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LotysB, 22 y.o.
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Date: November 6, 2022
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He isn’t really cooperating it went from that to him saying it’s no reason to get one i won’t be around anyway
And add extramarital sexual relationships to reason for divorce
Your comment has been removed and you are banned from /r/relationshipadvice because you are brigading from /r/bestofredditorupdates. BORU and Reddit itself have rules against brigading, and commenting on posts linked on a different sub counts as brigading. Additionally, since BORU has a 7-day period before updates can be posted, the OOP has already received any advice relevant to their situation.
You don’t get past this. You’ve only been with him for one month & he’s already doing this? Nope, save yourself the heartache
Like the other person who commented said, it sounds like youre pressuring her into sex which sounds rapey as fuck. No wonder shes not wanting to have that much sex with you, you make it sound like thats all you care about. You could either leave her and find someone else or figure out a solution to her low sex drive. Asking her constantly for pics and sex is probably the least of her worries especially if shes tired from uni (it dies get tiring). Just have an open and honest talk where you can both make choices on what to do about it.
omg..really… u didnt man up..every guy watch those…everyone have their memories and other cant oppose them…live your life …why are you torturing yourself…if she doesnt love you for you..run ..run far as fast you can…dont let her telling your life story …no love is worth that.
Dell'Abate*
just correcting you haha.
Ok… long marriage… it starts with a heart to heart not while he’s drinking.. before that..
I’ve noticed when your drinking this xyz happens and it frightens me. I love you with my whole heart and I just notice how much it affects you negatively. Then talk about what you could be doing together without the booze. That you want to set a new chapter..
It’s a hard one to give up, but putting in a change should have some motivation for him. One thing I’m trying to get you out of is the naggy wife and more in to the let’s do something cool and special the next ten years
A few downvoted comments in a thread full of people telling him he doesn't have to do this means 'reddit' thinks everyone needs to be OK with it?
Well that's one load off, at least you don't have the guilt of being the other woman.
Worst case scenario, he says he wants nothing to do with little one, and you continue as you are now.
Best case scenario, your kid gets another person who loves them (as well as a half-sibling and a Stepmom), and if he pays child support, you get some extra money to help with the not-inconsiderable cost of raising a child.
Imagine the guilt you'll feel when your kid starts asking questions later in life and you either lie to them or say “I know exactly who he is, but I never gave him the chance to know you because I hid you like a dirty secret”.
I imagine it's very anxiety inducing, but you're a mom, and you can do this! For your baby. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope the end result is positive x
It’s not a child’s job to fix their relationship with their parents. It’s on the parents to do some reflection and figure out how why their children have cut them out. If your children go no contact with you, it’s because you’re the issue. Deflection is not going to miraculously make it not your fault. Your children are acting the way they are because of you. And if you can’t figure out why you’re the issue – go to a professional and let them tell you.
do not drop it
Ive had only 3 gfs. 2 of them enjoyed anal when prepped for it completely(of course). Do your research. Find out how to put yourself in the best position to enjoy it physically and mentally. I didn't know i was into “butt stuff” until I proceeded to nut in the girls ass whos the one who like showed how to do it.
And good lord it felt so fucking good. Hand over my mouth typer orgasm cuz i was so loud when i was “finishing ” sorry for the graphic description judt saying. I didnt know i was going to like it. But idk it was so tight and felt so good lol
Leave your phone at home when you go out. Get a second phone. Or just stop location sharing. This is your Mom's problem, not yours.
If.
So what did he do? End a friendship (which could've been since childhood) for sleeping with someone who should have zero bearing on your life anymore?
And some of y'all wonder why you end up with no friends.
adderal is amphetamine so based on my experience with amphetamine i'd say its plausible
Puppies on sale? Where did you buy the dog from?… Sounds like a horrible place tbh… So you knew she didnt do any of the thinking before getting the dog, why did you buy it in the first place? I mean I get it, your wife wanted the dog and all, but IMO she isnt the only problematic person here. If i knew my SO wouldnt do shit around an animal, i wouldnt buy them that animal as a gift (also, its horrible to buy animals as gifts and i thought grown up people knew better than this already…).
