Because she gaslit him into thinking it did work for her for 8 years? Not really insane, not everyone has obvious orgasms, he likely has had limited partners because he doesn't know how a vagina works, and let's face it, sexual education in the US is fucking horrendous, especially for males. Do you know how many people think women can't pee with a tampon in?
Lol – what a fool. He got what is coming. You can’t break up and expect the person to not have sex with others. Tell him to get over himself and get therapy. This isn’t worth it OP. Trust
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This is it, right here. He is always going to be in contact with her. The temptation will always be there and he has already shown that he can't resist it. Staying is only going to lead to heartache.
I will try, I don't have the guts or the heart to leave him. He got very angry once asking why I didn't stop him from leaving and ended up having a breakdown because clearly I wanted him to stay but he wanted to go and I wanted him to do what was right for him.
Because she told you. How do you know that what she's saying is the truth? Just because she told her friend the same thing doesn't mean she's telling the truth. You will never know what happened, that's the truth. You will only hear what she tells you. Good luck with your relationship
He’s doing it because he thinks that the food being served tastes bland and his creation taste better. He does this when he cooks too he’ll throw random things and spices together even if they don’t go together.
Lots of people freeze in moments like that, or don't know what approach to take… which then transfers to a lack of action. That could have been her. It's also possible she was zoned out enough to not to react in the moment. And, of course, it could be that she was perfectly happy with what was happening.
One point though, people who are in uncomfortable situations that they don't feel able to resolve often feel guilty afterwards. Guilt and discomfort do not automatically imply that she did anything wrong.
If I were you I'd approach this by asking her how she wants to deal with situations like this going forward, and how she wants you to react. Be calm, keep an open mind, make this problem into something you two can solve together.
I would say to your GF that you guys may unintentialy be getting too close if her coworkers think they are messing around. She needs to set some boundaries. I think you have reason to talk to her about it.
I would say to your GF that you guys may unintentialy be getting too close if her coworkers think they are messing around. She needs to set some boundaries. I think you have reason to talk to her about it.
thanks to all, You are all right, It hurt's a lot but in a relationship love has to be from both sides, and if It's just from one side, it can't go, If she is happy alone, I have to let her go
Internet mom here. I just came to validate your feelings. You are absolutely right in what you are saying. You’re already planning to go to therapy and that would have been my suggestion. You will find an advocate in any good therapist. It’s going to be okay. Get to therapy. I really do just want to validate everything you have said.
He desperately is trying to get with this other person, but he also wants a backup plan
So he starts dating you
If yall are just dating, and this other person becomes available or decides to give him a chance…then he can hook up with her and not worry about people calling him a cheater. He'll spin your dating as a casual situation
But if you are boyfriend and girlfriend…then he can't do that
It locks him into a narrative he can't get out of without looking like an ahole
He’s treated you badly for 90% of the relationship, what do you love about this guy? The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. What you are supposed to do is dump him. Don’t believe his words, words are cheap, believe his actions. He’s shown you who he is, time to accept that he doesn’t care about you, otherwise he would not treat you this way. It’s not your fault that he treats you badly, but it’s your fault for continuing to accept it.
After reading this, I think your previous girlfriends had good reasons for breaking up with you. You snooped on your girlfriend's private conversations. You picked a fight with her over some wistfulness that she shared with her friends. You refused to accept her thoughts and explanations because they did not conform to your own worldview.
Respect your relationship. You want to sell pictures of a part of your body to someone who will use for sexual purposes. It may not seem that bad because it is only your feet but in this day and age men have decided to sexualise every single body part of a woman (which is sick) and so even if it is only your feet, that person receiving the pictures will use it for sexual pleasure.. Personally, I would hate to know that someone out there is doing it to my girlfriend's pictures. No amount of money should ever be worth more than your boyfriend
If you do it, you're betraying your boyfriend's trust and there will likely be major problems between you two.
Someone who would say divorce or an option that doesnt include violence and murder, because that makes me see that the person is mature enough to know people aren’t possesions and that we make misstakes. Honestly I wouldn’t get married if I thought I would cheat, no one deserves that.
I think loyalty is the most precious thing, but people are human and misstakes will happen during a long marriage. I want to know that if someone tells my husband ”I think your wife is cheating” he’s not gonna murder our whole family in revenge and then find out it was a only rumour. Or maybe kill one of our kids while he’s cooling down realizing it wasn’t truth.
