104 thoughts on “Ciieloazul live webcams for YOU!”
I've said it before and I'll say it again…”You must have never heard of Kevin Samuels…he preached being a step dad to take care of another man's child/children is a bad idea”…hope you have your closure and most of all your peace.
Laugh in his face and say well sucks to be you then ?
But on a serious note yal had sex and it was consensual.
If he hadn't opened his trap you wouldn't have known. Now he's trying to manipulate and gaslight you to make it somehow your fault if his relationship doesn't work bc of his own fuck up?
Doesn't work that way. Also that's not a best friend. You have low expectations from friends let alone a bestie..don't give him that title he's more of an acquaintance really if he's pushing the blame of consensual sex on you.
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If you want to date someone, you’ll have to feel comfortable around them, right? I can’t imagine being in a relationship where I was not at ease and was constantly thinking about the race or ethnicity of my partner.
Why don’t you just stop looking at him as a black person and instead as a really interesting individual that you are attracted to.
Don’t worry about what other people will say or think. Love and dating are about finding what works for you.
This is really iffy for me. As someone with mental illness (obviously this probably isn’t your case), pregnancy would whoop me (I never want kids). I already struggle to work and take care of myself. That on-top of the INTENSE fatigue and exhaustion + hormones that pregnancy brings, I honestly might not be able to work either. On the other hand, it is important to consider the extra work hours you have to put into support your family. Have you spoken to her about why she stopped working or are just going based off what your friends think? It doesn’t seem as you have asked her. I know some women who stopped working right away out of intense anxiety of the baby being injured during a work injury or due to high stress resulting in miscarriages. Seems like something you should ask her about rather than us. I do sympathize with your position because 7 day work weeks are too much for anyone but you could just ask her why she stopped. Every woman’s reasons are different and maybe she’ll agree to a side job to have a little money come in on her end.
But again, you guys are pushing her to do something she doesn’t want to do. It will have to be her that complains, her that pushes proof, and her that faces retaliation. I can understand why she doesn’t want to. If she doesn’t, OP shouldn’t force her or do it without her because it’s her that ends up at risk. I want OP to read this and see that from a women’s perspective, it is exhausting and shitty and he will never understand the burden it puts on her.
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I think you have to flip the script: they like you (or want to get inside your pants) so when you share your future vision they will obviously say they respect/like that about you (genuine or not). You cant then extrapolate that the reason they stoped pursuing you is because of that, it might be but it might also be a variety of other things which we'll never know unless you ask them and they answer genuinely.
Lots of red flags here lol. Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but he wakes the kids up at 7:20 and starts work at 9….so he needs a babysitter for 1 hour?? Lol WTF.
And he does this secretly without telling you and tells the kids to not say anything? That’s even more bizarre.
And of course the deleted messages are also strange.
Well, it is not unheard off for a gay guy to have sex with a woman … so being gay doesn’t really matter. I would be more concern with trust and honesty.
When you like someone you flirt and ask them on a date.
Testing the water the way you did is unhealthy and toxic behavior. It might work if you were a pick-up artist and just wanted to hook up, but it doesn’t work for creating a relationship. Manipulation through tests, deceit and making someone feel jealous about an imaginary girl is not how you get a girlfriend.
I’ve very much decided I’m never going out with that group again. And I also won’t be going out without him now, I never want that to happen again. I begged him to come with me because he’s also friends with the people that were out at the bars (not the group that went to the house) but he was tired so I went alone.
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I highly doubt this is true. No need to put down people of a certain weight but 5’4” and 120lbs certainly will Not look like a “skeleton”. I’m 5’9” and 125pbs and I look/am perfectly healthy. No skeleton here.
Women legit can't be nice to a man without them thinking they have a shot. There's nothing wrong with how she behaves. You're just reading way too much into it.
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to 99.99999999999999999% of all the people who have ever lived
That's all the people who have ever lived, minus perhaps one or two skin cells. All but one person who has ever lived is approximately 99.999999% of all the people who have ever lived. Any more 9s than that and you need to start chopping someone up.
asking him would be no use, since in our culture we just answer what the other person wants to hear
Huh? You can still ask. Sure he’ll say what you want to hear but if you ask there’s a chance he’ll do it. And how long have you been talking, and how long has this been a problem. Depending on that will better help determine what’s going on.
I’m gonna go a bit against the grain here. I don’t really like kids or babies either. But when I started dating my wife she made it pretty clear that was a requirement. I decided it would be worth it for her. Over time I’ve really come around to the idea of having kids and am excited to have MY kids though I still don’t care for other people’s kids at all. I had more runway though, I had this conversation at 22 or 23.
Idk if you like standup comedy but if you do you might check out “the new one” by Mike Birbiglia. It’s on Netflix. For some reason it changed my view on the whole thing.
