My primary concern isn't really hurting his feelings because I'm dating other people. I'm worried that the action itself of sharing that I'm in a new relationship seems like it's disguised as well-intentioned but instead comes off as something I say to try and incite a reaction from him and as such is malicious or manipulative.
That said, I really don't think he has any lingering feelings for me – we broke up a while ago and gave ourselves quite a bit of space and distance before we got in touch again. I think in my mind, talking about your current love life with exes seems like a no-go no matter how long apart you've been, but I do see your point. I'll talk to him and if I sense any weirdness, then I'll cut off contact.
That is not how things went down according to what she said in her post. Yes, everyone can break up and he could have done it prior to asking her to dinner and cuddling on her couch, the problem is that he chose not to and took away her ability to make educated decisions for herself as to whether she wanted to do those things with him if he was going to dump her at the end of the night. In addition, he chose not to tell her his plan or even mentioned the thought of quitting job and returning home.
The daughter is so manipulated by her mom. When she calls the cops because my partner won’t bring her home on his custody time they always take her side, I don’t understand this. However the daughter will always jump in and say why didn’t you just listen to mom. Just do what she says. She always agrees with her mom (which I understand, I was manipulated by my mom)
I’ll talk and explain why but I believe I should keep my decision final unless her mom gives a written agreement which I’ll discuss as well.
It's so important in life to understand that not every person you meet is mentally or emotionally capable of dealing with or understanding the mental differences of others. Some people just can't deal with persons who need extra care in life or in relationships. It's not a failing. It's just reality.
You can't change it and you shouldn't try. Be who you are and find someone who is OK with you being you.
Let her go to the concert, otherwise she'll hate you for forcing her to sit in a hot arena for hours just to see you walk across the stage to pick up a folder that doesn't even have your real diploma in it.
Yeah, that's what's been my inclination as well. I just don't know why someone would pull me back in after knowing how much they hurt me and apologizing so profusely for the whole thing. People are weird.
thankfully ur not pregnant so you can build your family with someone else. you can now leave him with the person he cheated on you with who is now pregnant. you have the high ground on this one
Honesty is almost always the best policy but this is one of those cases where it wasn't.
While she's completely within her rights to prefer bigger dicks telling you this and comparing you to previous partners was obviously done intentionally to humiliate you for the 'crime' of having a 5″ cock.
This person is ugly and has a lot of growing to do.
Oh, and tell him that he's being an airhead for thinking women cannot have an opinion of their own. That he's being illogical and emotional. That he needs to quit his histrionics on what he considers backtalking. No need to pout about it being “not feminine”. Or maybe it's just that time of the month again?
Are you really here for help or to argue with everyone who has suggestions? You say it’s useless to report to the police. When I was getting calls/hangups to the point I was afraid to answer my phone I went to the police. Even though I had no proof it was my ex, they went to his house and told him to stop or else he would charges would be filed.
Why make it sound like it’s his fault? Like you said yourself, he “just wants to watch porn and jerk off”. If that’s the case, then of course it’s his fault his wife is becoming less interested in being intimate with him…
Get away from him. He is awful. He probably got a happy ending at the massage place that is why he is mad you know. And you and your cousin were there when they kissed in another room. Why would you even think of staying with this liar. Get some self respect
They're still both emotionally invested and he doesn't want to admit it. That's what's really going on here. If they weren't, they wouldn't be running a business together. I don't care what anyone says, they wouldn't be. Anyone who tries to feed their new partner the bullshit line of I just see my ex as a decent person is not really over them.
It may be the case that they don't see their ex as a bad person but they usually use that line as an excuse to maintain contact with them when they're in a new relationship. If you don't have children with someone, you have no reason to stay in contact with them after your relationship ends. If you're wanting to do that, you need to admit that you still harbor feelings for them and you should not move on to a new relationship.
It is not fair to a new partner to have to carry the baggage of an old relationship. People can say that their new partner is being jealous or controlling because they have a problem with their partner talking to someone that they used to be romantically involved with. It's a slippery slope towards an affair.
