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Bee, 25 y.o.
Location: United States
Room subject: post show hang đ LAST 15 MIN
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Date: October 5, 2022
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You're fucked in the head for dating a 20 year old at 58. That is creepy as hell. Find someone closer to your own age that is just disgusting. only 3 years ago she was 17. You were 41 years ago. Gross. You're family us right fit not wanting to be near you. If my dad had relations with a woman my age or younger i would throw up immediately. Fuckin disgusting. Might as well fuck your child.
What happened buddy? Did someone drain all your energy and time in the name of friendship or like betrayed you?
Itâs an emotional affair at the very least. If my fiancĂ© was running off to take care of another (married) pregnant woman and constantly talking to her and going out one on one with her Iâd make the same ultimatum, me or her. The fact that he told you he refuses to cut her off is a decision – he chose her. Do you really want to be second place in your own marriage?
Your dog was a part of your family and her laughing about it is cruel and it shows she has zero empathy. She's the one who's pathetic and also not worth it. You love her, but you deserve better, man.
I'm sorry about your dog.
Honestly Iâm on his side that asking for a love letter takes a lot of the sentiment out of it. Even if words of affirmation is your love language. I think it sucks he got defensive and dismissive, but I also would never ask my bf to write a love letter for me if I knew it wasnât his best way of expressing love. Now if heâs not expressing love in any other ways, youâve got a problem.
How did you meet?
I will tell you plainly as someone a few years younger than him, well-adjusted men that age do not date barely-legal teenagers. Period. It doesn't matter if he was specifically seeking you out, a man with healthy mental and emotional development would have politely declined to see you once he found out that you were just out of high school. It is hard for you to understand that now because you don't have the two decades of adult life experience he has, but please understand that this is not normal however you slice it.
His mom is probably wrestling with disappointment in her son's choices and anxiety about whatever you did involving his child. She can't control his decisions, but she is clearly not happy about them, and for good reason. If a friend of mine was dating a teenager I would stop hanging out with them, but this is her child so that's not really an option.
It's creepy af that a 28 year old guy is taking sexual interest in an 18 year old girl. It might not be illegal but it's called grooming. You are obviously at a different stage of life where you looking to settle down and she entered adulthood.
Try to be in relationship with girls close to your age and not someone who is barley out of their teens.
The age difference of 4 years isn't what causes people to feel grossed out lol. People that are 28 are much more likely to be more settled in life than a 24 yr old.
I'm 24 and my age limit on dating apps is set to 2 years older than me and 3 years younger than me, and in real life, I would be grossed out if anyone above 27 flirted with me. I'm still developing and I haven't had a whole lot of life experiences yet outside of schooling. I'm not interested in someone that's on avg had all of those experiences already and more. If someone that's 28 were to approach me, knowing my age, I'd view it as them being immature. It feels weird to lots of people in their younger 20s when someone that's almost or IS 30 hits on them, and it's def not odd for us to feel this way.
Use your words like a big girl
If you don't want to know what someone fantasises about, don't ask them. And if you do ask, be prepared for the unexpected.
Will he reach out again? Maybe in the future but donât bet on it. Your post places the blame on everyone but you. If you knew you were drinking too much then just stop drinking. The fact is that you showed that with enough alcohol you will break the faith of a relationship. Now it was only a kiss but would it have gone farther?
I suggest you take this for what it is, a learning experience. Be aware of your limits from now on and be aware of the consequences of your actions. Move on. Be better. Maybe heâll reach out after he has time to process. Luckily you two are young and being young is the time to make mistakes and learn from them
I mean all you can do is ask, and yeah if he doesn't want to move, you are going to need to move yourself.
He told me he didnât think I was serious because I was on the fence about it. I will admit at times i would say things like âI love [this city] and I donât know if I want to leave.â
This is BS, btw…You possibly wanting to stay where you are currently doesn't equal you saying, “no longer want to live in Colorado.” It was you deciding if it was a possibility, and you need to say as much. “I have always wanted to move to Colorado, and yes there was a small time where I was trying to decide if I possibly wanted to stay here, but obviously if I am saying I want to go to Colorado, I ultimately decided that I don't want to stay here. I would like for you to follow through with your promise to me about moving to Colorado.”
No, because she'smd be making a choice about her own identification, not someone else's. There is a difference between forcing a decision on someone and simply refusing to do something yourself. Do you genuinely not see the difference?
Also fwiw, I did take my husband's name, happily.
I think the bigger thing is to make sure that your perception of what you can and cannot afford is accurate. There really are solutions beyond staying in an unhappy job and ways to negotiate that. Equally importantly, are you communicating about it in a way that's supportive of her or are you reacting to your own fears of not being able to pay your bills? . You seem to think she's mostly lazy and want to fight that. You also imply she wastes money frivolously. That's not really supportive and it's not likely to work long term for either of you. (No one wants their partner going around assuming they are lazy before they've even done it and lashing out at them about it.)
From what I can read here, she really doesn't have a lot of choice from your POV. You feel that she needs to stay in the job. If you place a lot of pressure on her to remain where she's unhappy because of money, eventually she's going to see that the reasons you're giving her are why she's staying there. It's not her job making her unhappy, it's the mortgage, it's the decision to have kids. If she starts resent needing that money, then she may rethink your home, having kids and other significant expenses. If you do it long enough, the marriage becomes tied to stress about money. No couple is surviving that kind of pressure.
You've painted two pictures of personal wealth here. ONe where you can afford frivolous expenses and still pay your mortgage if yoiu both work and also a picture where you can't afford your home if you both work and there should be no extra expenses. I can't tell which is correct. Either way, there is some kind of disorder in the way you think of money and finances. Please do consider therapy for you fears around it and also consider some financial education as a couple.
If you are genuinely correct and you can only own your home with two full time incomes? You own more home than is fiscally responsible for you two and that's as much your fault as it is hers. I'm going to be blunt. If you're in the US, how are you planning on paying the $10-20K in labor and delivery costs out of pocket? How will you pay for maternity leave? (Most companies don't pay you in full, it's partial salary or unpaid.) There's no way you're paying that house payment and letting her stay home and recovery from childbirth–which she will absolutely need to do. And what are you going to do when the majority of her income is covering a sitter for a baby? If you're house rich and money poor, a baby is going to devastate you financially.
If you know that you can pay all those bills, then the way you're reacting to this is not the best and feels like it's driven by that fear of being poor/hand-to-mouth again. If that's the case, therapy really will help you recalibrate what you can afford.
She envies the part of your life you keep from her but open to others. IMO, she's half right. She's wrong on the attitude though. But honestly, you knew your wife's thoughts on this, so why not keeping from her what you do/tell in therapy? Actually, that's the hole point of this: create a safe space for you to process everything, she doesn't need to know anything, and you should create this barreer without fail for the sake of your marriage and therapy.
This is rape. Get tested and donât see her again. She doesnât respect you or your boundaries
Good for you. I was talking about how women were treated back then, not your grandma.
Rape. Thatâs called rape.
Get tested. Report her.
Are you really considering this? dump his ass and let him fuck her
Agree with this
I like what others in this thread are saying. Go get your stuff. Let your father ambush you with “Prada.” Meet her and loudly express your disgust to your father while she hears everything you say. Then block him.
Ironic you broke up with her because she communicates with an ex and you want to do the same thing. Lol You should know that you need time apart because you canât go back to being friends right away.
I donât even see the point of being friends or communicating with an ex unless you have kids together.