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My partner has a friend that he once considered a brother. His friend moved to the US and he later followed but in the 4 years we’ve been here we’ve seen this friend twice. When we had our sons he sent over a generic gift, which was of course appreciated but it was clear that he didn’t really get us anymore. Well this friend is now getting married and we are not even invited to the wedding. BUT my partner is planning his bachelor party ?? I find this super strange since they really aren’t that close. I asked if he had a best man and it’s his brother and asked why he isn’t planning it. He said because the brother is overseas. They have friends flying in for the bachelor party and are making it a 5 day event out of state. I said absolutely not, we have a 2 year old and a 5 month old. I shouldn’t have to be taking care of 2 kids on my own. He then said he’d pay for a babysitter for the evenings(where is this money coming from ??). I asked if he could leave Friday afternoon after the kids are at daycare and stay until Sunday afternoon and he said no. 5 days in my opinion is way too long. I rarely ever say no. On average he goes out twice a month with friends for dinner/drinks while I stay home with the kids. I respect that he has friendships that he maintains but he also has a family. I am not comfortable with it, and I feel like that should be enough. I’m not sure how to continue this conversation where it looks like we aren’t going to compromise.
I had pretty much made up my mind on leaving, but my husband knew how upset I was and was claiming that I was overreacting and that it's so common for parents to take edibles with their kids, as he thinks it's safe. I didn't realize at the time that he was just covering for himself. We're still at the clinic
So this story is not making much sense. No matter what your friendship with this guy without question has to be over. The fact you are questioning that is bizarre. What’s even more bizarre is your wife being like eh let’s just forget he stole vulnerable pictures of me and continue being friends. That’s not how any woman I know would react to learning that. So either you are being cheated on and now played by your wife or your friend violated your wife and is a super creep.
So I started to talk to this guy who played the same game in a game chat around August-September 2016. We both bonded over the fact that we had just gotten out of relationships (in his case, a 10 year old marriage) and were a bit heartbroken. We talked over the phone, played the game and talked more. But we lived halfway around the world apart and none of us thought it would go anywhere. He decided to come visit for a week in March 2017. We’ve been a couple since. For six years we’ve been doing long distance. This year he’ll finally be able to move to my country. It’s been incredibly hard, but I don’t regret a thing. Gaming together is actually one of the thing that helps though.
Just tell him you have a bit of a crush on him. That doesn’t mean you guys have to take it further, or that it has to ruin the friendship. But if both of you feel the same way, it would be a shame to miss out. Especially since you’ve felt like this for a long time.
“I use it to unwind, or when I'm bored, or when I'm anxious”- So, basically…All the time then?
Whether its legal or not, that doesn't mean that it can't be problematic. I had a sibling who got really hooked on it, smoked half his life away on it, suffered short-term memory issues and ended up getting psychosis because of it.
The whole video game bickering sounds really immature and tit-for-tat. I mean, c'mon on, you two are nearly in your 30s now! You need to behave a bit more grown up than this.
I sounds like you're using weed to numb out way too much stuff in your life and like you've become really dependent on it. It would probably be better for you to find some better coping methods for some of the problems you're experiencing (speak to your GP for better options) and find more enirching ways to entertain yourself when you're bored than simply smoking. People who based their whole personality, interests and hobbies around weed are quite a turn-off.
I don't agree with your BF's consensus on your addiction (it sounds like he's projecting some relationship insecurity stuff there), but it does also sound like you have a problem with the drug too.
Even when couples have a fairly even split of domestic work before children, they will often struggle to maintain that once a baby arrives. Children generally make the division of labor worse, not better.
With that in mind, I think your worries are totally justified. If you want, you could have a conversation with your SO about how things would need to change before starting a family. And then give him a few months to make real, concrete progress. He's told you so many times that things will change any day now… I would only trust actions, not promises.
Probably because he hopes it will get better, really really hopes and holds out. He's gone through it more than almost anyone else would at this point for you. That sounds more like someone hoping this time will be better, rather than someone using or going to dump you.
Totally the opposite. Try to see it from a positive perspective and not the worst case scenario. I know from other comments you're already getting help to learn techniques like this to help you.
Nobody has actually answered the hair dryer thing here. Honestly he probably doesn't care, notice them or even think about them. The worst and most unimaginable and unlikely reason is he's waiting for another girl. Possibly at only a few months he doesn't want to bin her stuff in case she asks for it back, then he owes someone money… more likely he'll be like “what straighteners?”.
Again think positive here instead of worst case in the whole world screaming impending relationship doom.
'I've broken up with my bf a ton, he can obviously get and date other girls but has agreed to try yet again with me. He probably wants to be with me. Possibly doesn't want to bin someone else's belongings, but more likely doesn't know or even care that they are there.'
Physically, most of my exs are very similar, tall and thin, a little bit of muscle, but not a lot to them. But emotionally, he’s a lot more open than they were, it’s not something I’m really used to, even after a year. He’s constantly showering me in compliments and such.
The yikes are those statements. Lets break those down.
Eh I don't need anyone paying for my good looks to be in a relationship with me.
What does that statement even meaning? A guy dating you would be attracted to you. Beyond that, you need to be less vague.
I'm just surprised you can manage to live with such a bleak view of the world.
Nothing bleak about life. It's unfortunate you feel that way.
That you can not ever love and date a broke man.
A relationship isn't just about loving them but building a life and depending on them. You can't do that broke, especially without prospects for a vast improvement.
You can date anyone you want. The question is whether that will keep a relationship.
But a broke woman is fine.
Depends on the woman. The more attractive the more her options.
Successful men don't date a woman for her earning potential.
That a man has his value in its ability to provide, and a woman has value in her youth and looks.
That's just life forever. It shouldn't be a shock.
