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Rin, 19 y.o.
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Date: December 3, 2022
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Contact the authorities and protect yourself.
I think that it absolutely violates an agreement y’all made, and therefore would technically constitute cheating.
Dude. Dude. Dude. I always wanted to be a dad too. Now I'm a single dad. It's rough. My son's worth it. Dear lord though I waited till I got graped into fatherhood, and still wonder. Bruh. Don't do it. Just ask a lawyer. They'll tell you.
YES. YOU ARE BEING GROOMED
It’s becoming clear this wasn’t any old parenting forum….
If the baby is yours this will be a lifelong connection you both have. I say this as someone that had a similar experience.
Relationships are work and if you want to be in your child’s life then there’s a few things you need to consider.
First, at least in my state, she would have sole custody of the child. You would be required to pay support for the child. In my state it is 20% of your net income.
For me it has been very rewarding to have my son. We ultimately married, and while we are having issues right now I hope to resolve them and keep my family together.
So advice from someone that made a lot of mistakes:
1) Learn to communicate. Talk about the things that bother you. Not about how your partner is doing things that bother you. Separate the act from the person. You like the person. You dislike the act.
2) Consider relationship classes together. Classes focus on enriching and building your relationship. Counseling focuses on addressing problems in your relationship. At least in my experience. Address problems but don’t dwell. Learn to build your relationship into something strong and you will weather a lot of problems.
3) Do not at any point for any reason no matter how upset you are ever ever ever threaten to end the relationship. Threatening breakups or divorce undermine the foundation of your family. I learned this the hardest way when I would do it to signal to my partner that I had been pushed too far and needed help. Threatening breakup or divorce is a purely destructive action that only damages trust, safety and security. These are all things that someone who is pregnant will need in abundance. They are moving into a very vulnerable time if their life.
5) Be patient. Take one day at a time. There will be a lot of tough days. It will seem aggravating and illogical and senseless and crazy sometimes. But the best time of my life started when my now-wife was pregnant. It was a great experience. It was scary. It was frustrating. It was wonderful. When you are upset, write it down. Get it out of your system. And then delete it. If you are still mad, sleep on it. If you are still mad, talk to someone else. When you are calmed down, talk your issues through then. Talk about the issue and not the problem. However many days it takes to calm down, take those days one at a time. Anger is a secondary emotion. It comes from something else. Fear or hurt or something else. Understand the real reason you are angry and talk about that. People respond way better to “I’m scared” or “I’m hurt” instead of “I’m angry”.
There are so many more pieces of advice I could give. None of them I followed and I am in a bad place as a result. My wife filed for divorce. I wish I could be back at the point you are at and do differently.
This can be a life long path you go down. An incredible path. But you have to learn that you are part of a bigger whole and that’s it’s not just how you feel about things.
If she isn’t ready, that’s fine. Don’t do anything that pushes her away. As hard as it might be, talk about other things. Ask about her experience. Be a safe place, someone she talks to. She will gravitate towards you if you are not a source of stress, chaos or conflict. And after time, you will figure the rest out.
Good luck
You gave notice, you were honest about your (and dad's) mistake, you have another job.. good riddance! Enjoy the trip!
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Damn, imagine being that worked up about a pointless high school sports guy award lol. If your boyfriend gets that mad over this, imagine what will happen when something bad actually happens, not him just feeling emasculated for not winning the sports guy award.
Don’t marry him. He doesn’t see the value in marriage and he clearly doesn’t want to- so don’t. Either be content in never marrying him or find someone who values marriage, like you do.
Yeah, I'm leftist and queer/trans, and OP's boyfriend just sounds so apathetic about everything. What, exactly, does he bring to the table? How much effort does he put in to their shared lives together?
For sure. There is likely a middle ground you can find here. I understand that she wants to be with someone who is ready to fully commit to her and not waste her time if this isn't going anywhere. That being said, you can likely find a way to show this without the rigid deadlines. Hope it works out for you both.
