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let’s have a party.
Date: October 14, 2022
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let’s have a party.
Is there plans to get back together? If not I don’t think it is. But in that case why even stay married?
It’s hard because you both agreed not to but being separated for a year I don’t think there is any working it out after a year of not. Now she is involved with someone else. What do you want? Are you happy?
Well, First thing first get a dna test they can use you as a sample. If it’s the case that’s it’s his ( which is more than likely considering he was pushing her for the abortion) then go from there.
take ur friend.
Of course it’s cheating.
Jesus christ. Im so sorry OP. Never be with anyone who talks to you like that. I agree with everyone else, looks like he’s trying to make you break up with him. Regardless of the reason, what he did was unacceptable and you need to remove this jerk from your life.
I’m all for married people having platonic friends. But the moment that friend doesn’t respect the marriage then it’s over.
You can’t avoid hurt, it’s part of life, but you can learn from it which often reduces the pain. In this case, recognize that part of this hurt is not her fault but yours. If you would have pursued something sooner and it didnt work out, it would be easier to get over because you invested less time in it. Additionally, when you don’t make your feelings known, people consider you less, not because you’re unimportant to them but because they don’t know they’re important to you. So next time shoot your shot sooner and be more open with your feelings. It still may not work out and it still may hurt, but it’ll hurt less doing it that way and you’ll have more of a chance of things actually working out if you speak up.
Thanks!
Gee you in the showers at your bil home while he is in a towel? Wtf is wrong with your husband? Where could he ever get the idea of something so diabolical as to thinking you two are having sex? Silly man
I feel it's just a defense tactic on her part. She probably doesn't want the baby to be confused who the mommy is. But also, she also probably doesn't want you to be introducing random ladies here n there. I'm sure if you start dating someone for a few months and she's met her, she will feel much better in letting her involved. But also, she's probably hoping you and her will come back together too. So much speculation.
Well both of you sound a bit like teenagers. I'm a bit shocked by how you're behaving.
This ghosting then coming back and saying she wants a relationship is a RED flag.
But then you freaking out because she's taken an hour to respond to you is also a massive RED flag. I mean it's Christmas time, which is a busy, tiring affair.
She could be on the phone to someone, hanging with a friend, talking to a family member. Having a nap, or a shower or in the middle of a video game who knows.
She could be texting someone in a D & M and couldn't give you full attention so didn't text back immediately. Heaven forbid.
You can do it. I promise you can. But it’s a fucking pain.
I smoked 1.5 packs a day for 10 years. I genuinely didn’t think I’d be able to quit. But I haven’t even had a puff since 1/1/2020. It’s really hard to do if it isn’t your own decision. People wanting you to quit isn’t the same as YOU wanting to quit.
I kept thinking about the habits around being a smoker that I could still incorporate while quitting. I’m a server and I loved my smoke breaks to just take a break from the chaos of a busy restaurant. So I made a point to go outside and have my lil nicotine lozenge for 5 minutes. Then I did the same with dum dum lollipops to get off the nicotine. I also told a lot of people. I know that might sound dumb, but my friends kept me in check because I they knew I was quitting.
It really is more life changing than I ever realized. I constantly had that nicotine countdown in the back of my head and wondering when I’d be able to smoke less. Not having that constant source of anxiety/stress, my mental health has increased.
Sorry for rambling. Long story short, there isn’t one fool proof way to quit. You’ll figure out your way.
IDK why hit this is intentional, it’s not about what she can’t find and it is 100% abuse. Something is very wrong with her, this is a mental health issue. She won’t stop , you’ve asked. What’s your plan?
I don't see what the child has to gain from this. You'll be disrupting everything for yourself, not for him.
You're missing the point. He knew I wanted my own children, he knew I wanted the next guy I slept with to be the biological father of my future children. He lied by keeping it from me until I asked him. I'm not stating that infertile people can not be mothers or fathers.
… and men do like to get rejected?
He has nothing to make up for here – you are allowed to say no to sex.
