He's trying to hoover you back in. My ex-wife sends me gifts through our son (toddler) and sends me texts on my birthday and our firmer anniversary. Just laugh at how pathetic of an attempt it is to get you to break down your boundaries. Tell him it's a firm no and to get over it.
Get away from this girl. You have shown a great deal of love and restraint in you time with her and she has only brought you to this place. Please leave her, before you do something that will make the world a lesser place.
You speak of not being able to handle heart break. But you're doing it now and surviving, and it will only get better once she's gone and not making you feel worthless. And it may take a while to feel better, but you don't deserve this. Let this girl go.
I've been here before, I promise. I know how this feels. You're not alone. And you can survive this. Please help yourself. If you need support as you go through this, feel free to reach out. I'm a good listener.
If i was the OP there is no fucking way i would want to “win her back”. There should never be a “win someone back” in a relationship, if you get to that point that means that it is over, if you ask me. Because the other person is not 100% in.
Oh my god I am so sorry, you did not deserve that. A similar situation happened to me in college, a man insisted on having makeup sex and did this to me. All to the same message how can we stop this
I defiantly feel less pressure when they get frustrated with me. I do typically just get upset with them and not talk to them for a few days or until I collect myself together again.
If this is going on the damage has been done. She knows where he lives, has been to the house numerous times and knows the kids. If she fires her they will just hide it better and it will take OP longer to find info.
I’m hoping this is a case of a lazy husband. If this is not and you have evidence then talk to an attorney to find out your states laws and your rights. You would also need to know if the evidence collected is enough.
asking him to share more is like asking me to stop talking
I don’t see that. If someone said they had something important to share and they needed someone to listen and support them, you would, right? That’s them asking you to listen more and talk less than you usually do. Would that be bad of them to ask that? If not, then why is it bad to tell him you want to know more about him and so you’d like him to share more? Google conversation starters or interesting questions to ask and use that to encourage him to open up more. Google active listening skills, see if that encourages him to share more.
The reason I mention this is it sounds like the problem is that you’re worried you’ll get bored, or that maybe you’re even bored already. If that’s the case, that’s understandable. But then you have a choice, ask him to share more and try to address the problem, or keep doing what you’re doing until you get bored and then what? By that time it’ll be too late to even try to fix it. So why not try now and see what happens?
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Random trauma and sexual assault are very different. It sounds like she has some PTSD. And the boyfriend is an ass 3- 4 a week is not enough? And it's her JOB to satisfy him…. what's he doing for her?
Op break up with this person. Get some help for you trauma. And then find someone worthy of you.
This guy is handling it all wrong. Sounds completely insensitive and selfish. Maybe worse.
That said
She did say she washes with soap. Which can definitely cause issues resulting in odor…
Also many people can tune out their own scent a little.
My wife had pretty common issues with odor and it sucked because I absolutely love going down, but I’m also hugely turned off by bad scents. She was also hugely insecure so there was no bringing it up or she’d lash out. Literally all I wanted was to go down more lol.
He's always been selfish and put himself first. I've never been a priority in his life. It took him over half a year of being together to be sure of me…. I don't feel good enough at all. And the thought of him finding someone else and thinking they're good enough kills me.
Point out a dude's opinion on reddit and we can see. Not sure why you're making out with your platonic friends, mate. Do you not understand the difference between a kiss and making out, perhaps?
Doesn’t sound like you really know what you want. You jumped to what you thought were greener pastures, and it wasn’t. You left that relationship for a reason. You were not satisfied in some way or the other.
I think you're maybe letting this become bigger than it needs to be in your head. Whoever Thomas was when you were kids, I think it's pretty safe to assume he's grown up and is not a totally different person you'll need to get to know as though he's a new person.
I'm not sure it's even a necessary consideration, beyond simply acknowledging you knew each other as kids. You realistically have no idea who he's grown up to be, get to know him as a totally new individual.
He also admitted he accepted his mother's help and she made alterations without consulting the wife on, it seems, either step. Idk what he expected, it's perfectly reasonable she's upset about that and he blocked her from being able to express it.
