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Date: October 11, 2022
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yeah I just remember that she said she is having signs of mental illness recently, I should take her to therapy soon. thanks for the advice.
Update please!
Tell him he needs to talk to his doctor and take care of it because you can't live with the constant gas. If he doesn't, and if he keeps telling you you're overreacting? Bye. Talk about dismissive.
Yes thank you that's what I'm getting at. The tag itself is a good thing to leave on.
For me, I couldn't stand it. You clog it, you clear it has been the rule in our house. But if you choose to plunge the toilet that a GROWN MAN is too fragile to admit is disgusting, then he needs to accept it.
The way you write is entertaining. The situation is not.
Being away from your partner for long periods is incredibly difficult. It puts strain on any relationship.
What I'm pondering is why he has so much power in the relationship. If you did break up how bad would it really be? To be completely honest, being a military wife is pretty crap. Affairs are SUPER common eventually in military marriages. In some areas it's almost a culture of affairs. You'll likely have to raise kids without his help a lot. You'll be alone a lot. I wouldn't want to handle the stress and loneliness my entire life. Do you? I like having my partner around a lot. I feel safe and happy when he is around. I wouldn't want to spend so much time feeling sad and insecure. I also wouldn't want to do it if my partner got cold randomly and wasn't reassuring enough. If nothing is wrong and this is how he is on deployment would you be ok with continuing to go through this?
Really think about it. You're very young and the choices you make right now will shape the rest if your life.
What did you expect would happen? You've been with this gal for 5 yrs, had two children and never married her…you never made that commitment to her. Maybe to your kids but not to her. You knew full well both of you had other partners while you were trying to work things out…so basically you both cheated on your other partners with each other and then both turn around and cheat on each other again? Huh? Why…just why would you want to live in constant turmoil? Why drag your beautiful children through all of this toxic drama. Stop being selfish…find a partner you want to marry and be a better example on how two grown ass adults have a healthy respectful relationship…
How can I handle my step-dad?
There are two things you should do that will be of immediate consequence for you.
The first one is to look up the term “Grey Rock”, have a read about what it entails and what it is designed to do, and then whenever you have to deal with your step-father, put it into effect. The T:D:DR version is that Grey Rock (or Gray Rock) is designed to help you deal with people like your Step-father. It puts you in a position where you negate anything he says or does by refusing to play “his game”.
It'll take some time and some practice but you can do it.
The second thing is to go low contact with your family, and no contact with him. Removing yourself from his presence is a great way to negate his attitude to you. If that means not seeing the rest of your family as often as you would like, well it's a small price to pay for your own peace of mind.
I didn't think someone as mentally deficient as you would need to play dumb, but here you are, and I can tell you now it's not the kind of cute you think it is.
When I was in a relationship like this, I left. I tried to help, I searched for all the phone numbers and shouldered all the responsibilities and paid for whatever we needed to pay for, I tried to keep outward appearances happy but inside I felt like I was crumbling because it was so much for me to deal with mentally, on top of my already bad mental health (I will admit here that I suffer greatly from depression, anxiety, PTSD, and BPD). I lasted less than 2 years because he simply would not change and I wasn't about to waste my time anymore. I was 18 then, I'm almost 26 now. He's still the same as he was when we broke up, if they don't want to change then they won't.
She isn't going to change, you've tried everything but leaving. I don't know why she won't seek help, if she has the money to do so then a depression/autism diagnosis and subsequent therapy or whatever is needed shouldn't be a struggle. It seems like she just doesn't want to do it and I can't really give any advice on how to make her.
All I'm going to say is you're doing yourself a disservice in staying, and at least separating and moving out will be better for you and your child. Your child is either at that age, or close to it, where they're going to start realising there's something wrong and likely wonder if it's their fault.