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whip my tits until I am red [11 tokens remaining]
Date: November 4, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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Yes, at least kinda. If you're both agreeing not to do it, and she does, it is at the very least a breach of trust and respect.
Given that you both recognize the relationship is pretty much over, it's not blatantly abusive, but if you want to call it cheating you have a right to. At the very least, it means she doesn't respect your agreements at all and doesn't care what you feel
That's what I'm warning him, he assures me he will remain “no strings attached” smh
You're just a backup plan buddy…
You really want to be with someone like that and the “I don't have a problem with her talking to guys” will always come back to bite you in the ass…like right now
Stop tolerating disrespect…
I know I'm at fault
No you're not! She is a grown adult with full control over her continued relationship with a guy who has feelings for her, their boundaries, whether to hang out with him in a sexually charged setting like a club, and her alcohol consumption. AND she didn't even lose her faculties till way later in the night.
That's not your problem. If it's so hard to get housing there, there must be tons of people looking for a roommate.
By moving in with him, and still paying rent where you are, you're burdening yourself financially to benefit him. Don't.
Which one of these characters are you?
I used google meet and zoom 🙂
I checkout girls all the time. My wife has seen it and laughs or comments “Yeah, she is cute”.
I don't care if she looks at guys.
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The only time we would care is if we stared. A quick glance is nothing but normal. Anyone that says they don't look at attractive people when they are in a relationship are full of shit.
OP, you know what you need to do.
Enabling her to stay like this will not help her. Reading your post was a big oof because it’s a textbook codependent relationship style.
Her behavior is unacceptable.
If you were a woman with a promising career and had a boyfriend who didn’t work, didn’t do anything, fought her every time she left his sight or “triggered him” by living her life, and treated her so badly she hid her relationship realities from everyone in her life, you would tell her to end things. Doesn’t matter if the guy had a secret heart of gold under all the toxic, exploitative, borderline (or actually abusive) behavior— she should leave and let him sort his life on his own.
Do yourself the same solid as you would tell that woman to do for herself.
Anxious attachment isn’t an excuse for an intractably toxic relationship. Even if “there’s a reason”— ok. Most people who treat their partners terribly, even people who abuse them, have some history or issues they struggle with.
To be clear, I have a close friend with borderline personality disorder. Except for the fact that he always is employed with a roof over his head (even if he hits a snag, gets angry, and quits abruptly to change jobs for no good reason, he’s a hard worker), his behavior is fundamentally similar to what you describe. In his case (and in BPD generally), there are also swings between attacking the people who are about you and idealizing them, and the reasons can be totally inscrutable to people on the outside. Having a mental disorder isn’t an excuse, but he’s smart enough not to date until and unless he takes recovery seriously and gets to a place where he wouldn’t mistreat (and abuse, because what he does is abusive) his potential partner. He already puts his friends and family through enough.
You do not want to enable this behavior. It will not help her.
To be clear, I’ve had mental health issues too. Most people I’ve been close to have had at some point. People do have rough patches. That is a fact. What’s also a fact is that people who are safe and mature partners understand and take seriously addressing their own issues.
They are in therapy. They don’t harass their partners for going for an exam or out with friends just because they’re struggling in their head. They strive— really strive, even when it involves a lot of failing and restarting— to find things they can do for school, work, even volunteering to keep their stability and work on their life. They do not latch on to a partner and leech for dear life, especially not while melting down at them over going out of the house (I would fully consider this emotionally abusive behavior).
Do not date someone who wants you to behave as their parent. That’s your situation. Stop lying to yourself and your friends about your situation.
This is not how she gets better. Whether she accepts it or not, she won’t improve while leeching off someone who enables her to seek a parent instead of a partner. She’s only 23 and needs to grow up, not marry her caretaker.
She probably won’t accept it now. She’ll likely throw a fit when things end like it’s the end of the world. If she’s similar to other people I’ve known with this type of behavior pattern, she may threaten you (suicide, self-harm, “dying” generally, etc) and you’ll have to prepare to call the appropriate welfare/psychiatric authorities and not bend to the threats.
If your heart sinks knowing the next 24 hours will be hell because your partner got triggered over emotions they can’t manage themselves, you are not in a safe relationship. You can’t fix this for her and you do not deserve to be mistreated.
Please seek the resources you need and make a plan to leave safely.
Be honest. Tell him how happy you are that he's found his person but you just can't have her around filming constantly and making everything about tiktok. Tell him you've asked her repeatedly not to film you and she doesn't listen and that makes spending time with her an anxious occasion.
No idea why someone would do that. I would probably ask her if she was okay, because her behavior was very strange.
This whole talk of exclusivity seems so odd to me. If you want to pursue a relationship with someone you don't sleep with other people, surely?
Personally this would be a deal breaker for me and I would be out. Let this be a cautionary tale about the dangers of of negging.
So you would not date a virgin?
And when you say “sone kind”, does that include kissing or hand holding?
I'm just conservative when it comes to PDA.
The OP is such a loser it's almost got to be fake
End it, she literally doesn’t respect you or your boundaries. You’re a nice person who’s still i move and willing to see her as someone nice, but deep down if she cared, she would suggest some kind of change. Maybe not ending polyamory but something to make you feel like you aren’t just the safe choice shitter. Instead she’s willing to do everything short of opening her legs to another man right in front of you, but claim she’s getting married because she wants to spend her life with you. If that was the case why doesnt she want to spend the rest of her life with these other men she’s so close to? Exactly. Stop doing that to yourself. Don’t give yourself time to second guess yourself into postponing. End it with her and don’t see her ever again.