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Date: November 4, 2022
Have you ever had an honest conversation with your parents about your relationship and how it makes you feel?
If not, then do it because it’s likely she has no idea what she’s done wrong.
If you have had the convo, then you don’t have to feel guilty for your reaction at all.
Either way you are NOT TA.
I don’t have any advice, but I’m sorry this is happening to your family and especially your mom. I can’t imagine how many feelings she is experiencing right now. I hope you get some answers soon.
You can be upset about anything that upsets you.
Narcissist
Seriously. This guy is just way too much. And, like, 34 y/o??? Bro.
Just tell him to grow up and get over it because you are not putting up with his insecurities on such a ridiculous issue. If he doesn’t like it he can go. You would be amazed how not putting up with someone’s shit will correct their behavior. I speak from experience on both sides of it.
Just tell him to grow up and get over it because you are not putting up with his insecurities on such a ridiculous issue. If he doesn’t like it he can go. You would be amazed how not putting up with someone’s shit will correct their behavior. I speak from experience on both sides of it.
We clearly don't all have the same views, and I find people here often react on a principle base rather than an emotionally mature one. Not everyone reacts the same to abortion trauma, depression or intoxication. She sounds like she is having the worst time of her life and is showing her very worst side. Life is fucking hard and very few of us will always abide to principles when pushed to our limits. She is likely to remain a bad partner for a while – as someone with a similar pregnancy termination story I can tell you the mourning did take a lot of shapes and came back as waves and I had no room to take care of others when enduring it. If you can never let go of it, of course you should walk away – but the hardships of life will bring out bad stuff in everyone, perhaps not as bad or perhaps different and there is NOTHING shameful about wanting to work things through. I would never think less of someone for trying to overcome difficult times with their partner, including cheating. Don't stay alone with this, counselling can allow you to say things a better way and see for yourself how it evolves.
Read through the comments.
I'm not sure what advice I can offer without a time machine lol.
From what you have said he is a vain, liar with backwards views and seemingly not that much to offer and a lot to demand.
So I guess
Finances and want to become this allowing essentially become a housewife working part time for your own personal purchases. This seems the natural progression from what I've understood and would take a lot of stress away and maybe make things a bit fairer.
Find the root cause Get to know his parents a lot more (assuming this is possible) these problems you've mentioned are all nurtured things that have been instilled into him. If for example he acted the same or very similar to his dad assume your life will end up like his mother should you choose to continue.
I would say couples therapy but from what I've ready the mere suggestion would be denied and taken as an insult that would need to be countered with equal force and insult so I guess that's off the table so the other suggestion is looking at/ considering divorce.
Good luck to you either way just make sure to keep yourself safe and employable even if that's just making sure you have your own bank account and keeping a job even if it's 1or 2 days a week.
I thought this said “beers” buried in the yard and immediately I was all for that new tradition. Obviously beers would be sealed in a yeti style holder.
Buried Beers Rules
1 We don’t talk about BB 2 You must drink every recovered beer.. 3 Buried Beer Day is not over until you pin the father
She needs therapy. Tell her to get therapy or this relationship is done! If she won't do that to save the relationship then you'll have your answer as to what you need to do. When you talk to her mean what you say and say what you mean. Good luck
I’m guessing these in particular are advertising 23 and Me DNA kits as last minute Christmas gifts.
Tell your husband to get out of his insecurity hidey hole and support you for what you experienced- not blame you.
While people are allowed to feel out if others around them might be into the same things they are into, your neighbor just dropped a swingers bomb on your lap completely unprompted. I assume you never even flirted with these people! But, no, she went straight from cat sitting to “have a nooner with my hubby.” That's a leap. Now is not the time for your husband to question if your skirt was too short, ffs, and be on the same team as you.
As for the neighbors, polite firm boundaries and no more favors. They ask you for help, “no, can't.” and you hire a cat sitter. Keep it polite, but if she brings it up be honest. “We aren't into that and it makes me uncomfortable.” A firm truth usually shuts people with little boundaries down.