I think it's more that you two should agree that any SA is bad and you won't discuss rumours and he won't defend them because it's triggering and making you feel like he's okay with it when really he might just not like gossip or unproved information being stated as fact.
I would believe Tom Hanks is a wrong 'un because he's too squeaky clean, but I wouldn't go around talking about it because why would I?
Unless he behaves in a way that makes you feel unsafe, it's your responsibility to protect yourself from these feelings, specifically by not talking about it when you know it reminds you of your (horrible, and I'm sorry you experienced it) past.
I work with children and am more paranoid than most because of extensive child protection training and also experiencing a person I considered a mentor being arrested on child SA media charges – I absolutely hate “jokes” about it, I shut down any form of defending, but I don't bring it up.
You're understandably uncomfortable but you need to remember to rationalise the world outside of your experience.
Good luck! ?
No one’s stopping you from drinking. I’m sure she’s still going to be a part of all of those things although it might look a little different at first. If I were you I would be super supportive because it sounds like she’s put some thought to it and wants to better herself for both of you.
Also, it does sound like you guys drink a lot so maybe some of that will rub off on you and help you as well in your health. You only get one body , better take care of it. Just my opinion though you’re a grown man and can do what you please.
Thank you for taking your time and for your considerate response, can you maybe enlighten me on what I did wrong or what you called immature please ? Also we have each other passwords from the beginning of our relationship for a way to say « that I have nothing to hide from you » but we never actually check what’s inside, that’s still privacy.
Sober mom here. Was it becoming a problem for her? If so, huge props to her for quitting. Does she expect you to quit too ? You didn’t say that. I’m guessing you enjoy getting drunk. I don’t have a problem with that if it works for you. You need to have a very honest conversation. If it’s just a cocktail on special occasions that you want then I don’t think that’s giving up much. I think that this is going to be a problem in your relationship. It’s already got you questioning the relationship and it would be very wrong to encourage her to drink for your sake. Please respect that. This is probably where you choose between your big partying friends and your girlfriend.
Yep, that's my point, so did she
“Even a couple days younger is a turn off” ????
You need your partner to be born on the exact same day as you?
Ranting? You’re not ranting, you’re giving us answers to questions. Apologising for ranting is the insecurities he planted talking.
Keep the beard. I wouldn't put up with that. If my facial hair is a dealbreaker, then bye. Hopefully, it isn't cause that sucks…
Having a beard matters to me more than most.
In high school, i wasn't allowed facial hair because of JROTC grooming standards. At 18, i joined the Marine Corp, with no facial hair again. When i got out, i joined a volunteer fire department, again, no hair except a mustache. I finally stopped volunteering after 4 years. So i was nearly 27 when i could actually make a choice about my own body.
So now i have a beard. Could be better than it is, but it's mine and nobody else's. It's the one thing i can choose to have, or at any moment, get eid of through solely my own volition.
I agree with what everyone said but want to give other perspective.
At 24, my friend met her current husband. She moved in with him as he already had a house. He supported her through her nursing school. She bought groceries during that time. She finished school. They got married and had babies.
My point is – if this is a life partner – her schooling will benefit you eventually. Her husband knew this was his future wife and he accepted that. They have a fantastic marriage and two wonderful kids now. Both are very successful.
Just perspective.
Sorry what's your question? Seems like you did the right thing
i don't know. She told me shes happy with him and how he is helping her out of a toxic relationship. I was depressed and we HAD fights but we also had good times here and there and i now fixed pretty much everything so…idk.
Hey. Internet mom here. She won’t let you leave? You’re an adult. Just leave. It’s time to work on your mental health so that you can be happy. Cordial is not enough. You don’t love her. You will leave eventually because of that. The kind thing is to do it sooner rather than later.
OP is definitely making excuses
99.99% of open relationships never work out. There are very few people that reach a level of comfort with open relationships.
Poor thing. Don't you have MTV where you live
Enjoying it is not the same a consenting.
OP didn't get her consent first.
If you're waiting on your feelings to make you feel better about doing what should've already done a long time ago, then the best thing you can do right now is ignore your feelings.
