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LolaLee Public Chat Channel
Date: October 2, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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It is totally controlling. Safety reasons? Everyday just living one's life? In an exceptional circumstance, okay. But this is ridiculous and suffocating.
I am all for positive polyamory, but this isn't it. Even if he wanted a healthy poly lifestyle, that starts with honesty. He didn't cheat for 4 years because he respects and loves you. He cheated because he didn't care about your feelings at all. If you wanted to experience a poly relationship, I would still say that this is the worst way to begin. Poly relationships only work if there is mutual trust and respect among all parties. Your poly partner should not cheat on you. They should be upfront with any potential dates or partners, AND they should address any and all concerns you have about the individual and date.
Look, I'm poly, my spouse is monogamous. We have a monogamous relationship because that works for us. I didn't realize I was poly until well into our marriage. My ability to have attractions and genuine intimacy with multiple individuals at once does not mean that I have to seek out another partner. It would make my husband uncomfortable and he has no real interest in having a 3some with another woman. I don't feel like I'm missing anything in my relationship with my hubs due to remaining monogamous.
Your husband isn't asking you, he gave you an ultimatum. He doesn't respect you. How can he love you if he doesn't respect you enough to be honest? You deserve better whether you are in a monogamous or polygamous relationship.
Assuming you and she are monogamous, I see very little room for compromise. What would make you happier sexually would require too great a sacrifice on her part, and vice versa. IMO you'd be better off breaking up. Both of you are far more likely to be happy with a partner who aligns with your own sexual identity, and far more unhappy if you try to stick it out with each other in a loving but celibate or nearly-celibate relationship. The two of you are incompatible at a very basic level.
I thought the same and that's how the post reads
I won't validate one-sided personal attacks against me and I don't want to listen to them.
What does she say exactly? As this could be you avoiding discussing real problems and stonewalling her. Or it could be her venting frustrations in a destructive manner.
OP, you need to separate two things: – How your bf feels (he can’t control this) – How your bf behaves (he can absolutely control what he does with his hands and what comes out of his mouth).
The way he’s treating you is just abominable. Ask yourself: what would you do if your friend, sister, or daughter came to you and told you this was how their bf was treating them?
Now that's such a sociopathic thing to do
Being the best partner you can be means wanting the best for each of you. That means being open to the possibility that you stop seeing each other at least romantically and let each other explore life separately. That’s particularly the case at your stage of life, being so young and not having made a lifelong commitment. It’s different when you have established yourselves and have committed to each other. But even then there’s a difference between working on the relationship vs letting go if you’ve just become incompatible and are meant to separate.
It's VERY common.
please tell your favorite teacher what happened :((( im so sorry, this is so wrong. kids can be so cruel.
If you don’t tell her how you feel it’ll keep happening. You don’t want to hurt her feelings but she hurt yours, right?
Pick your moment and tell her the truth, kindly.
If she’s the one, she’ll take it on board and try harder next time.
You can give her some helpful tips/hints if she’s open to it.
If she’s not, reevaluate the relationship.
It’s about basic thoughtfulness. And willingness to grow and learn.
Makes sense. Thanks for your help.
Thank you, but I didn’t mean it literally. I know how to block, I just don’t know how I can manage to get myself there to do it.
I’d say unlikely. Sometimes having sex at the time you’re expecting to start your period can delay it. But- please stop having unprotected sex. Do not bring a baby into the world unless you’re ready to take on that responsibility. Be a man and do what is right for your GF! Take her to the doctor or clinic and get her on birth control before you have sex again.
Do not move past this, break up and save yourself and your kid! That's abusive and aggressive behaviour and it won't get better with time.
It’s legal… nothing was against the law. Sounds like your just single and lonely. Don’t be jealous!
You do nothing in terms of their relationship. They are adults and should have sorted their feelings out before you.
Yeah this shit pisses me off. A pedophile is someone who likes prepubescent kids. Someone who is fucking 20 might be dumb but they've, ya know, gone through PUBERTY and graduated (allegedly) high school and shit. I am all for shaming those who go after jailbait but let's use the correct words. Labeling someone as a pedo is a nuclear bomb strike compared to giving a friend shit for dating an ADULT who is younger than them.
Let's normalize pedophile meaning what it MEANS. There's a special place in hell for those people, folks dating younger folks who are adults do not apply.
