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Date: October 8, 2022
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Hear his side. Did he even try to explain.
Maybe the best idea is to force yourself to drag this period out a bit, if you can talk about it with a trusted individual that has your best interest in mind then do it. But rash decisions are high risk for everyone involved. I think you will get through this, just gauge the other guy out and see if he's really all you think he is or if your BF or yourself have things that can be fixed and it's the lack of anything being fixed that makes you interested in the colleague in the first place.
If you don't want to be in the same house as his kids, then you and your baby need to move out. Plain and simple. You've known for over a year that his ex was being difficult, but you still decided to move in with him. You cannot ask your partner to choose between you and his children. That's literally step one of being an evil stepmother.
GOOD GOD WHY IS AMERICAN SEX EDUCATION SO FUCKING AWFUL????
So let me get this straight, you want to divorce this man, you know that taking Ambien makes you horny and you come on to a man who wants to have sex with you, you don't want to have with him when you have taken Ambien, he still proceeds to do so even though you told him no. And with all of this you proceed to sleep in the same bed as him. OP does this make sense to you?
So happy for you
You can tell him to stop? If he doesn't, cut it off.
Man, so sorry. This is like the biggest slap in the face possible. She used and abused you.
I don’t see how this relationship comes back from this. She totally disregarded you as a person for 2.5 years. She never felt guilty on her own, only when you reached YOUR breaking point did she admit to it. She would have gone on for 5 more years if she could have.
Ooof, sounds like he's a full-on white supremacist who also has a racist fetish. (I'm particularly concerned by the comments on wanting to colonize your country on top of the racist mockery and stereotyping.) I think your instincts are right that something deeper is going on here. I'd gtfo.
(For cultural context, I'm a white American woman.)
Exaggerating and lying is not good for the relationship. Beat her up so that what she told would be the thruth
So you had a baby with someone you barely knew? You also now live with someone you barely know? Or did you know her before this.
It sounds like you both dove headfirst into this because of the pregnancy and are probably very incomplete. To be honest your relationship sounds abusive and over. I think if you wanted to fix things with your partner, the time was way before.
Now you can absolutely still have a serious conversation with them about how you want things to change and you want things to work and most importantly you won't put up with abuse. But you have to mean them for it to work in any capacity and that means knowing that leaving has to be an option for you. Which it sounds like it's already on the table.
I dont know specifically what solutions you guys have talked about but you as well need to control your anger if not for this relationship then for the next and for your child.
As an outsider it just sounds like you guys dove headfirst into a relationship without knowing each other and had a kid and feel like you're just supposed to stay together. Do you guys even like each other? It doesn't sound like it.
I've never heard of a 5-day bachelor party, before.
You should wait until everything is settled and signed in case of sabotage.
Lol men out here in this thread straight up admitting they're trash, this is great
Maybe you should have just been loyal to your wife to begin with?
Please for the love of god let this be fake or a bot account or something.
Thanks for your advice and for not tearing me to pieces. I thought the whole point of this was for advice and obviously I am asking this question so I can figure out how to move forward from here. If I didn’t give a shit I would just continue acting this way and not ask anyone else’s opinion on the matter. As stated, I am working on myself. I know that I am emotional and respond horribly in certain situations but that is my childhood trauma which I am trying to overcome. I wanted other peoples advice for a reason but didn’t need them calling me a red flag and saying he should divorce me. Too bad people can’t just be nice and speak like you did. Thanks for your time ????
So you’re saying, you’d be okay if she was out having lunch with random men you’ve never met right?
Curious if she was abused as a child and repressed it or is now externalizing an earlier abuse later in life because it’s something she’s never been able to vocalize or work through. In that instance it actually has nothing to do with her trust in you, you are just the lightning rod that is ‘safe’ enough to target while she processes.
This does NOT mean that you deserve to be put into that position. But perhaps it explains some of her sudden shift and ability to be influenced to change so suddenly. Trauma response operates outside the space of logic.
Mate chill your tits yeah, sometimes people fuck up when they panic, no one's perfect.
That’s true, he thinks that he will be able to make himself popular, famous with his independent work. He’s not really trying to work for anyone, unless he feels like it’s good enough for him. I wished he was more realistic.