And this is how it begins. Soon he will be hitting you to shut you up.
Thank you for the kind advice. This really helps.
What exactly are you proud about in this?
She cheated, I tried to give her a second chance, but I caught her sending him semi-nude pics, and they are still in contact (and she is still lying)
I know many people would walk away by now, but I want to do it right, since I care about her mental health, and I know it will be extremely hard for her.
I doubt it. Let’s say he gets $600 a month from her (which is HIGH where I’m from IF enforced) that’s no where near enough for a part time nanny or daycare. This guy didn’t think of anything other than getting his way
she's for the streets brother, keep her there
the best thing she's done for you was give you full custody rights because your children seem very smart and kind
I dont know you personally but your experience sounds familiar to me, I think I know someone with the same struggles and it turned out they had adhd/asd, diagnosis is still ongoing there but there are similarities.
I'm not a psychologist, I have no experience of bpd, however I have experienced two different lives with asd in my family and a lot of what you're saying really sounds more like adhd/asd to me, rather than bpd. This may be because that's all I know.
I'd advise first of all to get yourself to a therapist. What you have experienced is bound to be affecting the way you interact. I'm not saying you are interacting incorrectly, but you do need a safe space to vent about everything.
You've also just come through that age where a lot of people break or lose contact with childhood friends etc, the early 20s really represent the major social shift for a lot of people, so dont be too hard on yourself, so much of this might he circumstantial.
Regarding the bf in particular, it sounds like perhaps he just wasnt putting the right effort into the relationship. I think your resentment there sounds perfectly normal.
Secondly, read up on asd. Its entirely possible to be the loveliest human, be a very functional member of society, but still find yourself ignored and turned away by a lot of society because the majority of so called “ordinary” folks (for want of a better word) can somehow sense your differences. Differences which are not at all obvious to you.
Also read up on adhd.
If either of those lead to a feeling of recognition in yourself then it might be worth looking for a diagnosis.
The thing about getting a diagnosis, or even just having an idea that you've discovered something about yourself might lead to you finding support and community from folks who understand.
It's also possible that you've just been incredibly unlucky and haven't met the best people, so much of our lives is influenced by circumstances and the circles we move in – but its definitely worth a bit of reading. Good luck my dear.
This is a lot for you to take in and it probably feels all very urgent. Should you leave him? Probably. But don’t rush into decisions. Staying with him at the hospital doesn’t mean you’re commuting your life to him if that’s what you need to do. But also explaining to his mum why you can’t is completely reasonable. But first, go home and get a good nights sleep, probably after a good cry.
If she’s not going to change, then they don’t need to stay together anyways. I glossed over bringing up her issues because at this point, I don’t think it matters. I think they both have deep resentment and negative feelings towards each other. And they’re likely better off without each other. Hopefully then maybe they can get some clarity and distance and start to heal on their own as individuals.
Start by getting rid of Man 1 bad news – then look better at the ether two or even meet some new guys!
Unless you break up with him, what happened the past 24 hours will happen forever. Be smart.
The thing is you probably dont love him any less because of your “preference”, he obviously does since ita that big of a deal to him he bring up Kylie Jenner and is openly obsessed with her. Thats kinda gross behaviour and i have no idea why people put up with it. Im sure you as every normal people are are in love with his height aa well, because its him
Theres better men out there
Don’t forget that he is also a dumbass. Swimming, actually, simply treading water is amazing exercise. Low impact on my back, knees, ankles, feet and I also don’t overheat in a pool.
You just don't get it… He told you not to say anything for a reason… If You being his gf can't fcking keep your mouth shut what makes You think other people will?
Theres nothing to fix, it's done, he will forever be known as Peter McPegged, unless you can time travel the damage is done.
I don't care about how You feel or what your fucking intentions were, actions have consecuences and your inability to keep your mouth shut has caused bullying to be added to the list of shit sándwiches your bf has to deal daily… Just one spot below his sister death, he probably Will end up with chronic depression from this.