If no one would watch it there wouldn't be a demand for it.
Sure, if no one watched there would be no demand. But if she stopped watching, there would likely not be any effect, so the ethical impact is close to nil.
Even if she doesn't abuse the animals herself she's still part of the system that causes the abuse. By watching it she directly supports it and generates revenue for the people who create it.
How is that any worse than buying meat from factory farms, where animals live short lives full of suffering? And yet we look at it like it's significantly worse.
Questionable porn is fine as long as everyone in it gave their consent. Not the case here.
Yeah, it's definitely not ideal. But consent is not enough – if actors have bad conditions and are underpaid, that's also not ok, despite consent being there.
He doesn’t care about you or your feelings, he is selfish and wants to have fun. No one does that if they are truthful to you. You should break up because he tried to hide it and only showed it to you when there was no other options left. You can never trust him again knowing this is how he is as a person, your everyday life is gonna be filled with doubts and worry, just break up and save yourself for fucking anxiety and a miserable life
Idk why you’re getting downvoted. This was my thoughts as well.
Husband is looking – begging – seeking – pleading – for connection. And then it finally broke into something like this. Some people when depressed do not think clearly or rationally – and instead of looking for a therapist or picking up a hobby, he turned to the internet, to Reddit, to find it. Yes – the pathway to cheating has been made, yes this is wrong.
But for 6 years this man has been drowning and did not know how to ask for help – and still doesn’t – and maybe could have used his partner to lean on.
Omg I know, so true! She may have picked up on it better if it was just a fair weather friend. But in my life experiences, whenever you are alone with a guy, whether it’s a BIL, sister’s boyfriend, friends bf, when they start the whole negging while telling you how great you are, always expect a come on,and shut it down. Sooner you shut it down, the quicker they get the hint not to try, usually at least. She can’t ever be alone with this guy if his wife still wants him.
Don’t defend yourself over such a stupid accusation at all. It’s not you, period.
You should be much more concerned about her mental and hormonal state. Appeal to her parents that she needs medical attention and make sure she gets some.
Like… huh? I guess if you’re fine being a boyfriend without actually being her boyfriend… sure. But, I think she’s found a way to breakup with you without her having to endure the absence that comes after a break up. She is in a position to fill that void at her leisure while you are still investing in her until it’s no longer convenient for her… but who knows when that will be? So, when she’s finally ready to let you go because she has something else to take up the space in her life that you currently fill, it’ll be an easy transition for her while you’re potentially left reeling. I think it’s worth asking her if, while you’re “broken up,” if she would consider it to be unfaithful for her to see other people. Even if she says it’s moot because she isn’t going to… would she consider it cheating on you during this period you’re in? Also, would she consider you to be unfaithful to her if you were to start pursuing other people romantically? Because if she does… then you need to revisit the terms of your non-relationship.
If you get your nexplanon out you will need to give 3-6 months of tracking before you will reliably be able to even try to use it as birth control. In addition cycle tracking requires either abstinence and condom use in the 5 days leading up to ovulation and one to two days after.
It can take months to learn your cycle. As someone who has spent a long time trying for a baby my ovulation varied by 3 days each month. Which would mean, if I was using it as tracking I would have to abstain or use condoms for 7 days a month.
Cycle tracking isn't magic. I have 2 friends that have used it for years snd eventually did get accidentally pregnant. They thought it would never happen.
If you don't want a child find a different method of birth control. If he won't use condoms. Do not have sex with him.
I said to her she needed to understand at least that the timing was suspicious on all of this. Surely any doubts are might have are only natural and it was honestly just a question and not an accusation.
Women aren’t “won”. Just be a decent friend and keep your feelings to yourself. Or tell her how you feel and risk losing her. She sounds enamored with this other guy, so buyer beware. Also don’t pretend you’re objective – it’s disingenuous.
Frankly, this sounds like puppy love/pining. Unconditional love builds after you truly know someone and have built up major intimacy.
Worth knowing if the husband was also drunk. Neither of them can consent when drunk, but two drunk people are very different than one who’s drunk and one who is sober.
I’m sorry this is happening, but your friend is an adult and has the agency to make her own decisions. Her fiancé doesn’t trust her. She’s decided to just give in. You can’t do anything about that.
No you didn’t over react. Throw that b in the trash where she belongs. She’s lying trying to manipulate you. You don’t need drama especially 4 months in a relationship
The court won't care much whether she is cheating when it comes to assigning custody. They will care about whether she is a fit parent.
You need to be sure of whether she is cheating so that you can be sure of your decision to break up with her or not. It might be nice to have something to show that you aren't just walking away from a relationship that involves a kid, but, really, collecting evidence to show to a third party isn't important.
If you do decide to break up with her, you need the best family lawyer that you can get, even if it means borrowing to pay the attorney. Think of it as cutting off a finger to save your head.
He could tell Jack to not be rude to his fiance. It is the total lack of boundaries and consequences within the friend group that allows this to happen. If they called Jack on this every time he was rude to someone, instead of excusing it as how he is, he would quit or find a different friend group.
This hard place only exists because the friend group tolerates it.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Don’t you want a wife who misses you, gets excited when you’re coming home, is tickled pink when you’re not away?
Your wife is not married. She is solo. Partners can be smothering, but you’re away for months. Take advantage of this and shift your journey to find reciprocation.
