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SLOPPY BLOWJOB [390 tokens remaining]
Date: October 24, 2022
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He doesn’t have any way to contact me unless I let him. But I can’t control his social media where he continuously express his feelings towards me. Even though I don’t want to I can’t resist to see what he posted new about me and after knowing I just feel all kind of mixed emotions. I care about him and don’t want him to suffer but I don’t know how to help him either.
OP, Reddit isn't going to be able to give you the help you need. You and your partner need to go to a couples' counselor — make sure it's someone who has experience with LGBTQ+ couples — and work through this together in a therapeutic context. (And you should probably see an individual therapist as well, if you aren't already.)
A partner's transition is a monumental life upheaval for both hetero- and homosexual couples. You fell in love with a person, yes, but you are also primarily attracted to a particular gender. And now the person you fell in love with isn't that gender anymore. No one can know in advance how they will feel when that happens or whether they will be able to stay with the person they love.
The healthiest thing for both you and your partner would be to get a professional to help you figure out what you want to do. Whatever you decide, know that you are not wrong or bad if you choose not to be with your partner anymore, just as she is not wrong or bad for making her gender transition. You both deserve to live the lives that make you happy, whether you stay together or separate. Good luck and take care.
It’s absolutely healthy. Focus on yourself and your career. Becoming a whole person without another person in your life for a while is the best way to discover who you truly are
I would talk to him. I understand she is in a tough situation and sometimes it's easier to talk to someone that is friends with your partner because they know them and it's a different perspective. But I also understand how it may make you uncomfortable since they weren't really friends and now she is leaning on him.
UpdateMe! Please
Definitely get a lawyer! ?
Aspie to Aspie here.
When you have good friends, you'll know.
If you're wondering if they are good friends, they probably aren't.
Talk to them, tell them how you feel. If you don't get a good answer, or they answer well but keep hurting you, cut your losses. You can keep hanging out with them if you want, but know that you aren't worth as much to them as you deserve to be worth. And keep an eye out for some better relationships.
This comment right here is on point ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️
I've had a similar experience to yours but with snoring. I have a sleep disorder and my hours of sleep are restricted. When I get in bed I'm exhausted and waking me can cause me issues as I can only be in bed for a certain amount of time. My husband would shake me and tell me I was snoring. It felt like I'd just closed my eyes. He'd then roll over, fall asleep and I'd be left awake. It was all so frustrating. One night I stayed awake and he shook me to tell me I was snoring. I was so mad. I told him I was awake and he said that couldn't be true because I was snoring. In the end I caught myself doing it. I was so aware I ended up one night, half awake and half asleep and I heard my own snore, it actually woke me properly. Ask him if he can see where the shaking comes from instead of waking you. See if its your foot or vibration when breathing. It would help to know exactly what you're doing, if its you and not him (which is also a possibilty)
No, she didn’t. It was a three second call. Sounds like it was a butt dial . But even if it wasn’t, who cares. Clearly, she didn’t talk to her ex since it was three seconds so she didn’t violate OP’s boundary.
OP, this is a stupid reason to fight over and I get why she’d want to dump you over it. You’re being petty over something that happened for three seconds over a year ago…
Yep! Every cycle it drops to 5% chance of conceiving “naturally”.
Being kind to a child who had absolutely no say about the situation she finds herself in is 100% the right thing to do. The poor little kid is living through a lot of disruption already, excluding her from the fun of Christmas gifts because of her parent's choices would be awful. Please trust your instincts and ignore the people who are telling you to do this.
Even with squatters rights they can still be evicted.
Kinda sounds like he has difficulty tolerating your emotions. You’re allowed to feel how you feel. My guess is he felt somehow responsible for you feeling down so he was like “don’t be down.” Maybe it would help asking for what you need in that moment (a hug, reassurance, etc) rather than trying to explain how emotions work.
Yes this is gaslighting he's trying to make you doubt your reality. He is saying your possessed to discredit you and basically make it seem like there's something wrong with you when it's him.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
So.. rough situation I find myself in this week… I found out that there is a very strong chance I might have an 11 year old daughter. The particulars of how I came to find this out aren't really relevant to my immediate concern, so I'll dispense with unnecessary details. Suffice to say, the child has a dad and he even signed the birth certificate. She seems well taken care of and the mother is not looking for anything from me, financially or otherwise.