What is and isn’t okay in their relationship is really between them, so if she’s present and doesn’t say anything then it must be okay with her. However you have every right to establish personal boundaries with him, if he puts his hands on you and you aren’t comfortable with it (I certainly wouldn’t be) tell him to fucking move, if he asks you a question you aren’t comfortable with, tell him it’s not his business. If this couple are some of your closest friends you should be able to tell them when you aren’t comfortable. You do not have to put up with behavior enacted towards you to keep things light.
There’s an absolutely disgusting scene with Sansa later in the show. It’s one of the worst I’ve ever seen, especially because they choose to focus on how her trauma impacts a male character and prompts their growth. I would just say “I’m sorry, this show isn’t for me because of xyz, but if you want to choose something else I’d be open to that”.
But I have booked an appointment to consult a family therapist and hope to get some insight on how to move forward… thank you for your concern and reply!
If he hasn't shown his face to you, odds are, yes, he is unattractive. OR, he is actually much much older than 18. And he is probably both of those things.
It sounds like the two of you gave incompatible views on sex. That's pretty important in a dating relationship.
I think she sounds a bit ridiculous and not particularly well grounded, but she's allowed to feel that way about sex. She should stick to dating people who share those views.
And you're allowed to stick to dating people who have views in line with your own. You'll be much happier for it. It's something to get out of the way early on.
Giving or receiving oral? It’s possible he’d be able to w down with whatever you like, but it’s impossible to know without talking with him. Figuring out sexual compatibility should be a priority before marriage is on the table.
I feel I did, he did apologize and we talked but that night he made advances on me so I'm not sure it really got through. I know I said it clearly. It's if he understood that I'm questioning.
He doesn't get final choice, but he is a parent, too. It should be a joint decision. There hasn't yet been a solution that both parents like, so the discussion isn't over.
She gets final say on everything pregnancy related, because it's her body. But the second those children are born he should be treated like an equal parent (with the exception being breastfeeding decisions because, again, her body.)
There are a lot of legal/safety/bureaucratic issues that come with being a parent to a child that doesn't have your name. He has valid arguments for wanting his in there, and her unilaterally making parenting decisions (especially one that has the potential to alienate him from his children) is very worrying.
So your solution to not getting your way is to make the same legal threats that her ex made at her? Gee, I wonder why she's so insistent on her children having her last name…
I was not attentive, cold, in her words she didn’t feel loved. Probably enough to end the relationship there instead of attempt an act of “getting my attention”.
I was not attentive, cold, in her words she didn’t feel loved. Probably enough to end the relationship there instead of attempt an act of “getting my attention”.
I’m confused. You say that you “scaled back plans” for your honeymoon after finding out you were expecting…but also say you conceived 6 weeks after your wedding. Was the honeymoon supposed to take place several months after you got married?
Ok, did you guys set a limit for this no contact period. If so, don't. Let her have her space and you need to start mourning the relationship. That is best done with her stirring up your feelings.
Just let her go. She knows where you are and if she wants to talk to you, she has your number.
As someone who hasn't ever cheated and doesn't even talk to multiple people while dating, don't care what you think. If you really can't think of a situation where someone would cheat thats just how far you can think. I'm not justifying it that it's right under any circumstances, but that it will happen given the right circumstances. One example:
“Let's say you just found under the worst circumstances out that your GF cheated with your best friend. You are feeling at your lowest because 2 people that you trust betrayed you. You got proof and the one person comforting you is a crush from years before. You just need comfort and trust that someone at that time is providing, throw a little alcohol in there and that comfort turns to intimacy very fast. You still didn't talk to your GF and didn't break up, because you don't even know what to think since you just found out”
This example of course doesn't apply to everyone. Circumstances differ from person to person but under the right circumstances most humans are able to do horrible things which includes cheating.
Holy fuck, I can’t believe I had to read so far to get the question answered. So she is actually entertaining going on a solo vacation with another man who is in love with her.
The only reasonable response from you is as follows:
You can go on whatever vacation you want with another man, that’s fine but choices have consequences. If you chose to go, our marriage is over and you will come home to divorce papers.
Moving forward, the fact that you consider this a possibility in a non-joking matter means you have some personal development work to do to understand healthy boundaries and respect in our marriage, and we need to get into marriage counseling immediately. As of now, you have shaken my trust in you by acting in an untrustworthy manner, and you need to earn it back and show me that you can be respectful of our marriage for us to survive.
