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top off -MEDIA SALE!!!- [Multi Goal]
Date: November 3, 2022
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you “agreed” not to sleep with anyone.
she did it the whole time.
you agreed on something and then she broke it. besides the point if it's cheating or not, she broke her word.
i personally don't see how and why, you would try to work it out. she showed you her true colors already.
stop it. think about yourself, get the divorce proceedings going. she won't change, she won't be all of a sudden be what you want. live your life without her.
I wouldn’t because you clearly have feelings and they will only get stronger and jealousy will start to come into play if you not able to control your feelings if you make it casual.
There are problems and there are dealbreakers. Dealbreakers aren’t something you can solve and “work” through.
Then don't wait for him to do it. Take the plunge and be free of a relationship that's perhaps dead in the water.
he is def that bad. Cultural differences could not explain half the shit wrong with that post. Not to mention an adult should be fully cognizant and respectful of any regional differences might come up in such a relationship. But I don't think he's that kind of stupid; He just sounds like a clueless entitled ass.
I am fully aware of my toxicity; my username is suppose to read as “I am toxic TOO”. lol
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Most of the time when a girl want a open relationship, she knows she can find sex easily, while her boyfriend would struggle. They want to have their cake and eat it too.
Hey this is my field! If she does not wear the hearing aids she will lose her ability to recognize speech. It will become unrecognizable and she will not be able to communicate. Because she does not wear them she is more at risk for depression, dementia, vertigo, and a bunch of other things that are not fun. She should be wearing them 24/7. She wakes up, they go in her ears. She swims, gets a haircut or showers, they come out. Her hearing will never get better. We can only give her the amplification at the frequencies she has a hearing loss at. This will get much worse.
Maybe take her back to where you got the hearing aids and have them figure out what's wrong and why she won't wear them. Are they uncomfortable? Does she need them turned down to 80% for a month? Does she need help putting them in?
I really hope she gets to wearing them. I've seen a lot since I started and people not wearing their hearing aids I've seen as much as 50% decrease in speech recognition in one year. You never get that back. That means let's say there's 10 words we give her to repeat and she can't read lips to help, she would only get 5/10 words correctly. I use a computer so it's not my voice and it's the same recording and volume for everyone.
I am sorry for all the words I hope this isn't overwhelming in itself. It is so incredibly important she wears the hearing aids.
If you have any questions please let me know.
Kids are a dealbreaker. She wants them – he doesnt. There is no way to compromise on kids.
Sounds like you have done the right thing by breaking up with her tbh – she's likely to always be that paranoid even if you've done nothing to provoke it.
she’s been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me for months and I don’t know how much longer I can tolerate it.
Then don’t tolerate it any longer. No one deserves to be verbally abused like that. Leave this one behind.
Back when they were together before she cheated and before she knew. And yes, this is most likely the case – he doesn’t bother updating his profile
You can't change someone. He is not going to change. Let that sink in. Really sink in. Are you staying? Yep. No advice I can give you.
Which is conflicting
Just break up, you're incompatible
It sounds like you regret your actions and understand how they have hurt your ex-girlfriend. It's natural to feel guilty about moving on and potentially dating someone new, especially because you still care about your ex and want to fix things with her.
It's important to remember that your ex has the right to make her own choices and heal at her own pace. She has made it clear that she needs time and space, and it's important to respect that. It's also important to remember that you can't control how she feels or what she chooses to do.
It's understandable that you feel guilty about potentially dating someone new, but it's important to remember that you are not closing the door on your ex forever by doing so. It's possible that you might reconnect in the future, but it's also possible that you might not. It's important to focus on the present and take steps towards healing and moving on.
It's also important to remember that you can't change the past, but you can learn from your mistakes and make sure to not repeat them. Take this as an opportunity to reflect on your actions and how you can be a better partner in future relationships.
It's important to keep in mind that dating doesn't mean you're closing the door on your ex, it's just a step in the direction of moving on, and it's important to be honest with yourself and others about your feelings.
Okay thank you I'll do something nice like you said. And thank you again
Ew.
