Take the hint bro, she’s not so keen on the idea right now, +if u keep pushing you’ll lose her. Sorry about your Dad, but that shouldn’t have anything bearing on this
I’m so happy someone finally noticed that OP did make a compromise by moving to her husband’s home country and establishing a life with him there. Now it’s his turn to compromise, and that means OP should get to see her family often. 2 months of a year may be too much now that you have had a child, but he should not make any argument with you seeing your family in some capacity for a reasonable amount of time (6 weeks).
I am far too good at not letting my internal mental health struggles affect my direct behavior towards loved ones, but I promise you that doesn't mean your struggles have no effect on the relationship. If you aren't willing to share the problems you are having, it's likely to make any partner feel like they're the problem.
This happened to one of my good friends and now he and his ex-wife are best friends. They focused on coparenting and found out they are a better team this way. His ex-wife introduced him to the girl he is seeing now. I am sure in the moment you are really upset but you never know how this may turn out?
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:
Seems to me that he wants to do the right thing and be a stand up guy. I realize that this is going to be tough, especially with your wedding and new children coming.
This will not be easy, but if your fiance wants to do the right thing, this actually speaks pretty well for him.
Stop being anxious over something a 14yo can do. The learning curve is immediate. The notion that experience matters (or its some sort of accomplishment) is a false construct created by sad emotionally dysfunctional people.
The single most important thing with intimacy is who your with. Normal human beings are in the moment and never compare. Be yourself, go slow and gentle.
I’m sorry; I know everyone is raining down on the facts of the matter.
It wasn’t clear from your post what exactly bothered you, except for the fact that this woman happened to have his child; it’s evident from your responses that that’s not what you intended to focus on.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you, and my advice would be to divorce him; this man is clearly a creep and who knows what else, and you want no part of whatever mess he’s gonna make for that poor woman.
Nope run, reach out to your mom and anyone else you want contact with. Apologize to everyone and let them know everything you dare to. Own up your shit and honestly have an abortion because he's a file abuser only acting sweet because he thinks you're tied to him now. Do not wait just do it.
He’s waiting to hear back from a therapist, and he seems to think that as soon as he has a handle on his agoraphobia then the alcoholism will somehow disappear. I fear he’s just making the problem worse for himself in the end. Will suggest AA. He does definitely want to get better, but I fear he’s a little in denial about how dangerous his alcohol consumption is.
I know I'm a little late here but like. I went to a concert in a city ~2 hours away and forgot the shoes I wanted to wear. I had to convince my partner NOT to drive down with my shoes because I could just stop at Target to get a cheap pair for the night.
Get you a man who is eager to do nice things for you, not someone who charges you for it.
I don't shave anything–legs, pits, pubes, etc. Been with my husband for 12 years, stop shaving entirely about 5 years ago because I just didn't want to do it anymore, and I realized that I never really wanted to do it, I just did it because I thought it was expected of me. Legs/pubes he doesn't care at all, he's not crazy about the pits though. Personally, I've never liked facial hair, but he doesn't shave super often, so I think it's a pretty fair trade off lol. We'll both occasionally trim up as a nice compromise/surprise for the other person. If you feel comfortable doing a little trim, maybe that would be a good solution here? If not, don't shave just because he prefers it. Lots of people have lots of different preferences, it's not your responsibility to meet all of them, and ultimately it's your body and your comfort is more important.
So, what is it that your girlfriend has done wrong, exactly? Having feelings is not a conscious process that requires your agreement to develop. She ended having feelings for him, doing nothing more with him and reporting to you while proposing that she quits her job to deal with this issue.
What problem do you have? Most people end up having crushes even while in relationships at some point. It does not mean there is anything wrong with the relationship. It just comes and goes. Besides feelings, in this case is not even love, but barely “attraction”.
Throwing away your relationship, because of this, is the single biggest mistake you can do in your life.
I imagine your new date may take issue with how close your relationship with this friend is. So maybe it is prudent to put up a boundary on some of the more physical stuff.
As for the friend, you already listed the possible situations. I guess the only way you might be able to find out for sure would be to have a serious and honest talk with your friend. You won't know what's in her head, unless you steal her diary or sth.
The signals you get might be confusing, but that's life, people don't operate on logic but on more complex formulas called emotions. I really respect you for trying hard for her and your own sake. I hope you find that balance that makes you happier.
Knowing myself, I would put up with it until it drove me to a breakdown. So yeah you're absolutely right. But with my anxiety issues, getting roommates that I don't know would cause a lot of stress particularly with money/ belongings/ etc. So I would really want to live on my own, but with rent prices and me being in college and not being able to work as many hours as I would need to, I'm not sure that I could truly afford it. But the goal is set, and I'm going to work towards it as much as possible.