Congrats OP, i hope it's a good gift, a watch, pair of shoes hemorrhoids cream, lube maybe?.
Girl you are NOT ready for a relationship if you can Even do the basics of keeping your partners embarrassing secrets that he shares with You, and just to rub it on some poor girls face when She's expressing how down on her luck she is with her bf, don't even think For a sec You are a good person cuz You are NOT, You may feel buterflies and rainbows on the inside and think that means You are good, but your actions screams you are a thrashy person.
Duly noted after I posted this. Thanks ??
She has an eating disorder which is something that needs to be consulted through a nutritionist/doctor and therapist. She needs to work on herself and is not in the place to be in a relationship with you. She needs to work on her relationship with food
She has an eating disorder which is something that needs to be consulted through a nutritionist/doctor and therapist. She needs to work on herself and is not in the place to be in a relationship with you. She needs to work on her relationship with food
She has an eating disorder which is something that needs to be consulted through a nutritionist/doctor and therapist. She needs to work on herself and is not in the place to be in a relationship with you. She needs to work on her relationship with food
Dude, just make a scene and call the sister out when she flirts. You're not married to the sister, her advances are out of line and inappropriate, her flirting has caused your wife misery and dread, and your wife has a complex with the pretty/smart one dynamic (which may or may not be a competitive thing). Also the parents might be insensitive or didn't notice this dynamic. Showing your loyalty publicly is going to cause a change.
The just be direct with him and say I don’t know how this is going to work if we don’t have better communication. Don’t let it stagnate because we all know where that’s going then
If he's the one you want to marry, then you should be able to tell him literally everything. Open, frequent and honest communication is the biggest component of a successful relationship.
To me, who is introverted, I can understand his desire to not see more than 1 group on the weekend and that 2 groups (friends and you) may have been too much and not leave him enough energy for the week. This might be the situation for this guy, if he is introverted (which he may not even realize). If he feels like he needs his “me time” it probably was his situation. One thing I learned from a psychologist is that the split between introvert and extrovert isn't how they act in groups, both can be the center of attention, or shy, or the life of the party or wallflowers. Both groups have the capacity to flex and stretch for different situations and can enjoy the effort they expend very much (an extrovert can enjoy his “me time” and a introvert can enjoy big parties). The real difference is in how they rest and recover: introverts need solitude and extroverts need to be around other people.
Having a good understanding that having “me time” for many people is just as important to them as having time with their partner and children is. Did he not want to do you + friends on the weekend because it left him no time for himself or does he not think you're that important compared to his friends? Were you imposing on his mental health time or just imposing? Understanding where his head is at makes a difference. You may want to try and feel that out. I personally wouldn't want to be around someone who felt I was imposing on their time, but I would be understanding of someone who needed that time to recover from life.
Maybe he’s mortified, but it’s weird that he wouldn’t apologize for a wildly inappropriate sexual response, even if he couldn’t control it. You deserve the chance to share your trauma on your terms and without your boyfriend compounding that trauma.
On one hand, you’ve only been dating a short amount of time. On the other hand, you’ve been sent a clear signal that this is a messy situation.
If it was me I would remove myself from this situation and simply advise her that you don’t want to be an unclear choice for her. She’s welcome to take some time to sort it out (max 2 weeks or so) and come back to you with clarity but otherwise you need to be in a non ambivalent romantic situation for your own emotional and mental health.
She is 18. If you want a real relationship, stay away from that age group. I'm not saying all are basically out exploring, but it's like an 8 out of 10 that do.
Why play stupid games?
Especially when the “prize” is being stuck with this AH?
I would reccomend talking to a therapist before ending the relationship.
the jury may be out on if it’s abuse or manipulation, but the far simpler question is why stay in a relationship like this at all? “It’s great except x,y,z” is fine if you’re not 24. You are young. This is your time to find exactly what you want or as close as you can get. If you see red flags like this before even hitting the year mark, just move on. You don’t have to commit your life and future to every dating partner you have.
