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Date: October 30, 2022
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Open relationships are a known thing. I can't promise that he's serious about it, but there's people who are. I'm in one.
Ask what he imagines the future looking like if you do it and go from there.
Get on Bumble. Don't waste another second on this first-rate LOSER.
I think the fact it was never complicated fooled me into thinking this is how it’s meant to be. Like I said we get along well, we almost feel like the same person. But that gets a bit boring I’ve realised.
Honestly I don’t think he has a clue, he’s not an overly reflective person and I’m his first gf and I think he thinks this is just how it is supposed to be. Like I said, we get on so well but I think he’s happy with the silence and I’m just not anymore.
There are a few issues with this marriage that do not bode well for its longevity:
(1) your wife had suspicions, and instead of communicating with you, she chose the silent treatment, followed by an outburst of anger. I’m no therapist, but this seems like the opposite of effective communication. AND I suspect that this is always how she’s communicated, leading you to believe this is somehow normal behavior – it’s not.
(2) you’re way to get what you want is to jump to extreme ultimatums – divorce. The problems with ultimatums is that you have to follow through, otherwise it’s just an empty threat. Never give someone an ultimatum that you have no intention of enforcing. But you are going to leave. This is likely how you fight, and you flexed. Problem is she didn’t flinch… now what?
So what you’re seeing here are 2 codependent barely adults in a toxic relationship because neither possesses the appropriate communication skills to navigate conflicting interests.
Question – are you both working professionals? What would you do if a colleague treated you this way at work? You would escalate this to your manager to begin navigating towards a resolution, or for one of you to be moved to another team, but you certainly don’t navigate alone.
Advice – go to counselling. Learn about where the conflict is actually rooted, and HOW to speak to each other like respectful adults. If there are certain patterns that aren’t revised for effective communication, then consider a trial separation, and/or followed by divorce.
At 22, no shared assets and no kids? Divorce will be easy and may be the best option for both of you to grow up a bit after you’ve lived some life.
It's not even unusual. Calm down.
Why is she carrying a tactical knife? Unless she used to be in the military or has a practical (non-violent) use for the knife, I would consider this a bit of a red flag.
Consider that a knife is a really bad choice for self-defense, if that's her reason for carrying it. Mace, tasers and even guns are a better choice. Most of the time, you want to stun the attacker, giving you enough time to get away. With a handgun, you can hold off an attacker from a distance. But brandishing a knife, even a scary one, does not guarantee your attacker stops approaching. The knife is useless at a distance. Even if you stab them with it, that may not stop them from attacking. And if they manage to get the knife out of your hands, there's a significant risk that the knife could be used against you.
What knives are good for is sneak attacks, not self-defense. This doesn't rule out the possibility that she keeps it around as a kind of psychological safety blanket. She might have previously been raped or the victim of domestic abuse, and sometimes people just need something to feel safer even if it doesn't actually make them safer.
I still consider it a red flag because there are so many other better rational choices for self-defense.
On the other hand, if she just carries knives around because she thinks they're cool, then I would also consider that a red flag. It's just not a normal hobby for women to be into stuff like that.
And while her being eccentric in this way doesn't prove she's dangerous, is it worth rolling the dice? There are a lot of crazy people out there, and crazy + knife is a bad combo. Plus you haven't known her for that long.
However, I will say this. Many women will assume when you invite them back to your place, that it's for sex. It might be better to avoid that if you want to take things slow rather than hooking up, so as to not give false expectations. I understand that it's probably difficult will a kid in the house, because you'd have to find a babysitter.
As for this particular woman, I don't fault her for being disappointed or making a bad joke. I do question why she keeps a knife around like that to begin with, and it weirds me out that she wanted to show it off.
If you want to keep seeing her, I would only do so in public places until you get to know what she's really like. It's unfortunate that she already knows where you live. Another reason why you shouldn't have invited her to your place so soon.