You know, you don’t need a huge event to prove to you that he’s not that into you. It’s often little things that add up into 1 big picture. You absolutely need to silently walk away from this. You can send a hey, this isn’t working out text or you can tell him face to face. But whatever you do, you need to love yourself and rescue yourself more than you are rn. Because this is absolutely not a relationship and you are absolutely not a priority. Be the one that got away and then just move on. Watch how vastly different the ‘one’ will be from this guy.
more like once an addict always susceptible to becoming an addict again. Plenty of people break the stronghold of drug abuse and never go back, but the majority do relapse. Hope is only present once a person hits their own personal rock bottom and decides for themselves they want out. Addicts only go into remission for lack of a better word if they truly want to.
Because you’re horrible?
Would you think it's okay for your children to participate in this kind of relationship dynamic when they are older? Would you want to raise a son that does this to partners, or a daughter that thinks her body belongs to a man (if she is heterosexual) to be used whenever he wants? I feel like you wouldn't, which means you know this isn't healthy, what's happening to you. How can he look you in the eyes after continuing to have sex with you after you've told him he's hurting you? What good man could do that to the woman he says he loves, let alone everything else he's doing to you? What he's doing is deeply cruel and profoundly wrong, no matter how many times he buys you flowers or takes out the trash.
In no way is that obvious. You have consistently demonstrated that it is more important to have this man in your life and home than your own child. Here’s the thing: when you weren’t married yet, only DATING, you very much made the decision “Yeah, I’m fine with uprooting my child and making her unhappy, if that’s what this dude I’m dating wants.” You weren’t even married yet and you were totally fine with putting his desires above those of your child. You literally already chose your husband over your daughter. Welcome to the consequences of your own actions. You are a callous human being, and I’ve never even considered saying this to another human being before, but I truly hope you are unable to have more children to abandon the second your eye catches the next shiny thing.
Let the man move on with his life.
Thank you so much ?
What is it, exactly, that you want to know? I mean, knowing that he slept with 2 different girls every week for two months gives you a lot of information. Of course he doesn’t remember these girls. They were one-and-done. What could he possibly have to say about any of them?
If you’re trying to talk to him about why he thought that sleeping around was an ok thing to do, that might be a conversation worth having.
You’ve been together 5 years, and the women he screwed weren’t relationships. What is there to say?
LMAO. This is the way.
Nah everyone has that list. He just talked about it. You likely have one too.
If I were the wife, I'd want to know. Give her a say in her life. If she chooses to forgive or leave, it should be her decision. She needs to know.
This was actually the best outcome possible, leave it be.
There is no need for you to put up with this kind of treatment from someone who is supposed to care about you. End the relationship and enjoy all your new free time.
Transitioning isn't a purely private decision only in the sense that it does affect the people we're in a relationship with. Not only is a trans person changing, so is the nexus of relationships that involved his / her sexuality and gender identity.
Consider the various forms of ethical non-monogamy that are open to you: many couples are adamant that their marriages come first in their life but that their intimacy / romantic / sexual needs require supplementing. It's not how we've officially structured marriage and romance in the West for about a thousand years, but it's been going on even so.
Because just because you're bothered doesn't mean you have a right to demand a change from anyone else. You're being irrational here, and if she gives in here then where does it end? You'll just further bully her into submission about things you don't like bc she even gave any kind of credence to this nonsense from the start. Your behavior right now needs some serious self evaluation and therapy bc you're sending off red flags for control and potentially abuse with your entitlement to think you even have a right to be pissed off and make her delete someone. Get therapy like seriously bc your immaturity is going to come out in irrational ways like anger and jealousy in inappropriate circumstances like this one.
Choose the dream.
I know I'm not capable of 'fixing her', but she is receptive when we spend hours talking about her past experiences. I know that doesn't come close to repairing anything but it does seem to help her process it a little.
You're right, she needs to go to therapy and commit to working on her issues instead of making them other people's problems. I'm going to speak to her and give myself some space from her until she realises that I'm not there to be her faux therapist anymore and encourage her to get real help from a professional, but that I'm still going to be there for her, just not in an unhealthy way.
Thank you for your response, it's validating to hear that I'm not being treated correctly.
….and you wanted to marry someone who would talk like that to you and your family?