However, I told my current girlfriend the news and she hasn't spoken to me since (two days ago). I've maintained my level of communication as I would have normally regardless of this new information. I finally received a reply from her this morning to my “good morning, leaving for work, have a great day” text saying she's been having a rough time since she found out and has lots of questions before deciding if she wants to move out.
While I completely respect her decision to stay or go, I find myself wondering, “well, if me finding out I have an 11 year old daughter is going to push you to a point where you consider leaving, you might as well just go. I'm just as shocked as you are by this and really, I'm not interested in being loved conditionally like that. Were either in this together, or we aren't”. I obviously haven't said this to her.
Do you think Im over reacting? Thoughts? Perspectives? Suggestions? Anything?
The sex thing doesn’t really bother me, outside of relationships I’m not very into hookups or anything. If he was keen to keep things going and was to hook up with other people, it wouldn’t be ideal from my perspective but I don’t think it would bother me too much just because of the distance, so that’s a good thing to mention when I have the discussion!
Please start therapy. Please.
He wants sex to be spontaneous and fun
And it will be. On wednesdays and sundays or whatever.
I don't think he wants to fix this, he's fine with how it is.
Sounds like he needs to run far away, fast
typically within 2-7 months
Damn, for real?! That's not enough time to get to know someone properly! I know of a friend's friend who HAD to get married before she was 30. Guy she was dating got given her grandma's ring for him to propose at “some point” (no pressure). Long story short, they got married before she was 30 and they got divorced by the time she was 30 because apparently he was a douche and they were not compatible……
Anyway, if that's the goal of your exes and your current one, I wouldn't do it unless you reeealllly want to.
Y’all are still babies. Run away and be happy.
I have to travel to different hospitals for work and there are female nurses there.
She said, as she gets ready to head off to the National Guard for the weekend…
Because she doesn’t accept herself without it. That’s very toxic.
Yeah. So is trying to make her not wear makeup at all.
This is not something you can fix.
Love of your life. If you marry someone you don't love you will miserable anyway. Do you think it is going to be healthy?
Besides you need to decide for whom you live your life. For yourself or for your parents. IF you think pursuing your personal happiness in somehow unfair to your family then ask yourself this. Do they actually love you if they would choose to completely ruin relations with you, because you have chosen to marry the woman you love? No at this point it isn't love it is possesion and valuing cultural norms more than loving their own child.
The natural order of things is parents choose to give birth to children, and have responsibility to raise them, but they do not own them. Children are free to pursue their own way of life.
Of course since you have free choice you can also choose to be miserable, so there is that.
Met a guy like you once. I blocked him on everything so he left a note on my car apologizing. I was horrified and scared when I saw the note in the morning and it was beyond creepy.
Leave the girl alone. Stay away from her house. Other wise you’ll be labeled as the creep who didn’t get the message and the only time she’ll think of you is when she’s talking about horror stories with guys
why was ur husband in his 30’s with a 19 yr old girl? so gross
Ask her what it is about your use that bothers her. Does she not like who you are when you’re high? Has your ambition plummeted? Have you gained weight? Grown man-boobs? Ask her what she objects to other than the fact of it.
Also, “hey, Babe, at least it’s not heroine” isn’t the best possible argument for daily pot use.
A bit overkill there bro
Common sense that a guy would like to know if their girl gets home safe
More likely something nefarious is going on then her wondering if she will wake him up.
I really appreciate the advice. I will definitely be having a conversation tnt with this insight in mind. We need to discuss the financial and cleaning aspect in more depth and that’s clear to me now. Thank you!
Omfg. Poor baby! I would go bat sh.. crazy..
You’re doing good, mama. Get your baby checked, and help and therapy. Surely there must be help for people in your situation, even if you live in the US.
This is on your husband. He has done this. And he has been hiding it so that he can keep on doing it. It’s good that you found out now, sooner than later!
He is seriously a monster!!!
Your brother-in-law is a predator. He groomed Ellie and has now baby trapped her.
Your sister should always keep a very close eye on the kids. Who knows what that sicko is capable of.
He’s happy because his perverted behavior gets to dominate the lives of 5 people directly and others indirectly. He feels like a big man.
you said you think he friends have similar beliefs to him though, right? why do you think they recommend him? because he echoes and validates what they already think. i promised it will be harmful for you to go to this therapist. how do you think he would respond if you said, “i don’t feel comfortable going to this person, but i found (therapist of YOUR choice) instead and would like to make an appointment” ?
