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maianyharry chat
Date: November 5, 2022
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maianyharry chat
That’s a fact. I’ve absolutely enabled tf out of him and I’m aware of that. I feel like I’ve let it go on for so long. I’m not even sure how to address it anymore. Shit sucks honestly
I left a 30 year marriage once I realized he was a drug addict who cheated on my for most of our marriage. You're better off alone than with this guy. It hurts, but life is actually easier because you're not taking care of him anymore. Besides, there's no room for a good man until you get rid of the bad one. Just take time for yourself and your kids to heal before you enter into another relationship. Take care.
Have you tried contacting a friend or family member to make sure she is okay? Seems odd to ghost, then delete a social media page randomly.
That being said, ghosting is always a hard one to come back from. The uncertainty that is left after can eat at you, if you let it. If you believe she is ghosting you, however, take that as your answer because frankly it’s the only one you need. Your best bet would likely be to block her on everything, remove all photos, and start to move on.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Sounds like he's jealous which is kinda understandable and probably making him insecure, u can talk to him about that the past has nothing to do with the present and this is ur life which has nothing to do with ur present relationship.
I had a jealous boyfriend once but it was mostly cause he was cheated on, more than once and after that discussion (like it doesn't get resolved over a day ofc) it got better.
Communication is key and some people need more help with opening up and getting to the root.
Usually when the say “you deserve better”, it means they cheated and don't want to own up to it, and realize they can't have an honest relationship without being honest.
Updateme!
I would disagree with the second answer since he invited her he should,if she asked him out on date she should pay.
First off my condolences you are an incredible being able to put up with that and fight it off since you were 10, and I am so sorry you have to go through that. But if your spouse genuinely loves you, it wouldn't matter they would provide for you until the end of time, and you aren't a burden you are still human and still have an amazing life ahead of you, but at the end of the day it's truly his choice, and if you think you are putting alot pressure on him, yes and no because it's really tough looking after and providing but, that doesn't matter when it comes to a relationship because if he cares for you he would go through thick and thin, you aren't a burden you are amazing.
I wouldn’t mind. Though, I would like to know where the suspicion came from
Yes.
That’s a really specific troll
She totally did, how is getting lap dance from another dude not disrespecting
He’s probably a Gemini, I get the same comments
No you are not toxic. She crossed a hard line for you. Sexual orientation of the stripper is irrelevant.
She remember the kissing and groping so she does remember some of the night to that point, and their was a witness who said she willingly went to the room with the guy so she choose to go with him there. What happened after wasnt her fault, she got assaulted but if what the friend says is true and she made thay choice to go to the room then she choose to break the boundary
Im not going to get too into your post hostory like others have. I think theyve summed up why your relationship has red flags etc. But i can also see you dont want to leave. So ill give this advice –
You said before how he wrote stories about saving women. He just got his ass handed to him (in his mind at least) while he was trying to be the prince charming he writes about. He expected to have this defining protective moment because he has this warped view that this is what masculinity is and he shouldnhave been able to save you like in his writings and i guess in movies.
But life isnt a movie. He tried to stick up for you and it meant he got hurt. Maybe the other guy did too. But that's just real life for you and at some point he will need to grow up a bit and learn to not take life so seriously. That said if he hasn't done that by now thne who knows of he ever will.
One thing my ex said to me when i told him i didnt see hos he could find me attractive (during an insecure moment during a fight) that kind of reality checked me, he was quite cross and he said
“you dont get to tell me im lying. You dont get to tell me what i do and do not find attractive. You do not get to tell me what turns me on. That is mine. You get no say in that.”
It shut me up for a moment and i realised that me being insecure and daft was making decisions for him and msking him out to be a liar when he wasnt.
Now again. Youve seen enough from people here and i havent investigsted your history enough to pass judgement. But next time he tells you how youre feeling abojt him or that 'youre just saying that' crap. Remind him he doesnt get to call you a liar and he doesnt get any say whatsoever on what you find attractive.
Good luck.
Girl, reset your budget.
You know how ugly and awful the church community is and yet that's who you choose to associate with? A group of people that you feel the need to protect your friend from? Why? In all sincereness I have to ask: WHY would you associate with people like that? People that obviously are about as Christ-like as a chunk of brimstone? Why would God want you to be around people like that? And even doing nothing is making a choice, so when you cower and bow to the church community's ugliness and sin you may as well have done it too.
You have a bigger issue than your friend having a romance with the pastor. You need to ask yourself why you choose to flock with such morally questionable people. If your religion is correct God gave you a brain, a heart, and free will, use them.
By staying you’re exposing your kids to the same instability you’re trying to move past. Children need the people in their lives to be consistent. This guy isn’t it and your children shouldn’t have to live with the toxicity of this relationship.