Like I said, there's no reason to maintain contact unless you have children and even then it should be strictly business. Anyone who is not ready to let go of their ex, especially emotionally needs to admit that they're not over them and not drag a new partner through all that.
This too. They have places to go to for testing that holds up in court. I did this when my ex was on drugs and lied saying it was me lol. They can also do breathalyzers in case he tries to say you drink every day. CPS may order a drug test within a certain amount of days anyway
I'm not convinced that you're actually confused. You seem to have a really clear idea of what you did wrong and why she blocked you.
She withdrew because you wouldn't respect boundaries. She blocked you because you continued to harass her after she asked for space. You cannot fix this by reaching out. You cannot get her back. You have to allow her the autonomy to choose whether she wants to be with you or not.
If I were her friend or family member, I'd be telling her not to go back to you because you are clearly not in a healthy headspace and ready for a relationship.
I'm sure she hasn't forgotten you, given the aggressive messiness of your behavior. But you're right, you can't control whether she decides to see someone else or not. You can wait a while and see if she reaches out to you, but I think you shot this relationship down and it's unlikely to survive.
Highly, highly recommend that you address your anxiety and insecurity with psychological professionals before dating again.
there could honestly be a barrage of reasons, ranging from not being used to affectionate language to actual trauma surrounding the words – but the bottom line is that you will never know if you don’t actually ask, and nobody on reddit will be able to give an answer. sit your partner down and broach the subject, but try to do so in a fairly open and non-confrontational way. just “hey, (name), something’s been on my mind recently. we’ve been together for three years, and i feel really comfortable in this relationship with you. and while you’ve never done anything to make me feel less than loved, i was wondering if there’s a reason why you’ve never really used those words with me?”
Your wife’s actions won’t have been made solely on the shock of your recent difficulties/discovery. This will have been a long time in the making. Although you now feel better in yourself, you are a very long way from being mentally, physically and emotionally stable. You would be well advised to try to focus all of your attention on becoming more permanently stable and well. Good luck.
Aiight so at first im ngl i was like, just let him bite his fucking nails whats the problem?
But dude needs surgeries and is basically maiming himself because of this compulsion
Youre right in being concerned but respectfully i think the acting like his mother approach you mentioned may not be the best way
youre starting to resent him which is clear but also he may start to resent you and ultimately its also clear you care about and are concerned for his well being
Having a serious conversation where you bring up these undeniable repercussions of his behavior may put things into perspective and explaining to him that youre worried about him
Maybe try and dive into why he feels the need, when it started, whats driving him maybe he feels anxious and getting to the root of that maybe more effective than just tellin him to stop and he may wanna go to therapy to talk through some of those issues if thats something he feels hes ready for
Maybe looking into giving him an alternative might work like her grab this fidget spinner or guitar or a rubix cube something to keep his hands busy
If its a deal breaker for you thats ok but you may wanna consider if nail biting is the hill you wanna die on.
And if she does change, it's pretty clear that the resentment will just change sides and start to build up on hers. She has a right to chose what to wear, if she feels like he's interfering with her freedom, especially after she's had some of that in her past already, I don't think it'll end up well…
There is a difference though, not saying it’s right but female nips are sexualised and a bunch of gross men are going to be perving over them. Can’t think of a sitch where that would apply to a man. Again not her fault that men are like this but that is the world we live in.
I was trying to say her having kids isnt an issue personally but some people may be turned away from someone with kids already with her i dont care but if i didnt know her my whole life I probably wouldnt date her if that makes sense
Full disclosure, I’m the first person to come on here and say that social media follows are an absolute non-issue, but like everything else, context matters.
In saying that, follows aren’t the problem. Him insulting you was certainly a problem and should have logically been a deal breaker. Him engaging with women on Instagram was certainly a problem and should have been a deal breaker. You even said exactly that.
Now, your boundaries are ultimately your own so we’re really in no position to tell you otherwise. But you’re far too focused on the fact that he’s “following” them. That is and has never been the actual problem. The earlier problem (assuming it’s not still happening which I doubt) was him talking to these people. He’s logically always going to look at other women whether he follows them or not. That simply is what it is and shouldn’t be a problem.
