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DILDO PLAY + PLUG // Follow me and Give me ur Like 😉 [Multi Goal]
Date: October 23, 2022
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So many red flags, the drug, the age gap…
He has never said he loves me too, just that he likes me a lot
They are grown ass ppl, you just tell them that his money is neither yours to spend or theirs to expect. If they get mad at you for not asking your partner to pay for their shit then so be it, they can take a hike. Ppl that love you wouldn’t ask this of you and certainly wouldn’t demand it. Next time get your friend to buy their own damn ticket. If you allow them to push they’ll just keep pushing and it’ll never be enough. Also, after 2 damn yrs, stop paying for your moms car if she refuses to get a damn job, she’ll get her ass in gear real quick when she has no other choice. Don’t let others take advantage of you under the guise of love. Your personal finances are absolutely none of their business. Good luck and god bless!
Bullshit
Go full stelth detective mode. Do not marrie before you can trust.
Trueee
Why did she go off her anti-depressants in the first place? I have depression myself and it’s a life long condition, you don’t just take meds for a while and then it’s cured like you’re on antibiotics or something.
I agree with your gf’s doctors, it sounds like she’s having a relapse from going off her SSRIs.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with leaving someone because of a lack of sex and there definitely isn’t anything wrong with leaving someone because your views on children are no longer the same, but it sounds like these problems would be improved by you gf just going back on medication, so I would look into that first before breaking up with her.
He is mourning her like a wife because she was his wife. Anything else he told you was lies, which should now be apparent to you because of his actions
You can’t begin the process of truly separating while still living together, and still being intimate.
There is no good outcome for you, in that setup with that kind of person.
You need to have your own space to process what’s happening and begin separating emotionally.
In any healthy headspace, anyone would read the scenarios you described and know, immediately and without reservation, that this is a toxic person who will only do you harm by having in your life, but you don’t see that because emotions and feelings are overwhelming any objectivity. And your emotions and feelings are only being exacerbated by continuing to be physically intimate with him.
Your mental health is like a row boat. He’s like a big hole in your row boat.
Having him near, having sex with him is pulling the plug out of that hole, letting water just flood in. And now you’re trying to get the water out with a big hole still in the bottom of the boat. With great effort you may manage to keep afloat, at least for now, but you’ll never be okay, or whole, or in a good state.
The sooner you plug that hole, the sooner you get away from him and can start getting the water out of your boat, the sooner you’ll be whole again.
I think you being worried about this is more of a red flag. I met my fiance on tinder and we both did this before the second date
OP, ask her friend for her number and just text her. Ask her out to a date and text her something along the lines of “sorry for not talking much during the party, your compliment caught me off guard, to make it up to you, can I buy you a drink?”
“Would you like to go out with me sometime for coffee or drinks?” Or whatever it is you think she might be interested in.
Is that real????
“btw I used to be a sex worker” Great line for a first date
Seriously no, you don't owe anybody information. If you are the kind of person who needs to know about a new partners sexual past, you can speak about it beforehand but that's your thing.
That is really cruel. Every day people surprise me.
This is 100% it, I told a coworker years ago that I liked him and he kind of led me on a bit (oh I like you too but we can’t do anything because you’re going back to your country, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to go on one date and see how it goes? No no, we shouldn’t, but I do like you a lot) and then when we were at work he started making a lot of jokes to me at my expense about me thinking he was cute and stuff. It made me feel really stupid and angry that he took my feelings and made them a joke that I stopped caring about him in that way. He only stopped when he came over to me at work and made a joke that I clearly wasn’t into, he said ‘come on, you know you love me’ and I responded ‘nope, not anymore’ and he was genuineley crushed that I didn’t like him anymore. I told him that the way he was acting made all my feelings disappear. This man sounds just like him- just looking for the attention.
Please save us from the lie. You DO NOT LOVE HER SO MUCH IF YOU SLEPT WITH ANOTHER WOMAN!.
Can you imagine? ?
It’s true that it’s a relationship that I have outgrown, but I bear no ill will and hate the pain it will cause.
Thank you for your reply:) Be a busy bee ? my friend x We got this buddy.
am i the only one who has literally never had the desire to send nudes to friends or get any sent to me lol
maybe bc i’m not straight and neither are my friends
Thank you ?
You might be right. I should ditch it. But I put my kids first above all. They are the reason I will never change my life. I think I’ve rocked the big enough. They need us. That is why I always laugh at being called selfish. Ha selfish… I’m playful not selfish. I’m kind and sacrifice so much.