Babysitter. Housekeeper. This isn’t about him wanting parents to be close to kids or else he would cut down on work hours. And what kid wants to be with a stressed out unhappy parent. This is about control. Period. Stand up for yourself. Come on. You know his reasoning is off.
Has he ever seen a psychiatrist? He doesn't sound stable. I'm not being insulting, I'm being serious.
In any case, follow through with what you said in your last text. Get away from him. It'll take months to stop thinking about him every day, possibly several months, but you need to get him out of your head. Find a guy that doesn't jerk you around like this.
I think you are just realizing that she is not the right long term partner for you at this point in your lives. She has trauma, which sucks, but it is hers to deal with. You have needs that she cannot fulfill, and doesn't seem eager to work on fulfilling. Yes?
If you have talked to her ad nauseum about him and your struggles, perhaps she has enough of an assessment source? Maybe she has seen your personality change too.
Hey man. It's okay to change. Your wife should want you to be happy if she really cared about you. You've turned into her slave. Time to hit reset. Trucking sounds like a great way to get out of your situation. You've been trying for years. You've done your part. How many more years do you really want to do this? You're going to die some day.
Stick to meals weekly for a bit and get her to do what you've already asked well and consistently, and then add in a new task and repeat. It'll gradually allow her to understand meals you guys like and be more confident as she picks up each step.
We were on a break vibes here.
Take the hint bro, she’s not so keen on the idea right now, +if u keep pushing you’ll lose her. Sorry about your Dad, but that shouldn’t have anything bearing on this
yeah ikr.. maybe in future ill use and wear them again but for now its in the box, out of my sight ?
I’m so happy someone finally noticed that OP did make a compromise by moving to her husband’s home country and establishing a life with him there. Now it’s his turn to compromise, and that means OP should get to see her family often. 2 months of a year may be too much now that you have had a child, but he should not make any argument with you seeing your family in some capacity for a reasonable amount of time (6 weeks).
Oh jesus, just block the guy already. He is your ex, not your friend.
That’s like getting changed in the same room as ur sister.. I guess to him that would be cheating too ?
Literally or figuratively I suppose
I am far too good at not letting my internal mental health struggles affect my direct behavior towards loved ones, but I promise you that doesn't mean your struggles have no effect on the relationship. If you aren't willing to share the problems you are having, it's likely to make any partner feel like they're the problem.
This happened to one of my good friends and now he and his ex-wife are best friends. They focused on coparenting and found out they are a better team this way. His ex-wife introduced him to the girl he is seeing now. I am sure in the moment you are really upset but you never know how this may turn out?
Genuine question: How old are you?
Hello /u/Independent_Window23,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
Your title did not include at least two ages/genders or was not formatted correctly
Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:
[34NB][88-F] We are two people in an example post
Please resubmit with a corrected title.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Seems to me that he wants to do the right thing and be a stand up guy. I realize that this is going to be tough, especially with your wedding and new children coming.
This will not be easy, but if your fiance wants to do the right thing, this actually speaks pretty well for him.
What happens when she works closely with another male, since she does work in a male dominated field? Will she develop feelings for this other guy?
Stop being anxious over something a 14yo can do. The learning curve is immediate. The notion that experience matters (or its some sort of accomplishment) is a false construct created by sad emotionally dysfunctional people.
The single most important thing with intimacy is who your with. Normal human beings are in the moment and never compare. Be yourself, go slow and gentle.
I’m sorry; I know everyone is raining down on the facts of the matter.
It wasn’t clear from your post what exactly bothered you, except for the fact that this woman happened to have his child; it’s evident from your responses that that’s not what you intended to focus on.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you, and my advice would be to divorce him; this man is clearly a creep and who knows what else, and you want no part of whatever mess he’s gonna make for that poor woman.
He needs to go to a restaurant located on an island where the Chef offer an exquisite menu.
Nope run, reach out to your mom and anyone else you want contact with. Apologize to everyone and let them know everything you dare to. Own up your shit and honestly have an abortion because he's a file abuser only acting sweet because he thinks you're tied to him now. Do not wait just do it.
Yes I have and she says most of the time because she’s tired.
Damn! Look at you going to opposite way of most women and getting more fertile as you age or something lol
I bet that doc still laughs about that pinky promise. I hope all goes for the pregnancy!
He’s waiting to hear back from a therapist, and he seems to think that as soon as he has a handle on his agoraphobia then the alcoholism will somehow disappear. I fear he’s just making the problem worse for himself in the end. Will suggest AA. He does definitely want to get better, but I fear he’s a little in denial about how dangerous his alcohol consumption is.