Its a medicine that has to be ordered in, you simply can’t collect from a different location, this is the reason for me wrongly assuming I didn’t need to inform her. Essentially theirs very little she could have done about it (aside from ringing the chemist to complain but that wouldn’t make the meds appear when they didn’t have them anyway). I just didn’t want to stress her out whilst at work. In hindsight, telling her would have been the better option.
Shes always stressed about something, she needs everything in a set order and if anything breaks that order she’s in crisis mode. Its not just with me, its everything. Anything that strays her from the routine causes high stress.
To be honest its highly likely she is also Autistic, this is something she accepts but shes unwilling to accept it contributes to these situations. She just loads the blame on me every time shes stressed. If it wasn’t the medicine it would have been something else. This has caused resentment in me and a loss of trust in her point of view. Hence the defensiveness.
I’m not her, I don’t need the same level of structure in my life and therefore Im always going to end up letting her down as she expects me to fit into her way of doing things all of the time.
I hope this provides more context.
Either way Im a defensive person and I need to work on this regardless, its just hard when I feel Im picked at A LOT.
You’re drinking to make yourself numb and are talking about how you try to control yourself and your kids see it. That means you have a problem with drinking. Time out. You’re painting this picture in one light and it’s not the truth. You need to post the truth if you want serious advice.
I’m staying clean not only for my mental and physical health but because I don’t want them to be on their own without the husband and father I know can be for them, thank you for the reply
You are 100% correct true. THAT part I can't solve. Shallow people are shallow. But, if that's the person you WANT to stay married to, there's the price. Your mileage may vary.
I do not think discussing the concept itself should be off the table
He discussed it. OP gave him the space to discuss it. But that doesn't free him from the consequences of his words. Hearing her spouse wants to sleep with other people is a box she can't unopen.
The issue isn't the discussion. It's the desire itself.
Only if you fully understand each other
They fully understand. He knows OP is in no way okay with this and it could end their marriage. OP knows this is something he wanted, but can live without if it means not losing her. Understanding isn't the issue. Moving past it is.
You're likely in a bit of a rut
Absolutely. But that's the least of their problems. OP does not want to go on a date with a husband who wants to fuck other women.
If it were me, I’d say it’s time to stop playing nice and start being rude to this woman. No more guilt trips, no more inane questions. I would make it my mission to make it so she didn’t feel comfortable talking to me anymore. You make me uncomfortable and don’t listen? Now I make you uncomfortable til you go away.
You both need therapy, individuals and couples. You made the comment that triggered all of this, and it sent her spiralling. Having kids means gaining weight, and she doesn't want you to remain disgusted by her appearance. I see a lot of making excuses for yourself while also not taking responsibility for your role in this.
I don’t think you lack understanding. Yes you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth and are still extremely privileged not even really having to work as your parents support you.
That doesn’t mean your opinions are invalid. He is causing himself harm. He is harming others. He doesn’t care (outwardly.) He is surely very traumatized by many of his experiences and doesn’t have healthy tools to cope with it, but also resents having to consider them when you try to guide him.
You can’t change someone that isn’t ready or willing to change. It seems like you both have a lot of love for each other but I wouldn’t want to be with someone that is violent and uses their past and the actions of other people as an excuse to be reckless.
You’re both super young. I’d let him know I’ll always wish him well but you can’t be with someone that doesn’t have good judgement.
Thank you, pbblankgirl. By this time, I do already know my age, and however I feel about and use social media is not really what I’m seeking advice on.
I've said it before and I'll say it again…”You must have never heard of Kevin Samuels…he preached being a step dad to take care of another man's child/children is a bad idea”…hope you have your closure and most of all your peace.
Because A) just because OP knows doesn't mean friends and family know
And B) friends and family might know she cheated but not know that she is STILL cheating.
You should tell her, then block him.
He used you, and he knew what he was doing, and he chose to do it anyways, and now he’s emotionally manipulating you into keeping his secret.
The guy is an asshole and is unworthy of you keeping that secret for him.
Laugh in his face and say well sucks to be you then ?
But on a serious note yal had sex and it was consensual.
If he hadn't opened his trap you wouldn't have known. Now he's trying to manipulate and gaslight you to make it somehow your fault if his relationship doesn't work bc of his own fuck up?
Doesn't work that way. Also that's not a best friend. You have low expectations from friends let alone a bestie..don't give him that title he's more of an acquaintance really if he's pushing the blame of consensual sex on you.
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Gaslighting, dump him.
If you want to date someone, you’ll have to feel comfortable around them, right? I can’t imagine being in a relationship where I was not at ease and was constantly thinking about the race or ethnicity of my partner.
Why don’t you just stop looking at him as a black person and instead as a really interesting individual that you are attracted to.
Don’t worry about what other people will say or think. Love and dating are about finding what works for you.
People who do what they say and say what they do are SO important in society
that they are given a special label: “Integrity”. This label cannot be given to oneself
by themselves. It can only be bestowed by individuals who watch your behavior.
So…the question is really whether or not you have “Integrity.”