Just tell her “shut up” when she does stuff like that, I did that a rude supervisor once, a few days later we started joking with eachother.
People have their own lifes and past certain point they really need to choose how to manage their time. If you are looking for people for friends to meet and perhaps do specific activities together then there are dating websites. Some of them have specific category for people looking for platonic relations, give them a try.
That is assuming there is no hidden(from us here) underlaying problem with you that is simply putting people off.
She make it's seems like you was cheating. If she wants to leave then let her leave.
Who says so though? Single mother implies the mother is taking care of the child. Completely understandable to not want that kind of baggage
This isn't a slip up. This is who she decided to be.
It doesn't sound like you can trust her on any level.
But everything is blurred until you click on it ?
LMFAOO a few months from now OP is going to have a post “ My baby didn’t get me anything for my first mothers day”
You are concerned she might spit at you again but she’s not concerned you will slap her again? Twice? She’s the one who should be ending this relationship. You both are toxic and this abuse will escalate. You could have said you were aroused because she had her feet on your crotch, not because you were watching a video and this entire thing would have been avoided. But now that it has, get out. There is no future.
To me, it sounds like she wants her profile to look like she's single. Perhaps she is looking to cheat
That's why I tell her to talk to him, there are people who cut off contact with the person because of the discomfort that it can cause between them after the “rejection”
What do you mean? How would you interpret it?
You're allowed to feel weird about it, anyone who tells you you can't is wrong, but I think I understand where your husband is coming from.
And then my husband said “she’s special because she stuck around. I tried to push her away like I do to most people but she stayed.”
This to me is actually a very valid answer, I've given similar responses when asked what it would take for me to have another relationship. The person needs to be able to deal with my kind of crazy. You deal with your husband's brand of crazy and still love him for it when others have run the other way.
This is not true. HIV is only criminalized for non disclosure in 10 states. For example, in California, Senate bill 239 was passed and people with HIV no longer have to disclose before sex whether it is protected or unprotected. The guy in OP's story isn't lying. Doctor in certain states are giving this medical feedback to their patients.
You guys are done, and if she didn't have a conversation with you first, you're better off without her.
Break up with her.
If you want to be extra petty, do it via a public post on Instagram.
and men basically obliterate any bacteria with a giant piss cannon
It’s possible he didn’t have time to respond accordingly and you panicked before he could think of a good response
Update?
Yea but he needs to go no contact for himself. When I went through a break up of 7 years more or less his age you gotta just let it go and move on. Yeah it feels terrible that your ex can just up and leave you like that. It sucks but staring at a closed door will not make you feel any better
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Cancel the lease if you can. That's a real shit thing to do to a supposed friend
Nothing is impossible, but remind yourself that everything is possible …. Life can put us down but definitely we will stand up stronger later … try to pray and meditate, and try not to look back too much to the past , the more you look back the more you’ll hurt your neck , you know what I am saying ?
Sounds like you snapped after days of abandonment, insults, manipulation and spiteful childishness from him. Was what you said kind, no; was it immensely productive, no; was it accurate, sounds like it.
He’d already decided to shut you out and leave you alone and miserable on a holiday. He’d already made clear he isn’t interested in spending time with you, and he doesn’t care if you’re stressed or upset. He already decided to move out because you wanted to return a Christmas tree that he had been whining about despite suggesting buying in the first place. And now he’s angrily saying he doesn’t want to open up to you again – what, because him ‘opening up’ was a gift you should be grateful for, rather than something that was good for him?
It sounds to me like he has some underlying emotional problems around Christmas, likely related to his not great feelings about his parents, and was displacing those/taking out his feelings about it on you. Did his family pressure him into playing happy families at Christmas and now he’s avoidant about it? That sounds a lot like the sort of thinking that causes this avoidant behaviour, and results in people behaving so awkwardly because they’re assuming there will be conflict that they create the conflict.
But the key thing is, even if it’s that or something similar, that nonetheless wouldn’t justify him treating you this way. If that’s what is going on, it’s on the people with these problems to go to therapy so they don’t bully their new family for the problems of their old one.
He created a conflict, he panicked when you didn’t back down to his manipulation; he tried to back down without actually apologising/tried silent treatment waiting it out in the hope you’d come crawling back, and freaked out again and escalated when you made clear (with the wifi stunt) that that wasn’t going to work and he couldn’t just pretend he didn’t set up a problem. He escalated again, and now he’s panicking again because he doesn’t know how to walk his actions back, so he’s casting around for reasons you should feel worse than him and take all the blame. Your final loss of temper gave him something to fix on, and he’s riding it for all he’s worth to try and force not discussing or apologising for his actions in the lead up.