I think I’m going to work on losing the fetish. I’m not accepted. I can change.
Yeah, that's what's been my inclination as well. I just don't know why someone would pull me back in after knowing how much they hurt me and apologizing so profusely for the whole thing. People are weird.
I am so, so sorry OP that you are going through this!
Yeah, that's what's been my inclination as well. I just don't know why someone would pull me back in after knowing how much they hurt me and apologizing so profusely for the whole thing. People are weird.
Yeah leave him alone… then keep on walking out the door. So for your whole relationship that you’ve lived together this has been an issue right? That’s what I’m assuming reading between the lines. Early on you weren’t so he could hide it.
He has a serious addiction, only he can help himself if he wants to. You need to give him a reason to stop.
“I’m worried about your mental health, our sex life and just our relationship in general. You are dividing us with this addiction, you’re verbally abusive and an arsehole when you’ve got your penis in your hand for HOURS at a time. I just want to do x but can’t because your wanking… it’s fucking ridiculous. This is what is going to happen, you either pull your shit together or I’m gone. You have to decide right now, it’s me or your addiction. And before you answer, I swear to you I will leave if you break any promise you make to me. We all need release, but these hour long sessions stop now. If you commit, I will help anyway I can. But if you’re not happy I’m this relationship then let’s just walk away now”.
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You need to tell her that her new found BS life has resulted in you no longer being connected and so she either she needs to knock it off or you break up. Why anyone thinks it’s a good idea to have an open relationship is beyond me. How are you supposed to stay connected when she is literally out partying and fucking others?
No need to ghost, it's not ghosting if you announce you are going no-contact. Then at least both of you have a defined end to this.
Get your wife into therapy. Hopefully its just her trauma that is making her act like a poor excuse for a human being.
Do you live in a rural area where there are no other men who are at least in the same generation as you?
You’re dating an old creep. It’s not very surprising. He would replace you with a younger girl if he could.
I mean if my partner came to me and said, essentially, “hey can I rape you?”, I wouldn’t be thrilled, either
I mean they're men who are available for her brain to use as props alongside OP. They're part of his group! If she wants him in a group of people doing a thing, they're kind of the natural props to use. I really don't think it's that weird that that's where her brain would go, though I definitely get why it's kind of weird for him.
Its implied that i dont think its okay from the fact that i called him abusive. I am not putting your feelings to the side by saying that he gets pleasure from annoying you.
And no offense at all but if you cant handle strangers talking to you about this situation then dont go on a public forum asking for their opinion.
I struggle with this and my partner. I just want to know he's safe because I care for him and his wellbeing. It's nothing to do with being scared he's cheating or trying to control him, I simply worry. I've expressed this is a big deal for me, while for him he sees it as not a big deal. He says he's caught in the moment usually and just honestly forgets. We've come to a (sorta) compromise because he knows it's important to me. So sometimes he remembers and I praise and thank him for remembering, but if he forgets, I don't get upset because I know it's not intentional
The difference between a father and dad is that dad does the exact same thing in a kind, gentle, loving, and caring manner. I am saying this because dad’s can offer unconditional love but fathers (at times) might just only be a sperm donor. He does not need to ask for any compensation for what he paid for those kids. He might only need to be there for them because that is what unconditional love is.
You're welcome!
In public situations, you might just need to have a balance between letting stuff go and saying something (like if she's over – sharing, maybe just wait until you're in a private place to comment on it sometimes).
Otherwise, as long as you use a polite tone and don't say anything personally insulting, you're not going to come across as being a bitch. Your coworkers will understand.
Jesus Christ! This is nightmare shit. He had to have been putting it in his food or something?? How would you even get a three year old to take those things? OP, how about you? Did they test you? And, not sure if anyone has asked but, I mean, are you ..OK?
Well usually this post would be written by the gf and we would all tell her to break up with her disgusting boyfriend. But since you're the disgusting boyfriend the only advice would be to wait till she breaks up with you and take this as a life lesson to never say anything like that again.
Agreed, they're available at CVS/Walgreens.
Yes, I am about 3/10 attracted to him. I've been able to mentally push through that in the past.
When I've dated people that I'm attracted to, usually they're missing a critical component for me internally (emotional intelligence/stability, ambition, passion, creativity, level-headedness, etc.).
Same shit I’m saying, I’ve been drunk once recently for the first time in my life and it definitely made me more brazen and gutsy however it didn’t minimize the consequences to actions in my mind hence I was never tempted to do anything stupid, those who are saying she was drunk or whatever are just full of bull
“Itz not cheeting if I have permisshun.”