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
I will be 32 in a few months and 20 year olds are babies to me
As a woman who dates mostly young guys (not intentionally), I would say that is weird and a serious red flag for me. It is different when the people you meet and click with turn to be couple years younger, but I can't imagine setting my settings intentionally looking for partners who are minimum 7 years younger. That's just predatory
You stop taking his money…
So do you just hold on to the money or do you spend it? If you have his banking info you could just transfer it to his account? Tbh, you both sound in over your heads and it's probably best to end this.. service(?) you've been offering.
I mean based on what she said why did she never go to the police. Revenge porn is illegal and from the sounds of it she has proof of it happening to others.
Get her to file a restraining order on the guy then break things off with her to leave them both with a headache.
Her value as a person doesn’t but her value as a partner does
Her value as a person doesn’t but her value as a partner does
Her value as a person doesn’t but her value as a partner does
Many “good men” feel it is the wife’s duty to provide sex, and she doesn’t need pleasure
Then that isn't a good man. A good man wants his woman to be happy and satisfied in all realms of the relationship. He should want to provide that to the best of his ability.
If he doesn't want to, after the woman has communicated, then he is not a good man for her.
a woman in her 60s? Hell, she was probably taught that women shouldn’t be sexual until she was married and ready for kids.
In the same drunken night she told me about orgies she attended and how another woman went down on her. While she was married. I don't remember if she said her husband knew or not though.
That’s what I thought too.
Block him. He knows how much he hurt you. Don’t give him another second of your time. Don’t waste any time on him at all. He just wants to mess with you, get narcissistic supply from you. The only way to win with toxic people is not to play their game.
You can tell him how much he hurt you by blocking him without replying, then getting revenge by living well, which apparently he knows because he snooped on you.
Thank you! I were able to read a part of those comments. They disappeared by some reasons ? It is a shame I am not able to read the rest of those comments. Btw, I appreciate your opinion. Thank you!
This needs to be the top freaking comment. You broke it down perfectly!!!
This needs to be the top freaking comment. You broke it down perfectly!!!
This needs to be the top freaking comment. You broke it down perfectly!!!
I think you may be the exception. I am expected to do all kinds of things “because I am the man”. Most of those things I am fine with……just not this one.
You’ve known/dates this guy for 3 months and you’re not even exclusive.. don’t share.
You don't trust him again. It's that simple. Since he's threatening to leave, he's doing you a favor. Let him leave.
If you forgive him, you are giving him a permission slip to cheat. He got away with it last time, so will be sure he will get away with it next time.
Ask him: what if while we are gone, the family he is staying with has a family emergency? Who will be there to get ur child? Also, this is literally her first sleepover, she could decide part way through that she wants to go home, that has happened even with cousins in my family. U don't know what will happen or if ur child will be ok. What if the parents begin to argue in front of ur kid and makes her uncomfortable (or any other million and one things that could go on at a strangers house) and she calls u to take her home, but u are states away. U are correct, it is unsafe. U said u are her parent, I'm assuming u legally adopted her? She is ur child in that case. And ur partner should not treat u that way, it almost sounds like he is trying to make a point to u that ur voice does not matter. That is pretty harsh. I hope u do stand ur ground, or if she goes, u stay home and tell ur husband he can go without u because someone needs to stay incase something goes wrong or ur daughter just wants to come home.
Yep. Choosing the guy also includes his family. And if his family treats you this bad then it's not worth staying with the guy.
I dunno man but I’d be really grossed out if I knew a friend that was trying to get with me posted “across many communities and groups” for advice on how to manipulate me into thinking they’re the kind of person I like
Cheat on her then see if she still feels the same /s
OK then when you move, but if you don’t do it, she’s going to be following you around forever. Or at least for a long time.
