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Aran, 19 y.o.
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Date: October 9, 2022
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See it’s funny bc guys like him will always make me out to be the dramatic one. Blame everything on me bc he was aggressive. Deny deflect and shift blame. Happens everytime.
As I said, I don’t think she’s scared for her safety. She’s worried that it would be awkward if he tried something….at least that’s the vibe I got from her…
Also, I feel like someone scared for safety would text more often and let me know that shit is getting serious
I want to know what to say to him when I speak to him
I call this a “magic words” post, where OP is looking for magic words to suddenly make her bf understand. If he doesn't understand by now how disrespectful he is to your relationship by allowing this girl to behave this way, there are no magic words that will make him understand.
To respond to your update, it sounds like you're both fighting over very immature things. And mostly communication issues.
The question, “who would you kill” is always a trick question when it involves people you know. Others only ask it to start drama, and answering it makes you look bad, even if you have an objectively reasonable answer. How would you feel if you overheard your boyfriend joking about how he would kill you for your best friend because he's known you for less time? Probably not great. Keep in mind how others might feel if they heard you say something about them.
On the same token, your boyfriend should not be making fun of you to his friends (or anyone). He, presumably, knew you could overhear, and that's a shitty move, even if he thought he was just bonding with his bros over some harmless jokes. If they hurt you, they're not harmless. Him ignoring you for the most part also sucks. But if he hadn't seen his friends in a while, maybe he got caught up in catching up with them. If he continues to ignore you at social outings, it's a problem.
The driving thing. You absolutely should not offer something you don't want someone to take you up on. That's silly. You were testing him, it sounds like, and ended up putting yourself in a serious situation (if you'd been pulled over, a DUI can make it impossible to get certain jobs, not to mention the higher risk of getting into an accident). I wouldn't bring it up at all, unless you're going to say, “If I offer for you to let me drive back alone after drinking, say no. I don't actually mean it and I'm not safe to drive.” You said he could leave, so he did. Unless you were visbily unsafe to drive, your boyfriend didn't do anything wrong here.
These miscommunications hint at incompatibility. Like I said before, it is possible to work on communicating if you want to make this work. Be mindful of what you both say to and about each other.