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? ????? ?, 21 y.o.
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Date: October 25, 2022
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We discussed early on neither of us are interested in dating any one person exclusively. But I am attracted to her and I always try to be direct with the people I am interested in. So I figured being in the same boat was a good sign. Sheโs a very fun, smart, funny person and i figured we could both have something more casual.
Your girl is loose dude
I think a lot of commenters are being unfair to OP by characterizing him as a predator for dating an 18 year old at 23. If anything is weird itโs how bent out of shape yaโll get over adult women being able to have consensual adult relationships.
Best friends don't treat people how he treats you. Divorce is ok.
Sincerely a Christian.
Your preacher will tell you if your husband is not being the lead of the house, you can leave and find someone who is willing to truly be a man of God.
And he's a bad father just by treating his daughter's mom with zero respect.
I think all of his reasons seem sound: to (1) live independently before trying to live with someone else again and (2) live somewhere that is affordable. For him as an individual, this seems like a smart move.
That said, all of these choices have an impact on your relationship. When you are in a serious relationship, you make decisions like this together. Perhaps he did not feel your relationship was at the level where you make such decisions together?
That leaves you with some decisions of your own to make. Are you willing to be in a LDR? Could you see yourself eventually following him to his new location, should the timing be right for you to move in or get married? Or would you prefer to live where you do now and want him to move back?
If you think this meets the mark then start looking for things you can take off her plate. Or plan some together down time to reconnect.
For example, we have โdate nightโ most Fridays. We usually play some music, have some drinks, play some cribbage and just chat. When itโs nicer out, we have a little fire outside. Itโs nice to have some down time together.
Communication. Sit down and tell her she's not a dependant, you're in this together for the long haul and this is an investment in her and your future to have this arrangement that allows for stress-free schooling. She is pulling her weight. You don't have to be paid money to pull your weight. She is working hard.
That's probably what I keep telling her. Although my fashion is to rather compare how much time working on something one is spending. I do one meal a meal a day, dishes and our laundry, and a full-time job, while she does 2 meals, other chores, full-time law school and part-time work. In every sense of the word she is working HARD, much harder than me for sure.
Also, get married when you want to, don't let school dictate that.
My reasoning was that it'll be much easier to have things settled a bit for both of us. I'm also considering a start-up in my field or business school, even though I hate studying. So I'm essentially just holding out to some get things “figured out” first. Her and me being together is my top priority though, I've been with this woman more than half a decade, I'm pretty sure by now I'm comfortably in for the long haul.
Tbh it sounds like you got called out for being controlling and tried to temper it but itโs driving you nuts. Youโre still controlling – youโve just had boundaries set and donโt like it.
Reread your post.
Why do you think this time will be different, if you accept her back. Break it off, be friends or go no contact.
You're right that it's not as simple as I wrote and you present fair points.
We share the office space, where she also has her desk for rare days she works from home. That said I estimated my extra expenses at max 20$ a month for PC running 8 hours and some coffee. The rest we share. Her gas is around 120$ a montn.
As you said though – if I start breaking it down I'll lose. Food for thought for sure. Thanks for your thoughs.
Yup open and honest communication is always best. Good luck!
Please tell me if it makes any sense
Yes it makes sense. He wasn't committed to you or really interested in having a relationship with you, and he still isn't committed to you or really interested in having a full relationship with you.
This is pretty inappropriate.
This also shows he would absolutely do this if you were drunk.
So she had to bury a child and now had to have a hysterectomy. That would trigger depression for many women. Add that to the pain sheโs in, the hormonal changes and an unsupportive husband, itโs pretty clear to me that she needs help, not a demanding husband.
If heโs actually transphobic thatโs a problem but I donโt get the problem with making jokes about in private
In OP's husband's defense, I felt the same way at that age. I would not have wanted to do anything permanent. I have always known that I wanted a big family. If my husband, God forbid, had passed away after our first two children were born, I would have at least wanted the option of someday finding love again and being able to have more children.
