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Date: October 6, 2022
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Are you in counseling?
It has to be extremely hurtful for your mother not to recognize you for who you are. I cannot imagine.
It sounds like she may have some mental illness. Not making excuses for her but that's what it sounds like. Could be part of her childhood?
My advice to cut contact for a while, get some counseling to learn how to deal with her ( or not) some coping techniques. Then go from there.
Good luck
As a mom i cant imagine doing this to my child but I know a lot who do đ
She wants a threesome.
Dating is a time to decide if two people are compatible. You are not. Be kind and end it so you can each find the right people.
Are you into it or upset…this could for for you if you are open
Please Go to the Police. They have ti Something and if they dont, you at least tried it. Explain them the whole Situation.
All of you are fine so I don't see the issue there. 1 and 4 get bonus points for cuteness but that's purely from my personal point of view. In the end, if I was forced to make a choice, I'd go with nr.4. For me, as a guy, it's the personality that matters.
Thanks very much, I will definitely call CAB. Yes, all the money is paid by bank transfer so thereâs a record of every payment. Well, the vast majority anyway. Thanks again.
Not sure when youâre being downvoted. Youâre exactly right. Donât take someone for a ride when you know how you feel isnât the truth. If youâre not ready to say how you feel, donât marry them and have kids with them hoping the feelings will go.
That doesnât change.
I pee outside and don't even have a dog. Sometimes I just want to pee on a tree, y'know? Something in my primitive monkey brain just wants to pee on stuff sometimes.
When I was growing up, I did have a dog and was primarily responsible for walking him, and I definitely peed with him on occasion. Usually he'd be off to one side and I'd need to pee, so I'd just go to it. Great bonding experience, honestly.
She's hella immature, don't waste your time on that.
I understand your point.
I don't think I'll get any more filler for a while as they look natural now and he'd probably freak about them becoming “fake looking” i understand his boundary. It might be something i reveal later, but i ultimately don't think it matters much.
The reason I've not brought it up is partially embarrassment and i don't want to draw further attention to how i am not as naturally attractive as he is.
Start doing some digging. See if this friend is on FB or other social media and find his “fiancĂŠ” and message her and see what comes from that and go from there. Please update us OP.
NTA
You did nothing wrong. However, Iâm a private person and Iâd dump someone who repeated the most personal business I have. Sheâll do this again. Donât assume she learned a thing.
And how can you face her family???
The next step is divorce. Your husband is not a partner. He is a leech and a bad example for your kids. He does nothing, contributes nothing, doesn't do chores or parenting, only plays video games, and demands sex.
I meanâŚhuh? What? Youâre actually defending this? Just like incredible stuff.
It sounds so much like my last relationship. She even stormed out on me and didn't talk to me for a couple of days because she caught me masturbating one time and accused me of having to help myself because I didn't find her attractive which made my blood boil since she was the one that complained that I tried to initiate sex too often which led me to completely stop trying.
For the last 2 years of our relationship, we've probably only had sex about 5-6 times, this destroyed my confidence especially since I knew that her body count was a lot higher than mine before we got together so she obviously likes sex to some degree.
She dumped me during Christmas this year with the reasoning that the future didn't seem certain anymore. I don't know how to emotionally handle the situation I want to start seeing other people but my brain doesn't know if I could handle getting rejected by more girls after the way she made me feel.
Do you mean it never stood a chance because i went on her phone or because of the situation with her ex, or both?
But tbh I donât think I can ever stop her because I donât want to.
Stop dating someone you are willing to practically assault because you 'don't wanna stop'.
Your girlfriend is suffering and struggling with her competing needs of parents, religion, culture, love, and whatever the fuck all else, and YOU ARE NOT HELPING. Respect her and back off, or don't and break up.
Start being a partner not a user. Your penis will recover, your relationship will not.
It sounds like she wants to break up but doesnât have the guts to do it. So, sheâs put the burden on your shoulders by telling you that you can âmove onâ. Itâs a cowardly and cruel thing to do to someoneâŚto leave you hanging and confused. You deserve to be treated better than this. People who are empathetic and love you donât do this to you. Try to get out of your head . Focus on yourself, your friends, meeting new people and doing things you enjoy.
Why not speak to him? Youâre putting too much weight into a card he would have spent maybe two minutes picking out
The internet is chalk full of horror stories of families who neighbors hardly knew talking about how shocked they were because the family seemed so happy, etc.