If you don’t think this is a serious problem that you have created, then our marriage is effectively over, as you have shown that I cannot trust you to value our marriage over the attention another man may give you.
He fell in love with and loves what you look like now. He's sad that you cannot see how beautiful you are without surgery. I hope you get some counseling before you do this. If you have an underlying problem with your looks/body you won't be happier after surgery, and will keep finding things you want to change. I have a friend who is doing that right now. So far she's been unhappy with some aspect of everything she's had done. I hope that doesn't happen to you. You will definitely lose him if you can't even learn to love yourself and appreciate the person he loves: which is you, right now, as you are.
I am so sorry OP that your wife is not supporting you through the tough times. Instead of being a support she's making things worse for you. I know that's not what you want to hear and you love her but she's not good for you. You'd be better off on your own financially and emotionally.
Where there is no trust there's nothing. He has changed the dynamics of your relationship but if you can forgive and keep going, and you think it's worth it, then by all means.
That's a lot of accidental steps all made consecutively.
Guess your bf is so irresistible that women suck his dick the minute he isn't paying attention
Nah your EX is a lying cheater
If this is a real, genuine post and not a troll post…
What the actual fuck?
He doesn't respect you or your boundaries. And he's way too immature for his age. I'd expect a boy/man to stop doing shit like that around age 16 MAX.
Because she gaslit him into thinking it did work for her for 8 years? Not really insane, not everyone has obvious orgasms, he likely has had limited partners because he doesn't know how a vagina works, and let's face it, sexual education in the US is fucking horrendous, especially for males. Do you know how many people think women can't pee with a tampon in?
Wait for confirmation for sure.
Lol – what a fool. He got what is coming. You can’t break up and expect the person to not have sex with others. Tell him to get over himself and get therapy. This isn’t worth it OP. Trust
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This is it, right here. He is always going to be in contact with her. The temptation will always be there and he has already shown that he can't resist it. Staying is only going to lead to heartache.
She turned you down…she's not interested. You need to direct your romantic attentions elsewhere and just be a friendly colleague.
I will try, I don't have the guts or the heart to leave him. He got very angry once asking why I didn't stop him from leaving and ended up having a breakdown because clearly I wanted him to stay but he wanted to go and I wanted him to do what was right for him.
Because she told you. How do you know that what she's saying is the truth? Just because she told her friend the same thing doesn't mean she's telling the truth. You will never know what happened, that's the truth. You will only hear what she tells you. Good luck with your relationship
He’s doing it because he thinks that the food being served tastes bland and his creation taste better. He does this when he cooks too he’ll throw random things and spices together even if they don’t go together.
Lots of people freeze in moments like that, or don't know what approach to take… which then transfers to a lack of action. That could have been her. It's also possible she was zoned out enough to not to react in the moment. And, of course, it could be that she was perfectly happy with what was happening.
One point though, people who are in uncomfortable situations that they don't feel able to resolve often feel guilty afterwards. Guilt and discomfort do not automatically imply that she did anything wrong.
If I were you I'd approach this by asking her how she wants to deal with situations like this going forward, and how she wants you to react. Be calm, keep an open mind, make this problem into something you two can solve together.
That verbiage is almost guaranteed to make him defensive and not open to what she's saying.
I would say to your GF that you guys may unintentialy be getting too close if her coworkers think they are messing around. She needs to set some boundaries. I think you have reason to talk to her about it.
Thanks for helping.
I would say to your GF that you guys may unintentialy be getting too close if her coworkers think they are messing around. She needs to set some boundaries. I think you have reason to talk to her about it.
thanks to all, You are all right, It hurt's a lot but in a relationship love has to be from both sides, and if It's just from one side, it can't go, If she is happy alone, I have to let her go
Internet mom here. I just came to validate your feelings. You are absolutely right in what you are saying. You’re already planning to go to therapy and that would have been my suggestion. You will find an advocate in any good therapist. It’s going to be okay. Get to therapy. I really do just want to validate everything you have said.