This is really iffy for me. As someone with mental illness (obviously this probably isn’t your case), pregnancy would whoop me (I never want kids). I already struggle to work and take care of myself. That on-top of the INTENSE fatigue and exhaustion + hormones that pregnancy brings, I honestly might not be able to work either. On the other hand, it is important to consider the extra work hours you have to put into support your family. Have you spoken to her about why she stopped working or are just going based off what your friends think? It doesn’t seem as you have asked her. I know some women who stopped working right away out of intense anxiety of the baby being injured during a work injury or due to high stress resulting in miscarriages. Seems like something you should ask her about rather than us. I do sympathize with your position because 7 day work weeks are too much for anyone but you could just ask her why she stopped. Every woman’s reasons are different and maybe she’ll agree to a side job to have a little money come in on her end.
Condoms or anal.
Why did you marry someone you don’t want to have sex with?
But again, you guys are pushing her to do something she doesn’t want to do. It will have to be her that complains, her that pushes proof, and her that faces retaliation. I can understand why she doesn’t want to. If she doesn’t, OP shouldn’t force her or do it without her because it’s her that ends up at risk. I want OP to read this and see that from a women’s perspective, it is exhausting and shitty and he will never understand the burden it puts on her.
Im 19 and hes 18, together for basically 3 yrs atp
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I think you have to flip the script: they like you (or want to get inside your pants) so when you share your future vision they will obviously say they respect/like that about you (genuine or not). You cant then extrapolate that the reason they stoped pursuing you is because of that, it might be but it might also be a variety of other things which we'll never know unless you ask them and they answer genuinely.
Fuck his best friend first.
Lots of red flags here lol. Maybe I’m misunderstanding, but he wakes the kids up at 7:20 and starts work at 9….so he needs a babysitter for 1 hour?? Lol WTF.
And he does this secretly without telling you and tells the kids to not say anything? That’s even more bizarre.
And of course the deleted messages are also strange.
The relationship has run its course. Sorry brother, time to move on
Well, it is not unheard off for a gay guy to have sex with a woman … so being gay doesn’t really matter. I would be more concern with trust and honesty.
When you like someone you flirt and ask them on a date.
Testing the water the way you did is unhealthy and toxic behavior. It might work if you were a pick-up artist and just wanted to hook up, but it doesn’t work for creating a relationship. Manipulation through tests, deceit and making someone feel jealous about an imaginary girl is not how you get a girlfriend.
It’s one thing to cheat, but a whole other level of gross to cheat with a prostitute. Gross. I hope you got yourself tested now after…
I’ve very much decided I’m never going out with that group again. And I also won’t be going out without him now, I never want that to happen again. I begged him to come with me because he’s also friends with the people that were out at the bars (not the group that went to the house) but he was tired so I went alone.
And if he does, for your own sanity, RUN.
Depends on what happened in the marriage and why she left.
If you guys are broken up I wouldn't expect anything.
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I highly doubt this is true. No need to put down people of a certain weight but 5’4” and 120lbs certainly will Not look like a “skeleton”. I’m 5’9” and 125pbs and I look/am perfectly healthy. No skeleton here.
Women legit can't be nice to a man without them thinking they have a shot. There's nothing wrong with how she behaves. You're just reading way too much into it.
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Then you should express this to any partner you have before having sex with them, to be sure your are on the same page.
to 99.99999999999999999% of all the people who have ever lived
That's all the people who have ever lived, minus perhaps one or two skin cells. All but one person who has ever lived is approximately 99.999999% of all the people who have ever lived. Any more 9s than that and you need to start chopping someone up.
asking him would be no use, since in our culture we just answer what the other person wants to hear
Huh? You can still ask. Sure he’ll say what you want to hear but if you ask there’s a chance he’ll do it. And how long have you been talking, and how long has this been a problem. Depending on that will better help determine what’s going on.
And the US has a relatively decent record of sending a court order to force someone to delete nude photographs of someone
You should move on to something else rather than worry about a person in your past
Oops, got pregnant. Women want all the power, so take all the responsibility.
Isn't this what you all wanted?
I’m gonna go a bit against the grain here. I don’t really like kids or babies either. But when I started dating my wife she made it pretty clear that was a requirement. I decided it would be worth it for her. Over time I’ve really come around to the idea of having kids and am excited to have MY kids though I still don’t care for other people’s kids at all. I had more runway though, I had this conversation at 22 or 23.
Idk if you like standup comedy but if you do you might check out “the new one” by Mike Birbiglia. It’s on Netflix. For some reason it changed my view on the whole thing.
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My partner has a friend that he once considered a brother. His friend moved to the US and he later followed but in the 4 years we’ve been here we’ve seen this friend twice. When we had our sons he sent over a generic gift, which was of course appreciated but it was clear that he didn’t really get us anymore. Well this friend is now getting married and we are not even invited to the wedding. BUT my partner is planning his bachelor party ?? I find this super strange since they really aren’t that close. I asked if he had a best man and it’s his brother and asked why he isn’t planning it. He said because the brother is overseas. They have friends flying in for the bachelor party and are making it a 5 day event out of state. I said absolutely not, we have a 2 year old and a 5 month old. I shouldn’t have to be taking care of 2 kids on my own. He then said he’d pay for a babysitter for the evenings(where is this money coming from ??). I asked if he could leave Friday afternoon after the kids are at daycare and stay until Sunday afternoon and he said no. 5 days in my opinion is way too long. I rarely ever say no. On average he goes out twice a month with friends for dinner/drinks while I stay home with the kids. I respect that he has friendships that he maintains but he also has a family. I am not comfortable with it, and I feel like that should be enough. I’m not sure how to continue this conversation where it looks like we aren’t going to compromise.
