What a little ***** he is! He cheated on a girl you had no way of knowing existed – because he withheld that information – and now he shifts the blame onto you? “You're ammo against me”. No fucker, you played a stupid game and now you're trying to bully someone else to make sure you don't win the stupid prize. If you tell the other girl, there will be fall out. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't, just to weigh what is best for YOU. You did nothing wrong, you were lied to by someone you thought you could trust.
They likely value christmas. A cheaper gift can be given on Christmas. A very cheap one, if needs be. Maybe a sentimental one. Artsy/craftsy. Whatever.
I wouldn’t have an issue with it. Some people value christmas and gift exchanging on Christmas.
Yeah i get that. When i wanted to leave her i felt sorry for her because she was talking about her she wanted to k*ll herself because i was leaving her so i took her back.
Your Mom is toxic. She chose to keep inviting your ex to family gathering when she isn't famiy.
You letting it happen for so long is already bad enough. You have to set hard boundaries.
First let them all know what she did is illegal, and you're willing to go all the way and see her condamned for it if she doesn't delete it all AND get out of your life for good. Never to contact you or Max ever again. If your mol wants to stay in contact with her, make it clear she has no business ever bringing anything back to you, you will never meet Marisa again, and any child you may have will not meet her either. This is how it goes, if your mom foesn't agree, go NC. She chose her over you
She died in 2016 with all of those symptoms? I’m sorry- I’m a medical provider and it sounds like either your mom didn’t know she had aids until it was too late or she refused treatment for it. HIV is the virus and AIDS is the diagnosis after the CD4 cells fall too low and the viral load is too high. Even with an AIDS diagnosis you can still receive treatment to get the viral load down to an undetectable level. So did she just not know she had AIDS? Also being stuck with a used needle is how your family thinks she got it? That is very unlikely. HIV dies when it hits light or air, being stuck with a used needle makes it more likely to contract HCV. HIV can live in a vacuum up to 3 days so it’s not impossible but it’s unlikely to have happened from an accidental stick. Usually folks who contract HIV through needles is because they’re sharing needles with other injection drug users. I’d get more clarification around your family secret because even this explanation is sus.
If he's this controlling he may not take it well that you're divorcing so I would plan this extremely carefully because he may snap. Feel him out. Tell him that since there will be no kids for 10 years then you're going back to work full time, passion projects or volunteering, meanwhile you're gauging his temperament so you can know how to plan your escape. Most important to keep calm and focused.
I also thought that perhaps he's gay but using you as a cover.
The amount of stories I've seen where women lie to guys, if I was a guy I would want a test done too. As a woman you know it's yours but how do they actually know. If it's something that puts his mind at ease then just do it
Ask for their message hidtoty, not because you need it, not cause you want it. You don't need it, cause you already know she has an affair. Her message history or refusal to show it will be just confirmation. In any case you need to move towards divorce. I feel genuinly sorry for your situation.
Please imagine if one of your girlfriends said that you you: what would you tell her? Would you be like, well, okay then, no biggie? Or would you be like GIRL NO?
Too bad for Bob. Alice said that it was fine to send the message. Not sure why Alice considers a man like Bob a friend. Sounds like he’s not anyone’s friend. That’s a little disloyal of Alice.
Glad Bob won’t be there. And there’s no need for Bob to “talk about it all.” Bob needs to dry up and blow away.
Have your kids ever slept in your bed or is it only an intimate space when she doesn’t decide who can sleep in it? I babysat my nieces for a week and slept in my brother and his girlfriend’s bed because it was the sane option instead of the couch and washable sheets exist. If you can’t have a comfortable place for your dad to sleep when he is doing you a solid, then don’t have him babysit. It’s rude as hell not to mention he will be in pain from his back and won’t sleep much. Your wife is being unreasonable.
Wait why do you need a babysitter whilst you are there at home? If you are both well-off and hired a maid, I guess that makes sense. But why the baby sitter?
Have you told your girlfriend this? This reads as your relationship with the ex steadily getting better while you've been with your gf. Talk to your gf about expectations and boundries. I could see where when you first got together you had different interactions/boundries with the ex that have moved more friendly which can be seen a little bit threatening to your gf if she doesn't know how far the new friendliness will go.
As a SM, I would hope that she would be in favor of a better coparenting situation but you need to have a conversation (and keep having them) to make sure you stay on the same page.
I had my gallbladder removed laprascopically in the morning and by noon the same day I was calling my ride. But then I’m also in the US so our healthcare system is probably suspect.
I don't go to “get away from him.” I go away to get away from the noise of life. I want to disconnect from all the stress, hate, and chaos. I go away to indulge in little pleasures in life and quiet my mind. The cabin has become my sanctuary.
And I would happily play another ritual like this, that I could do once a month with him. But he doesn't seem to care about that. He just doesn't want me to have my own.
What a little ***** he is! He cheated on a girl you had no way of knowing existed – because he withheld that information – and now he shifts the blame onto you? “You're ammo against me”. No fucker, you played a stupid game and now you're trying to bully someone else to make sure you don't win the stupid prize. If you tell the other girl, there will be fall out. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't, just to weigh what is best for YOU. You did nothing wrong, you were lied to by someone you thought you could trust.
When did being a great person with no life skills become the bar for getting married?
Completely agree!!
They likely value christmas. A cheaper gift can be given on Christmas. A very cheap one, if needs be. Maybe a sentimental one. Artsy/craftsy. Whatever.