Any dudes reading this. Pay attention. If you've ever thought you may no longer be attracted to your wife if she becomes pregnant or her body changes with age. You need to stop right now and find a therapist to help you grow the hell up. Marriage and family is not just about having sex anytime you want with the hot girl you've convinced somehow you're actually decent.
Be better humans and get it together or leave all the women alone ffs.
Op. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this in what should be one of you twos happiest times in life. You two should be madly in love with each other and wildly excited about becoming parents together and he just ruined everything with one comment. What a freaking idiot. I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.
Wrong subreddit.
That's not what most people in the comments are saying hahaha
I think your initial response was completely understandable, we're allowed to be emotional and hurt by things!
Congrats on working through this.
Sadly Iâve read too many posts like this. Everything is going fine until someone new comes into the picture and somehow convinces the partner things arenât good even though they start the post out w things couldnât be better. Then listening to the strangers the relationship suffers.
One poor guy said he had been married for a decade. No fights, amazing sex and trying for kids. Wife worked and they had a new woman start w them. After becoming friends the new girl talked wife into going to a bar for girls night. Then every weekend then during the week.
He said the amazing sex used to be nightly or every other night & went to once a week to every other week until none at all. Then wife brings up opening the relationship because her new friend had one and her husband let her have sex w anyone and the husband had ED problems so he let his wife have outside sex.
Husband said no but noticed changes. Started wearing make up to work, sexier clothes, low cut tops, short dresses, going out every night staying gone till the morning sheâd come home , shower and go to work & no communication at all.
Long story short sheâd been having sex a random men every night. Her explanation was her friend said their marriage wouldnât last because the wife was a virgin when they met & never partied etc and she was missing out.
Husband filed for divorce and wife realized she screwed up and tried to get him back. They divorced. He said a few years later his ex passed away from alcohol poisoning. She had caught several STDs and was drinking all the time and not eating or taking care of her self.
All of that because someone she didnât know told her her marriage wasnât good enough and she bought into it.
Iâm not sure why some people listen to others when they know their relationship is great. But by the time they realize whatâs happened the damage is done.
I think she got caught up in the gossip and they probably kept telling her how much better things would be w someone else. She probably never realized how stupid that was until she heard it come out of her own mouth but couldnât take it back.
Yâall are both in pain and I hope it works out in the end
Nope. Do not visit. Do not pass go.
Hate it when people play mind games
Isn't this exactly the purpose of Uber. No one has to stay anywhere they don't want.
Really it's certain people's attitude towards marriage, and outdated societal attitudes. People that believe marriage is getting chained down versus the unbelievable good fortune of having found a terrific, loving partner. Maybe too many people have watched friends they knew enter into awful marriages with terrible people? Maybe I'm luckier than most? Attended my grandparents 50th anniversary party, threw my own parents' 50th anniversary party, married happily 27 years now myself.
Nope. If you want her back nows the time. You wait, it becomes too difficult
this is tough to read (not the language, just the pain behind the words).
I think you just have to be honest with him. It won't feel great for either of you, but it's the fairest thing to do.
Love can grow over time, familial love, fraternal love, plutonic love, even attraction can grow over time…. If you truly love someone you can be attracted to want to be around them, want to hug them ect
But if you aren't sexually attracted to him, I mean that's biological. And that's going to be a really hard hurdle to jump. Sure you may become sexually attracted to him, but you may not. And I don't think you should force yourself. It's not fair in you, or him.
He may be the best guy in the world, but maybe just not your guy. let him find someone who thinks he's just the sexiest thing in the world. And you go and find an equally great guy who your physically attracted to. keep the friendship.
Devils Advocate, i'm sure plenty of us talk to multiple people at once just chatting until something serious pops. It happens.
Smart/rational, Starting a relationship on doubts and knowing he did go with someone else even if you two were still super early to make a firm choice. I say plenty of fish in the sea. Cast another line.
I just went though a divorce after I found out my wife cheated on me…my advice, block and delete her. Also, don't dive into the bottle. Try and work through is sober, you'll get back on your feet faster and it might avoid doing some stupid shit.
And especially dont break up DURING sex.
Sounds like your fiance would be happier being single. He not acting like a partner to you. It looks like you are just an inconvenience to him.
Disclaimer up front: I do not – in any way, shape or form – condone him telling you to shut up, regardless of whether it's in front of other people or not (though I do think disrespecting you publicly is bad).
