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Date: October 28, 2022
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Do what your gut tells you to do.
Yeah this is the shit of the bull.
It's hypocritical, for one thing. He can be with others on his terms but you can't, without him demanding to know why (because you want to, just like he wants to be with other partners) and wanting a list of what are you are doing. NOPE.
Second, the OPP ('One Penis Policy') is gross. You can have sex with women but not men? What he's saying is, relationships between women are somehow lesser than relationships between men and women. Like, they don't 'count'. That's pretty dismissive. He worries you could leave him for another man but somehow you wouldn't leave him for a woman because again – lesbian relationships are lesser, and not a threat.
I wouldn't put up with this. What is good for him is good for you. Same parameters, same rules, same respect, same degree of privacy.
You could also try posting this over in r/polyamory . Lots of thoughtful commenters over there.
Sell this house, split the profit, divorce her, buy the house you want and afterwards you can ask her to remarry you. Or just divorce her?
If the genders were reversed, a lot of comments would be to leave. In your case as a male in an abusive relationship I'd say the same. No one deserves to be emotionally controlled and abused. People like this don't change (of at all). Leave now OP. Protect yourself (and children of you have them in your custody but if not don't let your wife take them give your parents custody instead)
She belongs to the streets
It’s very cute to watch Tiktoks titled “moments with my boyfriend that altered my brain chemistry”
Yeah, her parents are assholes. Quite possibly they want the status they never attained themselves for their daughter, instead of just being happy with her being happy.
I suspect she's already opened up the relationship on her end
Co-parent and child support. You’re whole relationship is a lie or what you would call a relationship.
He knows it's abuse. He just wants to keep doing it for some bizarre reason that gives him satisfaction.
I find it concerning that you are normalizing this behavior.
I would never let a tagged pic of me kissing be on IG. I ain’t hiding anything I’m just not someone who likes that out in public. So maybe he just feels that way also.
Maybe I’m missing something, but it sounds like he wants to be with you, just has a hard time with your current space.
It sounds like you may be more hurt regarding the argument in bullet 1. He was just talking about the apartment negatively (and you positively)—at least that’s what I’m seeing.
If you’d feel 100% resolved from the first argument, would you have felt hurt by his comment?
This isn't someone you want to keep. Not only is she manipulative, she isn't respecting your boundaries. You not wanting to be on social media isn't about her but she doesn't get that. Your values are also incompatible if she thinks that social media plays a large role in relationships and you don't feel comfortable using it for personal exposure.
why are u dating a 45 year old at 23 years old… you’re young why would u waste your 20’s with someone like that. he’s old enough to be ur dad lol
Honestly I wouldn't be as disturbed by the fact that he has a daughter as much as the fact that when he was in his 30's he got a teenage girl pregnant. To me the relationship would be over for this reason.
It's a matter of principle.. If the genders where reversed you would be telling her to leave…so I don't buy anything you're saying about 'communication'
She fantasizes…about her ex He should leave her and let her be with her ex
Say it just like you typed it, “I don't think sleeping with other people is a good idea” and when he says why the only answer you have to give is I don't like how it makes me feel, the end. If he fights you guys on it get rid of him, there are 4 billion others you can replace him with
Caffeine addiction is likely playing a large role in thsi
I see two things you can somewhat control here depending on how you feel about yourself and what opinion if any fit you.
The first is your relationship attachment habits. You might have an insecure attachment style because your relationship with this man is pretty much over but it still feels like you're in denial and self-blame. You say he barely pays attention to you, which whether true or not, suggests you hold it as an important measurement. You later bring up the comment of being insecure or crazy not wanting an open relationship. That comment is such a negative self-concept. It's in no way your fault or responsibility to be open to that. It's a reasonable response for someone to immediately end a relationship over actually discussing it. But you're struggling to say you're not okay with it. At least that's the feeling I'm getting. I think in some capacity you need to consider doing some psychological healing I'm getting a sense of a past trauma.
And if none of that applies or even if it does, working and living together isn't going to work. You're effectively trapped. You've expressed you want to say no. If you're relationship is pretty good he'll accept that. I hope that's the case. Even in the best of outcomes though, I'd recommend reducing your reliance on and connection with your partner. Not like ignoring the relationship preparation. Perhaps get together a resume, explore other employment options. If you don't have a vehicle, perhaps start saving money for one. All the bank accounts are shared? Go ahead and set up your own. You can do little things. It's not paranoid to be more independent.
But yeah, it's kinda just you tell him no, you're only interested in monogamy and then things just start sorting themselves out.
I’m so so sorry that you experienced this. You seem so sweet for not wanting to hurt his feelings, but I want you to know that your decisions about what happens to your body should ALWAYS take priority over anyone else’s feelings.
If you're fiancé is unwilling to understand it, I'd tell him to postpone the wedding. This behaviour of his best friend is disgusting and disrespectful.
I'd be so far away if my bf does that.
No he wouldn’t. You are too immature.
Thank you for the response. I will take time to do a lof of self reflecting. I want to come out of this all as a stronger and better person, but it will be a long and hard road to take i guess. And for the alcohol, honestly since alcohol was involved when it happened it feels kindof like a part of the trauma and i have no longing for it. Hope it stays that way but will definatly be vary of it, maybe the longing will come when i stop on the painkillers but i need to face this head on and sober.
Advice? Leave. He knows what he's doing. He knows. Nobody can say he doesn't know. That argument is absolute bullshit. He sees it. He knows the dishwasher is still half full. He sees the overflowing trash can. He walks on the same floors you do. I'm willing to fight people who say “men just dont see it.” Same to the people who say “just make him a list.” This is my hill. I'm dying on it. Steps off soapbox
He knows you'll do it all for him and if he sucks enough you'll stop asking. He's being a dick and kind of a waste of a human.
She lied as a prank to get you out of the house…
I'd bounce too. You're either too immature or shady to stick around and put more effort into. Nothing you're saying makes sense or adds up. You and the girl friend should be happy spending your time together.
Ah. Maybe she panics a bit because it's you? I appreciate that wouldn't make it any better for you.
This seems weird as a standalone- is your relationship normally like this? With the info given, I suggest at the very least maintaining your own boundaries- if you are tired etc, you put down the phone and don’t give in to going out/driving. ESPECIALLY COMING OFF A 24H SHIFT.
I don't think anyone is offended don't worry 😉
Hopefully things will go well between you two.