I'm old, I made most of the mistakes that were available to me when I was young and most of them stemmed from not believing what was right in front of me. I hope you don't have to learn that lesson as many times as I did.
The age is a red flag. Also, guarantee you colleague told the guy all about you, whether before of after the party. These situations turning out good is the exception, not the rule.
I get that impression, too. Would she consider going back to work to pay for a nanny/housekeeper during the week? Not every mom is cut out to be a stay at home mom. With both grandmothers there and a nanny/housekeeper, you both could come home to a clean house, happy babies and possibly happier mommy.
It’s so shitty how these things happen but i think it really all boils down to a level of connection/understanding and complimentary personalities. These people who end up marrying others quickly after spending years of being with someone else just got lucky to find someone that surpasses the level of connection they had with their previous partner(s). It just shows they weren’t really in love with you(they just liked you), and didn’t reach their fullest potential when it comes to being in love, when they were with you.
It’s a crappy situation to be in for the person who thought the level superior connection was mutual.
Thats was actually rather nice of him to do. He didn't want to wake you up or cause more problems by doing it right beside you when you were sleeping. He found a quiet spot, did his thing, and would have probably gone right back to bed.
On the other hand if it was another girl on the phone then that's a big problem but i would trust him for now. If you still have worries keep and eye out for other signs
Sounds like he has cheated on you. These kind of behaviours start to appear once someone has done the deed. Start questioning him.
I lived 8 years like this, of being constantly spoken down to, down trodden, and having to explain myself every single day and be called a liar. So please understand, you don't have to live with this kind of behaviour.
And the feeling that you are reassuring him, fades fast.
Good luck with this, but honestly I think you deserve better.
You leave, that's what you do. No amount of trauma in your past gets to excuse you abusing someone else. Her behaviour is abusive, threatening to hurt yourself if someone leaves is abusive. You're 18, you're still way too young to be taking on someone else's mental health issues, and I doubt you are qualified anyway. If you stay in this, you'll end up with issues of your own. Inform the people around her of your plan so they can support her, and break up with her.
Yeah , when someone is lying about something that big for that long , you have to wonder what else they are lying about . Were these the only times she cheated , or just the only times the former friend knew about ? Is she actually telling the truth now or just admitting to what OP already knows ?
You guys seem like ships passing in the night. Dating while at medschool for some company and a friendly touch, but you don't really have engagement with each other. So one day it'll just end with little note.
Holy fucking shit what a trainwreck. This comment is from the only post I opened:
“I was a sailor for a long time so I can be pretty blunt. Here's My Philosophy that I came to some years ago. If I ain't fucking you or you ain't signing my paycheck then I really don't give a shit what your opinion is. And it's that way with my age Gap I'm 57 and my girlfriend's 22. And anybody who doesn't like that well that's their problem not mine. The sooner you realize what's important to your life and what is not the happier you will be.”
Those requirements are difficult to find, but an hint: to avoid mosquitoes and other insects, I have an net in my bathroom window. It's mounted on the inside and can be removed. I suppose that the same thing could be done with an cover to it. As for the wires, they exist and often are hidden in the light switch, among the power cables (side effect: noise in the indoor phone). In certain places, they are fully external, just with an some sort of protecting it. As for the bump against the wall, it fits. It can be done. There's several models of the same thing, some are done to certain situations, like yours.
Errrr lots of people are sexually assaulted by their parents and by parents of the same gender.
You essentially said here ‘because you’re a man who isn’t related that makes you, OP, more likely so suddenly lose control of yourself and rape someone’ which is fucked up. Maybe you aren’t able to see people half naked without wanting to sexually assault them but most people are capable of not sexually assaulting minors. Fucking Americans man
I went from probably almost impacting my doctors hearing and legit almost passing out (vision went in and out but I didn’t fully blackout) to straight up saying the next time “shut up you’re not done”. I sure hope that isn’t a negative for the next time, I’ll definitely research to see other options. A bit surprised she’s still on it if it’s been disproven since she’s definitely been published in magazines and such.
