7 months isn't a long time to be in a new place, especially if this is your first big move. You could still be in a phase where you're adjusting to things. You mentioned hating your job and not having met a group of friends yet. If you fixed these things, could you see yourself being happy there? If not, would you be able to accept sacrificing your happiness to stay with your partner? If both those answers are 'no', perhaps it's better to end the relationship. You're still young and have so many opportunities to find happiness elsewhere.
she would see something on the news or on Tik Tok and immediately think it applied to our relationship, and believe me, that gets exhausting and it does not improve. If she is willing to entertain the idea that her BF she has known for 6 years could be some sort of closet abuser, and thinks a background check or therapy is going to say yep, abuser! then I don’t think she is mature enough to be in a relationship.
Toss in the hypocrisy that “Oh well it goes both ways, why haven't you gotten a background check done and entered therapy to prove to me you aren't the abuser?” would immediately result in a meltdown.
When I was in the dating phase of my life, I remember the last couple of years it creeped into dating profiles as a giant red flag with “I have ADHD and EVERYONE should be in therapy!” as a personality trait.
No, not everyone has ADHD because they saw a TikTok video about it, and no, not everyone “needs” to be in therapy 24/7 just because some fuckwit “influencers” they follow on Instagram told them so.
I think people can change their minds about what they want their lives to look like and their priorities may change over time. But the amount of effort you’re putting into the overall relationship seems quite disproportionate compared to her. Most people tend to plan on marriage being forever (I know this isn’t always the case, but often the goal). Forever is a long time to commit to someone who already makes you feel unimportant and undesirable.
Sex stuff aside, if you can’t see her changing to make you the most important person in her life, then she may not be wife material. You deserve to feel as special as you try to make her feel. Don’t settle. Wish you the best!
Sounds like she is cheating or is planning to.
Absolutely not. You can’t continue to live with this person. One of you has to go.
7 months isn't a long time to be in a new place, especially if this is your first big move. You could still be in a phase where you're adjusting to things. You mentioned hating your job and not having met a group of friends yet. If you fixed these things, could you see yourself being happy there? If not, would you be able to accept sacrificing your happiness to stay with your partner? If both those answers are 'no', perhaps it's better to end the relationship. You're still young and have so many opportunities to find happiness elsewhere.
she would see something on the news or on Tik Tok and immediately think it applied to our relationship, and believe me, that gets exhausting and it does not improve. If she is willing to entertain the idea that her BF she has known for 6 years could be some sort of closet abuser, and thinks a background check or therapy is going to say yep, abuser! then I don’t think she is mature enough to be in a relationship.
Toss in the hypocrisy that “Oh well it goes both ways, why haven't you gotten a background check done and entered therapy to prove to me you aren't the abuser?” would immediately result in a meltdown.
When I was in the dating phase of my life, I remember the last couple of years it creeped into dating profiles as a giant red flag with “I have ADHD and EVERYONE should be in therapy!” as a personality trait.
No, not everyone has ADHD because they saw a TikTok video about it, and no, not everyone “needs” to be in therapy 24/7 just because some fuckwit “influencers” they follow on Instagram told them so.
Yeah. He’s literally said he has started to view me as more of a companion as opposed to a lover
I think people can change their minds about what they want their lives to look like and their priorities may change over time. But the amount of effort you’re putting into the overall relationship seems quite disproportionate compared to her. Most people tend to plan on marriage being forever (I know this isn’t always the case, but often the goal). Forever is a long time to commit to someone who already makes you feel unimportant and undesirable.
Sex stuff aside, if you can’t see her changing to make you the most important person in her life, then she may not be wife material. You deserve to feel as special as you try to make her feel. Don’t settle. Wish you the best!
Your fiancé is concerned, but I agree with you he's being overly cautious. You won't be alone, and you've been to Tijuana before.