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BLOW JOB:) [396 tokens remaining]
Date: November 6, 2022
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Wow, are you being exploited and used.
First of all, let me be clear, the people you mentioned are being extremely passive aggressive towards you and your partner. It's hard to determine from one comment but I suspect jealousy is behind a lot of this. They are happy for you but want you and to a lesser extent your partner to make THEM happy too. It's complete horseshit and neither of you deserve this. At all.
It's not your (plural) responsibility to help any of them regardless or whether or not you both can afford it.
First, your friend is an asshole. Tell her that unless she pays you back and apologizes for her jealousy and rudeness, your friendship may not recover. Her reaction will indicate whether or not she is truly your friend and worth having around
As for your family, this shit always happens and it's a damn shame. I would tell them exactly what I said, that their passive aggressive attitudes are unacceptable and it's not your responsibility regardless of how much they wish otherwise. Demand that they treat you with respect and empathy the way a family should. Tell them you are extremely hurt that they are treating you both like a god damned ATM.
There is nothing wrong with helping out others when they need it but they are engaging in emotional manipulation. That isn't what family is supposed to be. Again, hopefully they will realize their shitty behavior and apologize but if they push back then again… you have to decide whether it's worth it.
About the car, I would talk to your mother separately and tell her that she needs to figure out her situation because she isn't holding up her end of the deal. She should be happy for you. She shouldn't be trying to steal some of that happiness for herself.
Best of luck. Truly. Be firm and be direct.
“Hello I’m a male boyfriend” sounds like someone made a bot read thousands of posts in this sub and then write its own script
So many red flags to count… you should not move in with him at all. This guy oozes red flags… don't get married, actually.. stay away as far as possible from him. His money doesn't make him trustworthy, his actions speak louder than words. Getting married so early with you being only 20, children right away… no way in effing hell would I even consider that.
To my mind come the words grooming, trapping, abuse in whatever form…
RUN girl, RUN!
I am sorry man that you're stuck in such situation. I totally understand your desire to say good bye to the world with dignity. May you find the right choice and preserve your dignity as much as you can.
You’re all in high school, right? This sounds very high school. Honestly, it’s maybe best just to try not to let it bother you. It’s pretty low down the ‘stupid high school shit’ scale, and hopefully they’ll all grow out of it soon, but in the meantime, the group dynamics are a pretty important part of their self-identity, and she’d probably resent being asked to stop.
Couple of things
I don't mean a victim with her. I mean a victim jn this very thread. One person gave you the answer you wanted to hear, and the others were described as “mad at you”. That's immediately casting yourself into.the role of victim, and it's not healthy shit.
Honestly, and not.to be harsh, but if you think she'd be offended if you asked her…. what business is it of yours?
And I'll admit this last ones a bit of a shot in the dark considering what you've said, but I really doubt you guys are friends. Some couples can be friends after a break up but those examples are few and far between.
I'm taking from the very existence of this thread that you've not very great at letting this go, and she's said “let's just be friends” to offer a compromise to you.
The very best thing I'd say you can do here is cut ties and move on. You'll tell yourself if only you can figure out the “trauma” you can win her back. You can't, and all you'll be doing here is going down a dark road that will do you no good at all.
People get married fast sometimes. Doesn't have to be weird. I was with my ex-wife 8 months before we got married. Made sense at the time.
What’s with all the wrestling ?!
I’d be extremely surprised if she did like me because she made no effort to talk to me whatsoever. She has never initiated conversation with me other then when someone asked me if I liked her in my story because she thought it was weird so she told me what she thought. When we first met I was actually interested in her and we chatted for a few days but she started getting dry and the interest didn’t feel mutual so I stopped trying to contact her much and decided to stick with being a friend. One of the anonymous messages I got asked me “How could I approach I if we barely know each other” I kinda figured this was her since there is no other girl I was suspicious of. But if this was her then that’s weird and I don’t see why she would be mad that I don’t like her because I already said I didn’t a week ago. And that message is as if she wants to try to get to know me better but she blocked me so I don’t know if that was her. It’s all very confusing
Why isn’t breaking up an option? You’re 17. Do you believe you will be with this person for the rest of your life? Do you want to be? You have a long history of depression. You have every right to have emotionally healthy, positive relationships that are good for you. That is not what you have now.