But, since that was my stance — we used condoms. For YEARS. Until we were ready to go the vasectomy route, after I was really really really sure I was done.
But OP, I wouldn't take this as a statement of his lack of faith in your relationship. For me, it was about the possibility of early widowhood, while I still wanted and yearned for more children.
Yeah, buy some testosterone and gift it to him. Tell him it will grow his dick and give him muscles like Jason Mamoa.
I think your point of view is valid. You need to talk to your wife more about this. “My co-parent will always be part of my kids' lives, and I will always be part of their lives, so overlap is inevitable. Parenting doesn't end when the kid turns 16. Other than cutting contact with my co-parent, how can I make you feel more secure?”
Ultimately, I'm an unqualified internet stranger. Would you and your wife be open to couples counseling? Don't propose it as, “You're being unreasonable and I want to fix you,” but rather as, “I love you, I love our kids, and I love my other kids. I'm struggling with this. I think an unbiased third party may help us resolve this in a way that makes us both feel happy and secure. How do you feel about working through this with me in counseling?”
If she doesn't want to go, you can always go alone.
You're in a delicate situation. I think it's time to call in a pro, rather than armchair psychologists like myself.
Therapy, now. This is above Reddit's pay grade.
What, are we supposed to respect and admire you because you have no respect for yourself and consider yourself your boyfriend's dog? And I'm sorry to good dog owners on that one.
You are not a sexual slave, and you definitely shouldn't be defending sexual slavery, you absolute weirdo.
If he was so clueless about the her inappropriate behaviour, why did he hide the phone from you and then snatched it from your hands? You have to look at the situation objectively. He is lying to you. He knew her intentions all along and was entertaining them. He was having an emotional affair with her. If he was as clueless as he claims, he would have handed his phone without panicking. I know it hurts a lot because you truly love this person but he loved you enough, he wouldn't have done this to you. Don't tolerate such blatant disrespect. Break up with him.
Last paragraph doesnโt seem real. How can someone be this delusional ?
Body types go in and out of style every couple years, if not more often. This surgery is dangerous and I personally think people should not get it until after age 25 since your body and mind is still growing and changing until then (and even after then). I know getting one seems like it will change your life now, but changing your body wonโt necessarily help change how you view yourself mentally. Youโre still very young and deserve more with your life than a man who makes you feel bad about yourself. If you feel loved now, imagine someone who makes you feel that way and more without the negative sides of your current boyfriend.
What?
Yeahโฆ.her reaction is oddly understated
You said you were pushing her away in the first part of your post. In case it wasnโt clear my point was: this is a you problem, you caused it and stop being insecure and having a go at your girlfriend for having a wank.
Itโs not hard to pick up the subtext.
I give it a few months to maybe after the baby is born and he will either cheat on her like he did his soon to be ex wife or heโll find out the baby isnโt his like he was told and heโll be begging his soon to be ex wife for another change
I am very, very sorry that your mom is not your ally.
Move your money to a completely different bank so she canโt convince them to give her access. You shouldnโt need her to agree because you arenโt closing them – just withdraw your money and make new accounts elsewhere. Make sure you have all of your important papers (passport, birth records, etc) somewhere safe, preferably out of the house. Check your credit to make sure she hasnโt taken out any loans Iโm your name then lock it down so she canโt. As soon as you can, get the heck out of there. Do NOT let her make you feel guilty for โabandoningโ her or making her homeless. She made her own bed. I wish you the best!
No wtf the dude. Itโs just a dream. Donโt make it weird.
If youโre ever going to do that definitely donโt do it with your girlfriend. Wait till your single and do it with a tandom
It's not insensitive to go “yeah I can see their side though” when someone is talking about their friends being assassinated?
I trust my younger sister the most but she's friends with my wife and I don't want that to get back to her. My mum would freak out too much but she's the only other person I feel comfortable telling.
Thanks for your honestly. How would I go about that? Like, a therapist?
I don't know, I mean she's got some strange interests? I promised to love all of her when we got married. I didn't think those things were bad separately until I started thinking of them all together.