I do think with regard to your intrusive SIL, it might also be appropriate to privately ask her the same thing! To lay off asking about your SO's ex so everybody can focus on the present company.
GF sounds cognitively impaired. Should a father let a female baby sit in shit until a female caretaker is available? She should not have children until she has had exposure to infants.
Your girlfriend is not the type of person you should be with. She is going to have a problem with you caring for your disabled sister. The fact that she made this sexual is very weird. There are some weird women out there who try to make anything nice a guy does for his own female relatives into some kind of sexual thing. It’s the weirdest, grossest type of jealousy. I have seen posts on here from gfs complaining that their boyfriend has a close relationship with his sister. It’s so weird to me.
As a guy, the most detail I think I’ve gotten about someone else’s hookup or girlfriend is “she is wild in bed” from a coworker or something to that effect. Never anything about anatomy, it’s so disrespectful.
You were attracted to her before you realised she’d had procedures/gets regular fillers etc, so you may want to re-examine what standards you are subconsciously holding women to in terms of physical appearance.
This is such a common attitude from people in finance who a) don’t seem to actually do any effective work at all despite the crazy hours, and b) are very soon going to be automated out of a job.
If Warren Buffet thinks hedge fund managers are a waste of money and won his famous bet where an S&P 500 index fund outperformed, I’m inclined to believe him.
Definitely go off about how men should work hard and other misogynistic nonsense with your very real and totally not unnecessary job with disproportionate compensation though.
This is such a common attitude from people in finance who a) don’t seem to actually do any effective work at all despite the crazy hours, and b) are very soon going to be automated out of a job.
If Warren Buffet thinks hedge fund managers are a waste of money and won his famous bet where an S&P 500 index fund outperformed, I’m inclined to believe him.
Definitely go off about how men should work hard and other misogynistic nonsense with your very real and totally not unnecessary job with disproportionate compensation though.
This is such a common attitude from people in finance who a) don’t seem to actually do any effective work at all despite the crazy hours, and b) are very soon going to be automated out of a job.
If Warren Buffet thinks hedge fund managers are a waste of money and won his famous bet where an S&P 500 index fund outperformed, I’m inclined to believe him.
Definitely go off about how men should work hard and other misogynistic nonsense with your very real and totally not unnecessary job with disproportionate compensation though.
In my (44F) experience, kids handle death pretty well when you explain things in an age appropriate way. Whether or not to go to the funeral is really dependent on each child.
Not sure what country you’re in or what the standard funeral is like where you are but where I am, there’s usually a wake, then a funeral where the body may be open casket or just a photo and an urn, then a graveside service, then a meal with family and friends. I probably would only take her to the funeral and the meal.
At 6, I’d give her some autonomy and just explain that dad died (skip the suicide, just say he was too sick and the doctors couldn’t help him) and that to celebrate his life, there will be some get togethers. Explain what those events will look like and ask her if she’d like to go.
My uncle killed himself when I was her age and they didn’t take me to the funeral. I didn’t really understand what was going on because no one would tell me—I just knew people were upset and sad. It was confusing.
As an adult, I have prepped my step kids for this sort of thing (not a suicide) and they attended a couple of funerals for their grandparents and such. They did fine.
But again, it depends on the child.
I would also intervene with family and make sure you all have your “story” straight as far as what everyone says about his manner of death.
Listen to her, this lie can make a man afraid to commit with you, It can be pretty bad, you said no one's life got damaged so there's no reason to tell; The thing it's in the past. Thinking about it and if you should tell or not only will achieve one goal: Make a past lie that should be buried since it was resolved get in the way of your life now.
It's probably time to break up. But if you don't want to, you need to have a serious talk, maybe with the help of a therapist about the real issues in your relationship and start asking for what you need and giving him what he needs
I have been with my partner for more than 10 years and I don’t give him updates 24hrs in advance. I am also spontaneous.
I’ll tell him if I’m going somewhere, and if I know ahead of time I’ll tell him. Same from him.
I think this sounds like an extension of maybe them not being so comfortable with the idea of polyamory & trying to find a way to make it work for them, when it’s not really working for them.