I wouldn’t have an issue with it. Some people value christmas and gift exchanging on Christmas.
Next year don’t splurge before Christmas.
Yeah i get that. When i wanted to leave her i felt sorry for her because she was talking about her she wanted to k*ll herself because i was leaving her so i took her back.
Your Mom is toxic. She chose to keep inviting your ex to family gathering when she isn't famiy.
You letting it happen for so long is already bad enough. You have to set hard boundaries.
First let them all know what she did is illegal, and you're willing to go all the way and see her condamned for it if she doesn't delete it all AND get out of your life for good. Never to contact you or Max ever again. If your mol wants to stay in contact with her, make it clear she has no business ever bringing anything back to you, you will never meet Marisa again, and any child you may have will not meet her either. This is how it goes, if your mom foesn't agree, go NC. She chose her over you
Well if it's such dealbreaker for you then sure stay away from her.
Its just a crush. Dont let yourself think about him. Every time you do, quickly think of something else. Also, be professional in office please.
That's because you don't comprehend what a norm is. lol. It isn't about my opinion, it is about the Mathematical theory of what constitutes a NORM.
“Talking back”? Is he your partner or your parent?
Why date an AH like that? Let the sexist loser go buy a sex doll online since he apparently doesn't want a human being with a mind of her own.
She died in 2016 with all of those symptoms? I’m sorry- I’m a medical provider and it sounds like either your mom didn’t know she had aids until it was too late or she refused treatment for it. HIV is the virus and AIDS is the diagnosis after the CD4 cells fall too low and the viral load is too high. Even with an AIDS diagnosis you can still receive treatment to get the viral load down to an undetectable level. So did she just not know she had AIDS? Also being stuck with a used needle is how your family thinks she got it? That is very unlikely. HIV dies when it hits light or air, being stuck with a used needle makes it more likely to contract HCV. HIV can live in a vacuum up to 3 days so it’s not impossible but it’s unlikely to have happened from an accidental stick. Usually folks who contract HIV through needles is because they’re sharing needles with other injection drug users. I’d get more clarification around your family secret because even this explanation is sus.
If he's this controlling he may not take it well that you're divorcing so I would plan this extremely carefully because he may snap. Feel him out. Tell him that since there will be no kids for 10 years then you're going back to work full time, passion projects or volunteering, meanwhile you're gauging his temperament so you can know how to plan your escape. Most important to keep calm and focused.
I also thought that perhaps he's gay but using you as a cover.
Finally, get out.
I'm sorry OP
Of course you expect him to give up his last name because you’re so disgusted that women usually do it yet combining the two is out of the question.
You act as though this is some honourable thing, it’s not it’s just hypocrisy
The amount of stories I've seen where women lie to guys, if I was a guy I would want a test done too. As a woman you know it's yours but how do they actually know. If it's something that puts his mind at ease then just do it
Ask for their message hidtoty, not because you need it, not cause you want it. You don't need it, cause you already know she has an affair. Her message history or refusal to show it will be just confirmation. In any case you need to move towards divorce. I feel genuinly sorry for your situation.
Why lose trust if she's honest and hasn't done it ?
Ok, so I think it was reasonable for her to ask if you've ever dated before. Changed my mind
100% Gay.
I have no problem with her being around on my days and even staying the night. She doesn't like staying over because we're not a couple.
Please imagine if one of your girlfriends said that you you: what would you tell her? Would you be like, well, okay then, no biggie? Or would you be like GIRL NO?
I'm very proud of you! No matter what happens, you know you have it in you to ask a man out!
Too bad for Bob. Alice said that it was fine to send the message. Not sure why Alice considers a man like Bob a friend. Sounds like he’s not anyone’s friend. That’s a little disloyal of Alice.
Glad Bob won’t be there. And there’s no need for Bob to “talk about it all.” Bob needs to dry up and blow away.
Have your kids ever slept in your bed or is it only an intimate space when she doesn’t decide who can sleep in it? I babysat my nieces for a week and slept in my brother and his girlfriend’s bed because it was the sane option instead of the couch and washable sheets exist. If you can’t have a comfortable place for your dad to sleep when he is doing you a solid, then don’t have him babysit. It’s rude as hell not to mention he will be in pain from his back and won’t sleep much. Your wife is being unreasonable.
Wait why do you need a babysitter whilst you are there at home? If you are both well-off and hired a maid, I guess that makes sense. But why the baby sitter?
Have you told your girlfriend this? This reads as your relationship with the ex steadily getting better while you've been with your gf. Talk to your gf about expectations and boundries. I could see where when you first got together you had different interactions/boundries with the ex that have moved more friendly which can be seen a little bit threatening to your gf if she doesn't know how far the new friendliness will go.
As a SM, I would hope that she would be in favor of a better coparenting situation but you need to have a conversation (and keep having them) to make sure you stay on the same page.
I had my gallbladder removed laprascopically in the morning and by noon the same day I was calling my ride. But then I’m also in the US so our healthcare system is probably suspect.
I don't go to “get away from him.” I go away to get away from the noise of life. I want to disconnect from all the stress, hate, and chaos. I go away to indulge in little pleasures in life and quiet my mind. The cabin has become my sanctuary.
And I would happily play another ritual like this, that I could do once a month with him. But he doesn't seem to care about that. He just doesn't want me to have my own.