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The issue is this is literally an opinion. It is his opinion and it is valid. I may not personally agree with it but that doesn't make him wrong. You have to decide what to do here. Your unlikely to get much helpful advice simply due to the fact that most people will find this absurd.
For some people masturbating is cheating, for some people thinking about another human being is cheating. Literally the definition of the word differs from person to person. Only your BF gets to define what he believes is right and wrong for his half of the relationship. You may not have intended to but you've apparently upset him and how you deal with that is up to you.
If you feel the relationship is a good one and worthy of being saved then you need to find a way to make this right with him. Personally I think it's quite apparent you guys have very different views on acceptability and that means this is quite likely to come up again at some point. This can lead to some very toxic behavior as “well you cheated on me” is a possible outcome. As such it's likely that this isn't a healthy relationship, but that's not my call to make. I do wish you luck though.
How is he going to handle when you go to the OBGYN?
Even when you give people all the facts, they’re likely not to believe you or resent you for ‘ruining their relationship.’
You went above and beyond. Time to wash your hands.
Don’t use someone for revenge. Hire an actor. Easy.
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She will twist this into “I never did anything” but her actions speak volumes. She didn't “technically” cheat but the intention was there.
I would be making preparations to leave.
Cause guys are naturally territorial of their woman. Maybe the more free spirited people are completely ok with this, which is why if she is like that he should break up cause he’s not one to want to have his girlfriend doing that. If he respects her wishes of wanting to continue that’s completely fine but it’s also completely fine for him to walk away and not get belittled for choosing to not want that in his relationship. It’s a comparability issue at best. Let’s not sit here and talk down on men. Pretty sexist
Out here dropping KNOWLEDGE. I hope OP takes this advice
Most of them have been thank yous to people offering me legitimate advice or perspectives or anecdotes. Oh no. The audacity
Pretty sure this is a troll. Or a very stupid guy.
So, for the people in the back row:
Open relationships can work, but only when they a) are something both partners really want out of their own ideas of how a relationship should work, with all consequences
and b) come from a strong, stable, working relationship. They can never be a solution to ongoing relationship issues. They also shouldn't be meant to replace “lacking” party of a relationship. They should be an addition, coming from a place of trust and have clear boundaries.
Btw the way you describe your second partner makes it sound less like a open relationship and more like a polyamorous one, which is a different and much more complicated thing.
how long i went out? I can't just let her fk around and then coming back lol. Also she said she loves the other guy 90% and only 30% are for me
I checked their profile and you are right…this just sounds like a nightmare of a life.
Being a victim of abuse, she probably stays because she just doesn't know anything better, or is afraid of starting over, moving on. But you are right, at some point OP needs to assume responsibility for staying. If she is afraid of starting over, or what her husband might do if she tries to leave, there are resources!
Swear anything is better than what she is living right now, even if she can't see it at the moment.
Specially the abusive talk after her miscarriage…I never had one but it's a very sensitive overwhelming moment for any mother or even someone that did not want a kid but finds themselves in the situation, it's very stressful and painful to process. Wouldn't put it past her husband to be influenced by his awful family and got told to make sure OP finally conforms with the family dynamic, reason why that list got destroyed.
I don’t really think any of this is a red flag per say but it all sounds new to him and it might get messy
6 hours? You’re paranoid. This is a non issue. If it was 3 days I’d say you had reason to be concerned.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you 🙁 I would start looking for lawyers to be honest.
Her argument is that it is just friendly
I bet OP has some female friends that would love to give him a friendly hello bj.
Holy shit! Congratulations on your new life. Your courage and fortitude are an inspiration!
Holy shit! Congratulations on your new life. Your courage and fortitude are an inspiration!
Holy shit! Congratulations on your new life. Your courage and fortitude are an inspiration!
Lol everyone knows…
Hey can you get your sisters to do tests? Or your dad? Then if you’re using Ancestry you can tell how closely related you are to others who have also tested.
I would, if I were you, text your mom: “Hey I wanted to let you know my DNA test said I’m half Asian, so if there’s anything you need to tell me before I show the results to dad, please let me know by the end of this week”
I would also tell her that how you spend your free time isn’t her problem but you’re doing fine with your studies.
Three years feels like a pretty arbitrary time-frame. Honestly, I think façades could last even longer if someone is committed enough.
You had to hear this from a stranger instead of her just coming clean to you herself, not because the AP felt bad but because she threw him away and he wanted to get back at her.
Who knows what else she’s hiding that she wouldn’t tell you herself?
If you stay together, they’ll be resentment, more lies/sneaking around, and it’ll just turn into a toxic environment that you definitely don’t want for your son.
If you separate/divorce, you can share custody and hopefully co-parent in a civil manner.
He is irredeemably terrible in every way. Just break up with him. Dating him is going to damage your self worth and confidence even more than it already is. Maybe invest in therapy or start a hobby that makes you feel good about yourself. Get a cat if you really need to love someone who’s attitude towards you is ambivalent at times, abusive at worst, and love bombing at best.
Things are not good between you if he thought it was okay to speak to you like that. The line wasn't crossed, it was pissed on.