It does, however, become a problem if he agrees to that boundary. Seems he never did so that part is on you. After that though when he told you he’d delete the app, it’s a monumental problem.
He then gaslights you and makes you out to be crazy. Again, I fundamentally disagree with you about you’re feelings on follows in and of itself. So I’m here telling you to stop constantly focusing on that, because while I’ve already said your boundaries are your boundaries, that’s simply not the actual issue here and your putting too much focus on it.
He’s a shitty person and partner and it’s not because of follows. Walk away. Good luck.
I agree don’t get married if you don’t feel ready, but be prepared for the relationship to end. She has valid biological concerns. Honestly if you don’t know if you want to marry her after five years you probably truly don’t want to marry her.
I get that but the point is that it isn’t really a pro-choice situation. It’s a forced choice situation. I think he’s a moron but I think my husband is an idiot too because he became pro-life within the last few years while I’m pro-choice in the first trimester or when is necessary. I tell my husband he’s a fucking moron anytime it comes up.
A partner telling me that I could no longer expect affection from them, but that this wasn't a breakup event, would sound like a gaslighting partner to me.
You should ask them why they even told you about the note if they weren't willing to give it to you. And frankly, that note belongs to you. It is addressed to you. It's not theirs to keep.
I actually wasn't thinking of the 'reporting' to HR, but rather you are on an oiled slide. The bottom is a wrecked marriage. Claw your way back to safety. Doing so requires your honesty to your husband and then his cooperation. Only you know exactly how bad it was.
Oh, do not delete anything. Deleted texts are worse than texts arranging a hotel room. If your husband wants to know the extent of it, you need to show him the texts. Getting out in front is the only way forward.
He's lucky you're a good dude. Don't blame you at all for having that as a personal standard. It's terrible that your “friend” actually did that to you.
Along with how to handle him…it kinda jumps out that you were having sex you hated for damn good reason, and were at risk of passing out, and still didn't call it off.
It's hard to not worry about that a bit.
I know it's not always easy to make quick judgment calls in the heat of the moment, but you shouldn't have to put up with being hurt during sex, accidentally or otherwise.
I hope you'd usually be willing to walk away as needed, even if it's awkward or abrupt, you know?
I’m not hoping the context changes anything. But if she was genuinely spiked, and someone took advantage of her for a quick kiss, it feels very harsh to end the relationship. I don’t know if I can get past it, and it will certainly take time, but I’ve seen how distraught she is over the whole situation.
Heads just a bit frazzled right now. I think we’re going to take one step at a time and see if we can get past it.
Sex or no sex, sweaty people shower before I’ll spend time with them. Every day, even if they did it in the morning already. It’s what separates us from other mammals. Don’t want to shower like a human? Fine, stay outside with your wild brethren.
Yeah I think you said it yourself, you have the boundary and she's breaking it so you should move on.
I haven't demonized you – I also think she was being sus. Your post is a little vague and hard to make judgement on obviously not knowing both of you. For example though, liking someone's pics could be friend. Posing near someone could be friendly. All the stuff you wrote about could be friendly but all together it also gave me a weird vibe that she is untrustworthy or at least has very different boundaries from you.
In another comment I said it sounded like a lot of ups and downs and not worth the trouble. I'd cut your losses and reopen your socials I guess.
I am working on trying to build it back, and I’m currently asking myself this question right now. I really want to believe him but based on his reaction it’s making me question him more. Im debating if I should continue with the relationship right now
I am working on trying to build it back, and I’m currently asking myself this question right now. I really want to believe him but based on his reaction it’s making me question him more. Im debating if I should continue with the relationship right now
You are literally being defensive when it is suggested that you are a pedophile. You instead need to be assertive and say “isn’t she lucky to look so young when in fact she is older than me.” Stop being the fucking victim.
Are all your counselors church-sanctioned? Because they're literally never going to side with a woman. You need an actual, educated, non-religious professional
We don’t live together. She lives with our parents & I have my own place. He picked her up from my place because our parents are nosy so she wanted to get ready at my place
And about her being avoidant bcs of her trauma , i helped her find a therapist but she only saw her twice bcs when her dad sent her money for her therapist she used that money to buy sneakers!!!??!