Does it feel horrible when you imagine your daughter in the same situation?
I don't get any sense that the bf was still interested in the sister at the time his relationship with OP began. If there was some overlap there, then sure that's kind of creepy. But I'm giving benefit of the doubt that if there had been, that'd be a detail OP would have made sure to include as relevant.
?
My bf doesn't talk about women that way, and neither do his friends. Maybe you're ready for an upgrade.
And most men are hyper aware of their behaviour around young girls so that nothing can be misconstrued. You walking about in your pants with a teenage girl in the house is not a good look. Most people understand this. It will cost you nothing and change your life in no way whatsoever to pull on a longer t-shirt, but it will protect you from side eye and speculation. Get it together.
Ah, yeah that's not gonna work either, he makes a bit less than I do, and 100% can't afford it on his own.
He's manipulating your abandonment issues hoping you won't leave him while he dates other people He doesn't care about your feelings or how hurt you'll be. He is only thinking about himself.
You need to walk away from this relationship on your terms before he breaks you down even more.
Thank you. I do care for her, and would like her to have closure, but it’s over and she just has to be ok with that even if she thinks I’m an asshole for thinking this way. The fact that she showed up unannounced and is wanting to meet badly is also a red flag I suppose. I know she’ll be hurt after I say it but I can’t meet her or talk to her now
I hope the sex is worth it you’re going to lose your best friend over this ,you know that right?
Her mental health is struggling.
OP, I agree with the other respondents that the abusive behaviors you describe (e.g., her lack of identity and emotional instability) cannot be explained by endo. Was she ever examined by a psychologist and given a diagnosis for a particular mental disorder? Did she exhibit such behavioral problems before her endo started acting up and before she started on the hormone injections?
Her mental health is struggling.
OP, I agree with the other respondents that the abusive behaviors you describe (e.g., her lack of identity and emotional instability) cannot be explained by endo. Was she ever examined by a psychologist and given a diagnosis for a particular mental disorder? Did she exhibit such behavioral problems before her endo started acting up and before she started on the hormone injections?
Oh wow, what he has done is a huge violation of trust and also illegal if you are in the US and I imagine other countries have similar laws. Honestly, the right thing to do would be to report him to the police and his ex. Or, if you have reason to believe that he might do something to get revenge on you for reporting him, you can always make a fake FB or Insta account and message her the info urging her to go to the police. I am back and forth on this one because while I feel in my heart going to the police is right, I also know that you might be fearful of what he might do to retaliate. Either way, someone has got to notify the police, whether it is her, or you. The ex might even be aware that he has done this since she blocked him on everything… clearly he did something to her to make her want to distance herself from him completely.
As far as you snooping through his phone. Yes, it is not a good habit to be in. Everyone deserves privacy. However, what he did is much much worse than snooping through a phone so he has no good argument here. So if you did come out and confront him, don't let him try to put the blame on you, he is the criminal here. Also, you said that you sensed something was up and otherwise had not had a habit of going through his phone… so he must have said or done something that caused a red flag to go up. He is in the wrong here, not you.
Whatever you decide to do, I really hope you break up with this guy. He is a creep and likely to do the same thing to you one day.
Long Distance Relationships are hard for an extended period of time, especially if you’re both in environments where you meet new people and build lives apart from one another.
Everything you do for the relationship can be undone with the smallest of mistakes in an LDR, because all of the negatives become magnified due to the lack of physical intimacy (I mean being in the same physical space together).
You both have to decide the future plans, and if neither one of you can move to be with the other, you have to decide if you can handle more time apart.
Get a lawyer. Dad's gonna need one too. Tax fraud is no joke. The government has no sense of humor.
If she was truly blackout drunk she was not able to consent.
Simple answer to this. Ask your boyfriend the exact same questions as you pose here.
Saying this would just upset them further.
Updateme!
Pour your own dollop!
It doesn’t actually matter how he treats you when he’s “being nice”.
It matters how he treats you when he’s acting like an Ill-behaved, aggressive, moody jerk with anger management problems.
To try to explain it differently; if she told you ‘yeah, you’re right, there’s always someone else better out there so if we don’t work out, I’m not concerned, so if I meet someone who is better for me then I am going to go for them. But if I’m with you it’s just that I haven’t found anyone yet.’
Why would you waste your time making any future plans or attempting to have a serious relationship where you’re just going to make changes in your life for someone who isn’t going to be there and doesn’t even care enough to say they want to be there?