In your position I would say, once, “I acknowledge that remark was over the line, and hurtful. I apologise for expressing my feelings of abandonment in that way. If you feel you can’t open up in future, I accept that it may take time to regain that trust. However, my losing my temper came on the back of days on end of bad behaviour, provocation and deliberate escalation from you. I need you to also acknowledge and apologise for the multiple different hurtful and unreasonable things you have said and done over the last couple of weeks, and to acknowledge that you have a very great deal of work to do to regain my trust. I am open to marriage counselling but until you are prepared to meet me halfway and proceed with that, I think it’s for the best that you stay elsewhere. I’ll reach out again in two weeks to ask for an answer on whether you have calmed down and want to de-escalate and work this out.”
If he doesn’t take the time to reflect and calm down and isn’t prepared to touch any aspect of this besides your sharp words as if those wipe out everything else, then you need to make plans to move forward with your life.
It is always possible, whether it is a good thing isn't clear.
You would have to accept that she is never going to be the sister you want her to be. She isn't going to apologise and she might even pretend that nothing happened.
You would need to set strong boundaries and define your expectations. You may even want to reframe your relationship and understand what you want from contact. Like do you want weekly phone calls, what exactly do you want from her.
All it takes is a text or whatsapp photo share and ask how she is doing or share something about your child or an invitation to baby bounce time or a children's play gym. Any of those things that she can interact without awkwardness and you can make excuses to leave on both sides.
You can also agree to not talk about certain subjects, like “lets not discuss the past for now, okay?” “let me show you all these cute baby photos I have”.
Or you can go the other way and want to hash everything out but the risks are probably a lot higher that this won't work.
Girls kiss, women fuck. She is minimising what happened, and probably the length of time it was happening…
He's being shady and that only means it's because he's doing something he's not supposed to. Girl, dump his ass. He sounds like a douchebag, you don't want to be with someone like that for the rest of your life.
Honestly I wouldn't say it's just as bad because it's not their responsibility, but it is pretty damn bad and you don't really need to compare two shits
Al? Is that you? LOL
I'm kidding. I'm referring to that scene in Married with Children when Peg (the wife) would cook a feast and place the steak, rib on the bed with her as the dessert I guess LOL.
The only thing I think you did incorrectly was 'getting upset' over her trying to seduce you to having sex with her. She probably assumed sex with her is a bonus or cherry on top in addition of BLT. >–this is if you don't have a dead bedroom situation or if she's like Peggy from Married with Children.
What could've happened better, you could've gone the 'lighter mode' for example: 'Well, this is an awfully nice surprise. Love the tits, but I'm hungry, hon. I'm not in the mood for sex right now/tonight. But I sure am in the mood for that BLT.”
Not word by word, but make it into a lighter mood. Or you can even do “I'm too tired and sweaty all over. I don't feel sexy at all, hon.”
Being rejected sucks. Not everyone is perfect and reacted perfectly (it depends of course on how things are at home and your dynamic also) and those react not so perfect are not always trying to be manipulative, imo.
I'd say, just tell her to stop crying. Tell her you understand that she felt rejected but you are not in the mood and you're hungry. Remind her this is your birthday evening and you still want to have a family time with her and your child.
It's your birthday, OP. Just relax, order some nice BLT from a nice restaurant, either pick up or delivery. Then get the whole family some nice dinner too.
It may be scary, but you have -nothing- to be ashamed of. The abuse is not your fault, and you survived something terrible. But you survived. It sounds like the time has come to be a little vulnerable with your girlfriend. You need to at least tell her what’s going on. She likely is NOT going to hold your scars against you. Opening up to those closest to us is a part of love. Big risk, but also a way to the things that are truly good in a relationship. Closeness, intimacy, and safety. I’m hoping you two can talk it out. Be brave, and the best of luck.
Maybe I didn't explain well jn my post.
He's not moving out BECAUSE of this. He's moving out because he can't plan, upsets my daughter who has autism even when I've asked him to just not engage with her and ask me as I'll deal with it, his kids have behavioural issues, he won't respect my boundaries about important things, I did 95% of the cleaning and all-five child management for the first two years of our relationship, and then when I stopped he started to find it all too hard (even though his job means more “down time” hours than mine).
So he's not moving out about this. That was incidental.
This doesn’t even make sense
Yea cause he doesn’t want to be seen as the creep that he is
Honest question here: What could you say to a woman, regarding weight or breast size, that compares to a statement regarding experiencing physical pain if a man's dick is too big?
Is this boyfriend upset that his dick isn't big enough to cause OP pain when they have sex? Is that really something to be insecure about?
Gotcha. Are you still intending to continue the relationship?
Need to keep him out at the curb forever. He betrayed you.
That was your decision and Im glad if it worked for you. However, people do break up sometimes since relationships are not working, and very seldom the responsibility is only one partners.
