Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:
It’s up to you if you want to continue but it’s an uphill battle that’ll take his cooperation over 5+ years most likely to fix. Basically an entire shift of culture personality. You’d save a lot more time, energy, embarrassing moments by finding a local person instead more used to the culture where you live.
I didn’t really realise that that sub existed until after I had already posted here, but I also cross posted there, thank you!
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful answer. I’ve been reading about trans people’s experiences quite a bit, though of course no two experiences will be the same and the only way I’ll know what her experience is specifically is if she tells me, when/if she’s comfortable to do so.
If I’m honest it never really occurred to me to tell her my worries and some of the anxiety I’ve been having. Only because I don’t want her to think she has to take on the responsibility of educating me, that’s not the case and it’s definitely not her job to educate me, I’m doing the best I can with that myself.
I was wondering perhaps if it would be good to ask her if there’s anything she’d like me to avoid mentioning, because I know what triggers dysphoria is different for everyone and is often person specific. For example I’ve told her I love the sound of her voice many, many times and I like the way she says my name (not in a weird sexual way, I just happen to have a difficult to pronounce name for English speakers) and it never occurred to me til now that that could have being triggering before she was comfortable enough to tell me. Is “is there anything that triggers you specifically that I should avoid talking about/mentioning?” an offensive question to ask?
Tell him the truth tbh. If he's your favourite and you want something to progress with him then he's got to know who you are. You're young and it's the modern age, chances are it'll be fine. He might get upset for a bit or whatever. But ultimately if you actually really like this guy you've got to respect him enough to let him make his own decision about what he's ok with
Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. Once lost, there is no way to recover it 100 percent. It will always become something different.
I can only suggest, writing a letter with the basic outline of what you want to cover and a sincere apology in your own words. send it out and hope for the best.
In the meantime, Take some time for yourself and your own needs.
You wouldn't be an AH for leaving. You would be a bit of one for waiting until month 8 to tell her, though. Its a bit cruel to wait this long and let her think she's not going to be a single mother.
Doing this right when she's about to have a very big medical procedure that wrecks her body, destroys her mental state with hormone swings, and leaves her bedridden for a bit is kinda….. not great. If you had been forward about this when she became pregnant then she would have had time to prepare. Now she's stuck alone when she thought her partner would be there for her.
Nothing you can do about that now, though. It isn't a reason to stay.
You're not wrong for leaving and having this as a deal breaker. It's just the length of time you let this go on and the lack of concern of the situation it leaves her in that's the issue.
So yeah, you're a bit of an AH but that doesn't change what you need to do.
you dont need to,just tell her you knwo she's been going to that place every night, tell her the exact address, if she try to gaslight you then she lost her unique chance to tell you the truth, then just call her mother and kick her out of your house
Considering? No you NEED to divorce her. Don’t be a doormat while your wife goes and gets fucked. You really think this is the only time she has cheated on you or has tried to. There will be many more instances of this
Your bf is a wuss.
Hello /u/best_architect2299,
Your post was removed for the following reason(s):
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Posts must:
include details about the involved parties including ages, genders, and length of relationship, and
request advice in real situations involving two or more people
We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:
[##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:
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It’s up to you if you want to continue but it’s an uphill battle that’ll take his cooperation over 5+ years most likely to fix. Basically an entire shift of culture personality. You’d save a lot more time, energy, embarrassing moments by finding a local person instead more used to the culture where you live.
Find a grown person who loves you more than his own dick and doesn't hurt you just to use you as a sex toy
I didn’t really realise that that sub existed until after I had already posted here, but I also cross posted there, thank you!
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful answer. I’ve been reading about trans people’s experiences quite a bit, though of course no two experiences will be the same and the only way I’ll know what her experience is specifically is if she tells me, when/if she’s comfortable to do so.
If I’m honest it never really occurred to me to tell her my worries and some of the anxiety I’ve been having. Only because I don’t want her to think she has to take on the responsibility of educating me, that’s not the case and it’s definitely not her job to educate me, I’m doing the best I can with that myself.
I was wondering perhaps if it would be good to ask her if there’s anything she’d like me to avoid mentioning, because I know what triggers dysphoria is different for everyone and is often person specific. For example I’ve told her I love the sound of her voice many, many times and I like the way she says my name (not in a weird sexual way, I just happen to have a difficult to pronounce name for English speakers) and it never occurred to me til now that that could have being triggering before she was comfortable enough to tell me. Is “is there anything that triggers you specifically that I should avoid talking about/mentioning?” an offensive question to ask?
And this is the honeymoon period huh?!
I’d cut my losses, he’s not relationship material.
Long distance will do that for you.
Ugh I wish I could but I’m graduating this year and moving would be such a hassle
Sounds like she could be depressed.
Tell him the truth tbh. If he's your favourite and you want something to progress with him then he's got to know who you are. You're young and it's the modern age, chances are it'll be fine. He might get upset for a bit or whatever. But ultimately if you actually really like this guy you've got to respect him enough to let him make his own decision about what he's ok with
Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship. Once lost, there is no way to recover it 100 percent. It will always become something different.
I can only suggest, writing a letter with the basic outline of what you want to cover and a sincere apology in your own words. send it out and hope for the best.
In the meantime, Take some time for yourself and your own needs.
You wouldn't be an AH for leaving. You would be a bit of one for waiting until month 8 to tell her, though. Its a bit cruel to wait this long and let her think she's not going to be a single mother.
Doing this right when she's about to have a very big medical procedure that wrecks her body, destroys her mental state with hormone swings, and leaves her bedridden for a bit is kinda….. not great. If you had been forward about this when she became pregnant then she would have had time to prepare. Now she's stuck alone when she thought her partner would be there for her.
Nothing you can do about that now, though. It isn't a reason to stay.
You're not wrong for leaving and having this as a deal breaker. It's just the length of time you let this go on and the lack of concern of the situation it leaves her in that's the issue.
So yeah, you're a bit of an AH but that doesn't change what you need to do.
Then ask someone else who is still her friend?
you dont need to,just tell her you knwo she's been going to that place every night, tell her the exact address, if she try to gaslight you then she lost her unique chance to tell you the truth, then just call her mother and kick her out of your house
Considering? No you NEED to divorce her. Don’t be a doormat while your wife goes and gets fucked. You really think this is the only time she has cheated on you or has tried to. There will be many more instances of this
Sorry for the long post. Plz help