This might be what I fear.
For me i was kinda blind sided by the lips. She went in for the kybella alone which we agreed on. We were going to go in together and texted me “I’m going to do my lip” and I responded “I’m not paying for it”. Because it wasn’t something we agreed on.
I literally told her I feel like it’s a slippery slope. I genuinely don’t like how they look. It doesn’t fit her face to me. Maybe it’ll go down once it settles in but as it sits I don’t like the way they look or feel.
I’m all for her being happy, confident, and sexy. But it’s okay for me not to like them. I seriously love her no matter what.
You easily black out while drinking. Umm seems to me your husband is drugging you and taking advantage of you.
Sounds like a fanfic
Your marriage is over. Admit it and move on.
You can tell from OP's other reply that he doesn't want this relationship. He's just scared to lose her so he's accepted her demands. He's already regretting it. Just hope he has enough spine to walk away.
I like the camera idea. No need for a note. Let them have some rope to hang themselves with.
Next time the nosey Mom comes over either don’t answer the door or do and tell her if she bothers you again you are calling the cops. It is more than ok for you to stand up for yourself and this kind of shit pisses me off.
Wow, well I’d like to expand on what others here have pointed out. Telling her father is one of the smallest challenges she has ahead of her if she’s going to be a single mother at 18/19 depending on when her birthday falls. I was a father for the first time at 20, albeit 30 years ago and while telling my parents was stressful at the time, in retrospect it was actually one of the easiest things I had to do. And while my parents were supportive, it was clear they were a bit disappointed and I could tell even then that it wasn’t where they saw my life headed. That quickly went away once we (my ex and I) had to figure out where we were going to live and how we were going to support ourselves when she was still in school and I was only making a bit more than minimum wage. Those were the things keeping me up at night (besides my son). Having a support system of your family is huge and the only way to get that is to let them know and ask for help. If she has a good relationship with her father, which it sounds like she does, telling him in person would go a long way and sooner rather than later. I wish you both the best of luck and for a healthy child for your daughter. Please update us once she does, I’m curious as to how he reacts.
It won't get better, don't marry this person.
19 year olds who date 15 yr olds are always great people ?
I would leave ??♀️ like you accidentally discovered how she realllllly feels about you. Made fun of you, cheated on you, was going to (maybe is) use you.
If you are being honest and actually have brought it up 12 times then… you already have your answer. This is the life she wants, if it isn't the life you want do not marry her
Yeah, she needs to T-total it and just not drink at all. I have dealt with this in relationships from men, and when one cannot control how much they drink when they drink, they can't be stopped and need to simply not ever drink.
Women have been conditioned to be caretakers and to always put others first. Men are allowed more agency over themselves and their happiness. It makes sense that more Men would feel comfortable leaving. I’d say there are just as many women who want to leave but just can’t get around the guilt and can’t face the public shaming they would get.
Based on what you wrote in your second paragraph, you may already be having an emotional affair with this woman. Wayyyy too much info for you to have as a casual friend.
How long have you two been dating?
Your girlfriend definitely should have checked with the roomate before offering that you could stay there– but, it looks like you accepted the job BEFORE she offered that you could stay with her, so where were you planning to live after you accepted the job and before she made the offer?
I can understand the roomate not wanting an open-ended new roomate, and your GF is locked into a legal arrangement with the roomate. They both have equal say in that. Can you create an end-date? How long will it take you to find a place?
You are truly a glutton for punishment. This is a person who clearly enjoys the histrionics of her drama fueled relationship (and it's just more fun for her when there's an audience – you). It's her addiction to that she should be working on. At any rate, the less you involve yourself in their chaos the better chance that she won't destroy your life. Maybe don't be so eager to sacrifice yourself on the altar of their dysfunction. This can only end in disaster.
