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Date: November 5, 2022
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Just tell him not to come visit you, and that you've decided to break up with him. Then block him on all channels, and move on
Just because you made an ultimatum does not mean you cannot renegotiate it. Be honest with him about the things you've posted and admit that it may “sound” ridiculous that you fear going home, it is simply the way you feel and you want his help in getting past that but it requires effort on his part, not just yours.
Acting out and punching walls, etc., is immature. Yelling shows a lack of emotional intelligence. Y'all need some better communication skills and personal development. If he doesn't like the idea of a 1:1 therapist consider a couples “workshop” kind of thing.
You have options – work together to save your marriage – you can't put it on him to “stop being this way” or him on you to “get over it.”
Remember, you're on the same team.
You can be genuinely annoyed about this because I know I would be too. You should talk to him about how this makes you feel and tell him that every woman is different and have many ways of doing things especially with common issues (periods and catcalling). I'm not always feminine but I don't get prosecuted for it either. He needs to know that he's a man and he won't always understand why women do what we do. My man asks questions to learn my perspective and get insight on women because he doesn't understand everything, instead of telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing, he needs to ask rather than coming off like he knows everything pertaining to us.
Dude, she's already had another partner. At 28 and shes going off the deep end. She's too immature and, as much as I hate to say it, at those parties lots of people dont do it safely and even wanting to get her back is something you shouldnt even consider. You could be risking your health.
Move on, she has. Find a decent someone to be with. She wasnt ever who you thought she was.
I feel like she has a right to be shocked but for her to leave you when she should be supporting you because you are going through the same exact thing. You did not know either she should be supporting you and if she loved you and understood that then she wouldn’t even be considering leaving. Yes I understand, it is a shock, but you’re going through the same exact thing, if not even more.
This sounds more like indoctrination than racism. Of she only lived there for 5 years, that implies she has been taught this for at least 10 years and most likely by both her parents, and her school. I would suggest talking to her about this, and explain to her that these views can get her in trouble with people. Next to that a decent approach imo is to reflect it. “Chinese are the smartest? OK, and what was your test score at xx again?” or just explain that people are treated for their personal accomplishments instead of what someone else from their country has achieved.
It’s her friend tho? And she isn’t exactly naked in the photos
Closure from someone who ghosts you is a waste of time
He's allowed to break up with you if he doesn't want to be with you. He doesn't want to be with you. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't like you? You're 20, far too young to be worrying about people like him.
Holy fuck. EVERYTHING you’ve said here is a blood red flag.
Could fraud include someone who claims to be the next up and coming post but then can't even win against an amateur singer/songwriter at their own wedding??
While I understand that it has worked out for a lot of couples, why anyone would want to marry someone they haven’t even lived with yet baffles me. I definitely understand you’ve spent plenty of time with each other in each others homes but don’t you want to know if you’re even compatible roommates first??
Before marriage, or even engagement, you need to know where you stand on a plethora of things, including but not limited to;
WHEN you see yourselves getting married (and if you both have different ideas on the when, then how much are either of you willing to compromise)
Children (if yes, how many. Do you have similar views on important things like discipline, schooling, religion, how involved each of your families will be, childcare, etc.)
Your finances (how will you split bills and how your finances will look as a unit)
Home owning (do you both want the same things from a home, do you agree on where you would want to live, etc)
Where you stand on advancing your careers and how that will fit into your relationship.
Have you had these talks in depth? If so and she is knowingly pushing you towards marriage before your ready, then do you think it’s in your best interests to compromise that?
It sounds like you don’t want to to get engaged yet OP and no one should get engaged unless both parties are as enthusiastic and as happy as the other to do so. Speak to your partner and express your concerns. If she loves you then she will listen to you and you will be able to have an open and honest conversation with her regarding your future.
Just because you don’t want to get engaged yet doesn’t mean you don’t love her, and doesn’t mean it hasn’t been something you have thought about and want to in the future. You aren’t going anywhere. Just explain that to her and go from there. Engagement/ marriage shouldn’t be something anyone just jumps into. It needs to have been well thought out and discussed beforehand, it’s a partnership for life and too many people make those vows too hastily.
So you tried to ghost her? Generally not the nicest way of breaking things off, especially for someone who has been very kind and you just don’t feel a spark with. Wouldn’t it be easier to just say “hey you’re truly lovely, I just don’t want to continue or move forward at all, I have deleted everything” so she knows where you stand?
He raped you, and he’s manipulating you by making himself the victim “oh poor me, I should runaway where I can’t hurt anyone”. Fuck that noise.
No, being pushy for sex is never ok. It’s one thing to try and instigate, or try to woo someone. It’s quite another to be persistent and pushy (that’s called “coercion”, when it becomes easier to just say yes than to continue to say no and deal with their emotional manipulations).
Don’t save the relationship, save yourself, from being a selfish sex pest rapist.
Before. Definitely before.
Do not lie.
Sorry you are only thinking about yourself and not your son .you don’t deserve him as well
Only a matter of time until he hates you too, and when he does it will go poorly.
Now that you've decided not to go on the trip without your husband, the two of you should plan a trip yourselves. Use this as a chance to give him affirmation that you want to be with him first and foremost. That doesn't mean you shouldn't spend time with your sister, who seems to need you more lately. Perhaps a girls' trip or weekend together would help. But you are very wise to not make a habit of traveling without your husband. I mean, who “uninvites” their spouse from a trip they would both enjoy?
I think you are overthinking things. She can still be religious, shy and conservative but feel comfortable in her own skin to undress in front of other women. Nothing wrong with that.
Your marriage and your wife's happiness is at stake here. This calls for drastic measures. I agree that you cannot be around the sister. The sister is poison, she is actively seeking to ruin your marriage.