I am so glad to hear that you have a brother to support you in this. It is never an easy decision to distance yourself from family, but I am glad you decided to do so because I do think it’s the right one for your mental well-being.
I hope your sister accepts help to leave someday and comes to terms with the truth of everything that’s happened, but I think you’ve done all you can for now. You can take solace in that.
Paragraphs are you friend.
From what I could glean from your wall of text, he'd rather make you the bad guy than be the bad guy.
Put thr whole mess behind you and next time, if someone crosses your boundaries leave them the first time.
Or one of you is infertile. You just never know
Her own damn fault for going to a place she can’t afford and offering to pay with money she doesn’t have.
You don’t say whether or not she intended to pay you back, which matters, but less than how she’s handled it.
Melting down and getting angry at you and being pissy for an entire week is not the mature way to handle this. It’s also strange that she’s making financial promises to others that you have to back up. And it’s suspicious that four other people ponied up $1000 for the engagement party outside of dinner and drinks.
I’ve been caught out before but my approach was different — before a joint trip I had credit card fraud, new card was in the mail, went to my bank to get a card expedited, told my partner I would make them 100% whole for covering me and I came hat-in-hand, not high and mighty.
So, I would:
Nail down the facts — did she intend to pay you back, what was going on with the engagement party that guests had to contribute $1000 each, etc.
Reestablish your boundaries— you’re not an ATM, it’s not appropriate for her to demand money out of nowhere, she should give you the same respect she expects you to give her, she should communicate instead of being surly for week(s).
Chart out common ground rules and future intentions. Is she running with a crowd she can’t afford? If so, how does she plan to handle future shortfalls? Will your finances be combined or separate? How will she budget for luxury dinners? She can say it was a one time thing and having such a serious conversation is silly, but it sounds like it’s past time to have the money talk.
I was hoping after 6 months he might’ve caught feelings. When he drinks he always turns up at my door because he wants to see me and he always saying he cares about me when he’s drunk. But because he’s been drinking idk how to take it.
Yeah, you suck and I hope she had the strength to never talk to you again; I hope your other kids realize what a monster you are and also go no contact at 18.
As a man, I did this once when a cute girl at the dry cleaning place I used gave me her number along with my clothes I was picking up. In my case, I think I was just caught off guard because I wasn't used to this sort of thing happening to me – I was simultaneously flattered and embarrassed (why??) and just generally stupefied. I'm not even sure what I said, to be honest, but I left there with her number. I have asked myself a number of times over the years why I didn't just tell her I was in a relationship – mostly because I think it would've felt less like a rejection to her when I never called.
I'm sure your fiancé and most women in general get a lot more practice at this kind of thing, so this isn't necessarily a great analogue. Then again, I can definitely understand why it might just be easier to take the number and move on. It's not like he asked for her number and she gave it to him – I feel like that would be a lot worse.
If you work together, ideally never. But if you are willing to risk your job to date this person you'd actually date them in a way that both of you recognize as dating. Then after a few months of that you might ask them if they want to be monogamous and label the relationship.
It is usually not a great idea to reconnect but this could be an exception.
Ironically, my first “big love” gf tried to reconnect over the years and I declined until a week ago. Its been 33 years since I saw her in person and it was magic. I don't know if it is psychological imprinting in youth but we align so well and picked up where we left off. That relationship lay the framework for all our other relationships, and archetypes of partners. So if I could go back, I would.
Just because you have a rape fantasy doesn't mean you deserve to be raped. Just because you didn't struggle doesn't make it not rape. You were exhausted and you didn't get a say whether he stopped or not, and he wasn't stopping. You were definitely being raped. I'm sorry he did this to you. Rape can feel good physically, but that doesn't make it not rape either. If he remembers what happened he should be apologizing a lot not acting normal. Hell, even if he thought at the time it wasn't rape, he should be checking in on you now that he's clearheaded.
MOST people shouldn't be parents. I don't care if it makes me unpopular. I'm all for eugenics. We need quality people at this point, not quantity. We have more than enough “in the way” people in the world.