No, she said she would kill me if I ever left her. Then she said if I got a new gf she would kill her and make me watch. It freaked me out to the point I can't stop thinking about it. I never would've made this post if she hadn't said it.
I'm not sure what you mean by that. I think I'm okay, all things considered.
Bet heโs got trust or abandonment issues. Caring too much or getting too into it scared him.
Were you having sex on the living room sofa or something?
That woman is the definition of a home wrecker. She went to the taken person. She declared her love. She started being inappropriate.
HE needs to squash that right now and frankly I would be pissed he didnโt. Also she would never be allowed back into my home. I would explain the situation to other members of the group (because why shouldnโt you be up front? She is the idiot here) and that you are not comfortable with her being in your home.
I wouldnโt be ok with my partner seeing someone who has confessed their love either. To me the friendship is done. This to me is unforgivable. If someone said it to me I would know that friendship is done because no one is worth my husband. My husband feels the same. The fact that your partner is ok with this makes me wonder if he has been giving mixed signals to her.
I think you responded well but maybe instead of relating and offering reassurance, she just wanted you to listen. If I tell my spouse Iโm feeling like Iโm lacking in something, I am usually not looking to have my issue solved, I just want to vent.
so i should just let everyone do it to me? and never stand up for myself
Not all men are like this. The men in my life would never behave like this or associate themselves with people who behave this way.
What you feel is that Essentially he is not โgetting youโ. This is one of your biggest values and biggest priorities – to have your partner not understandโฆ. I dunno itโs more than frustrating. I also dated someone like this. Iโm still unsure about the damage it caused me
No. All I read was the headline.
Exactly, with a talk but not necessarily in need of professional help.
You want attention.
If she does something it's because she has psychological issues, not because of you. I don't know if this is the case, but if she's telling you she'll harm herself if you break up, she's being manipulative. Also, you are not qualified to help her. She needs a counselor or therapist.
And it's ultimately unkind to keep her in a relationship that isn't what she thinks it is.
I feel like I'm taking crazy pills and it's 1950. What is with so many responses about a man not knowing how to do laundry? What is so hard about reading a laundry tag or saying “hey do you want this washed?” Yall the bar is in hell apparently. How do single men have decent clothes? It's laundry ffs. If you want a different basket then fine but it's not hard to figure out.
Because when Iโm down there, doing the deed, I can smell it very much
Another vote for both dumping your bf AND getting the copper IUD. I didnโt take any BC between the ages of 23 and 35 and while I dated some average guys, not a one of them pressured me to take BC. I got a copper IUD a month ago because I wanted to. Bit crampy and bleedy as itโs only the first month but I love it!
She will always be in a bad spot.
What a great comment, everyone should read this and take note.
He succeeded in making you believe that what he did to you was out of โloveโ
Its just incompatible mentalities. Nothing to analyze
4 months in and there's already this much drama!? Time to say goodbye. Don't ignore the sea of red flags you would be sailing into if you stick around.
That will not make his gut reaction to this change. It's beyond reason.
From many guys POV, they aren't going to be able to happily commit to a woman who his friends and family have had sex with.
“but that's _______”
Doesn't matter.
When there is children involved the courts takes a harsh view on what's being said in their environment. I know 3 guys who had their visitation rights limited by what they said about their mother
. I know one woman who wasn't allowed to have her mother around her children because of the way she spoke about their father. She almost custody because she violated that ruling.
Dick size doesnt matter (if you around avarage).
I wouldnโt get passed it personally anyone who canโt control there drinking is a red flag I have zero interest in. What happens when she fucks someone next time and says oh I was so drunk
I wouldnโt get passed it personally anyone who canโt control there drinking is a red flag I have zero interest in. What happens when she fucks someone next time and says oh I was so drunk
I'd cut them off or now. Honestly, he'd be gone for good. As for your sister, take space and time. It's ultimately up to her to regain your trust. But I have a question…was she so incapacitated that she was raped because she couldn't give consent? You haven't mentioned your husband's condition but it seems like he was OK to leave the house alone.