It can be controlled. That's literally what therapy eventually teaches you. Its just more attractive to people after a paid professional tells them what dozens have already
The tools taught in therapy are literally coping tactics, which are great, and could be achieved if individuals weren't so deadset on helplessness and no accountability until paid undivided attention by a dr who knows how to get you to do what they want: by initially playing into your ego and victim identity. Only then can they get people to get out of their own way.
It can be controlled. That's literally what therapy eventually teaches you. Its just more attractive to people after a paid professional tells them what dozens have already
The tools taught in therapy are literally coping tactics, which are great, and could be achieved if individuals weren't so deadset on helplessness and no accountability until paid undivided attention by a dr who knows how to get you to do what they want: by initially playing into your ego and victim identity. Only then can they get people to get out of their own way.
No you are. You made the statement that it was more of one than the other. I’m asking how that can be. You said it’s more of an educated guess than an assumption. You brought semantics into this. I’m asking how is it more of an educated guess than an assumption?
$18k over what period? Like, since you were married?
If this is over the 4.5 years, did you two not go over finances and credit reports? That's pretty typical when merging legally to go over those things.
Did you all review finances but he just lied?
the literal last sentence of the post before he deleted was him asking what to do lmfao
Very possibly very drunken stupidity. You stated things are getting tense between you and the fact that you have a toddler and tough pregnancy the stress level for both of you is probably very high. Add in the current cost of living and other life stresses and the pressure may be overwhelming. Do not alienate your family over his mindless actions. You need them there for you and he needs to behave himself. Stop arguing. Don’t spend endless hours discussing things you can’t fix by yourself. You both need to deep breathe and prepare for the new baby and utilize professional help to get you over the hurtles.
For starters, my mother has BD. I assume I know how you feel and what you go through on a daily basis. I'm sorry…
Many people who do not have a parent with such a disorder are not aware of how fatal it can be to a person's development. I'm not saying that everyone who has this disorder is the same.
You need to show your partner what it means to live with or near her. If you have a bunch of abusive text, show her. Let her see it for herself. My partner didn't believe me at first. Later on… well… he did. He doesn't like speaking with her.
Anyway… If your partner has witnessed her behavior and still does not want to help you, look for another partner. It is very important that in these situations your partner is aware of her behavior and why are you making decisions that you do.
Note: Remember that people who have experienced such a parent or parents often confuse feelings of anxiety with feelings of love. I will search for a video which explains it. Basically, you attract people who are similar. Think about it next time your partner ignores your cries for help. Also, why can't she go with you?
And dog know i didnt liked her bf
the fact that she’s doing this to you and also refers to the other guy as a “back up plan” is fucked up. break up with her because she’s made it clear multiple times that if you guys break up, she’s going to be with him. your worth more than this.
Bang her bestie.
Next time he starts in, you say something like “I tried addressing this with you privately but you clearly aren’t willing to stop, so you’re forcing me to address this publicly.
Your vendetta against me is really weird and aggressive. You do NOT treat anyone else this way, and you are not joking. It’s 100% clear that you have a problem, but instead of resolving that problem you seem to think you can just continue to treat me like shit. It’s creepy and immature and I’m sick of it.
Everyone else here can manage to behave themselves but you seem to have an issue. Either we resolve this now, or I’m gonna ask you to leave me alone. You’re making things weird.”
If the friend group turns on YOU when they’ve given this clown a free pass to treat you like garbage thus far, there is your answer- just because you get along with people doesn’t mean they’re friends. Cowards and abuse apologists can be super nice. Doesn’t mean they’re worth your time, or worth degrading yourself for some company.
Be firm, but don’t be angry. Be the calm one. Let him get hysterical if he wants.
This isn't even believable. LMAO.
If it's real, just tell her, “DOBBY IS A FREE HOUSE ELF. DOBBY SERVES NO MASTER, AND ISN'T GOING TO GET KINKY OVER HER WEIRD HARRY POTTER FIXATION!” ?
Is your trans friend interested in your boyfriend??
I think it’s worth acknowledging that you just made up a very specific scenario here
Turn it back on him next time he does one of his “jokes”.