I had pretty much made up my mind on leaving, but my husband knew how upset I was and was claiming that I was overreacting and that it's so common for parents to take edibles with their kids, as he thinks it's safe. I didn't realize at the time that he was just covering for himself. We're still at the clinic
Well why would she ever trust you again?
He’s not planning to leave her, he’s playing both of you.
So this story is not making much sense. No matter what your friendship with this guy without question has to be over. The fact you are questioning that is bizarre. What’s even more bizarre is your wife being like eh let’s just forget he stole vulnerable pictures of me and continue being friends. That’s not how any woman I know would react to learning that. So either you are being cheated on and now played by your wife or your friend violated your wife and is a super creep.
She has every right to wait and you have every right to walk away
What’s the issue?
i wish i could give you an award. Amen
So I started to talk to this guy who played the same game in a game chat around August-September 2016. We both bonded over the fact that we had just gotten out of relationships (in his case, a 10 year old marriage) and were a bit heartbroken. We talked over the phone, played the game and talked more. But we lived halfway around the world apart and none of us thought it would go anywhere. He decided to come visit for a week in March 2017. We’ve been a couple since. For six years we’ve been doing long distance. This year he’ll finally be able to move to my country. It’s been incredibly hard, but I don’t regret a thing. Gaming together is actually one of the thing that helps though.
Just tell him you have a bit of a crush on him. That doesn’t mean you guys have to take it further, or that it has to ruin the friendship. But if both of you feel the same way, it would be a shame to miss out. Especially since you’ve felt like this for a long time.
“I use it to unwind, or when I'm bored, or when I'm anxious”- So, basically…All the time then?
Whether its legal or not, that doesn't mean that it can't be problematic. I had a sibling who got really hooked on it, smoked half his life away on it, suffered short-term memory issues and ended up getting psychosis because of it.
The whole video game bickering sounds really immature and tit-for-tat. I mean, c'mon on, you two are nearly in your 30s now! You need to behave a bit more grown up than this.
I sounds like you're using weed to numb out way too much stuff in your life and like you've become really dependent on it. It would probably be better for you to find some better coping methods for some of the problems you're experiencing (speak to your GP for better options) and find more enirching ways to entertain yourself when you're bored than simply smoking. People who based their whole personality, interests and hobbies around weed are quite a turn-off.
I don't agree with your BF's consensus on your addiction (it sounds like he's projecting some relationship insecurity stuff there), but it does also sound like you have a problem with the drug too.
Even when couples have a fairly even split of domestic work before children, they will often struggle to maintain that once a baby arrives. Children generally make the division of labor worse, not better.
With that in mind, I think your worries are totally justified. If you want, you could have a conversation with your SO about how things would need to change before starting a family. And then give him a few months to make real, concrete progress. He's told you so many times that things will change any day now… I would only trust actions, not promises.
Probably because he hopes it will get better, really really hopes and holds out. He's gone through it more than almost anyone else would at this point for you. That sounds more like someone hoping this time will be better, rather than someone using or going to dump you.
Totally the opposite. Try to see it from a positive perspective and not the worst case scenario. I know from other comments you're already getting help to learn techniques like this to help you.
Nobody has actually answered the hair dryer thing here. Honestly he probably doesn't care, notice them or even think about them. The worst and most unimaginable and unlikely reason is he's waiting for another girl. Possibly at only a few months he doesn't want to bin her stuff in case she asks for it back, then he owes someone money… more likely he'll be like “what straighteners?”.
Again think positive here instead of worst case in the whole world screaming impending relationship doom.
'I've broken up with my bf a ton, he can obviously get and date other girls but has agreed to try yet again with me. He probably wants to be with me. Possibly doesn't want to bin someone else's belongings, but more likely doesn't know or even care that they are there.'
Any examples of what those types of topics would be?
She's jealous, and handling it in a very immature way. You've done nothing wrong.
Physically, most of my exs are very similar, tall and thin, a little bit of muscle, but not a lot to them. But emotionally, he’s a lot more open than they were, it’s not something I’m really used to, even after a year. He’s constantly showering me in compliments and such.
The yikes are those statements. Lets break those down.
Eh I don't need anyone paying for my good looks to be in a relationship with me.
What does that statement even meaning? A guy dating you would be attracted to you. Beyond that, you need to be less vague.
I'm just surprised you can manage to live with such a bleak view of the world.
Nothing bleak about life. It's unfortunate you feel that way.
That you can not ever love and date a broke man.
A relationship isn't just about loving them but building a life and depending on them. You can't do that broke, especially without prospects for a vast improvement.
You can date anyone you want. The question is whether that will keep a relationship.
But a broke woman is fine.
Depends on the woman. The more attractive the more her options.
Successful men don't date a woman for her earning potential.
That a man has his value in its ability to provide, and a woman has value in her youth and looks.
That's just life forever. It shouldn't be a shock.
If no one would watch it there wouldn't be a demand for it.
