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Leticia-Woods Public Chat Channel
Date: November 1, 2022
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If you live separately, why would you split any bills? Do you mean, he always wants to split dinner?
Also, if she has a fit, it may be appropriate to call the police and have them remove her from the property.
I would suggest having a conversation with a lawyer about her exact rights in this scenario.
do you mind telling me in what way? since he's not sharing his life with you in a way, it makes it hard to imagine how exactly he's vulnerable.
How would I make it anonymous?
Yes I have been in intense counselling for over a year now. He isn’t open to counselling of any form, personal or couples
I think you need to evaluate Why it doesn't sit right with you.
If it's because he never told you about this and now you're wondering if she's keeping other things from you, then maybe you should address your concerns in a calm matter with her.
But if it is because you think less of her because she had a relationship that wasn't strictly monogamous or something like that, then you should really work on that yourself.
My best advice is to just sit with yourself and try to figure out exactly what is bothering you. “it doesn't sit right with me” doesn't mean anything. Be concrete. Once you know yourself and know what's bothering you, it will be so much easier to find a solution.
Your exactly right! It simply shows sticktuviness!
She needs to say what she wants and needs. If she continues to push it all back on you, and expect you to read her mind, I’d take a good hard look at the rest of the relationship.
Are your needs being met? Do you feel loved, supported, and validated? You wrote about putting so much focus on trying to meet her (unspecified) needs, that I have to wonder if she’s reciprocating
Both my parents were dead by the time I was 30. Spend time with your dad. Your dad not being able to >ever< spend the night isn’t a compromise.
It can take a few sessions 🙂 Lots of foreplay too, and like another commenter said an orgasm if possible
right that’s fine if it’s an outlier, more importantly how do you think you’re going to be able to handle this down the line? when you look back to this accident, the pain of the accident and the pain of being ignored by your girlfriend. you could have died.
Be aware that in this situation, you are the injured one and you had to go extra emotionally to try and get your gf to show up and to try and understand her first, she should have have been the one to lift you up. this is going to sour your relationship, maybe someone who can take this accident as seriously as it is something you want to think about for your future
As a guy, I personally am not overly materialistic, especially when it comes to receiving gifts. I personally would rather get something that comes from the heart and an explanation as to why you got me that gift, than something purchased at a store. For example, if someone were to gift me a drawing they did, or write a poem, or even just a letter expressing their feelings for my and why I am special to them, or how this gift reminded them of me, that is more special than anything else.
However, if you are determined to purchase something, I'm sure he fully understands your financial situation. But if you do want to buy something, what would be your budget? I know there are some cool car or lego sets that you could get relatively cheap, and then the thought behind those gifts could take it a step further. Guys are simple and generally don't expect much in the gift department. I'm sure just spending time with him for the holidays and telling him how he makes you feel and expressing that love for him, how he makes you feel safe and secure, would be more than enough to make his Christmas special.
Sexual compatibility is an essential component of a healthy, mutually beneficial relationship. Note “compatibility”, that is not quantifiable with understanding needs of both individuals… Just means you are both moving at the same pace/direction.
That said, seems you are more inclined to reject his advancements because you aren’t being satisfied. If he is your favorite person (and you don’t want to lose him), you need to get this sorted – because he will either NOT be your favorite person anymore (resentment) or you will not have him (he will find another)..
Talk to him, share your displeasure, find some middle ground… those urges are not going to go away – that’s not how nature works.
Good luck.
? ? ? ? ?
LEAVE !
while you can
you absolutely are not crazy. you need to get away from this. you are so strong for getting away from that toxic/abusive relationship before him but you've walked right back into a different type of toxic. he's a child and insecure and has many issues that you can not help him with. you are being MORE than understanding. you seem like such an empathetic and kind person but it is not your job to help these boys. you cannot fix him. you need to find the strength again and leave this otherwise he will ruin any progress you made in loving yourself.
So because she didn't follow one of the constructs of religion to a T, she's not allowed to try to follow the other parts anymore? It's just shot, she can't try again or still try to follow her belief system anymore? Why be so unforgiving of her for making a mistake against something you don't even prescribe to?