Dump him .
If you choose to ignore the blatant red flag, forsake all the love and respect you have for yourself.
No, not how it’s written ahahah I meant that they went there for? Winter sports? Yet no mention of snow related activities or anything but drinking beer. I can bet what you want that that reunion is not a skiing event… More like a sausage party with only one potato.
We’ve been doing therapy for months and part of our homework is getting each other involved with our interest. Like I’m a way to better know each other. This is the first time he’s said anything like this which is what REALLY caught me off guard. Usually he’s kinda interested or will give input, but all of a sudden this…. I’ve been suspecting narcissistic behavior for a while. There’s just too many instances where his feelings are prioritized over anything
Your bf is an immature asshole. I would be hurt and disgusted too. He clearly doesn’t value marriage or monogamous relationships in general. You’re not being manipulative. He told you this is why he rather keep shit from you UNACCEPTABLE… dump him
Excellent summary but missing a judgment and I'm giving the OP YTA. If I had an award I'd give it to this comment. The OP does know but doesn't want to address the problem I'd say.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Update: thanks everyone! So what happened is by the time I was deciding whether I should leave now or talk with him first, he got home before me.
When I came home, he saw I was sad and then asked what was wrong. I just came clean and told him how I felt.
Well, I wish I would've left before he came back bc he went OFF.
He called me a “narcissist” and making his day about me. I cry when I get angry so I just ugly cried while he went on about how ” cant have one day to himself” then berated me for trying to accuse him of being somewhere else. I said I wasn't thinking he was lying about where he was at all, I don't like how I wasn't invited. He yelled that his family is his “burden” and that he “works too hard to be questioned”. Then I also got yelled for having the dishes done or the movie tickets ordered. So I just packed up my things while that was happening and made my way to my car. He followed me and asked why I was leaving. I said “its your day, spend it how you like don't let me stop you.”
He then got in my car and started explaining how he's been talking to his sister about me (doubtful) and that I was free to call his mom. I just said “just let me go”. He then switched up and and guilted me I was leaving him alone on his bday. He then went on another tangent about how he can't give me the life I'm used to?? Guys idk where any of this came from.
I asked him to get out of my car. I drove away with him cussing me out that i “cant take accountability”
Its gonna be a long drive back to my moms house. Keep taking breaks to cry bc I don't wanna be emotional behind the wheel.
Thanks everyone. Even the one redditor who said I sucked. Xo.
I've (33 F) have been with my boyfriend (36M) for 3 years. I moved in with him a few weeks ago. Today is his bday. I've been in our apartment alone the whole day so far.
So I told him a week ago I was planning something elaborate even though my funds are tight at the moment. He told me all he wants to do is go see John Wick 4 and didn't want anything. Totally cool with that, its his day.
He woke me up this morning and told me he was going to his family's house (he has both his parents and 2 siblings my age living in the home). I was a little caught off guard bc I wasn't even invited and the only thing I could think to ask him in that moment was what kind of cake he wanted. He told me his mom is getting him a cake so I won't have to worry. Then he left.
Im really hurt bc I've only met his family a total of 5 times, and each time every family member has gone out of their way be just straight up rude and I stood there taking it like a dummy.
For example, his sister told me once when I was over “why are you here? He never even talks about you.”
His brother once gave me a look of disgust as he walked by me in the kitchen.
His mom whispered to his sister “she's got a big butt” but not in a “damn girl” way more like a shameful whisper way.
His brothers' gf told my bf “there's something off about her” after meeting me for the first time. This was the only one I didn't witness but my bf told me when I asked him after so many disses why they don't like me. They don't know me in any other capacity. Each time, I've silently taken the jabs out of respect for my bf and he's been present in all those examples.
So I get it, they don't like me. Which hurts bc idk what I did and I AM a family oriented person and am far from my family atm.
But today, it really hurts bc not even an invite to his own bday cake (they could even be having a party for all I know right now, I'm not sure). I don't know how to even feel right now besides disrespected, a bit angry and wondering if I want a future with someone who won't say to their family “hey guys be nice to my gf” and instead will just have separate celebrations for what the rest of our life?
What do I do or say to him bc it is bothering me
Tl,dr: me and boyfriend living together. Wasn't invited by him or anyone over his family house for bday cake today. His family has always been beyond rude but today I'm feeling hurt while I wait for him to get back. Has me contemplating relationship future.
Do you really think that?
Girl, get out of this before you have kids. Is this the life you want to live forever ???
Yea, delete him immediately.
DO tell him your boundaries. DO inform HR that you’ve done that so it’s on the record, that way if he starts behaving even more unprofessionally in a way that hinders your ability to do your job, HR will already have awareness.
It may be still fresh enough for an annulment
You still suck. Drunk or sober. Good on his sister for seeing that and hopefully getting him out of this relationship.
Eeeeeeew lmao have some self respect
You madam are a Dundee cake!!!
Okay I’ll look into it, thank you!
Your husband has a right to know, that's his child, too.
Honestly sounds like your mother was molested when she was younger and that’s what she was told. I would still let the family know, especially if any of them have kids or are planning to.