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Just tell him. He might be thinking the exact same thoughts as you.
Every second of interacting with your pet is training.
Damn, trolls are so lazy nowadays.
Exactly, his comment wasn’t one of ignorance. He knew what he was saying to her. Responding with facts to educate him is useless
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Third year in a row not spending NYE together and she ignored your calls every year. Dude you're her back up plan.
So she went off BC, then told you she'd want to keep the kid if she gets pregnant, then got pregnant in 2 months?
Idk maybe I've been on reddit too much but are you sure she didn't tamper with the condoms?
Also if you don't want a kid you shouldn't have a kid. The kid will know, they always pick up on it, and all 3 of you will end up miserable. You don't want to be a dad, you've always been clear about that. Just like you can't force her to get or not get an abortion, she can't force you to be a dad. You have every right to walk away but tell her now. You can't be on the fence now and later resent her. Tell her now so she can get an abortion if she doesn't want to do it alone.
I mean it’s just a herb. You’re clearly overthinking it and must be a nightmare to live with if you’ve had to come here to ask advice over it. Your wife sounds like she’s petrified of saying thyme doesn’t go. Please use sage
You’re not old school. You’re self sabotaging and childish. You’re letting yourself get worked up for no reason. You know how to solve you’re problem but just refuse to out of pride and childish notions about the way “things should work”.
Part of me thinks he saw this in you and as. 36 y/o man did not want to deal with it.
I'll give you actual advice before I'm harsh
Writing some porn fiction with rape & misogyny in and of itself isn't an automatic red flag. It's definitely a signal to look closer at things. The real red flag is if you ever witnessed IRL actions from him that reflect problematic behaviors. And this isn't something you should have to think about, you should know this off the top of your head. You've been with the guy for 2 years. If he's had a history of acting in problematic ways around you, then absolutely it's time to go. If he hasn't had that history of problematic behavior, you're probably overreacting.
Now you're being way too judgmental. You need to chill. Your reaction is as ridiculous as finding out your boyfriend players Call of Duty, then assuming he's gonna shoot you because he plays violent video games. He wrote porn FICTION. It's not real. You don't have to like it, you should totally leave if you can't ever be with a guy who occasionally reads that kind of thing. But get off your high horse. He has probably dabbled in viewing/reading rougher porn, and you shouldn't be making him feel like shit for it. Which is what you're doing. Just respectfully ditch the guy if it that content bothers you, stop treating him like a rapist waiting to pounce on you.
If you want your boyfriend to honestly engage with you about what you found, you have to wildly change how you're approaching this. If you want your boyfriend of 2 years to feel pressured & lie to you because he's scared you're thinking less of him, you're doing everything perfectly then.
Hmm, I personally wouldn't get back with someone who did that to me, so I don't know what to advise you. Think about if all this turned the other way around and she had put you through a sudden brutal break-up, got with one of your friends and then came crawling back.
Are you really mature enough to be in a relationship? Your timeline is very turbulent/volatile.
Aaking you to not be walking around in your underwear, basicslly 1 step up from naked is not asking you to change your entire lifestyle. When a child is in your home, you're supposed to change some aspects of your daily routines. Not being in your underwear is one of them and should be common sense.
I am glad you care about your family. That is a very good thing.
Updateme! Too!
Is he OCD? Has he been tested?
So, you had to lie about work because your boyfriend is so insecure that he freaked out at the very idea of a male coworker? And that’s… healthy how? Also, the blocking is behavior of 14 year olds, not 20s. Do you really wanna be with a dude who makes you feel like this forever?
There are two possibilities that occur to me. They are mutually exclusive. Only one of these things can be true, but it's possible that neither is true. But here they are.
Possibly one – your friends are good people who love you, and are looking out for you, and something about your boyfriend is scaring them. Perhaps his behavior during the fight you mentioned raised their flags. In this case, they're hoping you will get a clue, and dump the loser so you can all resume your safe, happy lives.
Possibly two – your friends are jealous of your relationship, and are out to sabotage you because they're monsters.
I have no way of knowing whether either of these ideas are true. But I do know that people who fall in love with an abuser can be awfully stubborn about refusing to face the reality. And I also know that sometimes friends aren't really friends.
Not all cam gjrls
NO YOU! headass ?
No. That's toxic. Move on and close the door on this. We tell people what we are willing to put up w and when u entertain her crying and neediness, it reinforces her behavior.
There is literally no problem here. Cut this woman out of your life like yesterday.
Tbh you sound like a doormat so I’m not surprised she’s been railroading all over you like this, put some boundaries down and tell her how you feel and if she doesn’t change drop her
Getting married means having each other's back. If he can't do that, don't get married because his vows will be lies.
You’re bringing down the vibe by mentioning a completely normal relationship subject, but he’s not bringing down the vibe by telling you you’re “not the right woman?” Don’t waste any more time on this jackass, you just found out there’s no future here.
I've been struggling with depression since high school and I didn't know it. My wife and I got married in our early 20s. Our first decade of marriage was not so good. I was an asshole and said hurtful things, was emotionally abusive and she should have kicked me to the curb. I would have deserved it.
