sneak off on trips with the same bimbo, because clearly you are not this man.
How do you feel? At the end of the day, that’s what matters. Can you forgive and move on? Do you want to?
How will this change your dynamic? Can you trust her moving forward? It’s the Ross And Emily situation (if you’ve watched Friends). If you can move on without needing to know where she is all the time/ controlling her then good on you.
Me personally I’d be so insecure I couldn’t trust that person again. But everyone is different and some people can bridge the mistrust and build the relationship to be stronger. It’s really up to you
Um no. When I was her age I didn't blow up my chances with the guy I liked by kissing random dudes in front of him, no matter how drunk I was. Instead I followed him around like a puppy.
She either doesn't have strong feelings for him or she wants to be with multiple dudes. Either way, doesn't sound like the girl for him.
Firstly, that's rape and secondly I think the problem is less your vagina and more that he probably masturbates with a death grip. Despite what some sexist men would like you to believe vaginas don't actually getting looser the more sex you have. This is absolutely a him problem.
Jesus, you’re as good as each other, if you won’t get rid of the boyfriend. Newsflash: wait until he asserts dominance over you. Run woman.
Most definitely
I once walked completely naked in front of my partner while he was playing WoW and begged him to f*** me. He was like, “move, I'm raiding.”. THAT is too much gaming. Once every two weeks is not.
Then go to the police and tell them you are being blackmailed.
You've stated your boundaries & he disrespected them. It's time to respect yourself enough to enforce them.
I'm a fellow “kindhearted”, so I understand your hesitation about his living situation, but that's really on him. Trust me on this one, I've got 20yrs on you of learning that people will exploit your kindness. There are ways to learn about one's sexuality without cheating, you even offered a reasonable option. This is a true fafo on his part.
I’d actually classify the frenulum as the front of the penis, not the band at the ‘back’
To be honest you sound too vulnerable to know whether you just fell lucky , or you have someone that will take advantage of that clear vulnerability
Make sure you have a line of communication out and also some pre set calls coming in from freinds that you can just answer with “hi Jane, I have company I'll call back” and voila
Safety checks in place
Plan for the worst, hope for the best
Just make sure you have a plan if things get too much as you wont think of one in the moment
You are right: he is not a puppy, he is an adult man.
She shouldn’t be picking out his clothing every day and reminding him to brush his teeth, this is was parents do with their children.
He definitely needs help, but if he doesn’t want to commit to get the help he needs there is not much she can do about it.
Maybe a man could do his due diligence by finding a partner he can actually trust before he plans to get that partner pregnant?
You don't sound sexually incompatible. If everything else is wonderful that might not matter but at 18 you'd be crazy to settle for it.
Love is not a solid reason to tolerate/remain with a toxic, selfish, dysfunctional person that has zero empathy for you! You are in an abusive relationship. Neither she or her Ex are the prize – but you are.
Exit now before you are stuck with her (with kids).
The world is full of wonderful people that will treat you much better.
I’m clearly in the minority here but I also would want to know if my partner is still close with people they’ve had sex with. I wouldn’t want to be with someone that had fucked a bunch of their friends.