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alice-milleer chat
Date: November 6, 2022
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alice-milleer chat
The thing about having low self-esteem is that to really change it he has to change him'self' (see what I did there). You can encourage him to be positive, give him tips to change his mindset but he has to push himself to change how he sees himself. That being said here's a few tips…
Be specific with compliments – 'you're so amazing' can feel generic if said too often without context. Try to say things like “I love that you made me an amazing grilled cheese”.
Avoid saying perfect, try something like 'you're my imperfect person and I want to be with all parts of you'.
Encourage him to do therapy or to journal positive thoughts. Encourage him to practice the grateful exercise -waking up and thinking something positive about himself, even if all he can think is the fact that he's healthy.
Wonderful ending to the story! So happy you realized what kind of man child you were dating.
My dad had a 5 year prognosis in 2004, but his metastasis didn’t manifest until 2009. We were sure we were losing him in 2015, till a new clinical trial that he only risked because he had little time to lose, turned it around and put him allllmost in remission. He passed in 2020. I’m sure glad he didn’t decide to stop living back in 2004 because of it. He lived to walk me down the aisle… and then he outlived my marriage… and met my new beau and his great-granddaughter… then went to hospice when none of us could come out to see him off. Zoom funeral, who’d have thunk it? Life is strange and takes so many unexpected turns. Medicine is advancing every day.
You missed the target. I dont see therapy as “magic” I open myself up to Therapists, tried their routines and stayed at each one for more than 3 months before realizing they weren't doing anything, if anything they'd stress me out more. I never trust them either. I started seeing them as people faking to like you and understand you just because you're paying them for their service. I gave up wasting my money. Besides I thought this was an advice subreddit full of people who could understand and genuinely help, Not just say “ThErapY” before dipping
I meant basic human decency from other people.
Ya it is rude to go through someone's phone but that helped him find out about his girlfriend that she is not giving him any value for his love
Face time instead
you don't have to stay with him. a decade's age difference is a pretty big red flag. you are young, and you are not stuck with someone that you are incompatible with.
I have an engagement ring which is not my style, and I probably wouldn't have chosen it myself. but ever since the day he proposed, I've loved it, just because it's my engagement ring. some 16yrs later and I still look at it lovingly when I notice it on my finger.
also, up until this year I had no idea that the stone was a diamond, I genuinely believed (despite it's a very small stone–we were very much struggling financially at the time) that it's zirconia or something. it never mattered to me.
This is such unhelpful advice.
OP, have u heard of a condition called vaginismus? Plus fear of the potential pain might be causing you to have even MORE anxiety and fear, even if you are attracted to the person, and that would make pain worse, whatever the root cause of your pain is. But that's not your fault and is totally understandable.
You shouldn't have to go through so much pain, don't let ppl minimize it. good luck!!
The “friend” isn't the problem, the fact that your boyfriend is disrespectful of your relationship, your feelings, and your boundaries is the problem.
The “friend” isn't the problem, the fact that your boyfriend is disrespectful of your relationship, your feelings, and your boundaries is the problem.
He is not a good guy. Move on.
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As another option, if husband is smart and he doesn't like this friend for some reason (maybe she is taking OP to girls night too often), he would give the friend this gift to put a wedge in their friendship.
OP will feel jealous and would try to cut it off the friend. Friend will feel grossed out and will try to cut it off with them both.
No it's not, you are. Don't blame a past experience for your current actions. Only you are carrying around that baggage and sabotaging your own happiness.
It seems like tough words to hear, but take responsibility for your current actions and own your own recovery. You got this.
I don’t think there’s anything nefarious in wanting your home to yourself. Maybe you could both work out a schedule where you get alone in the house/alone outside the house. Pick up a hobby you can do anytime like geocaching or letterboxing. Goto the library or the movies.
Your boyfriend is a vile, disgusting person and I would have left him way sooner than you did. He strong-armed you into an abortion you didn't want. That's so fucking evil- he took your choice about your body and your child away from you by threatening to let you and your pets just die alone in your apartment due to lack of care. Breaking up should be the very least thing that happens to him.
Way to over think, this comes off really insecure.
Well, just my opinion and experience a lot of girls dream about their engagement. The only reason I 'set expectations' was because he'd pranked me with a fake proposal once so I told him I expected the real one to out shine the fake one. That was the expectation set. Ligit could have just included a rose, that's was the expectation.
She's gone from being the best wife he could imagine, sharing the best years of his life with her where he was happy with how everything was… to having a mega hormone changing operation, constantly sleeping and sounding extremely depressed.
I don't think this is about “give the lazy wife more ways to be lazy.” She's changed after her illness and surgery. It sounds very physical, in terms of hormone/chemical imbalances and as a result mentally also.
I dont know about you, but I hate missing the day by sleeping. The only thing that drives me to sleep during the day is being ill or recovering to an extent that my body desperately needs it. If they have a chance to get back to where they could be, it's worth a shot.
She just gave you your answer.
She likes your company but she doesnt trust you enough to start a relationship with you again.
Person who just commented! I see part of your explanation in my notification, but it is invisible on my post! I am literally getting too heated over this ?
Uhhh. Unless 'Dad' was paying Her to go out with you, she's not a professional sex worker. Because she didn't expect money after you had sex, right? Sex workers do it for the money. If there's no money exchanged and you're having sex, that's not a sex worker.
Where did you get that she cheated for a year? She was speaking to the guy for 2 weeks before she told her husband.
