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Date: October 11, 2022
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Men will defend men for anything including rape
fellow crazy girls and how to get over it
This is not a flex or a cutesy way of saying that you need to seek mental help from a professional. I'm hoping that this is just a reddit issue but the amount of seemingly unstable people in unhealthy relationships is very alarming. Is it a self esteem issue? Chemical imbalance? Childhood abuse? Whatever the reason is, use half the time used to stalk 'the ugly ex' and research a therapist that can help you. Remember, no matter how ugly the ex was, your bf still defends her and she isn't on reddit using 'crazy' as an adjective to describe herself.
You are most welcome, and you know what sweetheart, I am pretty sure your boyfriend is no where near Romance cover ready! people who live in glass houses should not throw stones. You can also point out that you love him as he is and you would never seek to make him feel like less of a wonderful person or partner because he doesn't have washboard abs and a butt you could drop a quarter on to see it bounce from one cheek to the other. that you love him as is and if he can't do that then you are just too good for him and his silicone tastes.
Honestly she is just a user he will figure it out though hopefully it doesn’t mess him up
Of course, I think that it controlling for both of them.
You don’t like how you’re treated, it’s time to have a sit down and discuss it, with a therapist if possible. If things don’t change and you remain unhappy. It’s time to move on and find what makes you happy. Do you want to spend your life with a man wondering if he loves you? It’s only a year and 4 months in… don’t waste your energy and time searching for the “guy” you met. This very well may be who he really is. People put their best foot forward when starting out in a relationship, then once they get comfortable enough who they really are shows up to stay.
What's wrong with this one? This is the time to do it.
Gonna be honest, if I'm really into someone I don't leave their sexts on read, and I don't respond to an open offer of oral with “well I just don't know when I'll be available”.
Maybe you're just one of many, maybe he's just not that into you, maybe he just finds sexting awkward af. But that's a very chilly response tbh.
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Ask him whether he wants to invade Poland…
Yeah I can understand that , did you ask her why?
I don't play well with jerks… You could try some malicious compliance. Go ahead and pay for all of this crap. Don't complain about it AT ALL. Smile and hand him the money. Then the next time you're around his friends or relatives and money comes up, or they ask if you go out with your friends, etc- you'll know the question when you hear it. You say, “gosh, I never have anything left over from my paycheck to get anything for myself. I have to use it to spoil hubby. He insists that he be paid back for the time I was a stay at home mom. I hope it's over soon. I really need new [insert necessity here].” You should probably reword it, but a little public humiliation usually does the trick.
It's something many people do and there's nothing wrong with it. Your boyfriend sounds like he doesn't like you and resents your goodwill.
It’s more shameful to show/release nudes than it is to be the subject of them. He’s pretty much announcing to everyone that he’s a pos and women shouldn’t trust him.
Nah he didn’t. It’s the same as every other person who has a friend that does morally questionable things.
It wasn’t happening to him, so he thought it was different and that he was immune to it.
She doesn't clean unless you're actively cleaning, refuses to cook even though she has no jobs and you have two, isn't helping out with bills in any way at all, and has convinced you to pay for 4 big vacations plus giving her friend an all expenses paid trip to visit her.
Common core?
you sound intolerable
Yeah I told him I was going either way and he wasn’t stopping me and now I’m “getting too full of myself” and “I don’t have him on a leash he can say whatever”. Like I’m too good for this, I treat him too well to deserve that
I agree that he needs to get out of this relationship but please do not armchair diagnose people
I was a long time military wife. His lies tell you everything you need to know about his character. It will not get better. Run.
Totally get your rule. There's a sense of security that comes with being engaged versus dating, which is super important if you're going to move in together. I wanted the same myself, ended up engaged and having a longer engagement. We wanted to enjoy our time together in that phase of life.
I will mention a few things: make sure you two are on the same page about marriage. That you both want it, and see it working in more or less the same way. By this I mean: will you both work? If not, who stays home to maintain the house? Are you in agreement on having or not having children, and what values do you both hold in regard to raising them? Have you two discussed what kind of relationship you hope to have with your in-laws?
It sounds like a lot, and it is. But if you both want this, these are things you'll need to discuss both now and over time as life changes. These can be good, even simple discussions if you're both on the same page.
The ring issue: if you don't mind having a nice, but less expensive engagement ring, let him know. He may be putting pressure on himself to spend a few months salary on it if that's what his circle is telling him. Take some time to look up the rings you like, in the style you like that are in a lower budget. You can find something nice for a few hundred dollars rather than a few thousand. You can always upgrade later when you two are more established financially.
How is that relevant?
That doesn’t add up at all. Why would he stop talking to you if the issue is that you treated him better? Some HUGE piece of this story is missing.
See a divorce lawyer first. A lot of your worries here, like where he'll live, are logistics. A lawyer will sort that out with you. You're doing the right thing by divorcing.
You are already 30, what exactly are you looking for now?. Its time to settle down.
Why did you choose her if not for marriage?. For sex and fun?.
It seems the two of you have incompatible expectations. You may have better options.
“Claiming your territory” as if your partner wasn’t the one who stepped out on your relationship. I just imagine him giggling at how ridiculous it is and how wrapped up he has you around his finger.
He cheated and could still be cheating. And you’ve shown him there are no real consequences to it. Break up. Wow.
My ex and I continued to hook up for years after our divorce. The sex was good, and we had fun partying together. We were a terrible couple.
It's very easy to confuse passing time as genuine emotion. Think long and hard before deciding to recommit.