When I was 36, I went on a blind date with a 25-year-old. She was gorgeous and very nice, but it felt weird and the age gap was too much for me. It didn't feel right. Imagine an additional 5 year difference. Now you're getting into creepy territory.
Your mom is right.
Well that’s brave! Fm wasn’t expecting that
He’s gen X, + rightly or wrongly, it creeps him out
You didn't think that because people say things like “you are valid” all the time. The meaning shifts, it's a totally useless word. Nothing of import is being communicated here. OP knows that he has those feelings or she wouldn't be posting about it. And he is being irrational, unreasonable, etc. This logic follows from the idea that someone mired in an unreasonable belief is willing to just talk it out if you ask why they feel that way, and that they'll be willing to work through this together.
I really don't know where people are getting this stuff. It's like pop psychology from hell.
Dude seems lame.
If you need couples' counseling in less than a year, it's not worth it.
Oh man, see, I went through a god awful phase of this- but passive aggressive behaviors aren’t me but it was so hard to own that the vaguebooking and sharing of that sort of thing- welp, they had become me. In my case, definite communication breakdown: I’d try to have a calm, well regulated and constructive discussion and he’d push and push, he’d deflect, he’d blame me for whatever it was and before I realized what I was doing I was locked into this gross behavior but, I’d say I was just venting or that I was just posting because I needed someone who could relate.
Right up until one day, his JustNo mom laugh reacted. I tried brushing it off: his mother and my mother, peas in a passive aggressive pod especially with those text on image things. I remember actually hollering “I am not that Freudian!” At a friend and cracking jokes.
Until I was making his mom soup at her place one day and she said that she’d overheard us arguing and, the only thing that she felt indicated she was “really getting through to him” was when he’d push that same exact way and, why, then, she’d have to explode in a temper or nothing ever got done. I wanted to sink into the freaking floor and wound up first, really examining my cruddy behavior and then, finding a way to get him to see his.
No real happy ending here: he absolutely refused couples therapy on the grounds that they “always take your side” because I was a psychology student at the time- and then, he died. (Not me: some horrible aortic aneurism rupture.)
Would’ve made it easier to write it off and blame him if I didn’t catch myself doing it again with the partner after him- and that one’s a happier ending. But, yeah, not only are these things big glaring signs that your communication has got a problem: I have seen them get really abusive. (I never went over that line, but, reading those things- you definitely see people who do.) It’s definitely worth putting the kibosh on that.
It absolutely is, but that doesn’t mean OP shouldn’t be vigilant and take steps to address it if it happens.
I really don't wish to lose her.
You aren't going to lose her because you don't have her. You have offered and she has refused. It's a shitty feeling, but you need to accept it.
Don't make the mistake of hanging around her pretending that you just want to be friends, when that's not what you want. Move on. Focus on something else and, eventually, somebody else.
Well to be fair, it was a nice visit but it's time for mom and daughter to move out if mom can't respect your house rules.
If he is the one then he will find a way to help you build your career, not put it in danger.
GF sounds like she looks down on OP and doesn’t love him.
You don't (re-learn to earn her trust), that's the neat part. Idk what kind of games she's playing, but “dont come to me while im dealing with “other” people's problems” sounds like a fucking shithole of a game.
Best to just break up and let her go, chief. It sounds like her hoghschool friends (and crush) got into a “car wreck”, and she just intentionally crashed her car into their wreck, just for the sake to be involved. You really want that mentality when she does it to you?
So it bothers you just because you think it's weird and not because it's having any sort of negative impact on her or your relationship?
I'd say approach it from a place of wanting to understand her better. Instead of telling her she's a weird lonely loser, make her feel like you don't think there's anything wrong with her, but you want to make sure she is happy and fulfilled in her relationships with people and to understand why she doesn't need more social interaction. Offer to help support her in efforts to make new friends if she wants to. Let her know that it is not weird at all for people in long term relationships to form friendships within their partner's social circle.
It sounds like she is a fairly introverted person who doesn't have high social needs to begin with, but that she might also lack the confidence to seek out new friendships even if she would appreciate them.
I don't disagree but OP needs to be aware of the realistic concerns that waiting until 35 implies.