This was him realizing that you and he want very, VERY different things out of life. You say he was planning to propose? That was him getting ready to deepen his commitment to you. You asking him for a hall pass was, to him, the exact opposite.
I see nothing in this comment that defeats the arguments I made in mine so I'm afraid I can't reply to it properly.
limerence literally comes with delusions. it completely skews your perceptions. he needs help, not judgment.
Too bad. You are your own person and need to live your life as you see fit.
Also been asked things that wouldve correlated to times of the previous relationship that I've answered to, unknowingly adding to what gets thought and pictured by.
Your husband's attitude is just trash. I'd start preparing to move on, he's no husband. A husband is someone who loves and cares for you, not mocks you and makes you feel like a fool.
Yes you should leave her. She will keep cheating on you and telling you how bad she feels about and then repeat. That is besides the point that you don't know about all her cheating instances.
Leave her or stay and be miserable. Choice is yours.
Yes she is tired and I always make sure to give her the rest she needs. Am not forcing her to do stuff it’s just that when we have the chance to have sex it just feels robotic and she’s like “let’s get this over with”. As for kinks, I haven’t explored much because I just can’t talk to her about it because she does not want to talk much about sex stuff.
She just answers “what you want to do” and does not share things she wants (if any). For her it seems sex is just something we need to do to get me off and nothing on her.
Shoot your shot before you get resentful.
If not meeting his family is a dealbreaker you should communicate that. And you should probably also talk to him about your insecurities.
Maybe come to terms with the fact that he’s not as far along his journey as you and that means he may not be ready for his sexuality to affect his other relationships the way that it may.
But honestly you’ve known him less then a year and dating a month. If you don’t trust him and don’t believe he’s gay or bi enough for you to have a meaningful relationship you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with him.
Yeah, Reddit history checks out to show what kind of husband you are.
Hopefully your wife wises up. She’s young and can have a bright future ahead of her if she finds someone who actually loves and respects her.
Best case he’s enlightened and can compartmentalize the difference. Worse case he sees this as monetizing you.
Two years in and she won’t do anything you suggest ever including doing things with your family, but always and only hers? Sorry that’s the definition of my way or the highway crap and that will build resentment.
She is also poly though. She had a partner she lived with when OP started dating her. While she may be not dealing well with OP flirting that is no reason to break there boundaries set out by the both of them in their relationship. She may be getting jealous but it is down to her to communicate that to OP.
I think it's good she has these kind of discussions with you. It seems like she is ready to move further into the relationship really fast and wants to start an family early in her life and in her relationship.
Personally I wouldn't mind this from a relationship level. I make connections and get to know a new partner very quickly, so as soon as I am out of the honeymoon phase (about 6 months) would be ready to plan ahead.
Since you have other plans, like kids within 5 years, and dont want to move so fast in the relationship, I would suggest you tell her that and ask her how important all of her plans are to her. Make your decision based on what she says. Buy the way, her entire idea and plans might shift a lot when she gets out of the honeymoon phase. Maybe all these plans that are suffocating you at the moment will just go away with time.
I went to stalk your post history and 30 other people apparently had the same idea at the same time ? bro good luck….
Being in a relationship doesn't stop you from being attracted to other people instead it means that you choose your partner over everyone else
You've done a really good job by admitting and realising you have feelings so now you just need to pull away, keep conversation professional, don't spend as much time with him etc
Maybe spend some more time with your partner, go on some dates or have cute nights in, have some quality time and remember why you're choosing him 🙂
live your life and be happy! don't drop such a huge opportunity for someone you aren't 100% sure is going to be there with you through all of it. who knows, once settled and adjusted to your new life, you may find someone in the same town you're in! LDR are hard, especially with such a huge life change. part ways and be happy you both have new opportunities happening.
The fact that you feel bad after tells me youre a decent human being with a moral compass who just has a lot of shit on your plate and a history that shouldnt be discounted – the things you've listed are hard on anyone and hope you give yourself some compassion and understanding even on those really hard days like today.
I have adhd and think that impulsively is really hard with that ive definitly done the get angry fast and lash out only later to feel awful. For me it wasnt necisarily the ADHD itself, but the anxiety that was a byproduct of it. Getting on medication (Strattera and guanficine) was a game changer. It stabilized my mood and really made me feel like I had better control over my emotions. That mixed with therapy to learn how to direct those emotions in more effective ways in the moment helped too.
Sounds like your boyfriend is very loving through times that are hard and sees you for you and not for the stress and anxiety as a result of the things that happened to you which weren't your fault.