You're not overreacting and you're not the bad guy, all he does is inappropriate, he keeps telling you something but does the opposite… Believe what people do, not what they say. He is hooked on her and likes the drama, some people are like that.
It is up to you to stay with this guy… But once married you won't be able to say you didn't see this coming… Red flags all over the place. People don't just change because they get married.
Just being realistic.
You're not overreacting and you're not the bad guy, all he does is inappropriate, he keeps telling you something but does the opposite… Believe what people do, not what they say. He is hooked on her and likes the drama, some people are like that.
It is up to you to stay with this guy… But once married you won't be able to say you didn't see this coming… Red flags all over the place. People don't just change because they get married.
Just being realistic.
You're not overreacting and you're not the bad guy, all he does is inappropriate, he keeps telling you something but does the opposite… Believe what people do, not what they say. He is hooked on her and likes the drama, some people are like that.
It is up to you to stay with this guy… But once married you won't be able to say you didn't see this coming… Red flags all over the place. People don't just change because they get married.
Just being realistic.
I'm so sorry that this happened to you mate. But just be glad that you have found this out before tying the knots.
Just tell her family what you found out and show them the videos if they are pushing back. If she's on the title for the house, consult a lawyer to get that sorted out as well.
Don't spend the rest of your life with her. Don't even spend next week with her. She is controlling and manipulating you. This will lead to more abuse in the future. You will not have a good relationship or a happy one. Better to leave now before you have a bitter divorce down the road.
Kick that ho back to the streets. Bullet dodged before you got legally entangled or had kids. Good for you kid. Now, work on you. The women will find you as you build yourself up.
Go on the trip and enjoy being single while you're at it. Good riddance
I said women because your comment was about her mom.
No one is disparaging OP. It's disturbing to me how many people are disparaging his ex. She didn't do anything wrong. Or do we all have to marry our childhood sweethearts now?
Well, it sounds like his buddies have been pushing him to go for some time. So who knows if heโs interested or just gave in to some peer pressure.
How often do you? Do you do it during sex? Thereโs nothing weird abt that. Correct his behavior: โnot like that like this pleaseโ
Ultimately, if he canโt do things differently than you you may be sexually incompatible and thatโs ok. Sex is important part of relationship
Just to add i saw that yโall have known each other since the age of 13 and that is honestly a lot to throw away but it u ever need anyone to talk to im always free im20F? I trust and believe that whatever decision you chose itโll will the best one ??
It is mainly supervised but they get time to roam free mainly in the evenings and i believe for one full day of the trip they can go wherever they want. Trust is a reoccurring thing and I do trust her.
Excellent explanation. Youโre exactly right. You donโt say this to people you love. You say it to cause pain.
My ex absolutely adores our dog. It doesn't make him a good dog owner because the man doesn't know how to take care of himself properly.
After we broke up, I'd let him take our pup to his shitty rundown apartment overnight or whatever. He'd feed him, water him, walk him. Sounds great! Until I'd ask what brand of food he'd bought. “Oh he just had McDonald's with me,” or “a can of ravioli,” then, “we walked to (a literal crack house).”
Probably an extreme example because my ex suffers from chronic addiction, but he was like a dad who only saw his kids on Christmas, all fun and chaotic and no actual idea how to take care of a dog.
I brush his fur, I brush his teeth, I've trained him, I clip his nails, he goes to the vet, he gets bathed. He has allergies, chronic ear infections, needs to get his anal glands emptied. Things my ex never did once in 5 years. Wouldn't have a clue where to start.
I have no doubt my ex loves my dog. I just literally cannot in good conscience let them be together because we have very different views of what caring for a dog looks like.
I don't know how to make the conversation any easier. I just know you've gotta keep your dog's best interests first.
The kids have to have one of your surnames.
Why would it be yours over hers?
Have you considered changing your name?