You absolutely deserved better. That guy was just toxic in every way possible for you.
For the record I don't want him to fund me. I feel safer in control of my finances and knowing I make enough for what I need
OP I had a guy do something very similar to me. I’m currently going through a very stressful and drawn out court process as well as dealing with major trauma because guys like that don’t stop with just hurting themselves. Block them and call the police, most police have a non emergency line or online reporting if you’re not comfortable
I'm 41 and that's why i see those relationship pretty judgemental: I know how i was 15 years ago. I changed so much, i learned so much, i'm a totally another person to the 26y/o me. I think in the later years it doesn't mater so much about age difference, but in the years when you gain experience or want to built a family, those years matter a lot.
Personally no, since you are way above the age considered an adult. Had you only been 19-20 I would most definitely think twice.
I had something similar happen to me at a going away party at the place I use to work. Because of it I stopped drinking completely for 3 years, and now get super anxious whenever I’m out with friends and have a drink or two.
I'm sure she could find some body part of yours she might not like and desire a man that thinks with his head and not the little head.
why can’t you say a yr and 2 months ?
And that’s still to early to talk about marriage.
Well no, I didn’t want her to just not do anything. And obviously I don’t want her to feel sorry for me. I think I’m a little more hung up on the fact that she was so unwilling to reschedule—which I also get because it’s a holiday party.
Break up with her. She deserves better than a man who hits her and doesn’t respect consent
Dude, you slapped her, you physically abused her! You need to get your ass in therapy for your anger issues before getting with anyone else. You were pinning her down, she was telling you to back off, to get off her and you kept on going, that's also not okay at all you should have ket her go the first time she asked, she defended herself, i get spitting is disrespectful but that doesn't justify hitting her 2 times. You're abusive
If you even just POSSIBLY knowingly expose someone to a deadly disease without informing them, you deserve to spend a looooong time in prison.
Ja, das könnte halt wirklich sein ist nicht unwahrscheinlich und wenn du ihn liebst solltest du ihn einfach fragen wieso er deine privaten Daten hat und woher. Denkst du denn er könnte tatsächlich in kriminellen Machenschaften verwickelt sein? Hast du seine Familie jemals kennengelernt?
You’re a well educated woman working a hard job and they want you to be fully groomed round the clock? Tell them to shove it, your value is not based upon your appearance and they are bordering on worthless.
she is also not able to save any money because of her salary.
So she contributes nothing and you foot all the bills?
Dude.
Oooooo..get rid of this pig..HE WILL NEVER GET IT
You’re not missing much just leave.
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Exactly
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Nope
You're seeing how victims are affected years, maybe decades later, by something your “Friend” did, and your still on the abusers side? Damn dude I hope your future family can stay safe from your “Friends”.
Spoiler alert: everyone read the entire post before commenting. We're all just coming to the same conclusion: he's not that into you.
You’re both parents. You cleaning up after yourself isnt “helping”, its just what you’re supposed to do as an adult. Yet you admit you dont help much with the kid other than cleaning up toys and playing with them solo. Meanwhile she’s doing all the things you do (cleaning up after herself) plus kid plus rest of the house?
Break up with him. He can go back to his ex-wife.
INFO: Why did you let him move in?
Yeah.. She never seemed to mind before but I guess that is possible. I’m just kind of feeling lost for the first time in 10 years and don’t know how to approach her anymore. Seems like nothing I do is right.
He was actively participating in all convos and seemed ok, no indications of something going wrong. And after all he’s a grown man and can tell me if he’s not feeling included so we could come up with something to resolve it. I can’t read his mind.
I mean I sent him a link to the party and the whole conversation about going there went like ‘do you want to go here for new year?’, ‘Yeah sure buy tickets’. I never pushed him and he never told me he did not want to go. We talked about ‘if you want to leave the party go home/somewhere else just tell me and we will go right away’. He never told he wants to go or is not comfortable.
Sure I ducked up agreeing to play twister with 4 guys but I very genuinely did not register that, when he said something about that I apologised, explained myself and did not play.