It’s not jealousy, it’s respect. You’re telling her that you don’t care if she moves on or not. So why would she invest in a future with plans, hopes, financial security, and living conditions, with someone who expresses they are taking it for granted and won’t really care or appreciate it?
Do you not have the emotional capacity to maintain a friendship? Breakup mutually to where you can stay friends? Odd…
This could really be connected with the thrill. With feelings that she is only a mother, not an sexual attractive woman any more.
So of course you should adress it. Tell her that it is not OK. Go to couple counseling. Do all the things you need to do so both of you an find those things, that you have agreed on yo share with no one else, in your relationship again.
It will be a way to go. But you know you have the attractive woman on the other side that you love, not just the mother of your children. It will be worth it.
The problem here isn't you, its all him. He has no respect for you. If he did he would understand that regardless of any “jealousy” you might express, he at least still needs to take your feelings into consideration and understand that visiting and now constantly talking to an ex girlfriend for seemingly no reason is a big deal and not something you're comfortable with. The jealousy here doesn't even really matter, its just the fact that he thinks its his way or the highway and your feelings don't matter at all.
You cannot stop him from talking to her. That's not something you can do. But you can, and did, express your discomfort and instead of having a mature conversation with you about it, he said he does not care how you feel and essentially never will because what he feels matters more. Enough to not even bother with a conversation about what respect looks like to both of you.
I truly do not see how your relationship can recover.
Drop her back at daycare and get her out of your life
I don't see her as complaining, so much as she is concerned that he isn't doing anything for himself.
Idk why you’re being downvoted. Bro was dating a 17 year old as an adult lol
Sorry OP, wish it had of gone better. When you are ready I'm sure there will be a line up of guys who will treat you better.
I'm the end, I don't think either of you were really wrong it's just bad communication.
I have not spoken to her nor did I see any of the messages because they were all deleted. I did struggle to believe him at first but I am at a point now where I do believe his account of it. He did submit to a LOT of questions from me on this. He also has offered full access to his phone etc but I never took him up on that because I just don't think that's a good idea for a healthy relationship. I do trust him to a point. I just don't believe it's not possible he'll never do it again given the opportunity.
Girl, do you not realize HOW FAST he turned the tables on you? He was upset about something your bf did, started harassing YOU about it, and only stopped when your bf- another man- told him to stop. This is not a good or healthy person.
I had a guy like that interested in me once, absolutely berated my friend who was in an emotionally fragile place for my number, then did it AGAIN when I wasn't showing interest in him, and only apologized because I found out and stood my ground. I avoided him like the plague after that because I was absolutely not going to engage with toxicity.
Unless you've been verbally abused, you likely won't realize the unfortunate logic that goes on with his gf choosing to stay with him. “At least he doesn't hit me… At least it was only once… Never again.” It ESCALATES. It's not going to stop at just verbal abuse towards his gf without repercussions.
He also wouldn't hit her in front of your friend group. At least not at first. You fine with him verbally berating her in front of all of you as long as he only beats her behind closed doors??? Because that's how you sound.
Denying that they were even his IS refusing anything to do with them, right down to the biological level. I can’t think of a stronger way of disown your kids than denying that they are even yours. Why is she responsible for this moron choosing to insist they weren’t his? Why is it her responsibility to insist that this manchild acknowledge his children instead of denying that they are his? She doesn’t have the ability to keep him out of their life now, but damn, he’s the one who wouldn’t acknowledge them, that’s not on her.
Like I said, I don't know if there's a path to getting her to understand why you did if it hasn't already gotten through to her. I know there's not an undo button, but you should probably be upfront with her in a similar situation even if it ends up with her being pissed off. At least that way you can say you were honest even if she's upset about it versus her being able to hold lying against you.
I swear as soon as someone told me that they never used protection I would be so grossed out I wouldn't want to fuck them with somebody else's genitals.
If she wanted specific gifts, she should have told you. A mind reader you are not
Umm you know I have a prescription? And have been diagnosed twice? And don't get/take more than I'm prescribed? So your argument is invalid.
You removed yourself from a toxic situation. You have a right to do that without explanation. If he is falling over the edge that’s on him to manage his feelings. You removing yourself does not make you a bad guy in any story.
You’ve already given him an explanation. He doesn’t want to hear it. Repeating yourself won’t change that. I’d break up with no talk and no explanation, ask him to give you some space and not contact you, and then block him when he fails to respect that.