She is not mature enough she does stupid things like choosing some shoes over therapy which would help our relationship . And then instead of breaking up with her for not prioritizing our relationship ( which she said herself, she always prioritizes herself over anyone else) i gave her a book to read which helps people who are avoidant and she only read like 3 pages
And to be honest, most stable people prefer a mentality like ours. It's a lot healthier mentality than what that dude is wanting of you. He sounds extremely immature and is wanting a woman that is just as immature. Unfortunately for him, any woman he dates will most likely wisen as they get older, but please don't make that your problem anymore. ♥︎
Moving to a different country for the person you are dating is extremely common in a world with over 7 billion people. I understand that most people never leave their own countries even for travel, but in the travelling community, which is HUGE, meeting people from different countries and moving is extremely common.
What will communicating do? asking honestly, op has expressed that they've tried everything else but they're both self conscious overthinkers who can't get out of their heads and they're sex life is being affected. I think they'll need a professionals involvement at this point if they want things to change.
Yeah that's how im feeling right now but I don't know how to break that to her without her crying or at worst having a panic attack and then having to deal with that
She is just now waking up. I doubt she’s completely sober but she is already talking about how she doesn’t know exactly what she said but she knows she’s an asshole. I’m kinda leaving her on read in real life at the moment because I don’t want to say anything stupid.
His name isn't on the land because it's her brothers land and from my understanding it was also intentionally left off the land. According to her she made it concrete they were done in December. But she caught him cheating 2 months prior. Her explanation as to why he's still there is because she wants to wait until he finds somewhere else. And that she doesn't want to be “shitty” just because he was. We've been seeing each other steady since January 6th.
8 out of 10 people have some form of herpes, yes, including both gentian and oral herpes. that’s a correct fact, i don’t know how to link on mobile but if you really care that much i can dm you my sources. but also… oral herpes, is still herpes? suck a dick with a cold sore and just like that you’ve exposed your partner to herpes. give head to a person who’s having an outbreak and just like that, you’ve exposed yourself to herpes. herpes is herpes. you can’t call one type of herpes gross and a big deal without doing the same to the other, because they are the same disease.
As the wife I can confirm we hold doors for each other – whoever gets there first. Car doors – not unless someone is carrying something.
My primary concern isn't really hurting his feelings because I'm dating other people. I'm worried that the action itself of sharing that I'm in a new relationship seems like it's disguised as well-intentioned but instead comes off as something I say to try and incite a reaction from him and as such is malicious or manipulative.
That said, I really don't think he has any lingering feelings for me – we broke up a while ago and gave ourselves quite a bit of space and distance before we got in touch again. I think in my mind, talking about your current love life with exes seems like a no-go no matter how long apart you've been, but I do see your point. I'll talk to him and if I sense any weirdness, then I'll cut off contact.
Happy cake day!
That is not how things went down according to what she said in her post. Yes, everyone can break up and he could have done it prior to asking her to dinner and cuddling on her couch, the problem is that he chose not to and took away her ability to make educated decisions for herself as to whether she wanted to do those things with him if he was going to dump her at the end of the night. In addition, he chose not to tell her his plan or even mentioned the thought of quitting job and returning home.
The daughter is so manipulated by her mom. When she calls the cops because my partner won’t bring her home on his custody time they always take her side, I don’t understand this. However the daughter will always jump in and say why didn’t you just listen to mom. Just do what she says. She always agrees with her mom (which I understand, I was manipulated by my mom)
I’ll talk and explain why but I believe I should keep my decision final unless her mom gives a written agreement which I’ll discuss as well.
He definitely did not get more than a lapdance for that price. Strippers finesse people. They dont put out for 800 dollars
It works for me because I hate cheaters
she said he wasn't charged, only she was
It's so important in life to understand that not every person you meet is mentally or emotionally capable of dealing with or understanding the mental differences of others. Some people just can't deal with persons who need extra care in life or in relationships. It's not a failing. It's just reality.