Important that you now talk. It will never go from your mind and more importantly what happens if this comet comes back around in a few years? Talk …
While this is most probably the correct answer it’s kind of funny because these kind of reasonable comments are not found in reversed roles. Imagine the husband says he would give her sex before cooking a meal on her birthday while she really doesn’t want it.
Then being cold and hurt about her not wanting it.
The shit show in these comments. People really have to reflect sometimes.
He probably fucked someone else and now wants you back for whatever reason.
Just don't be stupid. You already made it out, don't throw yourself back in or you won't get out so easily next time.
I agree with you. I know this in my head. I think Im just too overwhelmed to accept that this is happening.
the reason y'all don't get laid is because you never seem to understand sex is a two way street
It makes me question if SHE has cheated on YOU before while on vacation before.
No, that’s really not what I’m saying. I’m saying chat about it, if you want to change your cultural views and be good with nakedness then cool, if she wants to change her cultural norms and stop nakedness then also cool. But if neither of you do, then what’s the point? You’re just gonna be angry and resentful and that’s no fun for anyone.
Girl it sounds like your man is Gay.
Curious, is he being scammed by a catfish?
This sounds like stuff that happens on the tv show Catfish where a partner has done this and I think one episode revealed it was a guy scamming guys for money.
Op, I would verify check out who this is and find out if he’s being naïve.
He said I need to work on framing the conversation so that it doesn't sound suspicious. But I just said “oh {friend} made me a VRchat model. It's not modeled after my appearance. He just wanted to practice modeling since apparently it's complicated.” I started this conversation in hopes of showing my bf the model he made. But it turned into a whole argument. I was caught off guard because he just played video games with this guy so I didn't think I had to “frame” the conversation in a certain way to cradle his insecurities.
PLEASE for her sake break up with her, you sound like you suck
Well, you warned her. Forget about them and move on to someone more deserving.
What a loser. My wife agrees. I feel for you, and you deserve better.
Sometimes people just need to be told, they already know they fucked up.
Thanks a lot for writing your story, it looks just like mine, very helpful, I hope you continue with your happy life forever.
My husband and I occasionally do MMF threesomes and it has never been an issue. I know he would never cheat or disrespect me. I have complete trust in him and vice-versa. I think there are 2 ways that threesomes can be successful – as you said, if everyone is casual it can easily be successful if no intense emotions are at play, it can simply be a fun & exciting experience.
I also think for like-minded individuals in a strong, stable, healthy long-term relationship, it can be equally successful. The problem is, too many people decide to have a threesome when they are trying to “fix” their relationship, or are doing it because their partner convinced then to, or because they think its a way to keep their partner from cheating, etc.
A threesome won't fix anything and it can absolutely break a relationship that has some significant weak spots
Oh lighten up. Nothing is insane. You're the one insanely passing judgment on me.
You don't need to appeal to everyone. If you're emotionally healthy enough to feel your feelings and cry instead of repressing and getting angry (LPT, crying is healthier) you're also going to want a partner who's mature enough to appreciate that. That's it.
Ftr I'm fortyish, my also fortyish (male) partner is perfectly fine with crying in front of me, and I think it's fantastic that he does.
So, within the last couple years he’s thrown a fit for you posting him on social media, cheated, intentionally removed you from a location where you thrive, and is refusing to actually work on your relationship?
This is unlikely to change. You can’t trust him, and it sounds like he has no interest in making sure you can. He has no regard for your emotional or mental well-being. He wants to portray himself as available, and has made use of that perceived availability. Please don’t waste any more time with this turd pile.
If you have the time, look into “love bombing” and the cycle of abuse; my ex would shower me with praise and tell me I was her “soul mate” and things would be great!… until they weren’t again. As soon as something made her upset, even if it didn’t involve me, she would make it my problem and take it out on me. Then eventually she’d apologize or things would be okay for a bit, and then something would happen and we were back at square one. I’m so sorry you’re in this position, if you need someone to talk to my dms are open!
“Hey, please wash under your foreskin before we have sex, because it can get a little ripe down there if you don't.”
What does he answer when you suggest a paternity test?
No he never tells me any of his troubles and has a very consistent temperament. His work is seasonal so he only works during the summer and lives off unemployment the rest of the year. He’s never acted miserable around me.