Animal House
“other comments” are speculating about him moving the goalpost just like you are. She’s not “commanding” but if she’s not gonna fuck him with it then she might as well be because everyone knows no sex can’t last indefinitely. Yeah she has the right not to fuck him…blahblah we all know that no one’s discussing that.
What we’re discussing is that he shouldn’t be considered manipulative for not immediately bending under the whole “I would hope he would take his wife’s opinion into account becausee” because that’s the exact same reasoning a man can use to insist a woman change any aspect of her body and in that case she, just like the husband here, should not be considered manipulative for wanting physical autonomy for some time before they bend to what is effectively a command from their partner.
I don’t know why you bring up that women are often held to high standard and that “the balance of this argument weighs heavily against women most of the time”, that’s just totally irrelevant. None of that, as true as it may be, is relevant whatsoever to this argument and the fact that you think that if the roles were reversed this would be an argument in your favour but not in a man’s favour is deeply misandrist. Learn to see men and women as equal, please see a therapist
Block and delete girl!
Spamming this response won’t change our minds about your gf being toxic, abusive, and in need of committing to an intense inpatient therapy program to deal with her severe mental and behavioral issues.
Ok. I have BPD. BPD is not an excuse to act as she is acting. She is saying to you that she will self harm if you don’t change therapists. That is not ok. She may be self aware of her symptoms but that doesn’t give her a free pass to give into them. It takes a while to find a therapist you’re comfortable with and she needs to understand this. Maybe suggest to the therapist that you do a joint session every now and again (maybe once every 6 sessions) to work on the issue of jealousy. Maybe suggest that you do zoom sessions with the therapist so you’re at home (obviously not in the same room as you need to be able to talk freely)
Is my boyfriend (20M) a workaholic, or am I (20F) too needy and completely overreacting?
Both can be true. Both probably are.
You are not safe. Get out and watch out. Typical abuser pattern of behavior.
He was a fat slob and you didn't like it. Now, he is modelesque and tries to understand you and you don't like it. Girl, are you ever satisfied?
I continue to tell her my thoughts, like how I really am just a back-up and essentially I'm not good enough.
okay but you've shared NOTHING that would indicate that your gf is the cause of those thoughts. You're projecting your issues onto the relationship. I can understand not being comfy with the two of them being alone but are you really gonna punish her for having a past before you? They werent committed. You two werent committed. She was talking about a restaurant, not what it was like in bed.
Oh I’m not “ending things”, I’m just sad about the whole situation. I miss my partner. I still laughed and smiled a lot in our relationship. I think I’m coming to learn that it was ended due more to me “promising” things and then not following through on those promises. I also have difficulty being on “bad terms” with someone I cared for extensively. I fully understand and accept the relationship is over, and it’s likely for the best long term, but it still hurts like hell and I don’t want to be on bad terms with her.
No way your getting downvoted for growing up catholic and trying to explore new things… that’s reddit
If you’re gonna do it, it needs to be someone you’ll never see again..your gut instinct is right to be nervous
How does your wife feel about all of this? The one thing I've learned is that ftriends who cause their own drama love to get everyone else involved to cover their asses.
yeah no, you're, again, doing this because he ain't chasing you anymore.
need a train ticket for the Restraining Order Peninsula?
I think it's just nice to hear someone say “I'm sorry” it's been a long time since it's happened and I didn't get that a lot or any at all really. My mom handled it HORRIBLY, she would get drunk and start like being overly angry about it and it was just obnoxious at some points, and there wasn't much my dad could do, I know he pretty much wanted to kill the guy who did it, worse enough, he lived right under us.. I think I really do need to look into EMDR therapy or do some research for therapists, I feel so sick every time I think about til this day and I wish I could just fucking forget it. It's a secret I bury the deepest, yet it's the loudest shit in my brain. I'm also so fucking sorry you to had go through that and as a five year old, I can't imagine how horrific that had to of been. I hope you got help or are actively getting help if you need it too. I'm not even surprised anymore by how fucking sick and twisted people can be. I have a 10 year old daughter and I'll protect her until the day I fucking die, I'd never forgive myself if something happened to her ughhh.
Not sure on the timeline, but if it's still possible go to the hospital and get a rape kit ASAP. It's hard definite proof that will give you the upper hand in court
Well now I’m weeping. It’s happened to me more than twice. When I was a kid, by another family member repeatedly. Then in 2013, then in 2015. It’s been awhile, and I deal with it better than I used to. But my dad is… complicated. He’s an emotionally abusive narcissist, but he got a little better when my sibling was born when I was 10. When I say better I mean no more throwing furniture at me and my mom. But the voice in my head when I’m thinking bad things about myself? It’s my dad’s. And that not how it should be. I tend to habitually date men who are older than me (unsurprisingly lol) and finding men who are trustworthy and caring and empathetic and kind is harder than it should be, but not impossible. I look forward to the day when I can have kids of my own, with someone I can trust, who knows that my children will never be shouted at, will never be called names, who will never have our problems be made their problems, who will be able to tell us things or ask for help if they need it. I’m 29 so time is running out, but thank you for giving me some hope that there are good dads in the world. You remind me of my grandpa (on my mom’s side.) he and my grandma built our family’s cabin in northern Minnesota with their own two hands as a place to spend time with their grandkids, and it was my safe place when I was little, and it continues to be my safe place when I dissociate or panic. Thank you for not screwing up your kids, and for having patience and empathy, and for reminding me that there are good dads. ?
Yes. It’s death grip.