I agree that 24hrs in advance is too much. When you find out is more realistic. But overall you sound not compatible.
Well done for taking yourself out of the situation. It's really hard to do but you did the right thing for yourself.
They're all fucking weird, you're right it is a really weird thing to do and I'm really sorry you went through that. If you aren't already in therapy, I would maybe consider that if this shock stays with you.
I would consider going somewhere other than home for the time being if you want to continue this relationship… However I don't think these “friends” should remain in your life. Sometimes people come with friends as a package, so I would really consider if that's a situation you would risk again.
Op, you need to take a step back and look at your relationship. You're very quick to defend red flags that look like the beginning of emotional manipulation which eventually leads to emotional abuse. The slowly changing rules are huge, how other tiny things has he said something about or encouraged to change.
Is there a chance that agreeing to not drink to save money is because bf thinks you drink too much? Because if I’d asked my partner to cut drinking, and said “and it will also save money” and they started doing what you were doing with just the excuse of “oh but it doesn’t cost a lot” I’d not be happy either.
This is why I believe young people shouldn’t settle down with the first person they hook up with, take the time to date and meet other people, sleep around a little, be single, learn to be happy alone and leave thus stupid notion that “we are perfect for each other” behind because clearly you guys have some serious issues.
everyone is saying cut your losses because they've been there as well. They've seen what they believe to be “improvement”, I've seen it as well, before it goes right back to what it was and worse. If her response is to be mean to you because of a 5min inconvenience, what's she going to be like when you actually make a mistake? Ppl are saying cut your losses, because this is 3 months in. Because this is already showing up 3 months in, which means it only gets worse from here. That reaction she had with her parents over food, you're going to be on the receiving end of it. That's a fact.
Best save the reveal until after marriage and two kids. Aka tell them you met someone at uni, then if you feel guilty later in life let them know “actually we met a few years earlier online and it lucked out uni was in his town.” My dad has a habit on thinking no girl is good enough for me so I can't talk about relationships to him anymore anyways. It's soul draining. They're looking out for you but come on… It's a melting pot. Contrary to popular belief we are not fans of racism.
He's trying to hoover you back in. My ex-wife sends me gifts through our son (toddler) and sends me texts on my birthday and our firmer anniversary. Just laugh at how pathetic of an attempt it is to get you to break down your boundaries. Tell him it's a firm no and to get over it.
He literally just broke up with her though?
Get away from this girl. You have shown a great deal of love and restraint in you time with her and she has only brought you to this place. Please leave her, before you do something that will make the world a lesser place.
You speak of not being able to handle heart break. But you're doing it now and surviving, and it will only get better once she's gone and not making you feel worthless. And it may take a while to feel better, but you don't deserve this. Let this girl go.
I've been here before, I promise. I know how this feels. You're not alone. And you can survive this. Please help yourself. If you need support as you go through this, feel free to reach out. I'm a good listener.
Your husband is abusing your children. Time to grow up and call the police and protect your kids.
If i was the OP there is no fucking way i would want to “win her back”. There should never be a “win someone back” in a relationship, if you get to that point that means that it is over, if you ask me. Because the other person is not 100% in.
If he thinks an Uber is expensive, try paying a lawyer, increased insurance rates,fines, and deductibles. That is expensive.
Oh my god I am so sorry, you did not deserve that. A similar situation happened to me in college, a man insisted on having makeup sex and did this to me. All to the same message how can we stop this
Go to sleep.
WOOF. This is a great argument against paying for your kids to go to college. So tragic!
Yes, you don't have to let him in and just keep calling the cops and they'll get him off your property.
I think definitely have him go to a doctor, some STDs lie dormant or don't show symptoms other than smells (that usually make you want to puke)
As a related concept how did you ask and confirm to each other that you are a boyfriend-girlfriend?
I defiantly feel less pressure when they get frustrated with me. I do typically just get upset with them and not talk to them for a few days or until I collect myself together again.
I’m glad you found my advice helpful 🙂 best of luck
it’s easier and faster to collect it at home.