My parents had a messy divorce where one of them cheated. However, the other one was a lousy and toxic spouse before that so I do understand why it all fell apart. In that case the cheating was a symptom of something, even if the action in itself was wrong.
Children should not have to be involved in their parents relationship. They never know the whole story since most parents put up a good face outwards (even inside the family) even if the relationship is in its ruins. A lousy partner can be a decent parent in the same way that a lousy employee can be a good neighbour or a terrible sister can be a good friend.
Of course a kid can choose sides in a messy breakup if they want to, but in most cases that is not tge childs responsibility. Parents should be able to handle their parenting without putting their problems and issues on their children to bear.
I’ve always looked at as: Are you having a drink WHILE you relax? Or do you need the drink TO relax? The first is fine, the latter is a potential issue.
Regardless, you should point out to your boyfriend that you would be more relaxed if he stepped up and did his share of the cooking and cleaning. Then you wouldn’t be struggling to find time to relax, because he’d actually be pulling his weight.
Talk. To. Him.
Americans are so paranoid about alcohol and alcoholism. No you are not one, however I would look at other ways to help you to relax so you have a range of options available to you.
-refer to previous statement-
Its hard to though. Dad isnt around aa much
And that’s how everyone feels. But the truth is that she isn’t a fully formed adult and neither are you.
My boyfriend lost his virginity to me when he was 33. Just be honest about your inexperience and be eager to learn. Every new partner has a learning curve so don't feel too much pressure.
You guys sound like you sorta went free for all and we'll hey that's how it goes bad EVERY TIME
Every single 3some gone bad story is basically summed up with this.
Should’ve tried 2 girls first
Don’t have a baby you don’t want. Your GF might be happy for five minutes and then she’ll realize you don’t want to be a dad. Shortly after the kid will realize that they weren’t wanted.
Just… don’t.
They were both supposed to enjoy it. He’s the one who deviated from the plan because reasons, but as he said, she’s not guilty. I don’t think he is either, just shit luck.
unspoken part is “but I WOULD be interested if I wasn’t spoken for…” or that their availability solely hinges on them being in a relationship or not.
To be fair, that's probably true for a lot of men. Well I don't wanna speak on behalf of all men, but if a moderately attractive women wanted to get in my pants, the only thing stopping me would be my relationship
How old are you?
Lol…no disrespect to you, but if they spend £1500 on a weekend, she’s not getting a job in Poundland is she?
Thank you both for the advice. I do need to move out and I think I’ve been trying to soften the reality by thinking he can change. I don’t see him changing and I don’t want to go through another two years down the line with the same reoccurring issues. Now the hard part is convincing him to move out so that we can both break our lease. We live in a place where the landlord will put the unit on Zillow again, but we must pay rent until someone chooses to take over the lease. My bf keeps telling me to give him a month to show me that he’s changed, but I’m at the point of that’s not worth it, as I’ve already given him plenty of chances.
be honest and up front with the doctor, and request that you have the on-call social worker in the room during the consultation. Most places have a social worker for these types of situations. Them going in knowing that you are being upfront will be a huge plus for you.
Anytime you say “No” and they don’t stop that’s rape. He raped you.
My bf and I did this last year. He just straight up told me he would like to see me in sexier stuff, and we went shopping. It was great, even though I felt a little self conscious at first.
And then I knew what he liked so I could buy some on my own if I wanted. I even separated my panty drawer into “for him” and “shit he'll never see”. ?
Gender disappointment is real, it’s more common than I suspect people realise and most importantly it should pass. He will have built up images in his head about his boy and now he has to grieve that and change his expectations for a girl. He should get used to it. If it’s only been a little while (hours to a couple of days) give it a couple of weeks. If he’s still funny in a couple of weeks then it’s time to get some help because it’s not the babies fault! But it is common and most people it passes quickly!
“He helped me with my studies” ? If this is one of the main things that shows that he's boyfriend material then it just proves you're wayyyy too immature for this relationship. You're already setting yourself up in some weird power imbalance where you're going to feel dependent on him for school help. Guarantee he'll hold that over your head if you ever try to leave this relationship. If you need help with school, go make some friends in class. A 30 year old dating a 22 year old is stupid.
The age gap is not even that big.
Yeah, your mom is over reacting.
He has seen my post history lol and I tell him all my thoughts and he chooses to stay? Idk
Your mother has had a lifetime to acquire, categorize, and index red flags she's seen.
You're 22.
I'm gonna side with the mother on this.
If he wanted to marry you, he would.
Call me crazy but I really don’t think there’s a special sin for sleeping with someone who’s cheating. The person in the relationship, who is committed the betrayal, is the person doing the cheating.