Buddy, and I can’t stress this enough, live together so you can tell if you have a partner or a toddler. The biggest reason I have seen for women ending marriages is that they married a selfish person that buys their free time by making their wife take in the tasks of sharing space. They use weaponized incompetence, they push off chores and say they will do them later, they avoid chores.
Live with him, if you marry him and he does this you may be able to pretend it’s not a problem but I’m telling you you will grow to resent him so much and then you’ll end up a divorced single Mom because it will be all that’s left.
Live with him and make sure he is worthy of your time and attention, if not dump him and find an adult.
It sound like he worded himself badly but I do think it's odd that you sent him old Nudes from before you knew him. And unless he pretended to like these why would you keep sending them?
She needs to get some counseling. I suspect it's really not about you, or losing trust in you but more projecting as you are a continent target to place angry and hurt about something terrible that happened to both of you.
Uh, you don't have to discuss taking someone else to “mask” something if there isn't something to mask. He's clearly into her and I'd just toss him to the curb.
I was thinking of calling him “Diapers” from now on.
This is abuse pure and simple. You need to do your research. Because I suspect you just think he’s damaged and can change him / heal him etc etc. IT WILL NOT HAPPEN. And he’s literally stealing your college experience from you.
Unfortunately you made the decision to throw food money away after bad. You knew he hadn't paid you back and had very little means to do so yet you lent him another large sum. I'm afraid you are just never going to be paid back, he is 'living his dream' at the expense of others.
Stop lending him money. He will definitely ask again because you've been such a soft touch.
I was broken pretty bad this exact time frame last year. It took a while and I was definitely looking for help anywhere, even this sub. And a lot of dark places crossed my mind. But if you hang on tight and fight through the roughness life throws at you, things can get better. and its really worth it to make it on that other side. Its a side thats almost impossible to visualize in the moment but its there. Its ok to be broken right now. But trust in yourself. Nothing feels better than finally making it up that hill.
It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation, and there are a lot of factors at play here. It is important to take some time to really think about what you want and what is best for you and your children. It is also important to consider the legal implications of the situation. First and foremost, any physical altercation or threat of violence is not acceptable and should never happen again. Spitting on someone is considered an act of simple assault. Threatening physical violence as you did was an act of violetn threat. You were right to move out temporarily and to get legal representation but don't underestimate your own role in what happened. Going forward, it is important to avoid any situations that could be misinterpreted or escalate into violence. It is also important to address the underlying issues in your relationship with your wife and her daughter. It sounds like there is a lot of resentment and tension between all parties involved, and this is likely contributing to the current situation. Adults resenting children for the problems in their relationship is problematic and it sounds like both you and your wife are guilty. No matter what they do, the children cannot be held to blame, as the adults in the relationship and the ones responsible for all the choices (neither child decided they wanted this relationship) you are the ones in the wrong here. Stop trying to blame your teenage stepdaughter…that's just not right. If you do decide to try to work things out with your wife, it is important to seek professional help, such as counseling or therapy, to work through these issues and find a way to move forward. This may also involve setting boundaries and finding ways to co-parent effectively with your respective children. However, if you feel that the situation is too damaged to repair or that you are not safe in the relationship, it may be necessary to consider divorce. This is a difficult decision, and it is important to seek legal advice to understand your options and protect your rights. Ultimately, the decision of whether to stay in the marriage or pursue divorce is yours and yours alone. It is important to consider your own well-being and the well-being of your children in making this decision. It may also be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or professional counselor for support and guidance.
Honestly, yes. That is a little bit of the case as well.
Sort of depends what the big thing is that's happening that's taking up all her time
Doesn't sound like much of a relationship if you guys barely talk or see each other.
I might be wrong but I'm pretty sure the airtag says who it belongs to if you “scan” it with the appropriate android app or if it alerts you in the apple app.
This can’t be real. Shitpost right ?
Bruh, does the reason why even matters?? She's there for ur boyfriend? That is such toxic friendship, that's awful, why are u defending her?? Get her away form ur boyfriend, call her out. Your boyfriend has to be more firm and put boundries on her naggy behaviour, she is such a fucking weirdo, you just don do that kinda thing!
That's not normal and if something also happens because u didn't do anything about it don't come crying cuz it will be ur fault ?
there are moisturising body washes which do not have the sticky feeling, you just use it in place of normal soap while showering
I do like her, whether she likes me is something she could only answer.
Sure about going radio silent, but I was literally about to get off the couch. There wasn't even much of a conversation going, just stuff about the next day. It was a non-sequitur just like “what's next” was a minute prior to that. Another responder agreed that there was more weight to it, but that's your viewpoint.
