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  1. I relate to this post. I feel like I am entirely different from my siblings due to our upbringing. Of the 3, I am really only close (if I would call that, maybe comfortable is a better word) with one of them.

    Your experiences where hard.

    And so with was your brothers.

    At least the two of you can be open admit this:

    He has acknowledged that he hasn't always been the best sibling to me, and I have told him that I do not blame or resent him since I know he was going through a lot as well.

    That's a mature thing:

    We we're raised in a messy environment and we did our best to survive.

    You found your ways in survival, I found my own.

    We did what we needed to do and don't blame each-other for it.

    You can live with anxiety. However, to live with depression still, is a good indication that you have unresolved issues and could use a helping hand. Continuing therapy is a good place for trauma resolution.

    And I am sorry about this bit (this was me too):

    So for most of my childhood I was practically counting the days till I was an adult and could finally go off and live my own life, away from a lot of that pain.

    One day you realize that you're better off on your own path. Away from it is where you find solitude and there is nothing wrong with that. Finding peace, is a priority.

    Look, you two had independent upbringings. You're siblings and feel like strangers.

    If you wanted to develop a relationship with your brother, the type of honest you included in this post, needs to communicated to him.

    Sounds like any real resolution requires a deep heart to heat. Like you could use a deeper apology and acknowledgement on how he affected you as a person. Not a brushing over.

    Also, if this is all you two are.. that is okay. Estranged family relationships happen.

    When you've grown up learning that the only person you have is you, then you continue to look out for you as #1. Although, contemplate the idea that a close brotherly relationship (something you missed growing up) could be someone that is healthy for you long term in your adult life.

    You two have a lot of baggage. It's a lot to iron out. Things like this are not an overnight solution.

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