I hope you and his ex best friend get jumped fuckin bitch, i would spit on you but i don't wanna waste my energy on a creep
You're misreading this. This isn't some “trap”. Your gf was making a joke. Or at least trying to make one. Then she's pushing to get some sort of conversation or interesting remark out of you. I'm guessing your tone implied you had something to say. Instead she gets you taking her obvious joke seriously and call her rude over something meaningless.
You avoid this by saying “There's nothing to say”, and immediately changing the subject. Or even better, making a joke yourself: “You know I can't look at that popcorn ceiling without without wanting to scratch it all off” or “The ghost in your ceiling makes spooky faces at me when you're gone and I don't want to encourage it”. Or whatever. You definitely don't take her joke seriously as if she's some crazy gf and then call her rude bc she got up for a minute during your video call. Your girlfriend would not be upset if you had said either of the options I gave.
She might have created that conversation to see how you'd respond, but if she was looking for drama she would have escalated it you, not shut down. She thinks you're clueless and she feels like she doesn't know how to respond to what you said. When you called her rude for that, she feels you like you're controlling and are going to get insecure if you don't get every second of her attention. She shuts down because she feels like you won't get it, and she doesn't have the communication skills to address it.
Seems simple. Get rid of this waste of space. What a loser. Have some self respect and only date ppl that respect you. His porn addiction is not your problem.
Oh cโmon. Youโre 19. Stop repeating internet buzzwords. Youโre 20 year old college boyfriend in another city didnโt buy you a stuffed teddy for Valentineโs Day. If itโs a red flag itโs the tiniest most insignificant red flag in history.
I donโt believe sobers are bad people theyโre just not good with dealing life but it doesnโt mean youโre safe to be around FOR children, especially your own. My best friendโs dad was an alcoholic and I remember the time she cried telling me she had to drag her dad to the living room from outside so she could sleep not worrying about her dad. Itโs obvious thatโs a fear of your ex which she is right to have it.
Iโm sorry but who knows whatโs going to happen the next time you face with something similar and wonโt go back to your old ways to cope knowing that itโs very very easy to access. You wonโt even have time to think about it because you wonโt have to go out and get it. Itโs right there. I sincerely hope she learns so she can talk to her kids and say that if dad ever touches alcohol call me and Iโll come and get you.
My opinion is.
Why were you in a bad mood? Are you in one often? Pretty shit thing really, being around his parents and YOU put your own feelings and mood above everyone else and then expect him to magically prioritize you?
You argued with his sister? In another bad mood? Learn to keep the peace with family, so stupid being a grumpy arse around them.
He is at a wedding, you can't go nearly a whole day withouit him attending your needs??
You sound like a bitchy, grumpy needy person, you need to get over this shit. He is probably over it and it is why he wants a days bloody peace and quiet.
And lastly. FAMILY before partner anytime, you're not as important as them and shouldn't be.
Did he grow up financially insecure?
Break up
Oh right so no matter what OP does his needs dont ever matter and he should just accept shitty intimacy for the next probably 7+ years because he doesnt matter? Lack of sex is a major issue in alot of marriages, his wife doesnt want therapy, so if their is any mental issues going on she wont address them so she has fault there. Instead of any real advice almost all the women on reddit attacked him pretty much calling him a piece of shit because he has needs that get neglected. Yet if roles were reversed everyone would tell a women that her needs matter and she should leave him if he acted like this. Its been over a year, OP is trying to figure out how to get some normalacy back into a sex life that died during pregnacy and your acting like he is forcing his wife to fuck him every day, when in reality it has been sense before the children were born, how long should he accept no sexual contact? 4 years? 10years? should he just develop a porn addiction now? Oh right if he did that instead he would be an asshole then too. God forbid a new father have his needs neglected and they matter, nope he should shut up and push those feelings away, never talk about them, become emotionally unavailable and just work, pay bills, and shit cause thats all he is good for
Well, is not that I forced them to cheat. They decided to do because their relationship wad already a mess. In fact, with both the girls I did almost nothing at the beginning and they started to flirt with me. So please, don't judge what you don't know ๐
That's not true… there are many women out there who know that men have feelings as well and and need to express their emotions and won't ridicule or berate them for it.