You don’t need to do anything. You and your ex aren’t talking now, as is but that’s beside the point. It is not your job to make his family feel more comfortable. If they want to make things awkward and be senselessly upset by your presence, so be it. You aren’t doing anything wrong. It’s not yours to fix.
That being said, I feel for you OP. It sounds like you are a very empathetic person that is struggling with being outcasted for seemingly no reason. I have felt like this before and it really sucks but ultimately, i’ve found that trying to make amends for crimes i haven’t committed is futile.
Keep living your life, go to events, be courteous when you see them but have the grace and respect for yourself to not solve issues on behalf of others. Leave this one to those that are involved, and you might think that this involves you because it appears to be “about you” but, if you haven’t done something wrong, this one’s on them to figure out.
I wouldve answered the same way as your boyfriend: said of course i want to marry you, but then backtrack because its too early, its a rushed, meaningless engagement.
There might be nothing wrong with either of you, just remember its about the journey not the destination. Dating is essential before getting married, and you two just met. In an ideal situation you are still in love enough to get married after dealing with all the hard stuff together that test you during the time you are dating.
Im your age and have been with my bf for 4 years. I dont plan on getting married still for years because we are too young and it would be first of all awkward, like a child bride kind of thing, and its the more special the longer you have been together: all your loved ones have seen your story sort of. Do you see what i mean? There is no rush.
You ruined it all.
It's cool you would want to know your flaws in order to improve yourself, but in general it's a VERY bad idea to give somebody a list of their flaws when you're breaking up with them. Because each thing you say gives them another thing they can argue with you about and try to change your mind, or to say they can change, or to call you shallow, etc etc.
If you've been dating someone for a long time and there IS one specific reason that is prompting you to break up (they are bad with money, don't take care of their health, addictions, whatever) then I think you should tell them the reason so they can improve. But for a casual dating situation that you want to end, I'd never give a reason or say anything beyond “Sorry I'm just not feeling it” or “I don't think we're a good fit” or “This isn't working for me.”
He’s going to be the type that finds faults in your boyfriend as well and will be there to “pick up the pieces” if anything should happen. These nice guy types are dangerous. Watch out.
you don’t need to tell her. Plenty of people call family friends aunt or uncle. It’s really fine. If he is not planning to be in her life long term then he shouldn’t be around your kid though. She’s too young to know anything else.
i just wish maybe he’d ask how im doing once in a while, instead of being distant and rude to me :/
Easy one. Leave!
bro it’s surprising this guy managed to fail in this direction, read outfit and Valentine’s Day and thought he was being discomfortingly sexual about your outfit, not insecure about the potential of your outfit-
It's over. Let it die.
No, this is uncontrolled jealousy. It’s not an isolated incident. She’s abusive and he needs to leave.
1 is the worst one! Good luck
I think you have 2 reasons to move on:
He hasn't cut the umbilical cord yet. You got together when you were in your teens. You have matured. He has not. Do you really want to mother him? Or do you want to marry someone who will be an equal partner?
At the other end of that umbilical cord is a racist mommy (and daddy). Parents that baby man doesn't even have the courage to introduce to you after 7 years together? Do you think they will “let” their son get married? Or be good grandparents should you one day choose to have kids.
Cut this boy loose and find someone who already knows how to adult.
I had to walk away. It felt like letting go of his hand and letting him drown, but I had to.
It’s when you shit your pants, scoop it out with your bare hands, and rub it all over yourself
Umm…. Why wouldn't you just email that her husband told you he was divorcing, then divorced. Was supposedly going to marry you.
Going to go see her in person in a completely different country is crazy… Continuing to talk to this dude is crazy.
You can say that again. Father of wife got off easy.
Well, it's at that level now. Get a grip on things, go to the police, get restraining orders for you and your entire family. Get out of there. He's made the threat now- and he'll start making that threat repeatedly for whatever other things he wants.
Yep. My ex fiancé knocked a chick up, married her, and moved her into the house I was paying for while I was overseas working for a couple of months. It was fucking hard! Grieving the loss of the future you had planned is not unlike grieving the loss of a pet or family member. It’s a process. And if you don’t work through the process alone or in therapy and carry your grief and fears into the next relationship, you’ll ruin it.
I imagine he presented it as a great gift for her husband. “Hey, don't you have an anniversary coming up? Have you thought about a gift for your husband? You know, a lot of women are getting boudoir shoots for their spouses these days… hey, I could take those pictures for you, if you'd like!”
The thing that really worries me is that he still has all the pictures, which opens the wife up to some pretty serious trauma– assuming she doesn't already feel coerced and used.
What was he supposed to do exactly?
Can you offer a room to your sister?
And she shared specifically that message with her friend?
so stupid, grow up.
I always find it interesting that some women think the rating system is a measure of how attracted to someone the person giving the (admittedly shallow) numerical rating to is.
I’ve experienced very strong attraction to people I would not consider good looking.
Are you able to offer a threesome where you only have full sex with GF and not the other woman?
I pretty sure that the son and DIL talked about it. I think the DILs mother is considering moving there too. If that happens, I wonder how all that will work out, I hope it does all work out for benefit of the grandchild.
Thanks for the reply
That's gonna be tough for strangers to help you with as we don't know you or your gf. Me, when I was younger, I did use the “break” at least once to end a relationship… but thats me, not her. On the other hand, we don't know her, so we can't say she is just taking a temp break. Not sure you'll be able to get a good answer to this, based on the info we have.
It’s definitely not extreme. In fact, this is often recommended before the problem is allowed to fester for a while and get out of hand.
And she picks up a bigger portion too.
I wouldn't call his family cheapskates. Maybe they are but some people are more frugal with money.