“If you want to flirt with me, just say so.” If he gets mad, just tell him it was a joke. But keep doing it if he taunts you again. You’re his target, and you need to show him you’re not going to take it.
4+ YEARS AND YOU NEVER HAD THE TALK?!?! that's on you, all the heartbreak you're going to experience man I hope you have therapy.
“Oh, thanks, but I like to use my lunch time to read and decompress a bit.”
“Oh, my weekends are fully booked, but thank you for thinking of me!”
You can't justify what you said. So don't try.
You've both discussed marriage and kids and what that looks like. It sounded like you were initially on the same page, but aren't anymore. Maybe she just started thinking this way. Maybe it's been long on her mind. Either way, this is where she is at right now and she brought it up before you got married. So, there needs to be another discussion on whether or not you are both on the same page.
What you did, instead, was react almost violently (losing your mind – in your own words, then insulting her, belittling her, and then leaving) to a conflict.
So that's the first thing you have to work on. Do you often have outbursts like this when you are met with a conflict or any adversity? What caused the extreme reaction to this, if not? If so, then what are your plans to bring your anger issues under control?
I don't want to talk about it with anyone we know.
Well, this may be a case of tough shit. You need to involve an outside mediator in all of this because you've shown you can't handle things on your own and it's not fair to put a burden on your fiancee to possibly deal with your anger while trying to work this out. In fact, that's the first suggestion you can make to try to mend your relationship here – counseling.
You can't handle conflicts like this and need to learn to work together and communicate effectively together. And you need to show her that you are committed to working on that.
That's the first step.
Second step – you need to decide, on your own, how important children are to you. And you need to do so objectively – not on the aspect of “I love her and don't want to lose her, so I'll give up that dream,” but in the reality. I never wanted kids and almost married a guy who wanted them but said he was okay without having them.
Well, he wasn't. And he would bring it up regularly, and I'd regularly have to remind him that's not part of our future. In the end, he always felt like I'd change my mind, and didn't really take the thought of not having kids seriously. But that would have led to him constantly guilting me over not wanting kids, and to an eventual divorce.
Nobody deserves that. So you need to really think about what that will do to your happiness, and in turn hers before getting married.
The relationship is over.
Get used to being a single parent.
You both handled it extremely poorly, though leaning more to him being more in the wrong as from what you said he started it, and didn’t want to deal with the situation. But you taking your ring off…. Sorry but you killed any chance of that argument being sorted with that action.
Unfortunately now you have to live up to what you said – so move out and get your family and friends to support you.
you aren't celebrating by yourself, you're celebrating FOR yourself!!
Go to your graduation, and feel 100% proud of your own accomplishments.
Idk man it's one thing if OP's husband is spending his Saturdays sitting on the couch, but saying you should give up half of a free weekend day is a big ask to barely interact while one person does their hobby that you can't even watch. Even though you're not anchored to the finish line for hours doesn't mean you're getting to spend your time how you want – you're just killing time until the race is over.
Reading your post my first thought was cocaine. He’s lying.
I think this fight is probably about something other than ketchup.
My husband told me he uses the line “I’ll have to check with my mrs” it means he doesn’t want to whatever you are doing but he doesn’t want the other them to be pissed at him. When I hear that on the phone I know he wants me to make an excuse.
Bud the only reason for her to do this is she has something to hide
Sex is sex is sex.
This is why I'm not friends with girl groups. Also, I once gave a guy an entire year to come clean to his GF. I told her at a holiday dinner. That guy was such an asshole. He had wronged me something fierce and I was not the person to fuck with like that. 10 years later, I tried to connect with him professionally and, he said I had ruined his life. What? By getting his underage girlfriend to break up with him after 3 years of constant fighting? Oh… I just realized how that probably went… Don't be a piece of shit and you'll do fine.
Couples therapy
Damn that’s pretty much what he said too. I Appreciate your response. I thought he wasn’t taking it seriously enough when it seems I’ve been pushy and overbearing.
