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Date: October 6, 2022
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Cut your losses. Guess the kid doesn't NEED a father.
You know, when my husband saw photos of one of my exes he straight up said ‘why tf are you with me?’ He wasn’t really serious because he knows I love him and that I’m with him for soooo many reasons, but my ex is unbelievably hot. An actual model and just the hottest person I’ve ever dated. I felt like I needed to up my game when we were together because it felt so lop-sided (and people generally consider me to be good looking). He is like dream hot material.
Know why my husband wasn’t insecure about it? Because he knows the reasons I’m not with my ex, which are complete deal breakers. He is lovely and everything, but simply not suited to me in the long run.
Moral of the story is that it doesn’t matter how hot someone is. It just doesn’t. That’s not what makes a relationship work.
You're stringing this guy along because you don't have enough backbone to make a clear decision. That's shitty.
Either:
1) make plans to move back to this area so you can date him.
2) ask him if he'd be willing to move to your area.
3) do neither 1 nor 2. Accept that you're both adults and the situation is just out of your reach considering your stated boundary of not doing the long distance thing, and considering the time frame. Which is basically the worst way to start a relationship anyway, IMHO.
Then……. invest your valuable time attention, emotional energy from your tank, concerns and damns- given to approach other members of the opposite sex in your general area.
Then stop orbiting around him like the moons of Jupiter.
4) Or else, be willing to go back on y our boundary and do the long distance thing after all, even though that's the worst option in my opinion.
Pick 1-4. Then let the sound of your shoes hitting the pavement do most of the talking.
I was thinking this as well. OP did she do any of these things or display this type of behavior before getting pregnant?
I can virtually guarantee every aspect of my life and relationship is going better than yours. But cheers to you, stodgy internet commenter.
He’s gaslighting and turning it around on you so that you are made to feel like you’re the one who is the bad person. He’s deflecting. Not sure how long you’ve been together but I’d say find yourself someone better and move on from this man child
Take your pillow and place somewhere she can’t find it. And tell that if she bitches because you’re snuggling up to her that you don’t want to hear it, and that your pillow never complained. She needs to grow up, this is insane.
I'm telling you right now, as someone who was with a narcissist for years, the only way to get this woman's hooks out of you is to ignore her. Do not take the bait when she starts a fight. Do not give her attention when she acts out. Do not explain yourself to her. Do not allow her to explain herself to you. Do not “let her know” anything about where you are or are planning to be. Do not engage. Do not engage.
Cancel her gym membership and go no contact. Block her on all socials. Seriously, remove yourself from this situation entirely before she ruins your life. She already has you apologizing for situations she caused. This is going to escalate if you don't cut her off.
Do you understand how hurtful it is being called a pedo? Because it's a pretty important thing to understand….
You should begin by not being friends with people you can't trust.
They already said I'm not welcome back at the study group. She told me to leave her alone so that's why I haven't apologized but if she ever reaches out then I will. If I reach out to her now I know she'll be angry.
I think the difference is that he’s grieving, and he didn’t want to be alone. Hanging out with his friends is not being alone.
That said, he was being pretty manipulative in how he asked you to stay. If this is out of character behavior for him, I’d cut him some slack on it. His grandma just died.
Bye!
Can you email your therapist? Or maybe say something about needing to say something at the start of your next session, so you have that moment to speak?
Its definitely something you have to talk about, and that's the perfect space. You don't even sound like a neat freak or germaphobe- it's totally reasonable to want things way they go.
It may end up being a deal breaker, especially if you have no way to meet her halfway (although imo doing more of the chores is…)