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Date: October 16, 2022
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Past experiences impact trust, so if it’s bothering you, probably might be useful to discuss it so you can move on from it.
Yep. Figured it will get into your head and use it against him. What will happen when you’re no longer “conventionally attractive”? Did you ever shut down any comments like that thrown at him? Because that shit’s degrading and you weaponizing it is disgusting. You’re maybe a “catch” but you’re just letting him see that being with you have more cons than pros. He deserves someone better, someone who will not tell him that he’s lucky to have a gf with pretty face and good money but no heart.
I’m curious though, does he benefit from your high paying job???
Dude, what she’s doing is emotional and mental abuse. My mom is a narcissist and I did the same as you, where I would shut down to avoid her wrath.
It’s not okay.
I hope this is trolling.
If not: There's nothing that can be done to stop her from hating you. She has every right and reason to hate you and never have any contact to you again. You destroyed her life. You set her up for a life of misery by abusing and torturing her. You are a terrible person and did horrible things that can't be forgiven. She needs to get help, but that's none of your business. You messed up and it's clear why she won't allow you anywhere in her life.
I think you know the answer here. This will not change. You will be the default caregiver as long as you stay in this relationship.
He is working! Yay!! He wants to have a healthy and present relationship with his kid! Yay! He isn’t paying his own way. Boo. He depends on you to care for his child without asking or your consent. Boo.
You guys are in different stages of your lives. Sometimes people just aren’t compatible and that’s ok. It’s time to end the relationship for both of your sakes.
I hate to tell you this, but as a happily married woman, “I talked about marriage seriously” with a few guys who I never got engaged to & I didn’t end up marrying.
This is your boyfriend, not your husband, nor your fiancé, it’s not the same. He has not taken the steps to prove that what he’s done was anything more than just talk.
Thank you.
OP made a rule, not a boundary.
You're absolutely welcome to disagree with me, and your point about there being other explanations is well taken.
That's why I casually said “bpd vibes.” Is listing 2-3 symptoms of BPD really promoting a stigma? It's obviously not a formal diagnosis, nor is it an accusation. I'm just taking part in the discussion.
Clever, but I don’t think that applies here. The post is from a guy that recently had a threesome. You make a ridiculous blanket declaration that threesomes in a relationship are always bad. I provide a recent specific example as evidence of the ridiculousness of your declaration…. and you reply with a link to a sub Reddit that doesn’t really apply here.
But by all means, please explain why threesomes in a relationship are ALWAYS a bad idea (every single time). You must have a lot of experience in this department so please enlighten us. We’re all here to learn from you.
I also didn't say he should engage the authorities, only that it sure looks a lot like asking for help.
I didn't say anything about the authorities. Yes, I said Op can report her but I meant it as in the Original post; He wanted to report her to the School Counsellor Administration is where I was going with that.
reaching out for help,
That's medical help. Which, to be fair to me is a different cry for help. She was in need of medical care, and asked for medical help. That is a type of help but not the same type that OP wants.
I understand where you are coming from, but the way I read and understood it was that she was asking for strictly medical help, and nothing more. She wasn't asking OP to help her get out of a DV situation, nor was she asking him to help her with food. With that she needs to ask for that specific type of help, but she didn't. OP wants to help her in a way she didn't ask for, and unwanted help is typically more hurtful than helpful.
If it is manipulative to stand firm on your boundaries then we should all be manipulators.
There are people out there who seek to live in a state of vagueness for all sorts of reasons. If that is not for you, the why of it does not matter, but it can be hard to force them to come to terms. If you need that clarification (which I understand), then you have to do what you have to do.
I personally love a clearly stated if X then Y rule/boundary.
So how many RNs have you seen in your life take their gloves off and start bathing in their pts shit? How many RNs did you see go through nursing school say they were doing this so they can play with and sexual shit? How is it different? Well gee, in one job, the possibility that you might get a drop of poop on your arm is an unintentional occupational hazard. The other job, you are deciding that you want to be a star in a movie that involves playing in shit and sexualizing shit. It’s the actual job, shit being the reason for the job, not an occupational hazard where even with your best efforts to avoid it, a drop of poop got on your skin. Jisses are there really folks out here not seeing the difference?
I’m frustrated and a bit mad at her because I feel she is in control of the timing and I never get to decide when.
What is the alternative? That she say yes when she doesn’t want to? Would that make your anger go away?
Surely you’re not angry because you believe she should be providing sex whether she wants it or not… right?
I get being sexually frustrated, but your anger is seriously misguided and inappropriate. You are not owed sex simply because you are someone’s boyfriend. She can’t magically decide to become horny when she isn’t; she’s not doing this purposefully to torment you.
She wants sex 1-2 a week. You want it every day. This is a mismatch, an incompatibility. This is a thing that happens in relationships. Sometimes, people decide that this incompatibility is a dealbreaker, and sometimes they decide they can handle this ‘flaw’ in the relationship. Sometimes talking openly to one another, couples are able to figure out a middle path that works for both of them.
30 yr olds might have children that they will soon with need to have “ the talk” with. This is a good reminder to parents to have that talk, ABD a way of easing the nervousness of the conversation. Bring the kiddo a long, free bananas.
To be serious lots of races give out bananas at the end of the race. I helps with potassium replenishment.