Be kind to yourself my friend. You're human and have been strong enough to get to where you are now and so I know you can get through whatever comes your way. Sounds like your boyfriend thinks that too.
Just got some stuff you need to work through, which is okay and from the outside looking in, I can tell you're a good person. Hang in there and remember to be kind to ypurself – you've been through a lot. ??
You never really know someone until after you live with them, hun…and manipulators very rarely show their true colors before they've trapped the other person, usually with marriage. It's so common there's a ton of posts about stuff like this. I highly doubt your situation will turn out the same way when she's jealous of a fucking pillow.
Ha! You were literally in bed together and he left bc he wanted to have fun. Poor form on his part. All of the stuff about how he doesn’t plan dates or make an effort? It’s because he’s totally and completely selfish.
Save yourself another 6-24 months of being sidelined & break up now. He’s not a catch.
At the very least a good wipe down if I don't want to deal with the whole shower.
Immediately no.
What now….brother is that not enough…what more just be glad she did not pin the pregnancy on you….get this trash out of your life…how can you ever come back from this…you can't with her in your life.
She seemed like one of the better women. Then she did this.
Two things.
She chose to marry you, not those other guys. You can either get over it or dream of being one of the fuckboys. Or you grow up and accept that you're the one she wants to spend her life with. Not those other dudes.
Second thing: if the sex doesn't satisfy you, if she doesn't keep her promises and doesn't make you feel happy, desireable and wanted, then don't marry her. Deeds speak louder than words.
I think you should tell him.
Opening up to a romantic partner and sharing things with them that you don’t share with others builds intimacy.
I know you may be embarrassed by your childhood and parents, but none of that is your fault. None of that is on you at all. It’s safe to tell people. You have a true story of survival.
If you're feeling like it's toxic, then it probably is. Just by this example, sounds like a mismatch of communication and like maybe she struggles with FOMO in regards to you. I guess the most pressing question would be: what do you want to do? Is this something you would like to work on, or is this you deciding this relationship isn't right for you?
He's not your best friend. He's not a good guy. He's been working you this whole time. He's always had an angle. His goal has always been to get into your pants. He doesn't think you are cool or interesting. Your personality doesn't matter. He's ten years older and manipulating the ever living shit out of you.
What does any woman have to gain from warning her friends about a creepy guy?
Just ignore him. If he asks anything private or whatever, just tell him you have a bf.
Embrace that feeling of shame and guilt and sit with it for a good long time.
Seriously, I'm not trying to be mean…. you need to learn from this.
There is nothing you can do now, that ship has sailed, your friendship with her is over.
The best (and only good) thing you can do now is focus on looking inward, reflecting long and hard about how you view people and how you think of them and value them and grow from this. People are not just sexual objects. In what world is lunch or a coffee a less casual option than sex??
Leave her alone and move on man.
We literally just talked about this on your other post lol. It would be different if your boyfriend wasn’t also displaying some glaring red flags you refuse to acknowledge. You already asked how you can avoid finding guys like this in the future. Stop trying to fix this one when you two are clearly incompatible. He doesn’t want to change, he’s proven that. What you should do is end things and work on bettering yourself and life with your kids.
It seems like you have some fundamental incompatibilities then. You seem to want an understanding, adaptable teammate, and she seems to want a reliable, unwavering provider. Neither are necessarily wrong (as long as everyone is clear), but situations like this will always be a part in life, and if you two are not on the same page, neither of you will be happy with the way they’re handled.
The good news is you are not married.
Would your family kill HIM if he cheats ? Is it ready for this side of the honor ?
‘It’s not that simple.’ That’s the classic line in media from cheating partners to their affair partners.
My advice? Stop entertaining her. Move on. You’ve been the other man for 3 whole years. It’s not happening. And even if it did, do you even want to date a cheater who’s cheating on her boyfriend of 9 years and has been stringing you along for 3 too? She sounds terrible.
Bro it’ll never work. If she’ll cheat on her bf with you, she’ll cheat on you. Very very rarely is there a person who only cheats once.
The reality is that this just sounds like an excuse though. Many of us don’t choose who we’re attracted to, but we choose not to pursue those people and start affairs with them.
If you’re still feeling the need to specify that you “didn’t choose to be attracted to her,” it sounds like you’re trying to excuse the actions that came because of that on some level.
Accountability is important here.