Oh this is simple
He wants someone else more than he wants you
He desperately is trying to get with this other person, but he also wants a backup plan
So he starts dating you
If yall are just dating, and this other person becomes available or decides to give him a chance…then he can hook up with her and not worry about people calling him a cheater. He'll spin your dating as a casual situation
But if you are boyfriend and girlfriend…then he can't do that
It locks him into a narrative he can't get out of without looking like an ahole
He’s treated you badly for 90% of the relationship, what do you love about this guy? The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. What you are supposed to do is dump him. Don’t believe his words, words are cheap, believe his actions. He’s shown you who he is, time to accept that he doesn’t care about you, otherwise he would not treat you this way. It’s not your fault that he treats you badly, but it’s your fault for continuing to accept it.
Shared friends who understand the situation won't care if it's graceful. Those who don't understand aren't really your friends
Tired of this “poly” BS. He is bored and wants to bang someone else, or justify some cheating that he has already done.
Don't put up with it.
Ummm, easy. Propose to the mother of your child.
Ummm, easy. Propose to the mother of your child.
After reading this, I think your previous girlfriends had good reasons for breaking up with you. You snooped on your girlfriend's private conversations. You picked a fight with her over some wistfulness that she shared with her friends. You refused to accept her thoughts and explanations because they did not conform to your own worldview.
You're welcome. Update when you can. I hope it's good news.
Respect your relationship. You want to sell pictures of a part of your body to someone who will use for sexual purposes. It may not seem that bad because it is only your feet but in this day and age men have decided to sexualise every single body part of a woman (which is sick) and so even if it is only your feet, that person receiving the pictures will use it for sexual pleasure.. Personally, I would hate to know that someone out there is doing it to my girlfriend's pictures. No amount of money should ever be worth more than your boyfriend
If you do it, you're betraying your boyfriend's trust and there will likely be major problems between you two.
Someone who would say divorce or an option that doesnt include violence and murder, because that makes me see that the person is mature enough to know people aren’t possesions and that we make misstakes. Honestly I wouldn’t get married if I thought I would cheat, no one deserves that.
I think loyalty is the most precious thing, but people are human and misstakes will happen during a long marriage. I want to know that if someone tells my husband ”I think your wife is cheating” he’s not gonna murder our whole family in revenge and then find out it was a only rumour. Or maybe kill one of our kids while he’s cooling down realizing it wasn’t truth.
What is and isn’t okay in their relationship is really between them, so if she’s present and doesn’t say anything then it must be okay with her. However you have every right to establish personal boundaries with him, if he puts his hands on you and you aren’t comfortable with it (I certainly wouldn’t be) tell him to fucking move, if he asks you a question you aren’t comfortable with, tell him it’s not his business. If this couple are some of your closest friends you should be able to tell them when you aren’t comfortable. You do not have to put up with behavior enacted towards you to keep things light.
There’s an absolutely disgusting scene with Sansa later in the show. It’s one of the worst I’ve ever seen, especially because they choose to focus on how her trauma impacts a male character and prompts their growth. I would just say “I’m sorry, this show isn’t for me because of xyz, but if you want to choose something else I’d be open to that”.
File a PTO or RO against him. He IS stalking you.
No, I’m not in China.
But I have booked an appointment to consult a family therapist and hope to get some insight on how to move forward… thank you for your concern and reply!
If he hasn't shown his face to you, odds are, yes, he is unattractive. OR, he is actually much much older than 18. And he is probably both of those things.
repost troll
It sounds like the two of you gave incompatible views on sex. That's pretty important in a dating relationship.
I think she sounds a bit ridiculous and not particularly well grounded, but she's allowed to feel that way about sex. She should stick to dating people who share those views.
And you're allowed to stick to dating people who have views in line with your own. You'll be much happier for it. It's something to get out of the way early on.
That wouldn’t actually happen hope you know that!
Oh knock it off with the double standard bullshit. Men and women are very different and have very different insecurities.
I forgot, this is Reddit.
Giving or receiving oral? It’s possible he’d be able to w down with whatever you like, but it’s impossible to know without talking with him. Figuring out sexual compatibility should be a priority before marriage is on the table.
I feel I did, he did apologize and we talked but that night he made advances on me so I'm not sure it really got through. I know I said it clearly. It's if he understood that I'm questioning.
He doesn't get final choice, but he is a parent, too. It should be a joint decision. There hasn't yet been a solution that both parents like, so the discussion isn't over.
She gets final say on everything pregnancy related, because it's her body. But the second those children are born he should be treated like an equal parent (with the exception being breastfeeding decisions because, again, her body.)
