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Hazel, y.o.
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Date: December 17, 2022
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I actually have this issue, and I'm telling you now I've never elbowed or made a big deal out of it in public. I find a moment to quietly make my partner know, but usually it's picked up on and I don't have to say anything because I tense up and my demeaner changes but I'm conscious enough not to do anything bad.
Usually I'm able to figure out what it was and talk about it later.
She didn't bother doing any of that, and had no problems with making you look bad. Don't get back with her, she didn't show any remorse and it sounds like she's just abusive. Part of being abusive is making someone feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you.
You don’t trust her, even though (I’d argue) she has done nothing to make you distrust her. This is why the relationship broke down. You want to give it another try… yet one of your last sentences proved that you still have no trust in her. This will never work.
You need to spend some time working out your issues with jealousy before embarking on a relationship with anybody.
No, it's not. The relationship between a man and a woman (or between any genders) is between them only. The love they feel for each other and the health and status of their relationship is for them two to maintain and try to keep. That love might still sometimes disappear, which does not mean that they would stop loving their children in the same time, since that is a completely different relationship.
People grow apart to different persons than they were when they met. Sometimes one (or both) spouses grow so comfortable in a relationship that they stop appreciating it and do any effort. Some people think that their spouse needs to put up with all their toxic shit just because they are married.
I have seen healthy relationships break up because the people were tired and didn't try to fix the relationship anymore. I have seen people put up with violence in a relationship without breaking up. I have seen platonic friendships that spouses maintain just for as long as the kids live at home.
Relationships are complex and it is naiive to think that a relationship is functional just because you are married.
i mean, it's pretty crazy to have unprotected sex with a stranger during a one night stand and just hope that they're telling the truth about being on birth control (unless, of course, he used a condom and she got pregnant anyway.)
You are absolutely right in this one, I am controlling and insecure which is the reason for writing here because I don’t know how to cope with these emotions. Some people are going to say that I just have to accept it which is true but I really don’t know how. I feel like the feeling of being unworthy is not something that is just going to go away
If it happens then it happens, I cant stop it.
This is weird. Seems like he was looking for a reason. Besides, going through your phone and reading your texts was a much larger violation than making a joke about a celebrity. He didn’t just invade your privacy but your friends as well.
Still
All of that doesn’t change the fact that it sounds like YOU arent direct with her, though that’s what you say you prefer. Like, did you tell her you were upset she lied about turning down Ms advances, have you told her you don’t like how she talks shit about people behind their back, have you said you don’t like it when she one ups?
Why would you choose this?
You are only 23, if this relationship isn't working after 4 years, and 2 years living together, it's time to go your separate ways. It can't just be you constantly making all the changes, all the compromises, putting up with things you are not happy with, 'working on things'. What you have is not broken, it just is exactly what it is. You can't fix what's not broken, no matter how hard you try, or how long you try for.
It really is time to go your separate ways, because she isn't interested in sex, no matter what you do, it will be seen as coersing her into having sex. Just agree your needs in a relationship are being met, and amicably split.
True. I’m getting more and more mad as I read comments & I’m trying not to go off on him lmao
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This might sound a bit random.. been with my bf for 2 years …. He lost his hand cream yesterday after work on the underground train (neutrogena hand cream for context)… This morning (Saturday) .. he got on the train .. to the last stop (took him 20 mins there and 20 mins back) .. to ask if it had been handed in.
What do you think about this? We are arguing about it because I can’t comprehend why he would make a journey for a tiny bottle of cream which only has about a quarter of cream left???
It would be a pretty huge coincidence. I would stay wary.
Just report for spam and move on. The vagina spammer will not cease.
This is harsh but it’s time to accept that he’s just not that into you. At this point, you’re a placeholder because he’s still hung up on his ex and wants to be with her. I think he’s only suggesting a poly relationship so he can push you out of the equation without a guilty conscience. You deserve better. You deserve someone who is 100% interested in you—someone who respects you and values you. You deserve to be someone’s first choice.
You don't have to be fat to be diabetic. They're not all weight related. Also, kidney issues can have multiple causes. He really should see a doctor because if it is his kidney, the damage us permanent as kidneys don't regenerate.