If this is going on the damage has been done. She knows where he lives, has been to the house numerous times and knows the kids. If she fires her they will just hide it better and it will take OP longer to find info.
I’m hoping this is a case of a lazy husband. If this is not and you have evidence then talk to an attorney to find out your states laws and your rights. You would also need to know if the evidence collected is enough.
How does a 39 year old man not know this… like duh bro quite thinking with your dick. Never emotionally matured past 18.
Thanks man, I will confront her about it when she wakes up. Just hope she is willing to tell the truth.
17 is legal in my country, and in most countries lol
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asking him to share more is like asking me to stop talking
I don’t see that. If someone said they had something important to share and they needed someone to listen and support them, you would, right? That’s them asking you to listen more and talk less than you usually do. Would that be bad of them to ask that? If not, then why is it bad to tell him you want to know more about him and so you’d like him to share more? Google conversation starters or interesting questions to ask and use that to encourage him to open up more. Google active listening skills, see if that encourages him to share more.
The reason I mention this is it sounds like the problem is that you’re worried you’ll get bored, or that maybe you’re even bored already. If that’s the case, that’s understandable. But then you have a choice, ask him to share more and try to address the problem, or keep doing what you’re doing until you get bored and then what? By that time it’ll be too late to even try to fix it. So why not try now and see what happens?
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Fucking preach
He’s not wrong our political system is a fucking joke.
I think you should talk to a professional to see if you are actually hypersexual. Wanting sex a few times a day is not abnormal.
Are you having obsessive sexual thoughts that stop you from living a healthy life? Do you participate in risky sexual behavior?
That's not a decline….
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Random trauma and sexual assault are very different. It sounds like she has some PTSD. And the boyfriend is an ass 3- 4 a week is not enough? And it's her JOB to satisfy him…. what's he doing for her?
Op break up with this person. Get some help for you trauma. And then find someone worthy of you.
This guy is handling it all wrong. Sounds completely insensitive and selfish. Maybe worse.
That said
She did say she washes with soap. Which can definitely cause issues resulting in odor…
Also many people can tune out their own scent a little.
My wife had pretty common issues with odor and it sucked because I absolutely love going down, but I’m also hugely turned off by bad scents. She was also hugely insecure so there was no bringing it up or she’d lash out. Literally all I wanted was to go down more lol.
He's always been selfish and put himself first. I've never been a priority in his life. It took him over half a year of being together to be sure of me…. I don't feel good enough at all. And the thought of him finding someone else and thinking they're good enough kills me.
Don't move!
Point out a dude's opinion on reddit and we can see. Not sure why you're making out with your platonic friends, mate. Do you not understand the difference between a kiss and making out, perhaps?
Don’t believe in therapy
Doesn’t sound like you really know what you want. You jumped to what you thought were greener pastures, and it wasn’t. You left that relationship for a reason. You were not satisfied in some way or the other.
At that price I’d give him $2k. You got a BARGAIN.
It’s just one of those things. Wait a decade or so. And if you have a daughter, imagine dudes referring to her as eye candy
I think you're maybe letting this become bigger than it needs to be in your head. Whoever Thomas was when you were kids, I think it's pretty safe to assume he's grown up and is not a totally different person you'll need to get to know as though he's a new person.
I'm not sure it's even a necessary consideration, beyond simply acknowledging you knew each other as kids. You realistically have no idea who he's grown up to be, get to know him as a totally new individual.
please leave him, two years is nothing and you are soo young, you deserve someone who is,..mentally stable?
He also admitted he accepted his mother's help and she made alterations without consulting the wife on, it seems, either step. Idk what he expected, it's perfectly reasonable she's upset about that and he blocked her from being able to express it.
I'm old, I made most of the mistakes that were available to me when I was young and most of them stemmed from not believing what was right in front of me. I hope you don't have to learn that lesson as many times as I did.
That’s true, that comparison was unfair to even the worst toddlers.
The age is a red flag. Also, guarantee you colleague told the guy all about you, whether before of after the party. These situations turning out good is the exception, not the rule.