That's all I can really say.
Ew.
That's all I can really say.
When you give an inch, some people try to take a mile.
You are banking on the status quo being maintained and somehow are oblivious to the threat based on their gender.
You stand to be very surprised. Not in a good way. This is a relationship forming in front of your eyes – good friendship and sexual attraction is not just casual. Add to that being glitz bombed with big trips and well, you just amp up the problem.
Issue is she is fighting you already on it. To onlookers you are already being kind to allow this activity within your relationship, but instead of respecting that and your concerns its a stream of passive aggressive petulance.
Close the relationship immediately and request distance from this new person for the health of your relationship. I am going to guess this will trigger things that will give you a clearer picture of how casual this setup really is.
Understand that for many, feelings inevitably follow over time with the same person. Its not randoms for one night, it transitions into faux poly the more time they get together.
While not super common, more and more people are choosing not to cohabitate while in a committed relationship or marriage. Especially people who are older and have been there and done that and just want their own space.
My partner and I never planned to cohab. We were both married and divorced before we met and just like having our own space. Some circumstances changed a few years in so we do live together now but we were happy with our setup before too.
Logistically, being an hour apart and being that you don’t want to be in the city, it means she would be coming to you to visit. So…is that okay for her? It likely means that you only see each other a couple times a month. That doesn’t seem like enough to me but perhaps it does to you two?
As someone with PTSD myself, I can appreciate that being in a city can be more triggering. I much prefer living more out in the country where there’s no foot traffic past my house, no close neighbors, less noise, etc.
But it seems to me you two could/should come up with some kind of compromise else you’re not going to see each other much and the burden of travel will largely be on her. That doesn’t seem sustainable.
Dogs are naked most of the time. We just don't notice it so much because of the fur.
I've had some issues in the past with him flirting or complimenting other women but he always assured me it meant nothing.
Well now you know. This is going to be the rest of your life if you stay with him. He met someone new, looked up their number, kept shooting his shot until she told him to stop.
He'll just keep doing this. Don't stay with someone who does this to you. Find someone who has some respect for you and your relationship.
Thanks, I've got all those things set up but it's going to be several days before any of the appointments. Any advice in the meantime for how I can function?
Tell him the truth, exactly as you shared here. He may understand that you were embarrassed at the time due to your inexperience.
I generally agree. My one quibble is that, assuming this quoted argument is par for the course for them, I feel like her comments are that inaccessible.
Which is a rough point. It doesn’t mean OP is dumb or unknowledgeable, but it’s gotta feel that way at time for both of them, and that’s a hard thing to get around. It never feels good to feel dumb, which is why I’m guessing both of them are reacting so strongly. He feels dumb for not “getting” it, she feels dumb because she’s “not making sense” and doesn’t see how with an (assumedly equal) person. Hopefully this conversation will help OP see around the ego in that sorta thing (not ego as in egotistical, but ego as in concept of self) and be able to close their gap. Because I absolutely agree 100% that it all comes down to conversations. They need to find a way to have the “what do you mean” conversations that’s specific and not agressive
Sure you can!
He is lying to his family (by omission) and makes you lie too!
That's wrong!
We both experience depression and anxiety, him more leaning towards depression, while I lean more towards anxiety. He's been to therapy, been medicated, etc – but ultimately none of it did much for him. It's one of those things where hyper self-awareness gets in the way of allowing another person to truly help because you've self-analyzed and therapized yourself so much already.
Man that’s disgusting! WTF!? Take the journal with you when you look for a lawyer.
There’s nothing more embarrassing than a dumbass that’s a cheating. There’s no reason for you to feel humiliated. You aren’t the dumbass cheater. Get support from people you can actually trust. Fuck his feelings. Now if you stay with him then yeah you should be embarrassed. You’re young, no kids I’m assuming. Is this really the best you can do?
cycle. I kind of do it in order to start a fight sometimes because there is a build up of resentment or something I don’t know.
alright, well I'm glad, you have some really good introspection skills, that leads me to believe it's not so much you as it is your hindrances, (anxiety etc).
that doesn't mean you deserve mistreatment, it just means you got some issues to work out of your own, but this guy definitely does as well.