I do not believe a single person on the planet who wasn’t already going to cheat, magically ended up cheating because they were corrupted.
Not cheating is extremely easy, and OP didn’t break this man’s legs to get him to be unfaithful to his wife. He cheated because he wanted to.
OP would obviously be stupid and naive to date him, but it doesn’t sound like she wants to. Hopefully she’ll realize it’s not worth getting involved with some else’s failing-relationship-drama, but she’s not the one who betrayed this man’s wife. He made his choices.
Yes!! every two months. definitely another family / wife.
It’s a red flag but not a guarantee she’s doing anything wrong. All you can do is be the best partner you can be and she will do whatever she’s going to do.
You bring me a cutting board while I'm sick in bed, and there's a really strong risk of you accidentally running into my knife ten times.
Have you asked your sons? I'm with you on your question not necessarily being an accusation, but I also get how your husband could feel like it is if you've only asked him out of three possible witnesses.
I feel immensely sorry for your boyfriend. There's a shit ton of stigma surrounding guys having mental health issues or seeking help for it. Your 'no comment' comment was beyond cruel, it's not a matter to joke around about, dismiss, judge or criticize someone over. It's probably burnt into his memory now and he's going to struggle even more reaching out for the help he needs, while you continue to criticize and bemoan his inaction even more. You're unbelievably dismissive and somehow surprised that he no longer wants to discuss his problems with you or accept help from you. This situation really requires tact, sensitivity, empathy and love; I'm not seeing it.
Leave first. You can pay him slowly when you have the money. If you are thinking of paying lump sum, you have to take a loan or never leave him at all (this will be simplest, status quo), but you have to accept your life as it is with him. Ehatever it is, it is your choice.
Lol no. He’s dumb boy. I mean he’s afraid his ego getting hurt.
Stay away from him. He’s toxic.
Info: What makes you consider leaving?
Tbh it did feel that way to me, like when we broke up we’re were talking about getting a house together and having kids together and starting a little farm together and then traveling when we got too old for farming, hoping our children would be able to stay with us in the little house we have together.
I know it’s not a lie on his part about his child because had to sit back and watch the whole thing happen to him. She cheated on him multiple people and then finally with a wealthy person, threatened him with lawyers about his military background and about how his ptsd would make him a bad father, and he gave in. He was tired of fighting her. I have to say that I almost gave into my baby daddy for his demands of our child but the court sided with me over my baby daddy because he’s a pedo, but back to my fiancé.
She constantly abused him: hitting him(I remember his bruises), stealing his money for drugs, isolating him from his family and friends by making him move 70 miles away from us, breaking down his self esteem and making him feel like a bad dad because he worked 10-12 hours everyday so they could pay the bills because she refused to work, she would blame his his military background against him when he would snap for her constant assault, and I watched it all happen just as I watched his kid grow up. Our children were close on age and used to play together. I’m trying to convince him to push for custody time but every time we talk about his baby momma he starts to shake violently and puke. He misses his daughter and gives into just about anything his baby momma wants from him. At one point she heard we were back together and tried to come back after 10 years but he denied her.
We are both not in therapy because we are poor and our medical insurance won’t cover more than 2 months worth of 1 day a week sessions, per year and there’s no therapists in our area for more than 50 miles.
It's not just his issue over labels. He actually asked OP do “define feelings” – after all the texting and time they had done together over the past few months. How can anyone not know what that means? I think the guy has deep issues, and I seriously can't figure out how it took OP this long to figure it out. I think the other thing that would be useful to know is what kind of relationships he has with his family and what his childhood was like. He sounds like he has an issue with attachment in general.
Option 1 bro.
You already know how option 2 turns out. For option 3 she’s going to go see him anyways. It’s over.
Have some self respect, lawyer up, serve her divorce paper.
Are you actually for real with this comment, or are you trolling? Shame on me that I’d want to know that the husband I’m supporting is publicly humiliating me just to score some cool points with some guys who don’t give a shit about him? If I was this woman, I’d be counting my blessings that I eavesdropped, and then I’d dump the loser husband. No, I wouldn’t stand by that man, and I wouldn’t care about any judgements that would come my way for it. Call it what you will – no one needs to or should put up with that shit.
I get what you're saying but at the same who does? They feel shit
That’s what i was thinking. They were on the topic of marriage so i feel lit was a natural place for the conversation to go.
You must have missed the part where I said “unless he has concerns for their safety”
Why hello there Sugar Daddy.
This woman sure has you whipped. Be sure to wrap your pecker because the best way for her to secure her future is to have your baby – especially since it looks like you’re loaded. You’ve been played real hard Daddy, wise up and realise if someone needs to be financially supported 3 months into a relationship then they’re only going to be staying because you’re providing the good life, with none of the hard work.