Better put that prize back in her Cracker Jack box
Oh honey, I know you want to believe your parents are good people, but they are abusing you. You need to tell someone what is going on, whether it be a teacher or counselor or some other adult you trust.
Op please update us. I really hope you get the answers because this is so so wrong on his part. Sorry you are going through this
Fucking things up is how we all learn.
He'll get his turn to screw some shit up somewhere.
An apology proceeds moving on.
So move on. Start again.
I've seen so much worse infractions that are never learnt from.
Let yourself off the hook.
OP, the absolute best case scenario here is just that your husband is completely and utterly clueless. It’s downhill from there. Pretty bleak.
Holy fucking red flags Batman the age gap had me wondering but after reading that, for the love of god stop dating that manipulating pos.
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You sound like you're fighting with depression. It's not an easy fight. Some days are better than others. I recommend getting professional help. I did read that you're broke, so you may need to look a bit harder (maybe online?) for affordable to you help. Therapy or at least counseling.
Getting yourself help with this will make other areas of your life better. I wish you all the luck.
Super confused. What was wrong with the story? His issue sounds valid?
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Your boyfriend acts like a selfish, immature child. Good riddance. I’m sorry for your child. You Seem like you will regret your decision forever.
Why should he be expected to laugh it off? Did he even get to eat lunch that day? OP doesn’t mention that. I wouldn’t feel very capable of laughing if I was hungry and thought I had food available and then didn’t.
Children the come from hateful homes grow up damaged, just leave him.
Get a divorce, keep it as amicable as you can. Don't expect a serious relationship with the 22 year old. But see it as a sureshot sign that you no longer have your cards in your marriage
I don’t know but it obviously created more problems
No one cares. Most people deal with problems without cheating.
Ok but did she cheat on you as a result of those problems? Probably not. So that’s not an excuse. Do better.
Hey, OP, how's that perfection going so far? If it's that perfect, why are you here? Shouldn't all of that MIL drama just be sliding off on account of all that perfectness you have going on?
This is it, OP. This is your married life but X3 because now you'll live with her. He's 27 ffs, he's not changing. So, are you?
You should block him and and go no-contact. Parting on good terms doesn't mean you should try to be friends.
Wow sounds like Aish was the best thing to ever happen to you and you treat her like this.. You and Sara deserve each other
Lol she confessed to him to know whether he feels the same.
Why is there any need to explain any of her decisions to him? lol
Dude drop her cheating ass. Divorce her and move on with your life. She sure ain't marriage material.
She cheated and gave you STD? This could end up in court for assault. DO NOT SLEEP WITH HER AGAIN. Lawyer up.
Run brother, RUN for your dear life.
Good luck
Lol I'm waiting on the update that the 26 year old suddenly realizes that she doesn't want to tie herself down and become a step mom so young.
Dude, it's her father that's grooming a teenager.
She doesn't have to solve it, but at least tell someone that can do so.
I mean it's not like she is supposed to solve the boyfriends trauma, but at least make it possible to help him in his CURRENTLY dangerous situation.
It’s almost certainly made up. Also, if the dad was caught in the act, he would 100% be far more panicked than just “sad and disappointed”.
honestly leave her. i don’t mean that in a shitty way. she wants something you don’t. you’re not the same person. and she needs to find someone else. as an adult you need to understand that it’s an unfortunate truth that love is not enough. you get one life to do what you want to do. you are your own person and she is her own as well. the reality is you want your future and she wants hers. she may want you but ultimately you don’t want her further. and that is okay.
This isn't rocket surgery. You know exactly what this means. Stay in contact with your doctor for the child's safety; do whatever it is you intend to do with the bf. Good luck.
Hahaha. Yes you’ve made a huge mistake and I hope your ex never takes you back after the way you’ve treated him.
I will never forget the first time I realised just how much stronger my bf was than me. Never forget we are antelope in the lion enclosure relying on the goodwill of the lions.
So what was the chain of custody with the paternity test? Your husband did it, but give it to his siblings to mail in or something? And in tampering with it, the siblings could not have used their own saliva, because that might have still returned a positive test. They had to rope in a third party.
Hmmm. What's the possibility this isn't your husband's child?
I read most of your post, but honestly wanted to stop when you said your gf doesn't want you to ask for consent.