Use your head; stop letting your heart dictate what you should do, when you know the healthiest, safest, only logical thing to do is leave.
Change sucks ass some times, I know, but you gotta go. It may never get easier, so long as you're with her, but once you get over then initial sadness, the loss of what was, soon the excitement & the hope of what could be will take over.
The possibilities for your future happiness are just on the other side of moving on from this cheating, lying, unfaithful parasite.
I get it, you've worked so hard to have good life of love with her, but she's no longer invested. Staying any longer will only weaken your resolve & drain you mentally & emotionally.
No doubt! There were women in the last thread trying to insist it was just harmless checking; and yet how harmless is it really when actions in response to photos show there is a clear and present stigma for the faces that wind up there. OP was asked who he pissed off, he also received phone calls calling him a womanizer or laughing at him. His neighbor jumped him about it, as did his co worker. That does not seem so harmless to me.
Yes. Break up.
First get away from him then break up and cut all ties if possible
Y'all out here with only 8-9 days? Lucky bastards.
endometriosis has entered the chat
You talk about “my mom this” and “my mom that,” but you never mention what your step-dad has to say. Have you actually talked to him about this situation? For all you know he’s got two left feet and is praying you dance with your bio dad. So talk to him, gently explain your feelings on the matter, and hear what he has to say
Beyond that…this is YOUR wedding. Not your mom’s wedding, YOUR wedding. Do YOU want to dance with your bio dad? Then dance with him! If you want to include your stepdad, dance with him, too! Who says you can only have one father-daughter dance? It’s YOUR wedding! Hell, you don’t have to limit yourself to dances, maybe you dance with your dad and sing your favorite song with your stepdad. The sky (well ok, your budget) is the limit here, do whatever is good for YOU!
If he wants an equal split, make sure you split everything equally.
A friend of mine has had some guy in the Netherlands send her money/buy her things for about 8 years now. She has had different long term relationships throughout those years and her partners have never been aware of 'Mr Netherlands'.
He has bought her her laptops, hair extensions, paid her phone contract, new Switch games, transfers money, you name it. They don't go overboard but if she ever asks or needs, he's there to help…
She sends him nudes, or at least she did years ago… I would assume she still does because he continues to finance her when she asks but idk. Maybe he just likes to help with no reward ??♀️.
Last thing I know of that he bought her was the Pokemon Scarlet game. So as you can see it isn't a constant thing and so doesn't arise suspicion in her partner.
Not saying OP's gf has someone like this but just wanna show in response to your suggestion that some people really DO have a 'sugar daddy'!! Even when they've never met before! ?
His only interactions in person or through text are sexually charged. His only texts are constant harassment of unwanted dick pictures or requesting nudes of her. He does not take no for an answer. Why on earth keep responding? That truly sends him a message she will keep engaging him.
That doesn't mean op has to stay in a bad relationship. He can support her as a friend. What if some guy was suicidal but he was making bad relationship choices? You'd advice the girl to leave him right? That's the case here as well.
And op's girlfriend has crossed far too many boundaries. It's hard to believe she called her ex to “talk”.
He got diagnosed by a fake therapist you mean. Because she's not a real therapist so any diagnosis she gives have no standing. This whole situation is a disaster and I feel bad that your children are going to suffer.
Tell him your landlord is threatening to evict you and needs him to be out by Sunday.
Well they will, and you'll have to lie. A 3some with two older men is the kinda thing no future bf will like. So know now that youll either have to lie about it in the future to every boyfriend, or that youll end up probably losing a boyfriend or two over it when you tell them the truth.
Just be aware of that so you cant feel like you didnt know beforehand or that it is unfair. Past relationships or sexual experiences are something that pretty commonly get talked about
He doesn't talk to her anymore but shared a hotel room with her?
OP, wake up. You know the answer, you know what happened. His responses alone prove your fears are correct.
Time to decide if you want to stay and enable this behaviour or end the relationship to move on to better things.