Sure, if no one watched there would be no demand. But if she stopped watching, there would likely not be any effect, so the ethical impact is close to nil.
Even if she doesn't abuse the animals herself she's still part of the system that causes the abuse. By watching it she directly supports it and generates revenue for the people who create it.
How is that any worse than buying meat from factory farms, where animals live short lives full of suffering? And yet we look at it like it's significantly worse.
Questionable porn is fine as long as everyone in it gave their consent. Not the case here.
Yeah, it's definitely not ideal. But consent is not enough – if actors have bad conditions and are underpaid, that's also not ok, despite consent being there.
He doesn’t care about you or your feelings, he is selfish and wants to have fun. No one does that if they are truthful to you. You should break up because he tried to hide it and only showed it to you when there was no other options left. You can never trust him again knowing this is how he is as a person, your everyday life is gonna be filled with doubts and worry, just break up and save yourself for fucking anxiety and a miserable life
Idk why you’re getting downvoted. This was my thoughts as well.
Husband is looking – begging – seeking – pleading – for connection. And then it finally broke into something like this. Some people when depressed do not think clearly or rationally – and instead of looking for a therapist or picking up a hobby, he turned to the internet, to Reddit, to find it. Yes – the pathway to cheating has been made, yes this is wrong.
But for 6 years this man has been drowning and did not know how to ask for help – and still doesn’t – and maybe could have used his partner to lean on.
Yes. Processed food is designed to hack your tastebuds, it’s its main objective.
she likes her job though she says….
Yes, but so is accusing your pregnant partner of baby trapping you after 7 years of marriage, storming out and slagging them off to your brother.
But surely she's been on dates with other people aside from her? Why specifically this one?
“If you're so dissatisfied with my reaction, no matter what it is, then what are you expecting me to do?”
Omg I know, so true! She may have picked up on it better if it was just a fair weather friend. But in my life experiences, whenever you are alone with a guy, whether it’s a BIL, sister’s boyfriend, friends bf, when they start the whole negging while telling you how great you are, always expect a come on,and shut it down. Sooner you shut it down, the quicker they get the hint not to try, usually at least. She can’t ever be alone with this guy if his wife still wants him.
Don’t defend yourself over such a stupid accusation at all. It’s not you, period.
You should be much more concerned about her mental and hormonal state. Appeal to her parents that she needs medical attention and make sure she gets some.
Ask him how he feels about it. Part of a relationship is to be here for each other in time of need.
made me finish inside her(again, big no for her before).
That's a nice way of baby trapping you. You need to be smart, my dude. Leave her and pray that she isn't pregnant.
It's your girlfriend
She has told you she doesn't really want you anymore
Just untangle your lives and move on
Keep your discussions to a minimum , you don't need to tell her you know or get into any stupid fights
Huh?
Like… huh? I guess if you’re fine being a boyfriend without actually being her boyfriend… sure. But, I think she’s found a way to breakup with you without her having to endure the absence that comes after a break up. She is in a position to fill that void at her leisure while you are still investing in her until it’s no longer convenient for her… but who knows when that will be? So, when she’s finally ready to let you go because she has something else to take up the space in her life that you currently fill, it’ll be an easy transition for her while you’re potentially left reeling. I think it’s worth asking her if, while you’re “broken up,” if she would consider it to be unfaithful for her to see other people. Even if she says it’s moot because she isn’t going to… would she consider it cheating on you during this period you’re in? Also, would she consider you to be unfaithful to her if you were to start pursuing other people romantically? Because if she does… then you need to revisit the terms of your non-relationship.
If you get your nexplanon out you will need to give 3-6 months of tracking before you will reliably be able to even try to use it as birth control. In addition cycle tracking requires either abstinence and condom use in the 5 days leading up to ovulation and one to two days after.
It can take months to learn your cycle. As someone who has spent a long time trying for a baby my ovulation varied by 3 days each month. Which would mean, if I was using it as tracking I would have to abstain or use condoms for 7 days a month.
Cycle tracking isn't magic. I have 2 friends that have used it for years snd eventually did get accidentally pregnant. They thought it would never happen.
If you don't want a child find a different method of birth control. If he won't use condoms. Do not have sex with him.
I said to her she needed to understand at least that the timing was suspicious on all of this. Surely any doubts are might have are only natural and it was honestly just a question and not an accusation.
Women aren’t “won”. Just be a decent friend and keep your feelings to yourself. Or tell her how you feel and risk losing her. She sounds enamored with this other guy, so buyer beware. Also don’t pretend you’re objective – it’s disingenuous.
Frankly, this sounds like puppy love/pining. Unconditional love builds after you truly know someone and have built up major intimacy.
Your husband is the one at fault, not your sister.
Sounds like rape.
Worth knowing if the husband was also drunk. Neither of them can consent when drunk, but two drunk people are very different than one who’s drunk and one who is sober.
I’m sorry this is happening, but your friend is an adult and has the agency to make her own decisions. Her fiancé doesn’t trust her. She’s decided to just give in. You can’t do anything about that.
No you didn’t over react. Throw that b in the trash where she belongs. She’s lying trying to manipulate you. You don’t need drama especially 4 months in a relationship
oh youre definitely getting catfished
The court won't care much whether she is cheating when it comes to assigning custody. They will care about whether she is a fit parent.