You don't have to be fat to be diabetic. They're not all weight related. Also, kidney issues can have multiple causes. He really should see a doctor because if it is his kidney, the damage us permanent as kidneys don't regenerate.
Break up over text and send this post to him. He's absolutely a garbage human.
Break up over text and send this post to him. He's absolutely a garbage human.
Why are you confused?
Girl you’re crying about a guy you’re not even super serious about? Lmaoo
Choose the best college – in terms of course, program, prestige, what you family want, what you want etc etc. You’ll deeply regret it if you make that decision for a boy/girl. I am 30 and I barely remember my HS bf
Doesn't matter, you actively cheated on him after asking him to be exclusive JUST because he didn't call you his gf. Exclusive and gf aren't the same, but exclusive while having sex with others aren't even close to making sense.
He also chose to get back with you despite thinking he is allergic to you, and then continuing to blame you for his allergies. You also chose to take him back despite all the stuff he blamed on you. You both made bad decisions, he seems to be the one trying to let go.
Do you even know what moving on means ? Cus it doesn't seem like it.
Commenters get frustrated when they see situations like this, where someone first posts about a partner who's clearly terrible and there are many big red flags. So everyone does their best to comment and give the op advice and support, advising them that they should leave that partner and that they deserve better. But then, the OP either defends their shitty partner, or doesn't really take in the advice. They then end up posting more situations, still with the same shitty SO, but commenters are then frustrated and fed up with the op because they were already given the only advice appropriate (to leave), yet the op is still posting about more, often worse, situations, having not listened to the previous or new advice
There are many people who come to reddit to ask for advice who are in bad/abusive situations. So it's frustrating for comments to feel like they wasted their time trying to help someone who either rejects the advice or ignores it to defend their shitty SO, especially when there's so many more people out there who need that kind of help and advice who are open to listening and actually improving their situation
I'm not necessarily saying any of that applies to your case, but more explaining it so that you understand why people may be frustrated when they gave you advice to leave this shitty guy previously, but you're back here having seemingly not listened to that precious advice
Even if he is skinny but eating fast food and fried food for most meals, its a very good idea to start eating better. In a relationship, it is hard for one person to start eating better (ie, less processed foods and more salads and such) while the other person isn’t. I think he cares about you. I don't think that this is coming from a bad place OP.
Jfc. Which adult in your life taught you this was acceptable when you were a child? Someone destroyed your self respect/worth and it’s an absolute tragedy.
She’s not your girlfriend anymore. She chose her job over someone she’s only been dating a few months, which was very sensible of her.
So you have someone presumably well-off trying to make you fsll for him, by showering you with gifts and affection. While he refuses to get a clue that you are intimidated by him, and not interested, at least he respects your boundaries.
If you want him to leave you alobe telling him ypu have made out with someone else will definitely work (you can even exaggerate events).
If you want to get together with that gut, then I am not sure what to tell you, as you do nothing to make it happen in the first place.
OP, I'm so sorry you went through that. You survived, and have had the presence of mind to at least seek professional help. You're strong, OP.
That said, maybe you're judging your husband a little too harshly
I struggle with depression and anxiety already but after this, my symptoms exploded. I was super confused, irritable, dissociated, etc
So this is something you've been dealing with a very long time, therefore something he has been dealing with a long time too. It must have been confusing for him to see you in such pain after so many years and not understanding why. Your telling him the truth probably put a lot of pieces in place. Now he understands why.
I don't think he was trying to blame you. Perhaps he felt this was knowledge that would have helped him be more supportive to your healing. Because now he may be wondering if anything he has said or done in the last 15 years may have triggered you unknowingly. He's wondering if he has been unwittingly insensitive in the last decade. Yes, he could have responded better but he did just learn this very serious secret.
He may also feel that you didn't trust him, even after he devoted 15 years of himself of you.
I'm not justifying his reaction but you have had a lot of time to process this with your therapist. He only just found out his wife was hurt in such a cruel way and his emotions are probably all over the place. Have a talk to tell him how you felt about his reaction, and also let him tell you how he feels because all we can offer is conjecture