“Confided in me enough to express her concern”
I bet she shed a tear or two as well. ?
She wants to be sure of her future finances? Tell her to get a job.
Thank you for your comment. He's the type of person who would never go to therapy. I communicated but maybe not early enough. He doesn't communicate well at all and this has always been a problem. I think I didn't realize it would come to this but the years went by and here I am. Thanks. I appreciate it.
Don’t give her an ultimatum or discourage her from joining the marines. If she doesn’t join there’s a chance she will resent you for it further down the road. If she doesn’t join for you and then you decide the relationship isn’t right anyways and break up, that’ll come back bad on you.
Let her make her choice on her own then do what you have to do on your own. You’re both very young and have your whole life ahead of you. Neither of you should be giving up your dreams for one another, break up and go your separate ways. If it’s meant to be you’ll find your way back to each other.
I've spent so much time lurking and posting on relationship-related subs that I thought she was watching someone's Affair Partner.
I found myself thinking…”What's the point of that?”
How do we make it clear that this guy isn’t worth the trouble?
No way. There’s prob some correlation between dudes that don’t take care of their teeth and wash their ass properly.
My sister is a dental assistant. Teeth are important for your health. Bad dental hygiene doesn't just decay teeth, it can cause internal damage like cardiac arrest.
Block him. He already hurt you enough, he's not entitled to your absolution.
Abusive relationship incoming …..
If he doesn't love you for who you are – in heels or combat boots, in skirts or sweats – he doesn't deserve you.
Never, ever, ever let a partner push you to losing yourself. Your deserve to be loved for everything you are.
Again your example is flawed, because both genders experience this. My employer also wants me to be a robot and work 24/7/365, and they would pay me less if they could (and I'm not happy with my pay). All business's will try and force more work out of their employees and treat them like dinks. We as employees should band together and put an end to it. There are a lot of things to be unhappy about in the world, but both men and women are vastly in the same boat. I could give you examples at my work where woman automatically get the job because it's such a male dominant field statistically would favor a guy, but the ladies will be promoted if they go for it. Whoever I have worked for had always goes me for a task, and when they see that I was competent and able to finish it in a timely manner, want me to finish the tasks of my fellow coworkers without more pay. They do that to everyone without a doubt.
You know your boss is a terrible person having wife and children wanting to have an affair with you? Do you think he loves you? I don't think so, I guess being more of a “man” means being scumbag.
Speaking of being scum, you should leave this job and tell your boyfriend. Well only if you love and respect him. If you don't, by ll means stay there and tell him nothing (although you should just break up with him at this point).
Telling him is obvious, but leaving this job is even more obvious, because you accepting close work relationship with someone who clearly wants to fuck you and you have feelings for is already an emotional cheating.
Thank you so much. I think about that too… being with a partner that makes me feel good in the skin I’m in currently. He does try to, but his actions contradict his words sadly. I guess if it keeps on going this way, staying broken up would be best. I’m happy you’re with someone who appreciates and loves you! ?
The only thing I can tell is that I don't think your train of thought is correct. Not because you don't want children mind you, but the reason why that is.
You shouldn't hate yourself, it seems you feel like it you are blaming your character for your parents neglect of you. You should address it on therapy. If the reason why you do not want children only stems from traumatic life you might end up regretting not having them later in life.
Obviously as it is right you are incompatible with your bf.
Thank you so much. I think about that too… being with a partner that makes me feel good in the skin I’m in currently. He does try to, but his actions contradict his words sadly. I guess if it keeps on going this way, staying broken up would be best. I’m happy you’re with someone who appreciates and loves you! ?
I read that to mean she wouldn’t enjoy it. ?
I read that to mean she wouldn’t enjoy it. ?
He is manipulating you grooming you and isolating you from your support system. This is NOT a good man.
He is manipulating you grooming you and isolating you from your support system. This is NOT a good man.
Sounds like he's been watching too many MGTOW videos.
He is manipulating you grooming you and isolating you from your support system. This is NOT a good man.
Trust him when he says he will kill you if he has the chance. Please call a women’s shelter and have a plan before you leave. Reach out to people who miss you. Please stay safe.
Sounds like he's been watching too many MGTOW videos.
If nothing happens valentines day, get rid of him or if he does miraculously plan something tell him the next day too little too late
Exactly. And then when they’re called out on it they chalk it up to “I can’t help what I’m attracted to”
Thank you for being straight forward, it's hard to hear this, but I needed it. Giving space without having my needs met is hard. I told him that I need touch and a proof that were going forward as a couple to find being in a relationship worth while. That was shortly before he opened up and addressed his need of space. So I'll be having answers, good or bad, when he returns. It's just so hard to live in uncertainty until then. But preparing myself to leave if things don't improve sounds like a plan.