You're better off closing the door on this friendship.
I'm not sure
Stop trying to justify it. The fact that you're even struggling to decide whether or not you value a friend over your literal wife should be the thing slapping you in the face.
She will save the video somewhere else and then โdeleteโ it.
The first step: define The Problem. Your post doesn't reveal whether you see him as having a physical problem, a psychological problem, or an entitlement problem. As to the second step, I could offer you my amateurish guess as to what's up with Husband, but with your marriage on the line, I suggest you consult someone better qualified.
You and your friend are dirty old men going after a young girl like that. I have no advice 'cause I think it is all fucked up. She sounds like a real gem, too.
So I'm going to let you know that when someone is being assaulted, they often freeze or don't understand what's going on. Especially when they are intoxicated. Or even weeks or months later. I stayed friends with someone who assaulted me for almost a year before I realized how messed up what he did was. It sometimes takes time to process, especially if you are close to someone.
None of this sounds like she consented to me or that she only stopped it before sex. It sounds like she was processing that she was being assaulted while intoxicated. Also regarding complete honesty, I'm married and wasn't totally honest with my husband about an abusive relationship in my past because I thought he'd blame me. Assault takes time to process. Your gf needs help processing what happened, not to be blamed. Don't make assumptions based on her response to obvious trauma. If you can't handle supporting her through her processing of that trauma, that's okay. But also maybe look up trauma responses.
Comforting her isnโt kissing and cuddling herโฆ. What the hell?
Are people really still doing this stuff? Things have been normal where I live for over a year now.
Right. If you stuff it down and try to accept it, you will just end up developing contempt for him โ and contempt is a relationship-killer.
She needs to know who her husband is and have that agency, plus you may not be the only side piece.
If it's a situationship and not a relationship, I think the letter is a bit bizarre. You should probably just distance yourself if you're open to something happening potentially in the future.
He hurts you emotionally because he's bored at work? Uh huh. If I were you I would have stayed broken up with him when you did it the first time. Don't be manipulated by people who don't know what it's like to be in a relationship with,”such a sweet guy”. They don't know shit and should have stayed out of it. If you stay with him, he's going to keep taking out his boredom on you, and honestly with these games he's playing it's only a matter of time before he pulls the “someones died!” Prank. Or worse, if someone does die and you think he's pranking you because you can no longer trust him about anything serious anymore. You can't trust him. When the trust is gone what's the point in staying?
Huh? They're on OP's side: they're trying to put the situation into perspective for the other commenter: they haven't ACTUALLY responded that way to a d pic. They're actually agreeing that that sort of behaviour is cruel then you went at them saying they were gonna die alone? Tf?
Yes. You should break up with him. He deserves better.
It comes with a territory of dating a hot guy unfortunately. Compliments could be harmless but allowing them to touch him is a nono and he certainly shouldn't be talking down on you to strangers either that's not okay either
But I do feel like you're also a bit insecure as well. Realistically I think the both of you need to work on yourselves. Let's first have the conversation with him about boundaries if you haven't already and stop spying on him on the dash cam.
Not a fucking chance
I wish I had a dad or mom like you when I got out of the abuse. I love them both but the time you took to help her is amazing.
Most normal people wouldnโt have an issue with doing their own laundry. The conversation should have been: โare we doing laundry separately now?โ โYes, I was struggled to do it all myselfโ โokay, thatโs fairโ.
Look i get that more then you know, my husband's number was high due to lots of hook ups and flings. My number before him was zero.
He used to tell me that I was his 1st real relationship his first I love you and a multitude of a lot of little firsts. And to be honest those things made me feel special. To me our relationship meant way more then his number before me. I was his last.
Sometimes you have to put your focus on your relationship and not what he did before he met you. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Enjoy your time with your SO and create little firsts with him.
