My husband isn't big on gushing around me but his friends tell me he always says the nicest things about me, especially after a few beers. Sometimes they hang out in hubby's man cave and I'll bring them coffee and snacks. Then one of them will betray their buddy and tell me what hubby has been saying and I always laugh but am internally doing jumping jacks.
We were at a party many years back and we all got pretty drunk. Then the gender wars started with the men rubbishing their wives and the wives rubbishing their men. My hubby and I just looked at each other in disbelief.
The next morning, I asked my hubby why he didn't join in. I actually know anything my hubby would have said would have just been for fun but his answer was perfect. “Why would I do that? Last night, and for who knows how many more nights, those clowns will get into bed with their wives with the wives' backs turned to them if they even slept in the same bed. My wife was cuddled close to me all night.” Then he asked me why I didn't say anything negative about him. I answered, “Why would I do that? Hurt your feelings just to be one of the girls?”
And that’s all stuff that YOU would do, not someone else. If you’re offended over someone wanting to be certain about something as serious as a whole human then maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship until you think about how your partner feels instead of only thinking of yourself. Men aren’t the only ones who go through anxiety with a pregnant partner and if their partner doesn’t want to help ease their doubts then they shouldn’t be together and it works out huh? Yeah we all do have rights just like a man has a right to ask for a simple test.
Your feelings are really valid and I disagree with a lot of the comments here. At 2 months, you barely know each other. I think it's totally fine that she has a sense if when she would like certain events to happen for herself, even to ask you about your own future plans to see if you're compatible; but planning to move in with you, then a pregnancy scare, then discussing having kids together, then expressing negative judgment to your response… and after you already expressed that you felt it was too early for these plans… this would be too much too fast for me. This feels very imposing, and she's ignoring your comfort and your pace. It becomes more about fitting you into her prescribed plan and projecting the things she wants onto you than getting to know you as a person and developing a connection and a relationship. Two months is not enough time to know someone, let alone plan a future with them.
Marriage won't advance your relationship, it's not “moving forward.” There are a lot of weird expectations about marriage, which is why so many get divorced.
And I say this because what if you say you're leaving, and he tries to say he will indeed marry you? Will that actually resolve anything? Will his feelings disappear? No.
He just said he basically doesn't see being in a relationship with you long-term. He's unsure of it. So, you should know what to do about that, and note it's not an ultimatum of marriage or leaving.
Thank you. I really thought I did the wrong thing when I made this post, but now I can firmly say that I believe it was right in speaking up about it. I really want A to get the help that he needs, and developing emotional stability will benefit him more in the long run than any degree or college experience.
Like clock work no empathy. This is a situation the wife put them in for her job opportunity, it is because of the way she looks people do this and when OP brings it up for seven months the wife has been telling him to suck it ul and get over it. It makes perfect sense to resent the wife even if she can't help the way she looks because she isn't really providing any path forward for him when he is receiving the brunt of the consequences for this move. Your inane bs suggestion of “just confront them bro. Heh when they call you a pedophile just be petty back and call them rude that will stoo them” when he has for months shown proof of his wife's age and they bave reached the point where he is being harassed by police is pathetically stupid considering the energy you're coming to OP with.
I do agree that OP needs to 1. Approach this with a more me and my wife vs this problem as opposed to me vs her vs this problem 2. he needs to be more forceful with opposing people when they state such horrible things and 3. Probably hella therapy if they cant move anytime soon but acting like his feelings are completely irrational, unjustified and unfounded to the extent of blaming him for his situation when he's come here asking for help is disgusting.
Yep. This exactly.
My husband isn't big on gushing around me but his friends tell me he always says the nicest things about me, especially after a few beers. Sometimes they hang out in hubby's man cave and I'll bring them coffee and snacks. Then one of them will betray their buddy and tell me what hubby has been saying and I always laugh but am internally doing jumping jacks.
We were at a party many years back and we all got pretty drunk. Then the gender wars started with the men rubbishing their wives and the wives rubbishing their men. My hubby and I just looked at each other in disbelief.
The next morning, I asked my hubby why he didn't join in. I actually know anything my hubby would have said would have just been for fun but his answer was perfect. “Why would I do that? Last night, and for who knows how many more nights, those clowns will get into bed with their wives with the wives' backs turned to them if they even slept in the same bed. My wife was cuddled close to me all night.” Then he asked me why I didn't say anything negative about him. I answered, “Why would I do that? Hurt your feelings just to be one of the girls?”
And that’s all stuff that YOU would do, not someone else. If you’re offended over someone wanting to be certain about something as serious as a whole human then maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship until you think about how your partner feels instead of only thinking of yourself. Men aren’t the only ones who go through anxiety with a pregnant partner and if their partner doesn’t want to help ease their doubts then they shouldn’t be together and it works out huh? Yeah we all do have rights just like a man has a right to ask for a simple test.
Your feelings are really valid and I disagree with a lot of the comments here. At 2 months, you barely know each other. I think it's totally fine that she has a sense if when she would like certain events to happen for herself, even to ask you about your own future plans to see if you're compatible; but planning to move in with you, then a pregnancy scare, then discussing having kids together, then expressing negative judgment to your response… and after you already expressed that you felt it was too early for these plans… this would be too much too fast for me. This feels very imposing, and she's ignoring your comfort and your pace. It becomes more about fitting you into her prescribed plan and projecting the things she wants onto you than getting to know you as a person and developing a connection and a relationship. Two months is not enough time to know someone, let alone plan a future with them.
Marriage won't advance your relationship, it's not “moving forward.” There are a lot of weird expectations about marriage, which is why so many get divorced.
And I say this because what if you say you're leaving, and he tries to say he will indeed marry you? Will that actually resolve anything? Will his feelings disappear? No.
He just said he basically doesn't see being in a relationship with you long-term. He's unsure of it. So, you should know what to do about that, and note it's not an ultimatum of marriage or leaving.
Thank you. I really thought I did the wrong thing when I made this post, but now I can firmly say that I believe it was right in speaking up about it. I really want A to get the help that he needs, and developing emotional stability will benefit him more in the long run than any degree or college experience.
Like clock work no empathy. This is a situation the wife put them in for her job opportunity, it is because of the way she looks people do this and when OP brings it up for seven months the wife has been telling him to suck it ul and get over it. It makes perfect sense to resent the wife even if she can't help the way she looks because she isn't really providing any path forward for him when he is receiving the brunt of the consequences for this move. Your inane bs suggestion of “just confront them bro. Heh when they call you a pedophile just be petty back and call them rude that will stoo them” when he has for months shown proof of his wife's age and they bave reached the point where he is being harassed by police is pathetically stupid considering the energy you're coming to OP with.
I do agree that OP needs to 1. Approach this with a more me and my wife vs this problem as opposed to me vs her vs this problem 2. he needs to be more forceful with opposing people when they state such horrible things and 3. Probably hella therapy if they cant move anytime soon but acting like his feelings are completely irrational, unjustified and unfounded to the extent of blaming him for his situation when he's come here asking for help is disgusting.
In a marriage, its ok to say “fuck you then”
As long as its never spoken and you just stop being annoyed about it.
You don't need a spouse to enjoy what you loved before you met them, it also doesn't need to harm the marriage unless you want it to