I think also that you need couple's counseling to talk about this in a neutral setting and also some individual therapy for your wife.
I am so sorry all this happened. You and your wife sound like wonderful people, and I am rooting for you.
If this is the full story, I'm at a loss for why he is angry. Partner being on the phone the entire time was the only problem I vibed on… So confusion sounds exactly where you ought to be.
All you can do is ask why he is upset, and if he doesn't answer… Shrug, you can't fix anything.
Maybe you were nose blind though my man?
?
Sorry, I edited to clarify. My husband is abusive when drinking, not his father. I meant my sons father (my husband). I realize I’m setting the norm for my kids and that’s why I want to try to leave so bad, but I just want them to know the other side of their dad that is so great. He’s an amazing father and an even better partner when he’s sober.
I believe that's what the kids call “a dick move.”
Before blowing up your life I would hire a private investigator to get the real story of where she is going and who she is seeing .
Well… I think you just got hit with a dose of reality tbh.
Its no secret that quality of life will be reflected by the finances/stability of both people in the relationship.
Couples need to live within their means. And depending on the level of finances, there is a ceiling to each standard of living… and I think you just recognized that with your partner.
Finances, job stability, savings, are a critical piece to long term relationships. Most people in their 30s should have their own vehicle at this point, or at minimum a couple thousand they can dispose without issue on a vehicle.
I believe you have more to think about than a grungy rental property.
Regardless, there is no real way to be delicate about it:
Sorry, I changed my mind and I don't want to move into your apartment anymore.
Yeah if that doesn’t line up with your priorities, that just sucks.
Damn like it has been addressed but my thoughts wouldn't be why is that guy clowning his own sis your future wife so easily. This is her her family her problem
what potential problems are there though? i wasn’t interested in the guy, simple as that. no reason to be insecure
Did you ever consider the possibility that she took a new picture but accidentally sent an old one by mistake without realizing it?
Your “lie” isn't a lie if its just an honest mistake. You've turned a pebble into Mount Everest. Chill out.
That's a crazy thing to get upset about.
While I wouldnt want me social media policed with the goal of erasing photos of my past, calling you out of your name 6 months into a relationship while being jobless and homeless is beyond the pale. It was an extreme overreaction and I'd be asking what this man brings to the table other than disrespect and a mouth to feed. It might be time to boot him out.
He is paying for his leisure time with your domestic labor and decision making.
It's been years. It's time for him to stop taking advantage of the rules his grandfather had and you.
It really depends on what you're willing to stand for. Are you willing and able to break your marriage for this? Only you can answer that, but I've never heard of a situation like this resolving itself without the husband being made to understand that it's start being an adult and take responsibility for his home, or you will go clean up after yourself.
Is this the rest of your life?
Given the lack of context and reading between the lines it sounds less like her having a problem with FIFA and more like she feels neglected.
Seeing as you’re the only one who knows the reality of the situation, be honest with yourself and examine the facts.
How much time do you spend with her? If it’s not as much as you spend on other activities, then decide how invested you are in this relationship. If it’s not a lot, break up. If you are invested, show her more attention.
If you’re honest with yourself and you think you have the right balance between the amount of time you spend with her vs the amount of time you spend on other activities, then (gently) explain that, and explain its not going to change. She can then make her own decision.
Found a gold nugget and wanted to melt it into a pen for you? Ok
but op and his wife were separated and just got back together recently …. this scenario is more like one half of an on-and-off couple wanting to get married ( major life decision) because “we've been together for 10 years!!!” not taking into account the the incompatibility leading to the on and-off relationship
That’s true it wouldn’t be cheating. Thank you very much this is a way of thinking about it I didn’t think of once again thank you.
Don't understand why you are being such a floormat.
When your bf says “Sorry you think I'm a horrible boyfriend”, you should have agreed with him. He is a horrible bf. You even have to buy a birthday card for yourself so you can make him look good in front of your family.
The worst thing is that you are the one who is encouraging his behaviour.
Maybe a Steam gift card if he's on PC, or playstation/Xbox equivalent? A gift card might be a little impersonal though aha
Interesting. I just assume anything I say to my friends is open to discussion wiyh their (long term) partners if they want unless I specifically ask them not to, in which case I wouldn't write it down anyway I'd talk. It definitely takes all sorts to make a population.
A lot of people are recommending coming clean and I agree. Admit to snooping on her phone and lying by omission when you asked her a question you already knew the answer to. Because of your snooping, you know she lied about you not being invited.
Tell her that you will happily forgive her for lying to you if you both sit down and have a mature conversation about why both of you lied.
I also agree with people saying that this is a bad look. “Asking questions you know the answer to in order to catch them lying” is a toxic game that shows your trust was dead before she lied. You'll need to unpack why you didn't trust her enough to resist snooping on her phone, or playing this game. She lied, perhaps about something which was none of a boyfriend of 1> year's time's business to know the truth of. But you didn't know she would lie until you tested her, and you tested her because you didn't trust her. That's on you, and I would do some meditating on that before you talk to her.
Thank you for being a decent person and wanting to make the right decision.
I can’t tell you what the right decision in this case is but I can tell you that you should do what feels right in your case. If you would feel guilty continuing things with S then that indicates that you should make the other decision. It sounds like your natural inclination was initially to talk to her first, this is what I would also do if I was in your situation.
I think if I was the wife in this case, I’d want to know first.
My lady and I are going on 7 years now, and what she's saying is definitely wrong. I've definitely had offers and opportunities over the years, and I've always said no because if you like someone enough, it's easy not to hurt them like that.
What the actual fuck? Disgusting rapist.
You’ve got to be joking. He violated someone and gets off on non-consensual intimacy. That’s vile. You know who also enjoys shit like that? Rapists