This wishy washy, oh she said the safe word but she might be playing out a scenario thing? Its never going to work. Your girlfriend has sexual trauma and these blurred lines of consent are not a healthy way of coping with it. it's not possible to have this perfect rough sex where you read each other's body language so perfectly you know exactly how far to push.
The things you're describing are things that the BDSM/CNC community would only do with very clear communication and boundaries. They don't just make assumptions about what's non con and what's not. You're doing all of this wrong. You both need to sit down and have a conversation about what consent really looks like in. relationship.
So you starting dating her when she was 15? And you were 26? That’s horrifying. She was a child and you were a grown adult. The fact that you’re upset that she wants to have her own money and job instead of being your subservient bang maid is equally as horrifying. I hope she sees how gross you and this whole situation is and leaves you.
I saw another post very similar a few weeks ago which also mentioned skid marks so I'm not sure whether this is a troll post or not.
OP, if you're serious though, then you deserve better and know what you need to do.
You keep describing how you were dressed and that you weren't drunk, but you don't consider the possibility that you very well may have been acting inappropriately and didn't know it. “Be aware of your surroundings” in the setting you describe sounds more like he's warning you about how you're acting rather than warning you about some creepy guys in the room. Being aware of your surroundings in that setting sounds like he's asking you to read the room.
Ah well, just remind her to be honest then. Ask her direct questions and expect direct answers.
You know she lies so take everything with a grain of salt and enjoy it while it lasts. I hope you're protecting your assets
i’d have called the cops, had him arrested, and then packed my shit and left before he got out of jail.
Yes these are exactly the comments I was hoping for. That scenario will result in me having wasting my time, getting hurt and feeling stupid because I could’ve seen it coming.
I guess some part of me just wanted to believe and hope I would be good enough but the risk of this man getting bored and doing the same because he obviously doesn’t care is too big.
Maybe we as a society should not put a price tag on being a jackass an instead allow people to call millionaires jackasses?
This is true. I am an avid worrier so not knowing is very stressful as i operate heavily on information and intention. Usually i can read intentions pretty well, but seeing as i have had zero contact since 2 years ago i have no idea what she wants, because i am certainly not going to forgive her for anything.
she broke me in ways i wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I'll do my best to forget about it.
After this long, both you and this guy have tried to be polite about it. You can only be sensitive about her feelings for so long. I would just be upfront with her that he isn't interested in her.
I have talked to him about it. I have I have I have. That’s exactly what I am trying to figure out. If there is something wrong with the relationship or not or him or maybe me?? I have tried so many times to talk to him about these things, but he blows it off or gives a made up answer. At a point people get tired or trying without results. I am tired and drained from giving giving and giving whilst also taking care of myself and your usual life responsibilities.
Your parents sound like they are trying to look out for you. Your boyfriend threatening to break up with you if you move into your own place IS controlling and a manipulation tactic.
I am wondering, what do your friends think? Not friends of your BF's, but friends that are completely yours. Do they share the same concerns that your parents have about your BF?
If my bf asked me dumb questions like that I would give dumb answers too.
Also you told her it's “real life” not hypothetical, so I'm willing to bet she thought you and your brother had a conversation about him fucking her and she was freaked out and disgusted.
I’m glad you responded! I’ve continued to think about your post today, and I have a different thought. If you haven’t already, I would recommend reading “Tiny Beautiful Things” by Cheryl Strayed. In it, she addresses a reader who is unsure about leaving their long-term partner, and shares her own experience of divorcing her first husband. What stuck with me was her description of her first marriage – there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. Her husband was kind and handsome and patient. But nonetheless, there was a voice in her head that kept whispering, “Go.” She tried to ignore it, but it grew louder and louder until she finally blew up her marriage in spectacular fashion. She eventually remarried, and has never heard “the voice” with her current husband.
This story resonated with me because I know the voice she is talking about. I had a few serious relationships before my husband, and at least two of these men would likely have been great husbands and fathers. But ultimately, I always felt like something was missing. With my husband, I have never felt this way – no matter what, I’ve never heard “the voice.” I can’t tell you exactly why it’s different. I could list all my husband’s wonderful qualities, but that doesn’t really explain it. It’s just a feeling that’s always been there. He’s home to me.