You can't change it and you shouldn't try. Be who you are and find someone who is OK with you being you.
Please describe a burst of violence. Actual violence?
Let her go to the concert, otherwise she'll hate you for forcing her to sit in a hot arena for hours just to see you walk across the stage to pick up a folder that doesn't even have your real diploma in it.
Yeah, that's what's been my inclination as well. I just don't know why someone would pull me back in after knowing how much they hurt me and apologizing so profusely for the whole thing. People are weird.
Find her on social media and arrange the meeting yourself ?
Who needs either when you can trust your Object Permanence and Hand-Car Coordination?
thankfully ur not pregnant so you can build your family with someone else. you can now leave him with the person he cheated on you with who is now pregnant. you have the high ground on this one
If you wanna act single stay single
Honesty is almost always the best policy but this is one of those cases where it wasn't.
While she's completely within her rights to prefer bigger dicks telling you this and comparing you to previous partners was obviously done intentionally to humiliate you for the 'crime' of having a 5″ cock.
This person is ugly and has a lot of growing to do.
I doubt it. Many times the naive don’t think otherwise when one thing become their normal
Oh, and tell him that he's being an airhead for thinking women cannot have an opinion of their own. That he's being illogical and emotional. That he needs to quit his histrionics on what he considers backtalking. No need to pout about it being “not feminine”. Or maybe it's just that time of the month again?
What are you even doing with that neanderthal?
Are you really here for help or to argue with everyone who has suggestions? You say it’s useless to report to the police. When I was getting calls/hangups to the point I was afraid to answer my phone I went to the police. Even though I had no proof it was my ex, they went to his house and told him to stop or else he would charges would be filed.
I read your first post. Does your husband have a drinking problem? If so this also seems like a factor in the cascade of events.
No you didn’t
Why make it sound like it’s his fault? Like you said yourself, he “just wants to watch porn and jerk off”. If that’s the case, then of course it’s his fault his wife is becoming less interested in being intimate with him…
If I were the father, I'd want joint custody, and in that scenario, OP would certainly be an involved stepmom.
Get away from him. He is awful. He probably got a happy ending at the massage place that is why he is mad you know. And you and your cousin were there when they kissed in another room. Why would you even think of staying with this liar. Get some self respect
A few questions for you if you don’t mind.
How long have you been together?
Has your boyfriend tried to seek additional medical treatment or was the hospitalization a one time thing?
Has your boyfriend had a history of depression or anxiety?
Does your boyfriend work with a mental health professional before?
Sometimes treatment isn’t overnight- somethings it takes years to get a diagnosis.
They're still both emotionally invested and he doesn't want to admit it. That's what's really going on here. If they weren't, they wouldn't be running a business together. I don't care what anyone says, they wouldn't be. Anyone who tries to feed their new partner the bullshit line of I just see my ex as a decent person is not really over them.
It may be the case that they don't see their ex as a bad person but they usually use that line as an excuse to maintain contact with them when they're in a new relationship. If you don't have children with someone, you have no reason to stay in contact with them after your relationship ends. If you're wanting to do that, you need to admit that you still harbor feelings for them and you should not move on to a new relationship.
It is not fair to a new partner to have to carry the baggage of an old relationship. People can say that their new partner is being jealous or controlling because they have a problem with their partner talking to someone that they used to be romantically involved with. It's a slippery slope towards an affair.
Like I said, there's no reason to maintain contact unless you have children and even then it should be strictly business. Anyone who is not ready to let go of their ex, especially emotionally needs to admit that they're not over them and not drag a new partner through all that.
This too. They have places to go to for testing that holds up in court. I did this when my ex was on drugs and lied saying it was me lol. They can also do breathalyzers in case he tries to say you drink every day. CPS may order a drug test within a certain amount of days anyway
I'm not convinced that you're actually confused. You seem to have a really clear idea of what you did wrong and why she blocked you.
She withdrew because you wouldn't respect boundaries. She blocked you because you continued to harass her after she asked for space. You cannot fix this by reaching out. You cannot get her back. You have to allow her the autonomy to choose whether she wants to be with you or not.