There are a lot of legal/safety/bureaucratic issues that come with being a parent to a child that doesn't have your name. He has valid arguments for wanting his in there, and her unilaterally making parenting decisions (especially one that has the potential to alienate him from his children) is very worrying.
So your solution to not getting your way is to make the same legal threats that her ex made at her? Gee, I wonder why she's so insistent on her children having her last name…
I was not attentive, cold, in her words she didn’t feel loved. Probably enough to end the relationship there instead of attempt an act of “getting my attention”.
I was not attentive, cold, in her words she didn’t feel loved. Probably enough to end the relationship there instead of attempt an act of “getting my attention”.
She does, actually have what they think might be a tumor on one of her ovaries
Can't argue with this.
OP, if ever there was a “ball's in your court” situation, this is it.
I’m confused. You say that you “scaled back plans” for your honeymoon after finding out you were expecting…but also say you conceived 6 weeks after your wedding. Was the honeymoon supposed to take place several months after you got married?
Ok, did you guys set a limit for this no contact period. If so, don't. Let her have her space and you need to start mourning the relationship. That is best done with her stirring up your feelings.
Just let her go. She knows where you are and if she wants to talk to you, she has your number.
100%, total deal breaker.
I'd be gone.
As someone who hasn't ever cheated and doesn't even talk to multiple people while dating, don't care what you think. If you really can't think of a situation where someone would cheat thats just how far you can think. I'm not justifying it that it's right under any circumstances, but that it will happen given the right circumstances. One example:
“Let's say you just found under the worst circumstances out that your GF cheated with your best friend. You are feeling at your lowest because 2 people that you trust betrayed you. You got proof and the one person comforting you is a crush from years before. You just need comfort and trust that someone at that time is providing, throw a little alcohol in there and that comfort turns to intimacy very fast. You still didn't talk to your GF and didn't break up, because you don't even know what to think since you just found out”
This example of course doesn't apply to everyone. Circumstances differ from person to person but under the right circumstances most humans are able to do horrible things which includes cheating.
Honestly you see a lot of these age gap relationships where the older man is the immature one compared to his much younger girlfriend
Holy fuck, I can’t believe I had to read so far to get the question answered. So she is actually entertaining going on a solo vacation with another man who is in love with her.
The only reasonable response from you is as follows:
You can go on whatever vacation you want with another man, that’s fine but choices have consequences. If you chose to go, our marriage is over and you will come home to divorce papers.
Moving forward, the fact that you consider this a possibility in a non-joking matter means you have some personal development work to do to understand healthy boundaries and respect in our marriage, and we need to get into marriage counseling immediately. As of now, you have shaken my trust in you by acting in an untrustworthy manner, and you need to earn it back and show me that you can be respectful of our marriage for us to survive.
If you don’t think this is a serious problem that you have created, then our marriage is effectively over, as you have shown that I cannot trust you to value our marriage over the attention another man may give you.
She's my property. I right her off on my taxes. She's mine. the fuck you mean lol
How many times did op read this before posting then? It’s so dumb by the end I don’t even feel sympathy for him.
OP, as everyone else has already said in the comments here, you are in the wrong. You may feel bad about it, but that does not make you correct.
He fell in love with and loves what you look like now. He's sad that you cannot see how beautiful you are without surgery. I hope you get some counseling before you do this. If you have an underlying problem with your looks/body you won't be happier after surgery, and will keep finding things you want to change. I have a friend who is doing that right now. So far she's been unhappy with some aspect of everything she's had done. I hope that doesn't happen to you. You will definitely lose him if you can't even learn to love yourself and appreciate the person he loves: which is you, right now, as you are.
I am so sorry OP that your wife is not supporting you through the tough times. Instead of being a support she's making things worse for you. I know that's not what you want to hear and you love her but she's not good for you. You'd be better off on your own financially and emotionally.
Where there is no trust there's nothing. He has changed the dynamics of your relationship but if you can forgive and keep going, and you think it's worth it, then by all means.
BUT
I couldn't.
Thank you so much for the comprehensive response and advice, hugely appreciated!
It's his issue. You made a mistake, but you can't be walking on eggshells for him. Have you together long?
Sounds like your fault for wanting it…
I'm baffled as to why you two are even married, you both sound insufferable.