You need to be sure of whether she is cheating so that you can be sure of your decision to break up with her or not. It might be nice to have something to show that you aren't just walking away from a relationship that involves a kid, but, really, collecting evidence to show to a third party isn't important.
If you do decide to break up with her, you need the best family lawyer that you can get, even if it means borrowing to pay the attorney. Think of it as cutting off a finger to save your head.
He could tell Jack to not be rude to his fiance. It is the total lack of boundaries and consequences within the friend group that allows this to happen. If they called Jack on this every time he was rude to someone, instead of excusing it as how he is, he would quit or find a different friend group.
This hard place only exists because the friend group tolerates it.
You're better off alone. You're living that life now anyway.
Time to move on.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Don’t you want a wife who misses you, gets excited when you’re coming home, is tickled pink when you’re not away?
Your wife is not married. She is solo. Partners can be smothering, but you’re away for months. Take advantage of this and shift your journey to find reciprocation.
Its a medicine that has to be ordered in, you simply can’t collect from a different location, this is the reason for me wrongly assuming I didn’t need to inform her. Essentially theirs very little she could have done about it (aside from ringing the chemist to complain but that wouldn’t make the meds appear when they didn’t have them anyway). I just didn’t want to stress her out whilst at work. In hindsight, telling her would have been the better option.
Shes always stressed about something, she needs everything in a set order and if anything breaks that order she’s in crisis mode. Its not just with me, its everything. Anything that strays her from the routine causes high stress.
To be honest its highly likely she is also Autistic, this is something she accepts but shes unwilling to accept it contributes to these situations. She just loads the blame on me every time shes stressed. If it wasn’t the medicine it would have been something else. This has caused resentment in me and a loss of trust in her point of view. Hence the defensiveness.
I’m not her, I don’t need the same level of structure in my life and therefore Im always going to end up letting her down as she expects me to fit into her way of doing things all of the time.
I hope this provides more context.
Either way Im a defensive person and I need to work on this regardless, its just hard when I feel Im picked at A LOT.
Hold firm. Say a practiced short and easy to remember script. Get it over with as soon as possible. Keep it moving.
You’re drinking to make yourself numb and are talking about how you try to control yourself and your kids see it. That means you have a problem with drinking. Time out. You’re painting this picture in one light and it’s not the truth. You need to post the truth if you want serious advice.
What did he say when you caught him?
You all sound like you take your 150 listener podcast way to seriously
Okay, I apologize for that. But do you have any advice?
I’m staying clean not only for my mental and physical health but because I don’t want them to be on their own without the husband and father I know can be for them, thank you for the reply
What is it about this guy you love? He doesn't even act as if he likes you.
As long as as you have savings and income coming in monthly, who cares if he leaves?
You are 100% correct true. THAT part I can't solve. Shallow people are shallow. But, if that's the person you WANT to stay married to, there's the price. Your mileage may vary.
I do not think discussing the concept itself should be off the table
He discussed it. OP gave him the space to discuss it. But that doesn't free him from the consequences of his words. Hearing her spouse wants to sleep with other people is a box she can't unopen.
The issue isn't the discussion. It's the desire itself.
Only if you fully understand each other
They fully understand. He knows OP is in no way okay with this and it could end their marriage. OP knows this is something he wanted, but can live without if it means not losing her. Understanding isn't the issue. Moving past it is.
You're likely in a bit of a rut
Absolutely. But that's the least of their problems. OP does not want to go on a date with a husband who wants to fuck other women.
Oh boy this is a good one
If it were me, I’d say it’s time to stop playing nice and start being rude to this woman. No more guilt trips, no more inane questions. I would make it my mission to make it so she didn’t feel comfortable talking to me anymore. You make me uncomfortable and don’t listen? Now I make you uncomfortable til you go away.
I think she’s just nitpicking
If she said she would delete him then I agree it's absolutely disrespectful that she doesn't follow through.
Lol, calm down.
Yeah, I mean best case she could be a principal or department head, which maxes out around there and requires an advanced degree.
Yes I'm right? Lol.
Gross. Sounds like you are a fetish for him.
For obvious reasons, I can’t answer questions like that
U right thank you! Exactly what I needed to hear!
You both need therapy, individuals and couples. You made the comment that triggered all of this, and it sent her spiralling. Having kids means gaining weight, and she doesn't want you to remain disgusted by her appearance. I see a lot of making excuses for yourself while also not taking responsibility for your role in this.
It is true.
I don’t think you lack understanding. Yes you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth and are still extremely privileged not even really having to work as your parents support you.
That doesn’t mean your opinions are invalid. He is causing himself harm. He is harming others. He doesn’t care (outwardly.) He is surely very traumatized by many of his experiences and doesn’t have healthy tools to cope with it, but also resents having to consider them when you try to guide him.
You can’t change someone that isn’t ready or willing to change. It seems like you both have a lot of love for each other but I wouldn’t want to be with someone that is violent and uses their past and the actions of other people as an excuse to be reckless.
You’re both super young. I’d let him know I’ll always wish him well but you can’t be with someone that doesn’t have good judgement.
I'm not criticizing it, homie clearly isn't cool with it.
Thank you, pbblankgirl. By this time, I do already know my age, and however I feel about and use social media is not really what I’m seeking advice on.