You say he smokes, drinks and eats crap. Have you address to him that this maybe the issue amd maybe cutting down on drinking and smoking
There is a world of difference between drunkenly sharing a bed with an ex, and talking to them on the phone. To equate the two is daft.
the temptation of “what if”
I don't see any temptation to live this woman's life. She's an example of what a trainwreck cheating can be. If anything, she's a deterrent.
Who cares what he says to people or people think, of you want to leave leave, don't stay and make yourself unhappy and extention your children because if your unhappy thier unhappy .
Just leave, the constant lies and bullshit from him would be enough for me too. But that text to ex would of sent me Iver the edge I would of messaged her asking what they talking about.
You dont sound happy and he clearly don't make you happy, don't let him belittle your feelings, and it wouldn't ruin you family, kids watch us growing up and learn about love and relationships throughout us, so in reality you be doing them worse by staying .
Any chance he ties up the women he “dates” too?
No, just no. Sorry this is happening to you but I would tell her “I will never give you another opportunity to hurt me the way you did, again.” Then move on.
UpdateMe!
Just imagine if she found out about something embarrassing about your past and never told you she knew but it wasn't affecting your relationship. Would you want to know she knew this information? Or rather be blissfully ignorant?
Please get an STD test and then find a real boyfriend.
I think you need to learn why this behaviour bothers you. You and everyone is entitled to their opinion, yes. However, learning and analyzing why you think the way you do will go a long way in life in general. Go to the root. Is physical intimacy with others the problem? Is it the emotional intimacy she has with her friends and therefore the subsequent physical part the problem? Is the emotional intimacy the problem? Would you have a problem if this were her cousins? Sisters? Mother? Is it only women the problem or is it all people in general? In that case, all family members? Father? Brothers? Future sons and daughters? Nieces and nephews? Pets? Asking yourself and analyzing your answers, with the help of a professional would be better, will give you a wider understanding on your opinion/belief.
Why do I say the above mentioned? Because it will give you insight of what you need your boundary to be. Wether is no physical touch, or no emotional intimacy, with anyone, what type of situations you consider intimate and why you have this as a boundary (this last one would be more for yourself but if you'd like to share it with your partner that's great too). It will also be helpful when you do talk to your current or future partners about said boundaries.
Having said this, I will clarify that altho this may be your boundary, it's not something imposable on others. On simple words, you cannot make someone do or not do something against their will. So, if your partner decides that your boundary isn't something they can comply with you'd have to decide if that's okay with you or not and how you go forward in the relationship.
He doesn’t care. Physical touch is one of my love languages, but it’s definitely not my husband’s. It takes a conscious effort to extend himself to give me the contact I need. We recently are working on him doing it more – he has made an immediate change because it’s important to me and it rebuilds our bond.
If he wanted to he would. I don’t think he’s going to ever buy gifts for you. It’s up to you how you proceed with the relationship. You can either accept it and/or be miserable or you can leave. I don’t know how you are able to tolerate only seeing a partner a few times a year.
Heartbreak sucks. Revel in it, soak in it, mourn the relationship, then give it a viking funeral.
Tomorrow is a new day, the sun will rise in the east, and a pretty girl will bat her eyes at you. You'll be fine.
I agree. He is pretending it’s about 1. But really it’s about 3. / 4.
This. This man sounds like a huge AH. He puts you down he made u feel bad about yourself to make himself feel better. U want to manage a whole adult man's feelings? Are u his mother?
Why so u want to be with him OP?
I don’t think the relationship can truly survive and even if it somehow does it will not be the same relationship you started with, things will drastically change. Can you actually trust her anymore? Every time she goes to work or for a night out you’ll think about her cheating even if you don’t want to and even with therapy it’s hard to earn that trust back. I’ve known plenty of married people go through this, some had therapy, some didn’t, some of the cheaters were men others women, some were just once others were long term, they were all different circumstances but the common denominator was they all ended in divorce. It’s hard to come back from this and honestly you deserve better.
People handle pain differently and lash out for odd reasons.. but he is refusing help and is taking out his pain on one person who understands his pain… you lost a child and he’s abusing you accusing you of stupid stuff… you need to leave and heal yourself.. you can’t help those who don’t want the help but you need to think of yourself now..
And I don't want to move on, I really enjoy spending time with her, even just as friends, but I don't know how to make those steps back that we already took
Not all but most. Women like me who grew up with an absent father and a neglectful mother would be easy to manipulate, especially those with what they call “daddy issues.”
Women who grew up in an environment where their needs are met and guided well by capable parents are harder to manipulate. Actually this is true in all genders. Even young, innocent men can be easily manipulated by older women. That's the sad truth.
Go and enjoy your time together. I see no problem.