Her best friend noted that I was lashing out and being hurtful and asked her if I had ever been diagnosed with depression. I hadn't, I didn't know I was depressed. I thought I was just “short-tempered”. Got on meds and it was a 100% turn around. My wife says/said I was literally a different person.
One thing I can say unequivocally is that drinking can drill past the medication and tap my trauma. If I over-drink, I can lose the ability to tame my tongue. I don't want to ever hurt her like that again.
I have no opinion on whether your relationship is over; I am most definitely of the opinion that you should refrain from alcohol.
My wife and I celebrated 27 years this year. I am fortunate she could see past my bullshit. There is hope for you, but you have to own it and make radical changes.
In a story like this, you start with “wow you both suck”? No empathy over there huh? You felt like making this poor woman feel even worse? Does that make you feel good about yourself? WTF even goes through your mind to say something like that??
So actually I do not see the harm of looking at yo partners phone. Me and my wife do it all the time and why would we not?
I totally miss the point of panic you are having.
Did you find anything? No? Then be glad and tell him how you sometimes are still hurt and how you are glad that he changed (if he has)
You are not depending on him. Love is not once. That being said congratulations on your now stable relationship (if it is stable?)
YOU (not her) are walking red flags on controlling, lying, and isolating her. You need therapy.
> am (21M) going to take back all of the gifts
Gifts are gifts, and you can't take them back.
> She said that she really likes it and wants to play with them more. But I said no only when I’m there too.
That's controlling. You either trust her, or not.
> I hate her ex and told her to block him before
You're free to hate a person. But she's free to be friends with her ex. If that's a problem, break up. You can not tell her to do something.
>She probably sent nudes to him too and cheated on me.
IF she sent nudes (NOT a good idea, but…), and cheated, how can you trust her again? You can't, it's lost.
> I showed her her match history and started saying how I’m NEVER going to trust her again and that she cheated on me.
End the relationship!
> I spoil her so much, I spend so much money on her and she decided to play with my heart and do that when she KNOWS I don’t like her ex?
YOU are controlling her. YOU are abusing your power over her.
>She saw it and started begging again for me not to die, and I told her she has to block him for my dying wishes.
Wait, who's dying? Are you dying? What the hell?
>she was trying to call the police but her phone didn’t have cell so she was trying to get her ex to do it. I never ended up taking the fentanyl but I’m keeping it incase she ever contacts her ex again
So you threatened to kill yourself to control her? GET HELP! You are NOT ready for a relationship.
>. I’m also a prosecutor, and I will press charges on him if he ever contacts my girlfriend again.
No you're not a prosecutor.
>When my girlfriend was still in a relationship with her ex, he raped her.
SHE needs therapy too, and SHE'S (might not) be ready for a relationship!
>Whenever she does something bad I make her do sexual things.
YOU are a [insert naughty word here]!
> I told her that im going to message her parents, driver 7 hours to her house and take back all the gifts I have ever given her
You're a prosecutor, right? You do know what you're doing is called theft, right?
>I also told her that im going to burn the cat plushie she had given to me as well.
Arson too? Lovely.
>What can I do to make our relationship better when she goes behind my back and lies to me, doesn’t even care about how I feel and what I want sometimes.
You tell her that you are breaking up with her, you are getting therapy until you are ready for a relationship, and encourage her to do the same. Also, encourage her to get her GED as well.
The tough answer
What you should be thinking – All those guys that she rejected were not because of you, they were because she is gay. She went straight to bed when she got home after cheating on you, that's pretty cold. She showered to hide any evidence and didn't tell you, you had to force it out of her. Would she have told you? No, not yet. She is playing for time, not sure what she wants to do. You or BFF? She hasn't decided, it is a big decision to 'come out' afterall and completely change her life. Does she want that? She doesn't know. Instead she has apologised to you to give herself more time. It is clear that she must have had some feelings and thoughts towards BFF prior to the kiss, you don't just become bisexual with a kiss. This has been going on inside her for a while at least, and she never told you. She thought about herself when she was cheating on you, not you, she is thinking about herself now. Cheaters are selfish and manipulative people, and are often very good at hiding the fact.
Move out, tell her you are ending the marriage. 1 to 2 weeks later go around, speak to her, is she still friends with BFF, the person that ruined her marriage…. You would imagine that she wouldn't be able to look at her ever again? She should be distraught at the breakup of her marriage, or has she been sleeping with her BFF again the first chance she gets? (Or someone else?)There's your solid answer and the only way you will know the absolute truth of how she feels about you. She proved herself and feelings by cheating.
I am tempted to say give it another go after reading all the amazing things you have written about your relationship. But I don't think you can. She lied to you, she thought about herself and didn't think about you. Would she choose by herself to ditch BFF to be with you? What a fucking mess…. I don't know what to say. I genuinely feel for you, you sound like me. I didn't leave my wife, but years later it happened again, she cheated and apologised. I loved her so much though, and it was so hard to walk away. I stayed and yes, she eventually did it again and left me for someone else. I shouldn't have wasted all those years with her, I should have simply found someone else more deserving of me.
If you are too weak to properly ditch her, move out as I said and if BFF is gone, then start to talk to her again. Hopefully build it back up. This way she will never ever dare cheat again as she will know the consequences….. should it have to be this way? No.
Good luck mate
HR can solve 75% of this for you…