That said, you mentioned that you interrupted him multiple times, cut him off repeatedly, talked over him repeatedly and otherwise attempted to shut him up, without actually saying the words. That is barely better than straight up saying 'shut up' and is also very disrespectful and rude, particularly in front of other people. Seems like he, too, could be saying 'I'm not sure I want to marry someone who would treat me like that in front of other people.'
However, there is another element to all of this that I think needs addressing and that is, your Fiance insisting on pursuing a tense and uncomfortable conversation at an inappropriate time. But I wonder if you were straight with him and said, clearly, “I don't want you to discuss this anymore. this is my mom's birthday celebration and is supposed to be a happy time and it is not appropriate to pursue that conversation right now” or did you just continually attempt to interrupt, redirect, talk over and otherwise try to shut him down?
She likes the idea of having two guys wrapped around her finger, especially one that will take her to Disneyland while she screws someone else. Just move on
The fact that she keeps trying to justify what she did by attributing that as a direct correlation to my flaws really bothers me.
As it should. Nobody made her cheat. That's her responsibility. If she was unhappy, she had the option to tell you that she was and why, she had the choice to set clear boundaries, or even to end the relationship. She did none of these things – she set out to cheat, instead.
In the end, while she precipitated the end of the relationship, you contributed as well, unintentionally. This is a lesson to both of you – and a bullet dodged for you both as well. All relationships end, after all – some after the death of a partner, and others via breakups/divorces. You just got the end faster than most.
Communications, boundaries, and clear expectations are the key to a healthy relationship – along with mutual respect, support, trust, and compassion. You know, now, what parts you need to work on, and you can focus on that as you recover from this ordeal. Please talk to someone about this – and don't let it become a foundational experience for you going forward. It was a lesson, not a sentence, after all.
Good luck, OP.
Totally understandable you donât want to throw away 4 years of history without a second thought.
The sad puppy, Iâm sorry I failed you thing, if he actually works on improving the things youâre asking for, could be genuine remorse. But it sorta sounds like a guilt trip to me and I dislike that.
Whatever you end up doing, just know that one person alone can not salvage a relationship. Thereâs two people involved so both people are going to be part of the solution, whatever that is. Good luck!
They arenât supposed to tie your tubes anymore. Your tubes are actually supposed to be removed now. The reason tubes are now removed is also to cut the risk of cancer and the possibility of having a tubal pregnancy.
Thank you. Hopefully he would be as level headed about it as you. I'll gather my courage…
Again, thank you for your time!
You said that youâd âget right on thatâ for taking a break from electronic communication & social media. Liar. Thatâs my point.
I also liked how she's dying of something yet diagnosed.
Thank you!!
She moved in because we decided it would be easier for us to take care of a newborn while living together. It's been easier, but now that he's getting older, it's not as necessary as it was when we was just born. It's my house so she can't kick me out.
No, but you are actually drowning yourself in the marriage by accepting someone who actively hurts you over and over.
Toxicity will keep happening the longer you wear blinders on and re-traumatizing yourself since cheating traumatized you.
The healthiest thing you can do is accept why you keep trying to change someone who wishes to never change.
That in itself is why, if you havenât noticed, are codependent Op.
Here are some quotes from âCodependent No Moreâ to highlight way you are doing everything from a place of codependency:
âCodependents are reactionaries. They overreact. They under-react. But rarely do they act. They react to the problems, pains, lives, and behaviors of others. They react to their own problems, pains, and behaviors.â
âEven if the most important person in your world rejects you, you are still real, and you are still okay.â
âWe donât have to be embarrassed if someone we love chooses to behave inappropriately.â
âWorrying, obsessing, and controlling are illusions. They are tricks we play on ourselves.â
âThe only person you can now or ever change is yourself. The only person that it is your business to control is yourself.â
âDetaching does not mean we donât care. It means we learn to love, care, and be involved without going crazy.â
âThe formula is simple: In any given situation, detach and ask, âWhat do I need to do to take care of myself?â
Everything you said made sense! Thank you!
I think it depends how crazy she is. If she honestly just thinks itâs a stuffy old tradition, pointing out that young people still enforce it through public shaming might scare her off. On the other hand, if she feels this is her God-given right, then such warnings will only embolden her.
Does he expect you to swallow? If so why are his bodily fluids not too disgusting for you to consume, but he canât be near them? Ask why he thinks itâs fine for him to expose you with his grossness but he canât cope with his own fluids. If his dick can go in your mouth, he can kiss you afterwards. Indeed, tell him you wonât touch said dick if he hasnât washed it immediately before sex.
She wouldnât have stopped unless you found out. The only reason sheâs even crying about it is because she got caught.