If I were her friend or family member, I'd be telling her not to go back to you because you are clearly not in a healthy headspace and ready for a relationship.
I'm sure she hasn't forgotten you, given the aggressive messiness of your behavior. But you're right, you can't control whether she decides to see someone else or not. You can wait a while and see if she reaches out to you, but I think you shot this relationship down and it's unlikely to survive.
Highly, highly recommend that you address your anxiety and insecurity with psychological professionals before dating again.
They both used the word “Novel” to describe it, that's not a commonly used word – this has to be fake.
there could honestly be a barrage of reasons, ranging from not being used to affectionate language to actual trauma surrounding the words – but the bottom line is that you will never know if you don’t actually ask, and nobody on reddit will be able to give an answer. sit your partner down and broach the subject, but try to do so in a fairly open and non-confrontational way. just “hey, (name), something’s been on my mind recently. we’ve been together for three years, and i feel really comfortable in this relationship with you. and while you’ve never done anything to make me feel less than loved, i was wondering if there’s a reason why you’ve never really used those words with me?”
I get that. I definitely want to see how things go. I’m nervous myself.
It’s so sad for her. I can’t even imagine how hurt I’d feel at this kind of turnaround. Talk about a rug being pulled from underneath.
Shouldn’t I wait and see if there’s change instead of waiting for him to fight to get me back?
Your wife’s actions won’t have been made solely on the shock of your recent difficulties/discovery. This will have been a long time in the making. Although you now feel better in yourself, you are a very long way from being mentally, physically and emotionally stable. You would be well advised to try to focus all of your attention on becoming more permanently stable and well. Good luck.
He is moving you in so he can live off your income. That is not OK and is a form of financial abuse.
For all that money, you’re not even getting a space for yourself.
This so far from OK that the red flags are so big they can be seen from space.
Damn. That hurts. Quitting heroin did hurt.
Aiight so at first im ngl i was like, just let him bite his fucking nails whats the problem?
But dude needs surgeries and is basically maiming himself because of this compulsion
Youre right in being concerned but respectfully i think the acting like his mother approach you mentioned may not be the best way
youre starting to resent him which is clear but also he may start to resent you and ultimately its also clear you care about and are concerned for his well being
Having a serious conversation where you bring up these undeniable repercussions of his behavior may put things into perspective and explaining to him that youre worried about him
Maybe try and dive into why he feels the need, when it started, whats driving him maybe he feels anxious and getting to the root of that maybe more effective than just tellin him to stop and he may wanna go to therapy to talk through some of those issues if thats something he feels hes ready for
Maybe looking into giving him an alternative might work like her grab this fidget spinner or guitar or a rubix cube something to keep his hands busy
If its a deal breaker for you thats ok but you may wanna consider if nail biting is the hill you wanna die on.
And if she does change, it's pretty clear that the resentment will just change sides and start to build up on hers. She has a right to chose what to wear, if she feels like he's interfering with her freedom, especially after she's had some of that in her past already, I don't think it'll end up well…
There is a difference though, not saying it’s right but female nips are sexualised and a bunch of gross men are going to be perving over them. Can’t think of a sitch where that would apply to a man. Again not her fault that men are like this but that is the world we live in.
This feels like a sexual assault.
I was trying to say her having kids isnt an issue personally but some people may be turned away from someone with kids already with her i dont care but if i didnt know her my whole life I probably wouldnt date her if that makes sense
Full disclosure, I’m the first person to come on here and say that social media follows are an absolute non-issue, but like everything else, context matters.
In saying that, follows aren’t the problem. Him insulting you was certainly a problem and should have logically been a deal breaker. Him engaging with women on Instagram was certainly a problem and should have been a deal breaker. You even said exactly that.
Now, your boundaries are ultimately your own so we’re really in no position to tell you otherwise. But you’re far too focused on the fact that he’s “following” them. That is and has never been the actual problem. The earlier problem (assuming it’s not still happening which I doubt) was him talking to these people. He’s logically always going to look at other women whether he follows them or not. That simply is what it is and shouldn’t be a problem.