Get a DNA test. Have family court establish paternity. And do NOT have another kid with him. No, no, no. Please do not.
Quote:
while she was showering I had a question for her so I went into the bathroom and I noticed she was playing with a vibrator she has. After outer conversation the day before, I was pretty upset that she wanted to shower alone to masturbate after I had told her that I felt like I wasn’t getting enough sexual satisfaction
She didn’t need to tell you that she wanted to do it and her saying that she wanted to relax alone in the shower is her telling you she wants space, it’s not her fault you need it spelled out for you.
my girlfriend
Lol, your ex girlfriend
Just get the hell outta there. It seems this toxicity will never end, especially when you husband trusts his manipulative family members more than his wife of seven years.
Breaking up is the only logical solution. Or stay and keep getting cheated on. There are nice guys that won’t cheat.
I dont get how she could have feelings for me and whoever that other guy is and I can tell she really does like me
Ugh, he's so gross
I’m probably about to get my heart broken so they can all go fuck themselves. I’m fucking done putting myself out there.
At this point, she needs to join r/sexworkersonly !!
Because honey, how the hell did he trick you into this????
Get from under his old ass, stand up straight, and leave!
It's literally being rubbed on her body when they kiss. She is the one potentially being pricked by it. It directly affects someone else.
For me, there's a difference. The former being more serious, and the latter being more casual, which may or may not be exclusive.
However, if someone told me they were seeing someone, I'd leave them be, because I don't need someone coming at me for encroaching.
If your boyfriend denied another woman's come on, shouldn't you be happy about it? Even if your feelings are hurt over his exact phrasing.
There's either something she's not telling you about the kissing, or she's super immature
You could always do what low-social-skills people do, and ghost him. I don't recommend that though, I think it's not very classy.
Why don't you start dating other people. A true FWB situation allows that, unless you have promised exclusiviity (usually to limit exposure to STDs). Then as you find other guys that you like as well or better, it's a small step to inform him that you're seeing someone now so can't hang out with him any more.
It's very hard to keep your eyes open when texting. Especially past 1am I'd say.
They can care so much, but with the mind caring for you it can overthink itself to sleep. Phone call might've been better.
I haven’t seen that bit. But I’m glad she went and gave him a taste of his own medicine. That’s how’s that she didn’t really want to open the marriage she just did it to make him happy. I feel very sorry for the wife.
He couldn’t close the marriage when she was upset but now he’s upset he wants to.
Why are you trying to fit a round peg into a square hole?
You are 100% incompatible.
If he won’t break up, you should.
If it was me, I’d have broken up the first time I smelled dog on your bed because I couldn’t live with that. He should do the same.
I sadly actually witnessed this situation recently…..
He's never been the “planning” type. He did put in considerably more effort before his PhD. Since he's been in his PhD, I feel like our relationship hasn't been his priority — which I've also communicated to him.
There’s no family or friends to fall back on, plus more financial reasons I can’t get into without being specific about my shitty circumstances when I was growing up. As it stands, I have to confront her and then figure out how to peacefully live with her. And yknow, I’d rather die
She is projecting so hard you could hold a mirror to her face and she wouldn’t notice it.
My take at what may be going on in her mind:
She is now the age her bf was when she met him and she realizes that 18 year-olds look too young to her. But cognitive dissonance is a bitch, instead of questioning his bf’s maturity about dating a 18yo she feels like everyone else judges them (because secretly she does). The way to deal with that insecurity was to bait you into confirming her fear: that you judge them. I know you didn’t judge them, but she can’t know that.
If you do value your history with her, you can sent one msg to leave the door open, but honestly, it won’t do much because she has made up her mind.
Such a message could include: *Just to clarify, I did not (and would not) imply that Matt was a pedophile. You called me that, which hurt me a lot, and I simply highlighted the hypocrisy on calling out a 4 year difference (me vs tiktoker) while I never judged your 5 year difference. If you ever want to reach out, whether now or in years to come, my door is open for you. But I’ll only discuss in person (texts get misread often)”
Do you really think your mom was RUDE? Man, youve got serious issues.
Well if you were exclusive in the talking stages then that’s is cheating.