Yeah just tell him the truth. Truth doesn't need to be cruel. Sometimes people need to be told directly for their own good in these cases. It will help him in the future. However it seems like there were romantic vibes on both sides which will make plutonic friendship difficult. It's hard to just turn that off and pretend like you're not attracted to someone. Plus it can set up a friend zone dynamic and that's not emotionally fair to any party involved. Either way, be honest.
I’m sure this has been said in the comments already but I don’t have time to read through them all right now.
My guess is she is uncomfortable with her weight and doesn’t want to do anything about it. You doing something about yours makes her feel like a failure perhaps. My husband lost weight one on a 30 day diet, gained it back, did it again, gained it back etc. Zero self control around food and refuses to change eating habits or eat healthier. When I gained weight due to health issues it drove me nuts. I’ve always been a ‘smaller/petite’ person except for during pregnancy. Gaining 30# when I was already 10-15 overweight bothered me as my clothes didn’t fit, I felt sluggish and my joints hurt. Keep in mind I’m barely over 5’ and the total amount of pounds overweight was about 25% of my total weight. When I stuck to my diet it bothered my husband. A LOT. I didn’t want to eat out as much and when we did I would only eat half of meal and save the rest for another day. I would skip pasta and have fresh veggies. I would skip donuts and have a lower calorie breakfast bar.
It was an inconvenience for him. He also thought that it took too much of my time to meal plan, meal prep, work out, count and log my food and calories etc. It didn’t take away from my time with him much as I did most of those things when he was working or busy. So it took maybe 10 minutes before meals to weigh and log everything.
Later he said it wasn’t just those things but it reminded him that I could be so structured for an entire year while he struggled for a month. (During his month diet -twice- he gave me a calorie limit and I made his meals to fit his dietary needs so all he had to do was eat them and follow the snacking rules of the diet. He rarely prepped or made his own dinners but would use the prepackaged diet food for convenience.)
Maybe your gf shares some of the same feelings my DH did? I know it hurts to hear the things she’s saying to you. I was told I couldn’t stick with it, it wouldn’t work, I was meant to be heavier etc so I get it. It helped me when I decided to prove him and others wrong. I COULD do it and so can YOU! It’s worked before. You may have to change your eating habits long term to avoid putting the weight back on however. Or start a workout routine that works with your schedule and abilities. That 26 min walk is a great start! (Allow a bit extra time so if you get winded the first few times since you aren’t used to that walk yet) You could start daily walks together, lifting weights, using a stair stepper or maybe find a physical activity you enjoy like biking, a sport, or even playing catch or frisbee can help.
Try to include her if she’s willing. Maybe expressing that you’d like her support and help in this area would help with her attitude. Please don’t take it to heart right now though. I think underneath it Al she’s scared of the changes you’ll be making and doesn’t want to admit she needs to make some healthier choices as well.
Oh and the weigh ins part… that is for accountability. Yes it does make you feel bad if you don’t meet your goals or have a gain, but it’s there to help motivate and to help you see the progress you are making or show that you need to do a little more work.
I’ve considered jointing a group just for that motivation. However our gyms offer prizes and competitions based on total pounds lost. Since I am technically in a good weight range I don’t qualify. I could ask to join and see if a team would accept me but my ideal weight is only 6-16# lower than what I am now. Considering my age and health I doubt I could lose more than 6# and still meet my dietary needs. Plus let’s be honest. I love my candy bars and snacks. It gives me great pleasure to reward myself for a good diet week by having a candy bar or chips and dip. Nothing crazy and I make sure to fit it in my calorie bank for the week or month. It’s the pizza that’s a killer for me. I splurged twice this week when I had no choice but to eat while away from home. I needed fast and easy and pizza was close. I still need to work on those cravings and plan better so I have better snacks or a sandwich to get me through until I can get home.
I would never ask my wife to let me analyze how she spends her money
I want to type this long response addressing your issues, but just like the relationship, it's not worth it.