It’s dangerous actually. It increases the chance of suffocation, strangulation, and SIDS according to kidshealth
It’s dangerous actually. It increases the chance of suffocation, strangulation, and SIDS according to kidshealth
I get that impression, too. Would she consider going back to work to pay for a nanny/housekeeper during the week? Not every mom is cut out to be a stay at home mom. With both grandmothers there and a nanny/housekeeper, you both could come home to a clean house, happy babies and possibly happier mommy.
It’s so shitty how these things happen but i think it really all boils down to a level of connection/understanding and complimentary personalities. These people who end up marrying others quickly after spending years of being with someone else just got lucky to find someone that surpasses the level of connection they had with their previous partner(s). It just shows they weren’t really in love with you(they just liked you), and didn’t reach their fullest potential when it comes to being in love, when they were with you.
It’s a crappy situation to be in for the person who thought the level superior connection was mutual.
The advice you gave has nothing to do with my post. You’re just being a dick now lmao
Thats was actually rather nice of him to do. He didn't want to wake you up or cause more problems by doing it right beside you when you were sleeping. He found a quiet spot, did his thing, and would have probably gone right back to bed.
On the other hand if it was another girl on the phone then that's a big problem but i would trust him for now. If you still have worries keep and eye out for other signs
Sounds like he has cheated on you. These kind of behaviours start to appear once someone has done the deed. Start questioning him.
I lived 8 years like this, of being constantly spoken down to, down trodden, and having to explain myself every single day and be called a liar. So please understand, you don't have to live with this kind of behaviour.
And the feeling that you are reassuring him, fades fast.
Good luck with this, but honestly I think you deserve better.
You leave, that's what you do. No amount of trauma in your past gets to excuse you abusing someone else. Her behaviour is abusive, threatening to hurt yourself if someone leaves is abusive. You're 18, you're still way too young to be taking on someone else's mental health issues, and I doubt you are qualified anyway. If you stay in this, you'll end up with issues of your own. Inform the people around her of your plan so they can support her, and break up with her.
Oh. She's still controlling. It's your hair and beard. As long as it's neat, who cares.
Yeah , when someone is lying about something that big for that long , you have to wonder what else they are lying about . Were these the only times she cheated , or just the only times the former friend knew about ? Is she actually telling the truth now or just admitting to what OP already knows ?
You guys seem like ships passing in the night. Dating while at medschool for some company and a friendly touch, but you don't really have engagement with each other. So one day it'll just end with little note.
Holy fucking shit what a trainwreck. This comment is from the only post I opened:
“I was a sailor for a long time so I can be pretty blunt. Here's My Philosophy that I came to some years ago. If I ain't fucking you or you ain't signing my paycheck then I really don't give a shit what your opinion is. And it's that way with my age Gap I'm 57 and my girlfriend's 22. And anybody who doesn't like that well that's their problem not mine. The sooner you realize what's important to your life and what is not the happier you will be.”
Those requirements are difficult to find, but an hint: to avoid mosquitoes and other insects, I have an net in my bathroom window. It's mounted on the inside and can be removed. I suppose that the same thing could be done with an cover to it. As for the wires, they exist and often are hidden in the light switch, among the power cables (side effect: noise in the indoor phone). In certain places, they are fully external, just with an some sort of protecting it. As for the bump against the wall, it fits. It can be done. There's several models of the same thing, some are done to certain situations, like yours.
Errrr lots of people are sexually assaulted by their parents and by parents of the same gender.
You essentially said here ‘because you’re a man who isn’t related that makes you, OP, more likely so suddenly lose control of yourself and rape someone’ which is fucked up. Maybe you aren’t able to see people half naked without wanting to sexually assault them but most people are capable of not sexually assaulting minors. Fucking Americans man
I went from probably almost impacting my doctors hearing and legit almost passing out (vision went in and out but I didn’t fully blackout) to straight up saying the next time “shut up you’re not done”. I sure hope that isn’t a negative for the next time, I’ll definitely research to see other options. A bit surprised she’s still on it if it’s been disproven since she’s definitely been published in magazines and such.