Not surprising. It's rough to deal with, for sure. The first step in moving past that feeling is to cut out the cancer causing it. You just tell her that you are done, then block her.
She will try other ways to get to you. People like that seem to thrive off trying to manipulate people back into the relationship. Then they can try to control you again.
Can you write my apology letters as I need them….
There are many stories even on here of someone having an affair and the family heck even the whole village know, except for the betrayed partner. So it's not that far reach if they know you're the side chick but they keep quiet cos as long as he's happy ? not saying you really are in this case (tho really sound like it, can you drop at his house as a surprise?) But it does happen
Do you love him? Is that the face you want to look at everyday for the rest of your life? Is that reciprocal? Would he be a good dad from baby to adulthood and beyond? Would you be a good Mom from baby to adulthood and beyond? Could you work together without destroying each other? Are you better together than each of you separate? Are you ready to commit to this person, this togetherness until you both are dead? If so, and you both agree, get married. If not, leave.
Congratulations! I am so proud of you for finally doing the move, i know how hard leaving an abusive relationship as i have been there but i guarantee you that it will only get better from now on
Predatory boyfriend
Y'all weren't in a good place to open up in the first place. Saying no to opening the relationship was a perfectly valid answer. There's jealousy and insecurity. There a lot more than “I wanna sleep with this person, let me open the relationship” when it comes to polyamory and people like your husband give polyamorous people a REALLY BAD name.
If he was reluctant to give you equal room to do the same thing he was doing he was just trying to find a loophole to cheating. If you hadn't said yes he would have cheated anyway.
This whole thing sounds unhealthy and y'all have a lot of communicating to do.
If his feelings are making you question your decision, you can sit down with a “you know, I said what I wanted, but I feel like we didn't really discuss this and make a decision as a team. Can we do that now?”
No. His feelings don't matter. OP should NEVER keep a child against her will, just because he wants her to. She doesn't need to make decisions as a team. Her body, her choice.
Got it re: the self-employed sub-contractor bit.
I’d try to forgive her. If this is your only issue then you can get past it. This happened very early in your relationship and she was still quite young. I know I’ve made mistakes I wouldn’t want to be judged on. This is ancient history. If you have solid communication and commitment then you can build a future. She made a mistake. Sometimes it takes mistakes to realize your priorities and values.
Life is hard. Relationships are complicated. If you are a solid team now then give her some grace. I’m a 60 year old grandma. Life is not always black and white.
This is not excellent, this is a terrible idea that will only result in him doing other stupid shit at your wedding. If your fiance can't set a boundary that no one is allowed to wear a clown suit to a wedding I hope you know your life's gunna be fucked when your married.
I am envisioning Mike from BB/BCS throwing this guy out with a stone face lol
Be glad she's shown you who she is before you did something like propose. She's not relationship material. She's cheating, at minimum emotionally. She's trying to keep you as a safety blanket until she finds her next guy. If she had any respect for you at all none of this would be happening. She wants the streets. Let her have the streets.
Honestly his friends are kinda asshats. And yeah, the way he came in and demanded it is the biggest issue. Ig was really out of character…and made me feel like this whole thing was based on a lie, since he’d told me multiple times that me enjoyed the way I did it and asks me to do it (with the fleshlight) multiple times a week.
Also, if it was something that been nothing him, it feels like he’s really wasted my time, because I would have broken it off.
And not he's just backtracking at telling me he prefers it my way and that his friends just swayed him etc.
I’s really feeling too old for this shit.
Why do you keep reposting this?
What answer do you want?
I'm really sorry this is happening to you. It doesn't seem like you would, but please don't do anything you'll regret. Take some deep breaths, drink some water, and talk to someone you trust (if needed)
Stop reacting to it, I also think this is a fun thing to do to my wife but not getting a reaction is worse than a negative one and it’ll stop.
Feels like we’re not getting the whole story here
Here’s a crazy idea: how about spending more time with your girlfriend?
Your girlfriend is feeling abandoned by you. It sounds like you’re spending every free moment playing the game instead of interacting with her.
Take her out on dates instead of playing games. Talk to her. Play games with her.
Your SO is supposed to be important to you. More important than video games. This is a person who has chosen to be with you so you better treat them as though they’re important to you. Because they can choose to not be with you if they don’t believe that they’re important to.
How long are these periods of time when she's not looking at your texts?
Do not move in with him. As a mother you have the responsibility to protect your daughters, you know this about him, if you give him access to your daughter nonetheless, it will be on you too.
Fuck an apology, LEAVE HIM. I hate when everyone on this sub goes straight to divorce, but girl, this guy is going to kill you.
Why are you accepting this as what you deserve?
Honey, if your best friend told you they wait in their car for an hour and a half every time they pick him up, what would your advice be?