And ya maybe she is weighing her options. So in that case I should let the silent treatment run out until she decides what she wants to do about us.
You are way overthinking this. It's just that your gfs are toxic complainers and they're not close enough to you for you to worry about this issue?
You are not wrong.
She showed you how shallow she was, and still is with her comment.
Yes she can’t change how she feels, and if she truly did loose her attraction to you over it, then it is a correct feeling, but how she went about it, especially the gaslighting is where the shallowness comes in.
She wasn’t working out, she had changed as well, and rather than say hey were not as active and fit as we were, how about we do something together, she went cold. You had to sit her down to get her to actually tell you what was wrong. Then she tries to tell you it didn’t happen, that she meant something else etc. – this is the shallowness as she knew as soon as it came out of her mouth that she had hurt you, and rather than apologise for the hurt, she tried to sweep it away.
You need to sit her down and talk.
Tell her how you felt (again), tell her that while things have improved, that you still hurt because of what she said, that she didn’t apologise for the hurt she caused, and that you are worried that her shallow nature is not a blip caused by the situation at the time, but might be apart of her and that sometime in the future she’s going to “not be attracted” to you again, leaving you doubting the relationship, her love for you and what the future holds.
Exactly, you could kind of get on board with the idea of just not being someone’s cup of tea early on and then falling for them makes you see them as beautiful…but I don’t get what’s going on here at all. Especially because well, people know what they look like, don’t they? If she had no idea he might think this then she can hardly be an ogre.
But why should OP have the right to decide what her fiancé, her aunt and uncle talk about? Why do intense conversations have to be stopped?
Also side comment, therapy absolutely does work if the patient actually wants to make a change. It’s only when they’re resistant that it struggles to help.
Thanks, appreciate the insight
Thank you for the insight
You’ve just now had a baby but you say he repeatedly votes for people who don’t stand for Women’s rights… I just want to know what you expected when you married a Trump supporter? It’s not like conservatives haven’t been fully mask off for the last decade, you just thought it wasn’t going to effect you?
You need to trust yourself. He has shown he is not interested in a friendship, and is pushing you. Stop answering msgs. Avoid catching up. Try and make some other friends.
Guurrll…this man is using you and you should break up with him. If there was any hope it would be if he was trying to better himself and move forward, but he’s not doing that. Any further hope you might have should have flown right out of the window once he called you a selfish b**** and told you to kill yourself.
Trust your gut which is telling you things aren’t right and DTMFA.
If my partner spat in my face purposefully I'd tell them to get the fck out of my house and take their crap with them. We'd be done instantly.
Not comparable, but tell his parents why you broke up ?
Most jurisdiction would have an exemption for marital division for him having acquired the house before marriage, and or it being an inheritance to which you did not contribute.
I think a lot of responses here are because you want to get hundreds of thousands of dollars, maybe millions (you say its a really nice neighbourhood) in equity for essentially doing nothing. Honestly I dont think you should get this for just getting married.
At the same time he shouldn't go on your townhouse either, and maybe the best bet is to build / buy something new together where you are equal partners on.
You sound like a real prize.
He doesn’t need a girlfriend he needs to go and live with his mummy.
Why are you even contemplating this?
Tell him to grow up and find yourself an adult to date not this needy child.
My heart breaks for you because I've been in a similar situation before. I can tell you are in intelligent woman but love can make us blind. It is obvious he is having an affair and doesn't care at all about the promises he made to you.
Leave him and let him lie in his bed with Miss Homewrecker. Life is too short to sit there refreshing someone's location questioning your own worth. I'm also 32 F and my inbox is open should you wanna chat.
My unsolicited advice is to get an STD test in case and then talk to a lawyer and serve him divorce papers. Surprise him more than he surprised you!
Move in so a year down the line we can get an inevitable update on things going sour. Pls. I need it.
I was upset with him that he didn’t keep his boundary
It was your boundary though. It sounds like he just agreed to appease you. Every step of this was you suggesting what he was doing was wrong and him just agreeing even though he clearly didn’t think so. This requires a more in-depth conversation where you give him the space to be honest with you and you communicate your thoughts without telling him all the things he’s doing wrong. Explain to him alternatives to help T instead of talking about how he’s not helping. All this negativity is causing a rift in your relationship and I think you’re both just approaching this from entirely the wrong angle.