A lot of women are going to want to have kids sooner for that reason, but obviously no group is a monolith, I'm sure some women will be on his time line.
We don't. But doctors scientists came out and said a lot about it a few years ago. Women were mad but we do hear story after story on here about people waiting till later and discovering they have become infertle KNOWING women are MOST fertile at a certain age range.
It doesn’t sound like it has anything to do with you. They’re just not the warmest or friendliest people.
Such a complicated scenario. On one hand I understand your side about that being a gross misuse of someone’s privacy. It’s wrong. I also think she has a lot of baggage to be so worked up about posting someone after a single date
On the other hand, you’d be shocked how many dishonest men are lurking on dating apps – men who are in love with their ex’s and looking to self-soothe through using various women, men who are married or in a serious relationship already/wanting validation, or men lying about wanting something serious and leading you and two other dozen women on etc. it’s really worrisome that in 2023 we can’t just move forward in dating as someone might have 20 years ago – at face value, instead you have to be skeptical from the start in order to not get your feelings hurt again and again.
My brother ended up giving up smoking entirely. My SIL wouldn’t let him hold the baby in clothes he had smoked in or with hands that smelled like cigarettes or if his breath smelled like it. She spoke with the doctors and did a bunch of reading and found out even just exposing kids to the smell is bad for their development.
This is a great idea anyway. My parents both smoked around me and my sister, and it really caused us problems, and just generally did no good in any of our lives. It's one of those addictions that doesn't SEEM that bad, but negatively impacts the lives of you and your children in a myriad of small, negative ways. My grandpa, who never smoked, ended up dying of emphysema due to her husband's smoking, and the doctor who diagnosed my asthma told me that my parents' heavy smoking likely contributed to my having asthma, because of the way it impacted me later in life. (Never had an inhaler until adulthood)
I mean, myself and an old coworker of mine used to get high as shit in the walk in freezer, and those were rolled blunts. I used to use a tobacco vape pen in the drive through as well, and we were both shift leaders. Food service is one of those jobs that just doesn't matter enough for this to be a big deal, at all.
This will be unpopular but let's face it, the relationship won't last. Nobody is wrong for that. You need physical sex and the longer you put it off, the more it will manifest itself in other areas of your life.
It's a fantasy this idea that you can be in a committed relationship while having sex with others. It will end badly and if you truly love her, as I suspect you do, it will crush you inside. You will get your sexual needs met but emotionally, it will be hell. Also let's be realistic, there are plenty of people who start off casual relationships which inevitably end up being emotional as well. Even if it's unplanned, it happens. At that point, you'll be having an affair which will go against your arrangement.
I'm not going to criticize you for being human as most here seem to be doing. Saying things like 'if you love her, you wouldn't do this' because the truth is, no one here is in your situation. It seems cruel and flaky but real people in real relationships understand the complexities of relationships.
Honestly, the best thing to do here is to break up amicably. The relationship is not meeting all of your needs. That's the fact. Everything else is sentimental.
Also tracks if they’re Jewish.
This. OP ⬆️
It would be annoying if it was a guy too. Imagine your hypothetical male friend kept rushing into relationships with clearly bad people despite the fact he gets hurt over and over again. He ignores your advice to stay away from this person. Then when he gets his heart broken, he has to whine about it and act like he couldn't have seen this coming. Imagine him doing that over and over again. It'd be pathetic to watch.
Thanks a lot for your insight and I realised he does come from a very judgemental family. But so do I. It's logical to then raise a child which thinks everyone is out to get them and you have to protect yourself by being rude. It's also a breeding ground for low self-esteem. Only way for me to get out was to assume no intentional harm or ignorance from others, like you do.
I shut his behaviour down by giving perspective already, we live in a huge city, you can't expect everyone to make room for you. Or people the next table over being loud because the room in itself is noisy as hell. Or why the hell he thinks people are assholes because they don't automatically remove their backpack from the train seat next to them when he doesn't even ask them to do it – as you can see it's inane and very tiring. It also yields no results.
