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Date: October 16, 2022
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This. Your early 20s are for learning who you are as an adult, as a career person, and how (roughly) you really want your future to pan out without losing sight of your present moments.
There, you have similar history that you can relate to. Learn from your past.
All of this is the right answer. I’d give an award if I had one. Take it from an old lady who’s seen a lot of shit in her time: you won’t really know him until you’ve spent extended time together in person and you’ve seen how he interacts with other people, how he handles stressful/crisis situations, how he responds to being told no. And you should not let him live in your house until that point.
Enjoy the attention from your crush and the creative energy that’s coming from your flirtation but pump your brakes.
Don’t fantasize about building a life with this guy. Work on building a life for yourself and your children.
That definitely should include therapy, both individual and family, for you and the kids. The breakup of a family, even a dysfunctional one, affects children in various ways. Your primary focus needs to be supporting and healing them and yourself. Growing and moving on and redefining your family.
Then. When he moves to your town you can enjoy dating each other, spending weekends together when your kids are with their dad, and just seeing what happens.
Seek therapy. And leave your daughter alone.
Try not to get mad at him because it is really hard for guys to want to let their gf go out to clubs and stuff like that or on holiday with their friends because we can’t really trust you to go enjoy yourself and get drunk. Who knows what you’ll do.
That doesn’t just go for you. Try to understand where he’s coming from. If it was me and I think this is correct. I’d def allow you to go out with your friends to places but not like bars or places where other men will possibly hit on you and ever give you the possibility to cheat.
Like we can have all the trust in the world a women won’t cheat but at the same time we can never trust completely. We don’t even want another guy coming up to her. It’s territorial ig.
But yeah you should be allowed to go to places like restaurants but and so should he.
He should allow you to do the same things he does with her boys. If he’s going out to bars with his boys then imo he’s in the wrong.
Okay, well – examine your relationship. What has he done to show he’s managing his anger and violence? Was he in counseling? Support groups? Is he on medication? Does he meditate or yoga? Did he find a mentor? Find religion?
People can change. And maybe, sure, he’s in a good place now. But does he have the tools to be reasonable when going gets rough? If not, it’s time to go. If so, you two need to have a serious talk. You need to feel safe in this relationship, so he has a duty of care to assure you.
Great advice
“Thanks”
That's all. There's no need to justify anything because he will read into that. You don't want him in your life going forward so you have nothing else to say.
Best of luck with cancer. You got this!