I am sorry but no man is okay with their girl getting banged then coming home to lay next to them unles they are into that and if is okay with you don’t all that then I don’t have a leg to stand on because he wants the open relationship if I were you I will do a quick read on what happen in open relationship 99% of them fail quickly and ask him 1 more time if that’s what he really wants
I know I sound a bit dramatic lol but it bothers me a bit? It cant be accidentaly cause he took away likes from months ago
Hey, you meant r/ebbie45 You've tagged the user by using u, an easy mistake to make. And thanks for being on team spam the sub with ebbie45's resources!
I agrer
Finances has been the biggest challenge on our relationship. Specifically because I come from a family with non who struggles a lot until I helped ge things I order. Her family does too but they established well before mine.
Now I am focusing on my own finances.
Thanks for the response! Great tips.
Nope. Babies, by scientific definition, are between the ages of birth and a year old.
Fetuses are fetuses, full stop. They are not babies until they are carried to term and exit the pregnant person's body
They both do. It's common for people to experience more than one health condition at a time and for those to be comorbid. In this case, both PCOS and endometriosis have an influence on pregnancies. It is hard to get thorough replies as to why that happens, but it is still…very recent that doctors invest themselves in female reproductive health at all, so it'll take a bit before we have sure fire answers imo.
“im sorry I only date guys with protruding nipples. It's just not going to work. You are super nice, but weak nippled guys can't handle me.”
if she blames the addiction she'll have to at least partially blame herself. if she can blame the person who didn't help the addiction, she can absolve herself.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this on top of your sister's death.
I don't think she is cheating since Mike is with her all the time and I ask him where they went after they get home. She takes him to the park or to tourist spots in our town or in the next one. She sometimes take him to her best friend house to play with her son.
I asked her why she turn off her phone and she say that she doesn't want to be disturbed by work calls or similar while she is having fun with Mike.
He is at the very least a creep and a liar and a cheater. Very likely can also be described as a predator. You’ve maybe not been groomed, by definition, but he certainly preyed upon your naïveté. Don’t waste any more time on this loser. Sincerely, a woman who was once in a similar situation. Seriously he won’t ever change.
Any advice, Reddit? This isn’t the only place in the relationship where I feel like I’m not being taken seriously, but I’m trying to tackle one problem at a time.
You can recognize someone by the company he keeps. Your fiance is not only keeping them around but is not standing up for you. This is a HUGE red flag.
Make it a boundary. If he isn't interested in keeping that boundary, then I think you should even contemplate breaking up with him. You can co-parent with him and cut those two guys out of your live.
Whatever you do, postpone the wedding.
I tried it when I was like, nine. Not gay.
I’ll say it again, you’re overreacting.calm down. She’s wearing skinny jeans in the photo, she doesn’t have her ass hanging out of some Daisy Dukes or a thong bikini on. And you can barely see her boobs in her graduation pic? This guy is a friend and he has a GIRLFRIEND!!! You are blowing this out of proportion. You sound very insecure.
Pack her crap, serve her papers and let her find out that she’s gonna be used for nothing more than a glorified flesh light
wow this is fake as hell
Op has mentioned in other comments that he said this to her
She said men are more likely to be abusive to refused the rest lmao
I guess men getting abused by women isn't important to OPs girlfriend? Which I'd also consider a red flag
Why would you jump to giving the puppy away instead of training it to sleep in a bed or crate?
I'd be more concerned about the uncovered shoulder /s
Why dont you just say to her “sorry I dont have time for you in my life” and let her go find someone who wont fill every waking hour with shit and complaining about doing something with their girlfriend. Something has to give for you to ever have time for a relationship, clearly you dont since you are in multiple bands and require your girlfriend to beg you in order to give her any time and dont give her time willingly.
1 – 2x a month is so often!
Either he needs more fiber in his diet or you all need to get some higher capacity toilets or both.
The house I grew up in had toilets that clogged all the time and it was the worst. I don't know how much it cost to finally replace them, but whatever the price it was worth it.