It does, however, become a problem if he agrees to that boundary. Seems he never did so that part is on you. After that though when he told you he’d delete the app, it’s a monumental problem.
He then gaslights you and makes you out to be crazy. Again, I fundamentally disagree with you about you’re feelings on follows in and of itself. So I’m here telling you to stop constantly focusing on that, because while I’ve already said your boundaries are your boundaries, that’s simply not the actual issue here and your putting too much focus on it.
He’s a shitty person and partner and it’s not because of follows. Walk away. Good luck.
You two need to go to couples therapy to talk this out, preferably a therapist with experience with trans clients and queer couples
I agree don’t get married if you don’t feel ready, but be prepared for the relationship to end. She has valid biological concerns. Honestly if you don’t know if you want to marry her after five years you probably truly don’t want to marry her.
I get that but the point is that it isn’t really a pro-choice situation. It’s a forced choice situation. I think he’s a moron but I think my husband is an idiot too because he became pro-life within the last few years while I’m pro-choice in the first trimester or when is necessary. I tell my husband he’s a fucking moron anytime it comes up.
Great to see someone who sees the bigger picture So sorry for your loss
A partner telling me that I could no longer expect affection from them, but that this wasn't a breakup event, would sound like a gaslighting partner to me.
Fuck me man you go all out of your way to defend her even when she is clearly in the wrong for being upset by the game she played?
She is right they are just friends, so why is she upset he went home with someone else?
Of course op could have clarified with her earlier, but Sarah made it clear where they stand and he just acted accordingly.
You should ask them why they even told you about the note if they weren't willing to give it to you. And frankly, that note belongs to you. It is addressed to you. It's not theirs to keep.
Okay good point not enough info.. I will elaborate
Sounds like she’s your room mate not your girl friend.
Either make her a priority by spending time together or go do your own thing.
Im surprised she hasn’t broken up with you yet, but she’s young and probably doesn’t realise she deserves better.
I actually wasn't thinking of the 'reporting' to HR, but rather you are on an oiled slide. The bottom is a wrecked marriage. Claw your way back to safety. Doing so requires your honesty to your husband and then his cooperation. Only you know exactly how bad it was.
Oh, do not delete anything. Deleted texts are worse than texts arranging a hotel room. If your husband wants to know the extent of it, you need to show him the texts. Getting out in front is the only way forward.
He's lucky you're a good dude. Don't blame you at all for having that as a personal standard. It's terrible that your “friend” actually did that to you.
Along with how to handle him…it kinda jumps out that you were having sex you hated for damn good reason, and were at risk of passing out, and still didn't call it off.
It's hard to not worry about that a bit.
I know it's not always easy to make quick judgment calls in the heat of the moment, but you shouldn't have to put up with being hurt during sex, accidentally or otherwise.
I hope you'd usually be willing to walk away as needed, even if it's awkward or abrupt, you know?
I’m not hoping the context changes anything. But if she was genuinely spiked, and someone took advantage of her for a quick kiss, it feels very harsh to end the relationship. I don’t know if I can get past it, and it will certainly take time, but I’ve seen how distraught she is over the whole situation.
Heads just a bit frazzled right now. I think we’re going to take one step at a time and see if we can get past it.
Sex or no sex, sweaty people shower before I’ll spend time with them. Every day, even if they did it in the morning already. It’s what separates us from other mammals. Don’t want to shower like a human? Fine, stay outside with your wild brethren.
Um the laptop isn’t the problem.
Your problem is that your husband would rather be doing anything else other than being in bed with you.
Yeah I think you said it yourself, you have the boundary and she's breaking it so you should move on.
I haven't demonized you – I also think she was being sus. Your post is a little vague and hard to make judgement on obviously not knowing both of you. For example though, liking someone's pics could be friend. Posing near someone could be friendly. All the stuff you wrote about could be friendly but all together it also gave me a weird vibe that she is untrustworthy or at least has very different boundaries from you.
In another comment I said it sounded like a lot of ups and downs and not worth the trouble. I'd cut your losses and reopen your socials I guess.