I can’t be only one who gets “your wife hit on Gabby and got rejected” vibes here
That does not seem controlling to me.
I do think with regard to your intrusive SIL, it might also be appropriate to privately ask her the same thing! To lay off asking about your SO's ex so everybody can focus on the present company.
That still does not answer the question fully. Obviously it was sexual. Why not ask him since you should not have to carry the burden?
Well … technically still his wife for the time being lol
Sounds like the seven year Itch. I hope you find it passes soon!
To vent
Go and have a one to one with your boss, I think you deserve to know why your partner was picked and not you x
Ewwwww I don't like this one. Op when someone shows you who they are, listen
No problem, glad your discussion went well and things worked out for you.
Dunning-Kruger
Oh, ok, so in some situations you'll allow it ?
GF sounds cognitively impaired. Should a father let a female baby sit in shit until a female caretaker is available? She should not have children until she has had exposure to infants.
Your girlfriend is not the type of person you should be with. She is going to have a problem with you caring for your disabled sister. The fact that she made this sexual is very weird. There are some weird women out there who try to make anything nice a guy does for his own female relatives into some kind of sexual thing. It’s the weirdest, grossest type of jealousy. I have seen posts on here from gfs complaining that their boyfriend has a close relationship with his sister. It’s so weird to me.
As a guy, the most detail I think I’ve gotten about someone else’s hookup or girlfriend is “she is wild in bed” from a coworker or something to that effect. Never anything about anatomy, it’s so disrespectful.
He's abusing you. Leave before he kills you
Thank you, what kind of help can I get?
You don’t need to be an extrovert to communicate with your spouse.
You were attracted to her before you realised she’d had procedures/gets regular fillers etc, so you may want to re-examine what standards you are subconsciously holding women to in terms of physical appearance.
This is such a common attitude from people in finance who a) don’t seem to actually do any effective work at all despite the crazy hours, and b) are very soon going to be automated out of a job.
If Warren Buffet thinks hedge fund managers are a waste of money and won his famous bet where an S&P 500 index fund outperformed, I’m inclined to believe him.
Definitely go off about how men should work hard and other misogynistic nonsense with your very real and totally not unnecessary job with disproportionate compensation though.
This is such a common attitude from people in finance who a) don’t seem to actually do any effective work at all despite the crazy hours, and b) are very soon going to be automated out of a job.
If Warren Buffet thinks hedge fund managers are a waste of money and won his famous bet where an S&P 500 index fund outperformed, I’m inclined to believe him.
Definitely go off about how men should work hard and other misogynistic nonsense with your very real and totally not unnecessary job with disproportionate compensation though.
This is such a common attitude from people in finance who a) don’t seem to actually do any effective work at all despite the crazy hours, and b) are very soon going to be automated out of a job.
If Warren Buffet thinks hedge fund managers are a waste of money and won his famous bet where an S&P 500 index fund outperformed, I’m inclined to believe him.
Definitely go off about how men should work hard and other misogynistic nonsense with your very real and totally not unnecessary job with disproportionate compensation though.
What did her therapist recommend?
In my (44F) experience, kids handle death pretty well when you explain things in an age appropriate way. Whether or not to go to the funeral is really dependent on each child.
Not sure what country you’re in or what the standard funeral is like where you are but where I am, there’s usually a wake, then a funeral where the body may be open casket or just a photo and an urn, then a graveside service, then a meal with family and friends. I probably would only take her to the funeral and the meal.
At 6, I’d give her some autonomy and just explain that dad died (skip the suicide, just say he was too sick and the doctors couldn’t help him) and that to celebrate his life, there will be some get togethers. Explain what those events will look like and ask her if she’d like to go.
My uncle killed himself when I was her age and they didn’t take me to the funeral. I didn’t really understand what was going on because no one would tell me—I just knew people were upset and sad. It was confusing.
As an adult, I have prepped my step kids for this sort of thing (not a suicide) and they attended a couple of funerals for their grandparents and such. They did fine.
But again, it depends on the child.