Hope to get him to open his eyes by talking through some expectations in raising a child – thanks for your comment.
He has his reservations, rightfully so, because you have only been together for 9 months. That’s too short of a time for him to know how committed you are to the relationship. Just as you are confused about his commitment right now. See it from his perspective too and not just yours. Buying a home is very complicated and he would be taking a huge risk putting you under its contract. Don’t worry about it. That doesn’t mean he is not committed. Give it time.
Just so I’m clear, going an entire day without talking to your spouse is healthy? Cause to me that’s an unhealthy relationship. That’s all I’m asking for. Just one phone call. I don’t want her fun to end. Just want to hear her voice once.
That’s his right. Stop acting as though you have any right to judge or question how he decides to move forward in his life.
What part of it was inappropriate? He should have told the mysterious man nothing. Her own living situation is a private situation and shouldn’t be disclosed to a random stranger who knows where she lives. That’s all levels of unsafe. I assume the guard stonewalled him and gave him zero information.
I would be more worried that a random stranger was going around trying to inquire about your girlfriend as it could be a potential stalker situation. The guards were doing their job protecting the resident’s privacy and notifying her of the situation.
Know that NONE of this is your fault. Not one part of what he has said is true, logical, or intelligent. Don't expect an answer because the truth isn't something he will tell you. That he's vindictive and a user and a big fat cheating liar. And he's definitely cheated before this
This is a total shot in the dark, but I know they make libido boosting supplements for women… idk if you’re looking for a pill though.
Running is great.
Running with other people is fantastic fun.
Making your spouse get up early to watch you run is dumb.
Supportive doesn’t mean forcing them to watch a boring race.
virginity is a social construct that DOESNT FUCKING MATTER!!!!
I feel bad that I laughed at this. Poor guy, but if it was an honest mistake it’ll be ok. Just give him time. Still low-key hilarious from the outside though ngl.
It’s only been a few DAYS and this is what’s going on??? Break up. Asap
At the beginning (when I first ‘caught’ him masturbating) he was the one shooting down intimacy. Every since the OF incident happened he has been all over me, but then these past few weeks he’s gone back to his old patterns. Then last night happened.
The problem isn’t her wanting something more with a guy friend. Should a girl still pursue a friendship if the guy would have sex with her if given the opportunity?
Jesus by reading comments about her reactions, no wonder ex doesn't want to pick a fight. Your fiancee is a hypocrite and an asshole honestly. I would absolutely not let this happen if I were you.
That's Who she is
Watch a movie/show at home? Picknick? take a walk?
Sound like he's getting caught in his head. Tell him what you said here about getting a cramp or just wanting to switch it up. Importantly, tell him so save the questions for after. No sense in asking for a grade before the homework is handed in.
That sounds awfully difficult. My heart goes out to you. I remember being bone tired trying to share nights with the baby and laying bricks during the day. It did get better over time though.
Have you tried a woman's counciling phone service in your country? I use them sometimes in Australia. I've spoken to some beautiful, wise people.
No problem here just callin em like I see em. see it’s not so fun when it’s directed at you. Hope you learned something?
“That can't be real people”
FOH
Yeah, the ridiculous age-old excuse for lying…”I didn’t tell you because I knew you would leave me”. Bro. That’s precisely why you should have told me.
I should of mentioned they are divorced so my mom is very much all for calling him a horrible cunt (which he is being) Other family members like his sister are saying times a healer & masking over the situation not really wanting to get involved. Others are saying he's always been a piece of work & now you're seeing it for yourself. He has a track record of just cutting ex girlfriends off just like he has me.
With such a sudden change in behavior is it possible dad had a stroke or some medical issue? Is he like this to everyone.
Finally some good advice.
So, with all those red flags, you're still considering dating this guy? If there is a truth to women preferring the bad boys, you are the true example of it dear:)
Just being honest
I did miss where they're living in a very HCOL area, but also there's deeper relationship issues because OP's partner always said he had $300k and never revealed that half of it wasn't his. That is a more concerning breach of trust.
OP is right to be concerned about that, they at least need to have a deeper conversation.
Run away