Nope. Probably got eaten by the auto-moderator.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it
Oh honey
Of course people can change. But I think you need to do self work too. You need to realize that you deserve better
You owe him nothing.
Ummm you're 20. Move along, grow, learn, they'll be other BFs.
I had no idea adhd could be associated with sensory issues until like a week ago. Iโve had this shit my whole life (40 now diagnosed at 38) and Iโm just like the fuck it would have been nice to know this shit twenty years ago instead of being told over and over women donโt get adhd and itโs just anxiety and depression.
Thank you for advice and comment! I really appreciated your perspective in this. I'm really sorry to hear that you have been put in that situation twice, and that is really not fair for you. This is probably the main reason why I want to make sure that I'm not making the same mistake. I have been that rebound guy as well, and I really hated that. I was an emotional wreck during the first week of the breakup, but I did came to accept the fact that the breakup is something that needed to be done sooner or later and there is nothing I can do.
Anyway, I just want to make sure that I actually have gone through and processed things in a healthy way. I apologize if I sound really dumb here, but is there a checklist that I can refer to regarding that?
Yeah I definitely understand her side. I didnโt sign up to be interrogated by a girlfriend though ? I have some social anxiety and that sounds really stressful. I donโt want to overstep on their relationship though, I agree that there may be emotional cheating
Therapy
Did the coworker know about your abusive ex? If so, he really is an AH
Not really, no, they know she doesn't have a leg to stand on. No one is impressed by people using legal terms they don't understand, it actually indicates that they have no idea what they're talking about and aren't a threat at all
Honestly I wouldnโt be okay in persisting in a sexless relationship indefinitely either so I can see his point of view. Probably important to know how long โawhileโ is. Itโs pretty standard to at least have had sex before making any declarations of undying love.
Yes you do, because put the shoe on the other foot. You'd want to know, right?
lol, sounds like she wants you to be a prick…so depending on what you're looking for out of this, it's kinda up to you. She seems to be attracted to jerks so if you just want to sleep with her, be a jerk and it sounds like you'll have it nailed. If you're looking for a long-term, committed relationship, then find a more emotionally mature and stable female.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Hey guys, a girl I started seeing around 1.5 months ago and became exclusive with a couple weeks ago passed a huge test. She was super nervous about it and itโs a big deal she passed. Obviously, we just started dating so itโs not super serious yet but itโs progressing quite well, so i wanted to get her something.
I was thinking flowers, but does anyone have any better ideas? This is the first time in a while Iโm getting into a relationship of this nature so Iโm a bit nervous about taking steps like this.
Edit: thanks for all the ideas! I think Iโm going to stick with flowers and a date for the exam, but we both graduate (her with her grad degree, me with my undergrad) in a few weeks so Iโll probably steal another idea from here for that. Thanks guys!
Edit 2: wow I really only expected like two replies. Thanks for all the help guys! Gonna be using these ideas. Also really helped me stop overthinking that it was too soon to give her something. Thanks tons! ๐
I thought the same. But then I asked a mutual friend who is still in Uni and according to him they aren't dating for sure and she is probably just fucking around. He told that it does get overwhelming seeing couples around the campus and since you weren't official and she was lonely, she probably explored other options.
I however think that the current guy can become more permanent thing ileven if it isn't now as he will be in the same city for rest of the year till I come back
Neither of them are ready for a relationship, because children are not just little challenges that come up in life, they are living, breathing commitments. If they're both not ready to become parents, they need to take steps to prevent that. It's not okay if one is fine with being a parent and the other isn't, they both need to be okay. And OP just wants her boyfriend to be a father on her own time, not his.
You're saying he's being unfair to her, she's being just as unfair to him, and any potential man she dates, if she just expects them to suck it up and become a parent.
Speaking from experience, what you have going on right now is unsustainable. I would consider either splitting, or opening up the relationship. Obviously there's something going on with him, whether he has some kind of resentment against you or maybe he's suffering from depression. It's kind of irrelevant if he's not going to do anything about it and you guys are just kicking the can down the road. So somebody has to make a move in some direction.