I would also intervene with family and make sure you all have your “story” straight as far as what everyone says about his manner of death.
Exactly!
If she’ll do that right in front of him, what would she do behind his back?
She has zero respect for op.
Listen to her, this lie can make a man afraid to commit with you, It can be pretty bad, you said no one's life got damaged so there's no reason to tell; The thing it's in the past. Thinking about it and if you should tell or not only will achieve one goal: Make a past lie that should be buried since it was resolved get in the way of your life now.
bye bye . twice … once’s it bad enough .. twice in 2 months YUCK.
You literally said in your post you were debating whether to like him or not based on his height
It isn’t mentioned here but what’s the income disparity? How much do you make Bs. His salary (or hourly wage per year)?
It's probably time to break up. But if you don't want to, you need to have a serious talk, maybe with the help of a therapist about the real issues in your relationship and start asking for what you need and giving him what he needs
It’s toxic hustle bro talk.
Thanks, it’s just been really difficult to do much of anything with him
You’re a huge piece of shit and just an absolute loser. Your (ex) wife and kids are infinitely better off without you
I couldn't even get through half of what you wrote. That is too much of a headache. Attend therapy, stay single and work on yourself.
It sounds like maybe you’re not compatible.
I have been with my partner for more than 10 years and I don’t give him updates 24hrs in advance. I am also spontaneous.
I’ll tell him if I’m going somewhere, and if I know ahead of time I’ll tell him. Same from him.
I think this sounds like an extension of maybe them not being so comfortable with the idea of polyamory & trying to find a way to make it work for them, when it’s not really working for them.
I agree that 24hrs in advance is too much. When you find out is more realistic. But overall you sound not compatible.
You know it's possible to cheat with more than one person, right?
jesus christ lol
your comment history is toxic and exhausting
Well done for taking yourself out of the situation. It's really hard to do but you did the right thing for yourself.
They're all fucking weird, you're right it is a really weird thing to do and I'm really sorry you went through that. If you aren't already in therapy, I would maybe consider that if this shock stays with you.
I would consider going somewhere other than home for the time being if you want to continue this relationship… However I don't think these “friends” should remain in your life. Sometimes people come with friends as a package, so I would really consider if that's a situation you would risk again.
Op, you need to take a step back and look at your relationship. You're very quick to defend red flags that look like the beginning of emotional manipulation which eventually leads to emotional abuse. The slowly changing rules are huge, how other tiny things has he said something about or encouraged to change.
Ok, I was never for big weddings but now I'm definitely convincing my gf that we need Irish step dancers in forest if we get married
Is there a chance that agreeing to not drink to save money is because bf thinks you drink too much? Because if I’d asked my partner to cut drinking, and said “and it will also save money” and they started doing what you were doing with just the excuse of “oh but it doesn’t cost a lot” I’d not be happy either.
This is why I believe young people shouldn’t settle down with the first person they hook up with, take the time to date and meet other people, sleep around a little, be single, learn to be happy alone and leave thus stupid notion that “we are perfect for each other” behind because clearly you guys have some serious issues.
everyone is saying cut your losses because they've been there as well. They've seen what they believe to be “improvement”, I've seen it as well, before it goes right back to what it was and worse. If her response is to be mean to you because of a 5min inconvenience, what's she going to be like when you actually make a mistake? Ppl are saying cut your losses, because this is 3 months in. Because this is already showing up 3 months in, which means it only gets worse from here. That reaction she had with her parents over food, you're going to be on the receiving end of it. That's a fact.
she has two jobs the SAHM and the WFH at another job 4pm-11pm 3 nights a week.
Race has nothing to do with theft. They are theives
Stop hanging out with these people, friends dont steal from friends
Best save the reveal until after marriage and two kids. Aka tell them you met someone at uni, then if you feel guilty later in life let them know “actually we met a few years earlier online and it lucked out uni was in his town.” My dad has a habit on thinking no girl is good enough for me so I can't talk about relationships to him anymore anyways. It's soul draining. They're looking out for you but come on… It's a melting pot. Contrary to popular belief we are not fans of racism.