Your husband is being fucking disgusting you can let him know the entirety of the internet is on your side lol) BUT I think at this point of putting your time & energy into prevention is going to have a much greater payoff than yet again confronting a man who's perfectly content to let his wife deal with his shit twice a month.
At least he would have more of a valid reason to pin her up with a warning label than she did.
it’s kind of sad but i don’t think you guys are compatible. sex isn’t all there is to a relationship but it is a major part of it, and if you’re not on the same page regarding sex i’m not sure it’ll work. i definitely think you should communicate with her and see how you both want to proceed.
Douche.
If he nuts in you, that changes your smell and taste. Don’t let him unless you’re trying to get pregnant.
As others have said, its very possible hes smelling his own stinky saliva.
You are being abused. A SO shouldn’t be hurting the person they love like your gf is doing to you.
It’s like she’s cutting you with a knife 10 times every day and saying, “I do it because you’re so strong – you can take these cuts.” Whether you can take it is irrelevant – why is she trying to cut you in the first place?
Also remember that you can break up with someone for no reason at all. Your happiness and needs are important in a relationship, and if they are not being met, they’re not being met. That person might just not be the right person.
If the comments said “No, she’s not abusing you,” would you say, “Oh alright. I guess I can’t leave her then?” No.
Leave her!
That’s like saying that since I dated before my wife she was a “second choice” which is NOT correct. Also it’s 5 years after he was rejected by ballerina, seems like a different ball game
omg get over yourself ? it’s always been called a pedo stache stop being a sensitive baby
Why ask for advice if the only thing you actually want is to get what you want without compromising?
Because he's not here for advice, he's here to argue and prove to himself that everyone, including his gf, are biased against him because he's a man.
He's trying to make this a gender issue in most of his comments. He doesn't want solutions, he wants validation.
He's testing out your boundaries. Next time it will be “why you wanna leave me bc i went to the strip club, its not my first time”. If what He's saying is true (which i doubt) is he then quitting alcohol? Forever? Bc if he blackened out and cheated on you wouldn't he want that to not happen again?
She doesn’t want to do it. The fact that she has done it before is not relevant. She doesn’t want to do it, so that’s it. Just because she enjoyed it at one point doesn’t mean she has any interest in doing it now.
Did you miss the part where OP has chronic depression? Some dishes staying in the sink overnight every couple weeks is not “neglecting” to do chores, especially when there’s a potentially debilitating chronic illness to consider.
I used to go to pure barre at 5:30am every morning. Sometimes I reminisce about how healthy and disciplined I used to be. But I wouldn’t do it again because that’s not the kind of life I want at this moment.
I’m sure you can understand that.
Um. Yeah this is a tough one. So much going for him! But I'd give this guy a pass. Call me picky.
There are eleventy-billion men out there who: don't pull guns on people, consider murder by hire a solution, or assault law enforcement officers.
Yeah I’m just gonna block him
She already knows about all that happened and forgave me but I still like the girl I met and I just don’t know which one I should be with
This is exactly my point. Thank you.
Oh gosh! Sis!
This marriage is not salvageable.
1) You have a LOT of growing up to do. The things you are doing are totally typical for a single person your age but not a person who is in a committed relationship of any age.
2) He behaved in a predatory way – as soon as he found out you were barely legal and he was in his 30s this should have been a door he slammed shut. He knew you were a kid. 18 is still VERY much a kid emotionally and mentally even if it is not legally.
Sis, take the cheating as a VERY good indicator that you need to walk away from this marriage. If your marriage was happy and fulfilling, you wouldn't feel like you needed to hook up with someone else. It sounds like you enjoy the ammenities of your marriage but not the person you are married to or being in a committed relationship.
Have you gotten your education? A degree? If not, right now there are a ton of universities with rolling admissions deadlines. Do a web search for rolling admissions universities your state. Then, apply to them. It will give you an automatic out in the fall. Apply for dorm housing so you have a place to move to. My guess is all of the marital assets are in his name so you won't be walking away with much, but maybe when you divorce, if you have a decent attorney, you can walk away with enough to at least get the first couple of years of in state tuition taken care of.
