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play with my didlo [703 tokens remaining]
Date: October 23, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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Your reality has just been shattered, which is shocking. Your husband's reality had cracks for a long time, so it breaking isn't as shocking.
To continue this metaphor, once he saw cracks forming he should have come to you because you share a large part of this reality by being married. But he chose to ignore the cracks and hope they repaired on their own.
You're upset because you could have helped him repair the cracks but now it's shattered so it seems like it's all his fault and it's easy to be mad at that. But remember how part of the reality is shared? He doesn't understand why you didn't see cracks at all. It's like your head was turned; maybe you heard cracks forming and maybe not, but for some reason you stopped looking at the entire reality and only focused on a certain area that had no cracks.
So you're like how could you let this happen when you knew it was cracking? And he's like how did you not see such huge cracks?
To make it worse, people from the outside saw little cracks and are echoing your husband like 'yeah duh op there were cracks in it' and you're like what cracks?? No one pointed out the cracks to me!!
(You probably don't want to hear this, but Rose telling you she'll never see him as a brother was your first warning a crack might form. That was actually pretty brave of a child to do, and her decision to not tell you as an adult was partially informed from you dismissing her as a child.)
Your husband giving his blessing while feeling cornered is a continuation of ignoring the cracks (aka putting his head in the sand like you both accept he did/is doing).
He doesn't want to lose his kids. He's probably scared he will lose them by association if you push them away, which is why he wants you to accept it and move on.
It's a tricky question. Certainly the current western view is that this is not appropriate and is abuse. But then you mentioned that your mother is of a different culture. In many cultures mothers are deeply, and in my view, overly involved with their sons, to the point where body autonomy is not respected. Misunderstanding of normal sexuality may be mixed in with poor medical information and cultural myths. Of course child abuse exists in every culture so it's important, moving forward to set very strict boundaries with your mother, around what is appropriate. If you have children in the future you may wish to always supervise your mother with them. I hope you are seeking therapy to deal with your issues surrounding sex and a good therapist could give you advise about how and when to further discuss these difficult memories with your mother- or even if that's a good idea at all. Boundaries first, then therapy to make some sense of your own feelings and beliefs. Good luck sorting it out.
No need to be sorry. You’re right. This isn’t something I can solve myself. I don’t think anyone wants to be unhappy, so I’m just waiting and hoping.
As I have already said, I will be with her. That's not an option. Yes, emotionally bombarding is something I am doing to her at times. Thanks for that point. I will try taking care of it.
I'm already taking individual therapy and so is she
Ah, the pedo stache… When he’ll have enough of his family, friends and random people telling him how much he looks like a creep, he’ll get rid of it.
Could be fake, but tbh you'd be surprised how many people use their work e-mail for personal shit.
You can also sit him down and ask him upfront if he's losing interest. His answer, expressions will tell you a lot about it.
All relationship to through a honeymoon stage, mine did but we're still making efforts for one another. No matter what happens I hope everything works out well for you, and good luck.
You are the highest degree jerk. She should be thanking her lucky stars that you freed her from the relationship.
This is ideal and would solve so many problems. But it is only realistic when you have someone capable of putting aside their ego temporarily to view a situation and admit that they are wrong.
Most people will die on that hill before admitting they’re wrong even if they are capable of understanding they are wrong. Or, some people are so against losing an argument that they will not see reason or accept reason no matter what. So, unfortunately, what ends up happening is they double down on their original opinion.
You will rarely hear the words, “you know what, you’re right. Now that I think about it, I wouldn’t like it if the situation was reversed.” Some egos are just too big. Instead you’ll get, “if some woman was dismissive of our relationship and continued to openly pursue you with help of her/my friends, I would be okay if you didn’t tell me right away and wouldn’t see it as a threat.” Meanwhile, you know if it really was the reverse situation, they would be fuming.
So it usually comes down to they refuse to set aside their ego or are simply incapable of considering reason (probably because of ego).
All couples are bound to have disagreements, and when you're younger these are sometimes down and out arguments. While I think a certain amount of venting to friends and family for support can be healthy, I think it's also important not to get too specific. Especially if you're hoping things last long term.
If you're always telling loved ones all the negative things about your partner, they won't be able to help but feel negatively about them and then you're stuck defending your partner to others or they just don't get along. You'll have poisoned the well.
This is what your partner has done to you. He's painted a really bad picture of you to his family and now is making it your responsibility. It's terribly unfair and immature of him in my opinion, and you'll never be able to redeem yourself in his family's eyes. I'd keep things super casual and superficial, or just end it and learn this lesson for next time.