I would be postponing the wedding until my fiancee developed a spine, if I were you. You said she's working on boundaries and that's great and all… but I don't think you should risk marrying her until that work is more successful. She's gonna let this farthead ruin your wedding because her boundary work is still too weak. That's a problem because if they're not made to respect the relationship right from the jump it will get trickier and trickier to inforce after the fact. A marriage is a public vow to put each other above all others and it doesn't sound like she's currently strong enough to actually uphold a promise like that. She's still capitulating to her parents and brother. Eww!
If you don't trust her you shouldn't be with her. She also appears to have an alcohol problem and unless she's willing to work on that she's probably not a great bet to be dating. Relationships are supposed to energize and fulfill us, not make a nervous wreck because we can't let our partner out of our sight for fear of them acting up. It's really time for you to do some serious examination of why you “want this relationship to work”. If you can't trust her and she can't control her booze intake this just isn't the person you should be with. Talk to her about the drinking to see if she'll dial it back to save the relationship. If she won't then at least you'll know that alcohol is more of a priority to her than you are.
She probably doesn’t want to get stuffed into the role of wife and mother if she’s used to the role of breadwinner. If her husband is less than responsible in regular shit, why on earth would she decide to have a baby with him? He’s suddenly going to be interested in staying in most nights, tending to a child while the higher earner is working long hours, breaking plans for a good time when the kid is sick. Please.
She may well want children, but OP is probably not showing his cautious wife that he could be an equal partner in parenting without suddenly needing her to hold his hand through filling a bottle or whatever.
She sounds frustrating to be with. She says no to sex, you respect that like you should, then she gets mad at you for not “trying hard enough”? You've been together WAY too long for her to be playing these kinds of mind games on you.
Trying to convince someone with BPD of something, when they are having an episode is impossible. Also, don't treat the episode as real, it's not, it's their disorder.
Majority of people have no issue seeing violence on rapists, murderers, and other evil people.
Your own idea of the so called “legal process” is nothing but violence. If you go by the full legal process, he would be detained by armed men who would be violent at the drop of a hat if he didn’t cooperate. Then he would be kept in jail against his will, likely subjected by violence by others there. Then once he would be given a sentence, a large amount of the punishment in prison isnt just being stuck in the cell, but the pure violence that would surround him in the culture of prison where he would likely be involved in more fights, beatings, stabbings, etc. for several years.
So yeah im not sure where you get the idea where physical violence of one human against another is completely unjustified, but you somehow bring in the state to back the violence, now its all peaceful and okay.
Also ill repeat myself, but punching rapists in the face is 100% justified
in contrast to most comments: she dumped you because she is very insecure.
How tf does she thinks you can replace her with a pillow ? I have jealous issues sometimes but not like this and acting crazy holy fuck
I would be postponing the wedding until my fiancee developed a spine, if I were you. You said she's working on boundaries and that's great and all… but I don't think you should risk marrying her until that work is more successful. She's gonna let this farthead ruin your wedding because her boundary work is still too weak. That's a problem because if they're not made to respect the relationship right from the jump it will get trickier and trickier to inforce after the fact. A marriage is a public vow to put each other above all others and it doesn't sound like she's currently strong enough to actually uphold a promise like that. She's still capitulating to her parents and brother. Eww!
If you don't trust her you shouldn't be with her. She also appears to have an alcohol problem and unless she's willing to work on that she's probably not a great bet to be dating. Relationships are supposed to energize and fulfill us, not make a nervous wreck because we can't let our partner out of our sight for fear of them acting up. It's really time for you to do some serious examination of why you “want this relationship to work”. If you can't trust her and she can't control her booze intake this just isn't the person you should be with. Talk to her about the drinking to see if she'll dial it back to save the relationship. If she won't then at least you'll know that alcohol is more of a priority to her than you are.
She probably doesn’t want to get stuffed into the role of wife and mother if she’s used to the role of breadwinner. If her husband is less than responsible in regular shit, why on earth would she decide to have a baby with him? He’s suddenly going to be interested in staying in most nights, tending to a child while the higher earner is working long hours, breaking plans for a good time when the kid is sick. Please.
She may well want children, but OP is probably not showing his cautious wife that he could be an equal partner in parenting without suddenly needing her to hold his hand through filling a bottle or whatever.
She sounds frustrating to be with. She says no to sex, you respect that like you should, then she gets mad at you for not “trying hard enough”? You've been together WAY too long for her to be playing these kinds of mind games on you.
The eyes of the law very very seldomly even acknowledge Infidelity. And even then it's a civil thing that the injured party has to bring up.
Most states in the US don't acknowledge it at all.
Also, emotional cheating is a thing in monogamous relationships, too. Getting too close to someone emotionally instead of your partner.
Trying to convince someone with BPD of something, when they are having an episode is impossible. Also, don't treat the episode as real, it's not, it's their disorder.
Is she in therapy at all?
Majority of people have no issue seeing violence on rapists, murderers, and other evil people.
Your own idea of the so called “legal process” is nothing but violence. If you go by the full legal process, he would be detained by armed men who would be violent at the drop of a hat if he didn’t cooperate. Then he would be kept in jail against his will, likely subjected by violence by others there. Then once he would be given a sentence, a large amount of the punishment in prison isnt just being stuck in the cell, but the pure violence that would surround him in the culture of prison where he would likely be involved in more fights, beatings, stabbings, etc. for several years.
So yeah im not sure where you get the idea where physical violence of one human against another is completely unjustified, but you somehow bring in the state to back the violence, now its all peaceful and okay.
Also ill repeat myself, but punching rapists in the face is 100% justified