This is perfect.
I am working on trying to build it back, and I’m currently asking myself this question right now. I really want to believe him but based on his reaction it’s making me question him more. Im debating if I should continue with the relationship right now
I am working on trying to build it back, and I’m currently asking myself this question right now. I really want to believe him but based on his reaction it’s making me question him more. Im debating if I should continue with the relationship right now
But she should apply the safety rules, he might turn violent.
She should gather what she need secretly, then ghost him and only send a message to announce the break up when she is safe.
This honestly needs accompanying pictures for anyone to truly know. What do you look like as well, it might be a combination and not just her looks.
You are literally being defensive when it is suggested that you are a pedophile. You instead need to be assertive and say “isn’t she lucky to look so young when in fact she is older than me.” Stop being the fucking victim.
Are all your counselors church-sanctioned? Because they're literally never going to side with a woman. You need an actual, educated, non-religious professional
We don’t live together. She lives with our parents & I have my own place. He picked her up from my place because our parents are nosy so she wanted to get ready at my place
Damn I love pancakes.
Nope op needs intense therapy before she forces herself on someone else
And about her being avoidant bcs of her trauma , i helped her find a therapist but she only saw her twice bcs when her dad sent her money for her therapist she used that money to buy sneakers!!!??!
She is not mature enough she does stupid things like choosing some shoes over therapy which would help our relationship . And then instead of breaking up with her for not prioritizing our relationship ( which she said herself, she always prioritizes herself over anyone else) i gave her a book to read which helps people who are avoidant and she only read like 3 pages
And to be honest, most stable people prefer a mentality like ours. It's a lot healthier mentality than what that dude is wanting of you. He sounds extremely immature and is wanting a woman that is just as immature. Unfortunately for him, any woman he dates will most likely wisen as they get older, but please don't make that your problem anymore. ♥︎
Yeh I'm thinking that we maybe dip a toe into this scenario and see how it goes.
REPORT HIM. Jesus Christ. Your husband is viewing CSAM. Call the fucking police.
So he's unemployed and drinks too much. Isn't that all you need to know?
He took advantage of you. You are likely not the first one.
You could make sure you’re the last. Take all your evidence and immediately report him.
A 50 year old has had decades of experience, and this one has power over you to boot. Manipulation is a learned skill and he’s had plenty of time.
I read your replies…
I would bail. If she lies about this and is dismissive about it (and about being a virgin of all things), I wouldn't trust her.
Moving to a different country for the person you are dating is extremely common in a world with over 7 billion people. I understand that most people never leave their own countries even for travel, but in the travelling community, which is HUGE, meeting people from different countries and moving is extremely common.
When we get married
What will communicating do? asking honestly, op has expressed that they've tried everything else but they're both self conscious overthinkers who can't get out of their heads and they're sex life is being affected. I think they'll need a professionals involvement at this point if they want things to change.
Yeah that's how im feeling right now but I don't know how to break that to her without her crying or at worst having a panic attack and then having to deal with that
Thank you for your advice.
She is just now waking up. I doubt she’s completely sober but she is already talking about how she doesn’t know exactly what she said but she knows she’s an asshole. I’m kinda leaving her on read in real life at the moment because I don’t want to say anything stupid.
His name isn't on the land because it's her brothers land and from my understanding it was also intentionally left off the land. According to her she made it concrete they were done in December. But she caught him cheating 2 months prior. Her explanation as to why he's still there is because she wants to wait until he finds somewhere else. And that she doesn't want to be “shitty” just because he was. We've been seeing each other steady since January 6th.
8 out of 10 people have some form of herpes, yes, including both gentian and oral herpes. that’s a correct fact, i don’t know how to link on mobile but if you really care that much i can dm you my sources. but also… oral herpes, is still herpes? suck a dick with a cold sore and just like that you’ve exposed your partner to herpes. give head to a person who’s having an outbreak and just like that, you’ve exposed yourself to herpes. herpes is herpes. you can’t call one type of herpes gross and a big deal without doing the same to the other, because they are the same disease.