Sounds like a whole lot of pain and heartbreak is headed your way. It is very likely she is already having an emotional affair with him. Whose idea was it for the threesome?
Uh yeah…most people that got cheated on would still be with the partner that cheated on them, had they not cheated. It’s not rocket science or a betrayal. He didn’t do anything wrong in that regard. Don’t ask questions you can’t handle the answer to. The only red flag I see is him constantly bringing her up. She’s living in his mind rent free.
She filmed herself fucking 3 guys?
Wtf. Only this part would make me end any relationship
Oh no you need it
She is treating you like a convenient placeholder. Nice to have, but will be shoved aside when inconvenient, and evwntually discarded.
What she was doing is cheating. You should leave her no need for confrontation. If she simply lets you go that us ideal, but if she trues to get you back ask her to not only tell other people about you, but to confess what she was doing behind your back. Do not tell her what you mean, and if she lies there is nothing to reveal, you will know she is a waste of your time.
Um. Once we officially went out he was offered a job to leave. Then he left weeks later
Absolutely right.
You don’t have to be for it to be porn lol. Not every picture in a porn magazine has people sucking and licking.
Don't forget those 5 years dating. So 19 and 35 ??
You got absolutely destroyed before having a chance to respond delete your comment
Even for someone earning a good deal of money (like healthy six figures), this can be 5-10% of after tax monthly income. For one night you didn’t even participate in? LMFAO.
The fact that he basically shut down and won’t talk to you about this is such a major red flag. He’s not ready for marriage or children if he’s got that attitude to minor conflict. Even if there is something underlying his behaviour, you’re meant to be a team and a partnership and shutting you out isn’t that. That’s such a strange request even with your edit. I’m so glad you made the point about what the kid wants being a factor.
The fact that he basically shut down and won’t talk to you about this is such a major red flag. He’s not ready for marriage or children if he’s got that attitude to minor conflict. Even if there is something underlying his behaviour, you’re meant to be a team and a partnership and shutting you out isn’t that. That’s such a strange request even with your edit. I’m so glad you made the point about what the kid wants being a factor.
Girl, you were told multiple times to stop calling this woman your sisters friend. And here you are doing it AGAIN after acknowledging it was wrong!
OP said they prefer men
Yes: you should tell because it’s unlikely you were the only girl he was talking to. You were young, available, damaged. Men like that looks for young women like you. So yeah my 2 cents. She should get the opportunity to leave him. Sorry this happened to you. Good luck op.
This is a good point. I may tell him to get checked.
I’ll also make sure to remind him to cover his mouth, especially as we are modeling that behavior for the kiddo.
Parents are absolutely AHs. Husband as well. I will say that the sister should have at least told you in advance. Maybe had you as a support person while she told them. She put her gf in a very awkward and unpleasant situation. It could have ended violently.
Lol she told you she posts for male attention? Or is that an assumption? Because if it is, then just talk to her and move on from there. If it's not an assumption and you know this for a fact.. then why are you still with her?
Ah yes, push it back onto sister again.
Perhaps sister thought her parents would be capable of acceptance. You. Can make up all the random variables you want but the facts are.
SIL brought her GF over hoping for love and acceptance. Parents yelled at and berated her in front of the entire family(being surprised by something isn't an excuse for hateful behavior). Husband did nothing to stand up for his sister, or his wife when his parents started into her. Husband SHRUGGED when asked if he would be okay with one of his children being gay.
Husband owes some people apologies
Men naturally don't like to talk, but yes I agree both parties should communicate. Did this slowly happen over time? Or was it abrupt?
Yeah people on reddit put up with too much bs. She got this man wrapped around her finger lol
You're a tool, sorry if that's harsh, but she has you wrapped around her finger. Look at your dumbass consoling her when she is the one when wronged you. Break up with her and block her
Stop using mental health as an excuse for being shitty and controlling.
