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Steve Smith, y.o.
Location: England, United Kingdom
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Online Live Sex Chat rooms Steve Smith
Date: November 5, 2022
I'm sorry your husband has said these things. I'm sorrier that so many people are advising you to terminate your relationship with him.
My own view is that the world is a complicated place, and relationships are difficult things. You've been with him for 15 years, and for most of this time and in most circumstances the pair of you seem to have worked pretty well together. You don't say if you've got children together, but you've got a life together, and this is probably worth fighting for. (By the way, please ignore the nitwits who seem to think that an 18yo is unable to think clearly when dating a guy in his mid-20s. You seem like you're pretty competent, and I doubt you jumped into this relationship without thinking.)
Anyway, I agree that your husband has said some stupid and hurtful things. Part of this is likely that he's a bit less comfortable with your weight gain than he's expressed to you, but I suspect that part of it is also that he's aware that he, too, is not as young as he was. He's now 40, and ready for his mid-life crisis. He's worried that he's not as desirable as he used to be (believe me, I've been there), and there may be an element of his projecting his own uncertainties onto you. This is what happens for both parties in a marriage: they got through periods where they face regret about their choice, and wonder if they should break up with their partner and look for better. Some marriages survive these periods, others don't. Lots of people her would love for you to break up with your husband, because they don't really understand the complexities and dis-satisfactions that arise in any long-term relationship. I think you'd be better to think carefully before acting.
My best advice to you is this: talk to your husband about this, and explain how you're feeling. Try to get him to be open about what is making him say these things, and try to find common understanding. If necessary, consider couples therapy (check that the therapist starts from a position of trying to stabilise existing relationships and working on practical behaviour patterns, rather than adopting any kind of doctrinaire approach). Agree with your husband that you will both try to understand how you are both feeling as your relationship evolves, and promise each other that you will both be honest and play fair during the process. I think the best thing you can do is try to work out how you can both get through this difficult time, and try to preserve your relationship. I think that good relationships are worth fighting for: life isn't a long honeymoon period, and there are always times for both of you when you question your marriage. Many marriages get past this sort of thing, and I hope yours is one of them. It might not seem like it, but this is one of the tough times your wedding vows probably mentioned: your husband may be finding you less attractive than when you got married, and you surely find him less attractive too, if largely because of his stupid words. Marriages have survived far worse. You and he can choose to get past this, or you can use it as a reason to end the relationship. My guess is that 15 broadly happy years is a better indicator of what your future could be like than a couple of stupid and disrespectful conversations. There are no perfect relationships, and much of what you have sounds pretty good to me. I think what you have is worth having, and hope you'll find a way forward that doesn't throw away a potentially happy future with your husband.
No
Eh, I’m an engineer and I have the food palette of a 4 year old. But I’m also not going to super nice restaurants either. Well maybe nice steakhouses but I’m just getting a medium strip without any seasoning.
Thanks for your response i appreciate it
Oof if I had an award…
Oh, and if he's CIA you're probably blowing his cover on Reddit. 😉
But if he was CIA, I'm sure he'd have his sh*t much more together than this.
emphasis: your own savings account.
Both make a financial plan and share that with each other. Show him what funds you are dedicating to a savings plan. Having money for self-maintenance should be part of the budget, just reign it in.