You deserve so much better than this. A good therapist can help you get to the root of why you would stay with a partner who doesn't treat you with respect.
Dude.. don't try to pull this shit. You told her you were single because you still want in her pants. If you really prioritised your girlfriend you wiuld have corrected her on the spot. Just break up with your girlfriend, its clear you want your friend instead.
Divorce has huge financial, social and emotional ramifications for your life. It's not a decision that should be hastily made. Even if it's the right decision, which it seems to be in this case, it's still an extremely difficult decision that requires deliberation and one should be sure to have exhausted the other reasonable options.
Ok, you know your relationship best. It's not my thing, but as long as you make ground rules and are safe, then enjoy. Happy birthday, by the way. Please keep in mind that I may be a prude, but everyone on here is giving you sound advice, or at least trying to. Heade some of the concerns people with way more knowledge than I are giving you. Good luck!
Thank you all for your feedback❤️ I’ve made the decision I’m going to end it, I could never imagine my parents or grandparents speaking to each other like that so why should I accept it. The fact that it’s not the first time he’s disrespected me in-front of his family shows his true personality. it’s going to be hard but you have all been a great help, thank you 🙂
If you are straight then there’s no reason to stay in a unhappy relationship get a divorce and find someone else.
Yeah, she gets along with them perfectly fine to be honest. My parents will barely ever even be there.. that’s what is baffling to me. A $1200 a week apartment in the middle of the CBD and they’re barely ever there. I wish she had bought this up earlier, I’d have done things to make it different so this didn’t come up.
Exactly, his pretending he doesn't know is so totally lame.
Honestly, if he refuses to give you a better answer, you could either leave and go to a friend's or your parents' place – or you could consider snooping in his phone – I think this case would justify it. Normally, I would absolutely condemn any invasion of your partner's privacy, but if your partner acts suspicious as f*ck, that gives you a sort of moral warrant to snoop. Check the group chat – he must have given the others some kind of explanation on why you couldn't attend, or why he kicked you out of the group, that would already be relevant information. And check their private chat – and if you can't find anything suspicious in his normal messenger app, check all other possible messengers and mail programs.
His behavior reminds me of the dickhead who left his wife and sons for his affair partner and had a baby with her – and then she found out that he had been writing e-mails to his ex-wife, trying to get her back (after she had finally moved on and was sailing around the world with his ex best friend, while he was knee deep in diapers and hating his life). Maybe your husband has a similar thing going on, but isn't ready to burn his bridges with you yet, OP.
Tell her you are going to talk to her brother and ask if you somehow offended them to not get an invite.
I'm calling bs. You guys began the relationship as non monogamous. It's hardly out of character of her or the relationship to float the idea of different forms of ENM.
This sounds like the shit people do when they were just looking for an out.
It's mundane problems as well like she misunderstands me a lot and it makes me feel like she doesn't understand me or pay attention but I feel it's linked to the bigger thing as not putting in not as much effort as me
It's not possible to make a relationship work with someone who isn't putting in enough effort. Period. Full stop. This is not something that I'd want my partner to have to work on. Think about it. Why would you want to work on getting your partner to care as much about the relationship as you do when you could just move on and find someone who cares as much about your relationship as you do? If she wanted to, she would.
You're 18…there is almost no chance that this is someone who you're going to live happily ever after with. Let her go and find someone who matches your effort.
Ah, I didn’t see the part where she brought up monogamy. Thanks for letting me know
Yeah I’m that case I agree she did indeed do shitty things
This has to be fake, right? Please tell me this is fake
Step back 3 steps.
Watch for 2 months.
No moving out?
Move away.
I’m not gonna lecture you on why you shouldn’t be concerned with his reaction because everyone else already made great points! What I do want to say is that a lot of things seem like they’ll be super hot until it happens and then you don’t feel the way you thought you would. Meaning: this might be a fantasy of his but when it actually happens, he might feel insanely jealous/sick/mad at you/mad at friend/etc. It could turn into a really bad situation under one roof and create a huge problem in your marriage because he won’t be able to get over what happened, even though it was his idea. If he’s so dead-set on this, and if you ever feel like you do to appease him or just want to try it for yourself, start waaaay slower. Like, let him watch you do stuff over video chat with a stranger. If he realizes the whole thing actually makes him feel ill instead of horny, he can slam the laptop shut and end it. And it’s a stranger on the other end who means nothing to either of you, not someone living in the same place that he could end up fighting with and making the whole environment super uncomfortable for everyone. All that said, just remember that you never ever have to do something you don’t want to!
Did I miss something? What’s so un-palatable about condoms?
And I also don’t understand the confusion. No bc, pull out method and no abortion – 100% prepare yourself to be a father