Your husband fucked around and found out. You did not do anything wrong, he’s upset his ego was fulfilled like he through it was going to be. You can try to salvage but that insecurity and jealousy is a no from me
I thought the same, he wanted options open but the thing is, hes with me 24/7 cut those girls off too. Speaking from religious perspectives, we dont know if our both families would agree for us to be together. We are together everywhere every second and hes like what if one of our families dont agree, telling its gonna cause sm pain… if we keep sleeping with each other and end up with someone else..
Cameras, money stashed away in the house, reluctance to call the police? Mate what are you into…. Sounds sus
Saving a human >>>> being nice to baby killers
Honestly, I am not demanding a lot. I'd be happy if she just asks me to hang out once in a while. I currently live 200km away since I'm doing an apprenticeship at a bank and I only come back to my homeplace during the weekends. Only then am I able to see her (next month I'll see her more often).
We see each other almost every weekend. It's always me who asks for a sleepover at my place for example. Sometimes I even feel stupid because I invite myself over to her place and she just agrees. I mean, it's her place – SHE is supposed to invite me over, or am I wrong?
This would be a good starting point. It would be nice if she would make plans for us because the entire time, I am the one making plans for the weekend. She just agrees, that's it.
Besides that, I would appreciate if she starts to cuddle me. Not a whole lot, just take my arm or snuggle besides me. That's all I want. It's really frustrating to think about this – we don't see each other a whole week, sometimes even two and I don't get a single bit of action from her side. It feels like she doesn't miss me (don't get me wrong, I know she does).
I was in a similar situation. I moved out and refused to move back in until I could see for myself that he could take csre of himself which worked but that's a nuclear option.
You already know you're pushing her to do something she doesn't want, and you know that's wrong. Also, you ned to read the stories of guys who've done this and regretted it. What will happen if he's a better lover than you? Bigger, better looking or whatever your insecurity is? If she develops feelings for him? There are so many ways this could go wrong.
It’s reversible, and has way less of an impact. You gotta ice your nuts for a day or two and that’s it. BC wreaks havoc on a woman’s body.
Thank you. Yeah, either I break up with him or accept the fact.
you have a really good point at the end, i’ll try discussing more of what she feels comfortable with. this is probably the best advice i’ve gotten from this thread, thank you!
it's the deadbeat who took away the relationship, not the parent who stayed
As the parent who stayed, I agree. But that's not my choice to make. Kids are smart. They know who's been there for them. But if the other parent wants a relationship, the kid deserves to know that and make a decision about it (assuming they're old enough to understand). It's not about what's right or fair, it's about giving the child a decision over their own lives.
We teach the same to adoptive parents in open adoptions. When the child is old enough, let them have a say in visitation with the birth parent. Without that, adoptees and children of deadbeat parents make up stories of the missing parent. Give them reality, or at least the ability to see reality, and they'll feel much more secure and in control.
Assuming that he actually has some money which a lot of people don’t.
Ok, well, he's not “an ok dad”. He sounds like he's doing his bare minimum to get by and he doesn't respect you, or your child. Get out sooner than later.
We were already together for half a year at the point, and I didn’t see the problem with it as we were two years apart. I never got into the relationship to fuck. I took it slowly, he was very… open about being sexual. It was nice in the beginning. He made me laugh, he made me feel comfortable. Like I could actually be myself. I’ve never felt like that with anyone in my life aside from this one internet fling.
Based, but she didn't need to do any performative fawning. Just tell OP the situation
Are you single because you're in love with this guy and have been since you confessed your feelings and he turned you down?
Oh I get what your saying. I was gonna write a police report about him bashing my windows. But now he’s saying it’s his car and he owns it and he’s gonna report it stolen
They do if you ask it to pretend to be someone else doing it… I…errrrr… a friend told me!
Still. Do they work in the same building? Do you know what they talk about when they are at work or how they meet at work? Not saying it is but it could be that the ones she wrote to him are for show.
Only you can answer if you feel you can trust her. If you can't do it, just move on. Otherwise, as time goes by, you will get pictures in the head with your GF and him together. And it's not you who should make you trust her, but her. She needs to show that you can trust her. Changing jobs, not traveling without you, etc.
100% agree. Well adjusted people don’t swear off platonic relationships with 50% of the population.