He said he did a lot of self reflection
I know I'm a little late here but like. I went to a concert in a city ~2 hours away and forgot the shoes I wanted to wear. I had to convince my partner NOT to drive down with my shoes because I could just stop at Target to get a cheap pair for the night.
Get you a man who is eager to do nice things for you, not someone who charges you for it.
I don't shave anything–legs, pits, pubes, etc. Been with my husband for 12 years, stop shaving entirely about 5 years ago because I just didn't want to do it anymore, and I realized that I never really wanted to do it, I just did it because I thought it was expected of me. Legs/pubes he doesn't care at all, he's not crazy about the pits though. Personally, I've never liked facial hair, but he doesn't shave super often, so I think it's a pretty fair trade off lol. We'll both occasionally trim up as a nice compromise/surprise for the other person. If you feel comfortable doing a little trim, maybe that would be a good solution here? If not, don't shave just because he prefers it. Lots of people have lots of different preferences, it's not your responsibility to meet all of them, and ultimately it's your body and your comfort is more important.
But he's not working now and not contributing. It doesn't really matter what happened before, its about what is happening in this moment.
So, what is it that your girlfriend has done wrong, exactly? Having feelings is not a conscious process that requires your agreement to develop. She ended having feelings for him, doing nothing more with him and reporting to you while proposing that she quits her job to deal with this issue.
What problem do you have? Most people end up having crushes even while in relationships at some point. It does not mean there is anything wrong with the relationship. It just comes and goes. Besides feelings, in this case is not even love, but barely “attraction”.
Throwing away your relationship, because of this, is the single biggest mistake you can do in your life.
He said something about not having children with her. Her Illness is genetic,so the children could inherit her Illness. He didn't want that to happen.
I find half the time it gets me in the mood. Or at least de-stress and relaxed so that the possibility is now open.
I get where you're coming from, but OP can't afford to do that.
The police don't actually retrieve stolen property. This would be a civil matter in the U.S., and you'd need a lawyer.
At best, they'd just file a useless report.
At worst, they could actually side with, and try to help, the bf's parents.
I don't know if they would be able to tip off OP's parents. I don't think anyone should risk finding out whether they can or not.
I imagine your new date may take issue with how close your relationship with this friend is. So maybe it is prudent to put up a boundary on some of the more physical stuff.
As for the friend, you already listed the possible situations. I guess the only way you might be able to find out for sure would be to have a serious and honest talk with your friend. You won't know what's in her head, unless you steal her diary or sth.
If you can't trust to get rid of her she can't get angry because you don't trust her after all she cheated
The signals you get might be confusing, but that's life, people don't operate on logic but on more complex formulas called emotions. I really respect you for trying hard for her and your own sake. I hope you find that balance that makes you happier.
Knowing myself, I would put up with it until it drove me to a breakdown. So yeah you're absolutely right. But with my anxiety issues, getting roommates that I don't know would cause a lot of stress particularly with money/ belongings/ etc. So I would really want to live on my own, but with rent prices and me being in college and not being able to work as many hours as I would need to, I'm not sure that I could truly afford it. But the goal is set, and I'm going to work towards it as much as possible.
She’s projecting and looking for any reason to leave because she’s already seeing someone else bro.
Babysitter. Housekeeper. This isn’t about him wanting parents to be close to kids or else he would cut down on work hours. And what kid wants to be with a stressed out unhappy parent. This is about control. Period. Stand up for yourself. Come on. You know his reasoning is off.
Has he ever seen a psychiatrist? He doesn't sound stable. I'm not being insulting, I'm being serious.
In any case, follow through with what you said in your last text. Get away from him. It'll take months to stop thinking about him every day, possibly several months, but you need to get him out of your head. Find a guy that doesn't jerk you around like this.
I think you are just realizing that she is not the right long term partner for you at this point in your lives. She has trauma, which sucks, but it is hers to deal with. You have needs that she cannot fulfill, and doesn't seem eager to work on fulfilling. Yes?
Do what makes you happy.
If you have talked to her ad nauseum about him and your struggles, perhaps she has enough of an assessment source? Maybe she has seen your personality change too.
Hey man. It's okay to change. Your wife should want you to be happy if she really cared about you. You've turned into her slave. Time to hit reset. Trucking sounds like a great way to get out of your situation. You've been trying for years. You've done your part. How many more years do you really want to do this? You're going to die some day.
Stick to meals weekly for a bit and get her to do what you've already asked well and consistently, and then add in a new task and repeat. It'll gradually allow her to understand meals you guys like and be more confident as she picks up each step.