. I need to grasp the situation as a whole.
yeah ok, alright, now I feel like an ass cause you seem to have a bit of insight and self reflection, your already walking in the right direction, but honestly, you cant do it from within the relationship, you gotta heal you, you can't do it for both of you.
and if he is surpassing that line totally unprovoced obviously
yeah I think, this is mostly irrelevant, you need to get out because you can't in good conscience measure that effectively, and that is a little messy, you gotta be able to be 100% sure what is and what isn't ok, and that's something you gotta do solo.
, if it’s possible to achieve with this one and if so how. And if it’s not possible, then move on.
yeah, I think you just needed a bit of a vent and some breathing space and for that I'm sorry for jumping on you, a lotta people come on this subreddit, blinded by their own egos, ready to throw around the latest buzzword and just absolutely shit on their partners without any room for nuance in advice
I genuinely think, you are in the midst of figuring this out and sorting this out of your own accord, you kinda just needed to put pen to paper and see it laid out before you to really fully grasp the entire situation from an objective veiwpoint.
cycle. I kind of do it in order to start a fight sometimes because there is a build up of resentment or something I don’t know.
alright, well I'm glad, you have some really good introspection skills, that leads me to believe it's not so much you as it is your hindrances, (anxiety etc).
that doesn't mean you deserve mistreatment, it just means you got some issues to work out of your own, but this guy definitely does as well.
. I need to grasp the situation as a whole.
yeah ok, alright, now I feel like an ass cause you seem to have a bit of insight and self reflection, your already walking in the right direction, but honestly, you cant do it from within the relationship, you gotta heal you, you can't do it for both of you.
and if he is surpassing that line totally unprovoced obviously
yeah I think, this is mostly irrelevant, you need to get out because you can't in good conscience measure that effectively, and that is a little messy, you gotta be able to be 100% sure what is and what isn't ok, and that's something you gotta do solo.
, if it’s possible to achieve with this one and if so how. And if it’s not possible, then move on.
yeah, I think you just needed a bit of a vent and some breathing space and for that I'm sorry for jumping on you, a lotta people come on this subreddit, blinded by their own egos, ready to throw around the latest buzzword and just absolutely shit on their partners without any room for nuance in advice
I genuinely think, you are in the midst of figuring this out and sorting this out of your own accord, you kinda just needed to put pen to paper and see it laid out before you to really fully grasp the entire situation from an objective veiwpoint.
This happened to me once. I never did come first. I ended up walking away. Some people just don't attach in relationships. If you've told him how it makes you feel, and it does not improve, you have to decide if it's the right relationship for you.
A recent study shows 60% of them are single. It’s 2023. Get in the driver’s seat.
They won't love it, to be perfectly honest with you. If my daughter comes to me at 20 in a similar situation, I'd not be thrilled.
HOWEVER, with that being said, once you tell them about him, let the shock of his age wear off (and it will).
At the end of the day I have two basic wants for my children. 1) For them to be happy 2) For them to be treated well by their partners. So in MY world, as long as those two conditions are satisfied, then I'm not going to object in any way.
Why are you letting this drunk manipulate you like this? You should be on your own for a while to work on cultivating your own sense of self respect
When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. He hasn't changed and has no intention of it. You left him, and I'd be willing to bet the college girlfriend also dumped him. Now he's alone and thinks he can get you back.
There should not be another event. He went to great lengths to hurt you and cut you out that friendship should be over. At least for him. She could be your new best friend.
You don’t need to “talk.” You can send a text telling him you’re done, it’s over, you are no longer together, then block immediately before he has a chance to respond. You don’t need to wait for him to speak first to rid yourself of his abuse, and it’s even easier because y’all are long distance.
Not judging but this is exactly why people shouldn’t do porn, it comes around eventually and will bite you in the ass.
He's been wanting to since she was a minor. He only waited to verbalize it the second the prospect was legally permissible.