I just want to know if I'm overreacting to this
I'd say you've been under-reacting. You mentioned there have been hints all along about opening up the relationship. This isn't something you can ignore or just hope goes away. The fact that he's being nice isn't relevant here, because there's a fundamental difference between the 2 of you. In fact, the way you describe this, it almost sound manipulative.
I think it's time for the 2 of you to address this fully. If you never want to do it, but he won't be happy unless he's with someone who wants what he does, there's no reason for the 2 of you to be together.
Well, sounds like in spite of being old enough to be your father, he’s not interested in playing that role.
You’re an adult. You knew you needed to go get checked out. Why didn’t you ask him to take you? Seems to me you told him you wanted to wait til morning.
I dunno, I’m a horse person and get hurt here or there and avoid going to hospital unless it’s pretty serious and so do most of our friends. My partner would probably offer to take me in but if I told him I’d wait til morning, he wouldn’t push it.
None at all, we hadnt even smoked yet. This is a normal thing for her to say so i looked at her after typing this next to me so her cat wouldnt hear and i sent it to me so i could ask my fellow internet homies
He caused havoc by exploiting your labor. Boundaries look like violence to those used to trampling you for their own benefit, OP
Ehhh so if you’re buying a duplex is she paying 50% or the full mortgage? Because if that’s the case then she IS paying for your investment. In that case she should only be paying 25% which would be half of where SHE lives.
She may be doing this on purpose one possibility. She may resent the fact that you moved out and live someplace else. It could be the friends who she is hanging out with have some influence over her.
Let her be now stop extending the olive branch, it is her loss.
ok bye troll
I completely agree with this. Make him uncomfortable. Men would always say stuff to me when I was a child. It was disgusting. So I’d just let ‘em have it and they would leave me alone afterwards. People like to prey on others they think are weak or won’t really understand what is going on. Show them that you are a strong young woman who can stand up for her self and will put that man in his place. He has no reason coming onto a woman your age.
Here’s the thing you need to understand… men don’t give a fuck about your money. At the end of the day your money is your money and his money is both of your money. So you making 6x more than him does not matter, at all.
You’ve now come to the part where you’re facing a double standard that loads of men get grief for. MOST men, not all (speaking in generalities) prefer a girl that’s young (in her prime, not to say 26 isn’t young but the prime age for a woman is 18-24) and doesn’t have kids with someone else. These are preferences that fit in the same realm of women wanting a guy that’s taller than her, stronger than her, makes more money than her, etc.
You can’t shame him for having a preference for younger adult women (18+) it’s in a mans biological nature. The thing that gets me about this is how to talk about him and view him as an “average middle class guy”. Seems like he’s not someone you respect as much since you can’t speak very highly of him. If you do get married, it probably won’t last long.
He is a predator. No 30 year old dating a high schooler is a good person. Consider this a HUGE blessing to have found this out before your wedding and run
That's messed up. Like SUPER messed up. That is violating in SO many ways and honestly, you need to make sure he doesn't have his phone back up stuff to cloud storage like most phones do because those videos probably aren't gone. They're backed up somewhere.
I don't think I could ever trust someone again if they did that.
Is this abnormal behavior for her? Does she have insomnia? Does she ever go long periods of time without sleep?
It's not “gaslighting”. Gaslighting would be convincing you that the doorbell never rang!
It's kind of like guilt-tripping. He says he'll do it, then he doesn't really do it, then he tries to make you feel bad or look bad like, “I don't know WHY you're upset, I said I'd do it!” “You're just trying to make me look bad, like I was never going to do it when I TOLD you I would.”
My advice: if he feels like a creep he’s a creep. I can tell you from experience he’s not being social, he’s being a creep and attempting to take advantage of you and I’m sure this isn’t the first time he’s done this to a subordinate. Please don’t push yourself to give men like this the benefit of the doubt. If you have an HR department I suggest reporting him.
I’m sure you’re doing the best you can. Good luck.
You break up. You don't have enough in common. Why are you cleaning his house? Seems weird. But OK. What you'd like to do all day and what he likes to do are very different. How's that gonna feel in 20 years? Break up.