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Date: January 1, 2023
sorry about what you went through! sounds horrendous! Big time dog lover here, but I wouldn't keep any dog around that did something like that. Wouldn't have wasted money on tests, etc. wonder if the dog was feeding off your husband's feelings or something? Dogs are esp-like with their masters. Dog was not properly socialized at all. That has to start when the dog's a puppy to avoid these things. Dog def would not have done it if he thought it would have displeased his master.
On separate matter, you sound a little like one who bends over backwards to be accommodating and susceptible to gaslighting. All this wondering about how to feel and getting the tests, etc. is not normal to my experience…getting furious and taking out the dog right away (not for a walk!) would have been what I'd expect if a dear cat was killed for any reason. Maybe give thought about all that! Rage in this case would have been perfectly normal and perfectly acceptable.
Ok so what about the birthday cake, how does that get in your house?
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You wrote in your original post that you BOTH want “something serious and log term/marriage” — do you think that is accurate, given the issue you have described?
There is nothing wrong with your boyfriend.
But you need to let go of the past.
You send her money at least every year, but you never met? Why foes she want to use this money to spend on tiktok instead of a flight to see you
Stop having sex with people who don’t make you feel safe. If you stop feeling safe with someone you’ve already had sex with stop having sex with that person.
Yes to foreplay but no to kissing?
It even sounds like she isn't under the impression that no one else would want her, like some abusers convince their partners. She's well aware she can get it elsewhere.
Just why?
Congratulations on being single man.
Would I be crazy to contact her again?
Yes, yes you would be. Even if you leave the whole crack thing at the side, she let a random homeless man who is addicted to crack into your home! Her being addicted to crack is the least shitty thing she did. And even just that is enough to dump someone forever, no questions asked.
Yes it is best to move on just by reading the title
She is telling you that she no longer wants contact, listen to her.
UpdateMe!
That depends on how you express yourself. Some examples:
“I hope you’re doing well” shows care and doesn’t elicit a response “Can you let me know how you are?” pressures her to give a response. It also makes it more about you than her. “Baby please send me a message I miss you” terrible — it’ll make her feel worse than she already is
Hope you get the idea
You pay rent and bills.
Maybe buy groceries, and get a car. Leave the keys on the kitchen table. But tickets for a cruise, somewhere tropical…2 tickets, but don't go. Leave THOSE on the table as well.
Clean the place up….its a mess. Make sure dinner is ALWAYS ready when they get home…..
The relationship is toast, enjoy the threesome! You can probably enjoy a FBW with her and have a ffm if you play your cards right.
Would you be okay if he met up with his ex?
Him meeting you does not change anything. You moved on and are married.
Going is inconsiderate and will disappoint your husband.
You need to find a therapist or a psychiatrist yourself. It is draining to be in a relationship with a person with mental issues – and I can say from experience – it is always good to get a bit of help. You tend to be very alone in these circumstances.
Remember as well – put yourself as a priority now and then – otherwise you are just codependent (read up on that as well!)!
Interesting problem a therapist can help him with. You’re not his therapist.
So many red flags. The least of which is wanting to rush past the getting to know you phase and NOT needing to rush for some reason.
I’ve learned to believe it when someone says they have a problem. Any reasons or justifications that follows is just smoke up your ass.
Run, don’t walk, do not pass GO, do not collect $200. GTFO and never look back. Oh and be prepared to be stalled afterwards with him trying each time to convince you to give him a chance.
Just say no.
At least we can agree on “wacky”.
That's an improvement.
You might want to ask your girlfriend why she is not thrilled about your “overuse” of the words “unstable” and “unpredictable”.
Have you told her parents how much you want to control her decisions?
That she has to have your “consent” for doing stuff?
That them getting a pet was “against your will”?
I'd love to see their faces, to be honest.
OP your post literally says you had an argument over calling her unstable. Own your issues!
But if all want it and the relationship is strong, it never leads to issues. A threesome, even if gone terribly bad, isn’t enough to kill a relationship.
The couple I knew who ended up having their third knocked up by the husband and the whirlwind of shit that came with that would disagree with you. My own sister, whose husband left her for their third, would disagree with you.
You are not an authority on all relationships, nor what would or would not affect them, or on what I have or have not seen.
I gave my opinion on it and information on the outcomes of all the ones I have personally heard of (which many of which I had heard of the intent before the actual act), as well as the disclaimer that this has only been what I have seen and that's that. If you want to give your own opinion, because that is all it would be because this is not a topic of fact, on it to the OP, then feel free to do so.
I don't think saying I have a crush is the same as saying I have feelings or I'm in love the guy. Or else everyone and their celebrity crushes, etc. are “emotional cheaters” too.
Also – this place is for advice, not tearing people down.
Tell your boyfriend how you feel. It should work itself out.
Your relationship is dead. The fact that marriage is no longer an option, you prefer to attend social events alone and she has not only not stopped communicating with this guy but took deliberate measures to hide this from you …what motivates you to continue living this lie? Shared property and mutual friends or family?
Starting over seems daunting but make the right choice. She clearly is living her life…what about you?
Walk away. You’ve got bigger problems than that dog. One should not date ppl who have children that are closer to your age than you are to your partner’s.
While I think addictions aren’t healthy, he’s not cheating on you. Being frustrated SUCKS, like yeah you had a baby which is great, but he is also human. Maybe he needs something you aren’t giving him or he’s picked up a habit out of frustration. He shouldn’t lie about it; he should say if he’s missing something in the relationship so he’s not back to using sex games to get off. You know about his kinks, are we keeping up his kinks and love for exhibition? Are we doing at least most of the sexual acts you were? Sounds like you both need to sit down and be 100% honest about where you are sexually and what that will look like moving forward with kids. Because he’s already backed up and making up for time and the disconnect will ruin you both if you continue to let the rift grow larger.
I agree with trishsf. She sent your photo to tell him to back off. She is committed. You have some issues that you need to address. Find a counselor.
RUN
It’s better than admitting he’s thinking about other women or porn right? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what he’s doing. Sometimes my mind will stray to things my husband and I have done in the past, but it’s still him I’m thinking about.
snooping being wrong doesn’t mean he also wasn’t being hateful about his wife. that’s well beyond venting. if you talk about your partner like that behind their back I feel terribly for them
You did the right thing.
I don't know if anybody else told you already but know this is Internet stranger is proud of you. If my daughter was in the same situation, I would want her to act exactly like you did (plus dump Mr My-shit-does-not-stink and his equally disgusting friends)
You were awesome!
What a bunch of assholes. Send your boyfriend this post so he knows exactly why you are breaking up with him. You were victimized in a situation where everyone would feel most vulnerable.
This
Now now. He can't do that. Then again I totally understand from where you're coming.