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Date: October 17, 2022
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If you want to ''help him'' you have to first understand WHY he hates women, than you can work from there to ''change his mind''.
When we decided to take a break, we agreed that we were still married so we would act accordingly
You don't get over it OP, that's being grossly unfair to yourself because of the sunk cost fallacy.
Now you set up individual therapy and you figure out how to move on from this person
So, let's start with the jerking off. He's allowed to masturbate. That's a private activity, and it's not an activity you're allowed to have any say in, and you should not expect to have any knowledge of how/when/where/how often he jerks off. Don't check the lube level, don't search through the trash can for crusty tissues, and don't ask him about it. Period. If he lied about it, it's because it's none of your business, and guys generally do not discuss their masturbation habits with their girlfriends. They just don't. And they often know how unreasonably insecure girlfriends can get about this topic–this subreddit is filled with examples.
Still talking to girls he had crushes on is potentially problematic, depending on the nature of those communications. People are sometimes friends with people that they are or were attracted to or people they previously hooked up with. That happens, and it's perfectly reasonable, as long as he's not CONTINUING to hook up with them and he's not pursuing them romantically or sexually in some way, or having an emotional affair of some sort. You don't indicate that any of that is happening, though, simply that he still talks to them. You say that he hid this fact from you–do you mean he lied about it? Or do you mean he simply never told you about it? Those are different things. And although I'm not a fan of lying in a relationship, he may have kept this info from you because he knew he wasn't doing anything wrong by staying friends with them but he also knew it would make you insecure so he didn't tell you about it.
Lying about how many people he'd been with. Hmm. Tough one. How many people did he originally tell you he'd been with, and how many people is it actually? And really, does it matter, as long as he's being an attentive, caring, faithful boyfriend now? His sexual past is just that, the past. YOU are his present. He wakes up every day and chooses to stay in a monogamous relationship with YOU, not with the women he's hooked up with in the past.
updated the reply
Grounds. For. Divorce.
It isn't a negotiation. A breakup is a one-yes thing. She wants to break up, so you're broken up. You don't have to like it but you do have to accept it.
Okay this is important: what STD? Like an actual STD or like a UTI/yeast infection/BV? because if it is one of those three (and others), then they don't necessarily come from cheating. I got a UTI the first time I had sex ever. I got BV then a week or two later got a yeast infection, right after sleeping with my now husband. Never cheated. The vaginal pH balance is just a wonky thing. I can't even take bubble baths without my pH getting thrown off!!
Now, if it's Chlamydia…. One of y'all cheated. And no, you can't get an STD from a public toilet seat.
She sounds like hard work and suffering from paranoia.
How about prove to her you’re not after her money by walking away.
You can't fix him. He will only spread his trauma to you. Get out before you marry him. He's 27. He's old enough to get his own help. You're enabling this behavior.
There is no situation where you should call your boyfriend's dick little. It's like grab a woman's stomach and calling her chubby or chunky. Whose my little piggy?
I'd ignore it, then rebook the trip. I imagine there's still availability. Unless you're going somewhere for a specific event.