It’s very possible that your boyfriend, as wonderful as he is, is just not your person. It’s heartbreaking to have to explore that possibility. But its also great that this is coming up now, before you get married or take any more major life steps together. If you’re on the fence, I would recommend couples counseling as a safe space to explore the future of your relationship. Wishing you the very best of luck as you sort through this!
As someone who had my children in my 30’s, if I had a time machine, I would would’ve gone back and had them 10 years earlier. Pregnancy, childbirth, and caring for infants and toddlers in my 30’s was physically and mentally exhausting. I am out of it now, but there is a reason women’s bodies are at the optimal pregnancy/childbearing time much earlier in life.
I know this is devastating for you, but the good news is that because you are a man, you have another couple decades to have biological children. Perhaps it’s best to lovingly part ways now, and find a partner who shares this major life goal with you.
I like the way you stated that. It’s true I only have one mom. If he doesn’t recognize why this is such an issue then it’s going to be bad
You're a good man, OP.
Wow that’s really far fetched.
He suspected and got her pregnant anyway. No reason to abort an innocent baby.
It won't make her a better partner but it is concerning for the well being of OP's child to leave them alone in her care when she doesn't even care for herself. I think that is where the hesitation of leaving her comes in. If they do split I hope he fights for custody.
I don't even understand how you connect caregiving to incest. It's like she thinks only old folks are disabled and need care.
My very first partner was a ruler and then about 3-4 rulers as well (to be clear, they measured and I was just present! I did not bring it up or ask for a ruler test lol). The others are eyeball/hand/vagina/mouth measured. My first and 2nd to last partner funny enough were pretty much the same. I spend A LOT of time admiring and spending time with my partners genitals. I'm confident on the sizing. The smallest guy measured himself as well, again not at my request at all.
You make good points, but I did mean with consent of participants of course. I shall take a look how trustworthy the data on worlddata.info is or mabey find an expert take on this (kind of) data. Thank you
You are stronger than I was. Something similar happened to me around the same age, long term relationship. It wasn't abuse in her friends case but drugs. Next thing you know all these made up scenarios were 100% real for her. How do you convince someone you didn't do something you didn't do? I stuck it out for a few more miserable years. In hindsight I think she wanted to date around and experience the benefits of being pursued by flashy guys throwing their cash around. Because she was 26/27 with no kids and struggling to make bills and be a real adult. They make up scenarios to make you the bad guy so they can justify the behaviors they are doing behind your back. It hurts.
You seem more focused on the lying than the cheating. Either way, she's shown you who she is multiple times now.
You are stronger than I was. Something similar happened to me around the same age, long term relationship. It wasn't abuse in her friends case but drugs. Next thing you know all these made up scenarios were 100% real for her. How do you convince someone you didn't do something you didn't do? I stuck it out for a few more miserable years. In hindsight I think she wanted to date around and experience the benefits of being pursued by flashy guys throwing their cash around. Because she was 26/27 with no kids and struggling to make bills and be a real adult. They make up scenarios to make you the bad guy so they can justify the behaviors they are doing behind your back. It hurts.
You described his words as very manipulative: hear my two kids. Kids, say hello to mommy. Oh, let's go meet mother-in-law. She took him to her room.
If she can't tell you that she will ignore him should she see him, then I'd say leave her to him.
Well I feel dumb because it has never once occurred to me to keep those silica things or that they could be useful for anything. But now that you just explained this, it seems pretty obvious now. They might really come in handy. Thanks!
Fake af
What was his plan for your marriage license?! You have to apply in person together and there are questions about prior marriages, divorces, annulments etc. Was he going to commit fraud? Or spring it on you at the clerk’s desk that he’s a huge effing liar?!
And his family lies too? And friends? The fuck kind of people are these? You really want to marry into a group of people who helped maintain this lie for 3 years?!
This guy sounds like a lunatic. He’s shown you he’s a liar. How are you ever supposed to believe anything he says? And if you get sick in the future? What’s his plan? To send you back home? To divorce you and abandon you?
No way. End things. Move on. You’re 25 and have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t waste it on this loser.
“It's not as easy as pack up and leave.”
Not sure I understand this part.
You think staying is easier? Do you consider this cheating?
Do you have kids?
Genuine Question
Why marry a woman that is not madly in love with you?
So what exactly are you looking for with this post? Validation that you’re right and he’s wrong? The only thing you CAN do about it if it bothers you and he won’t agree with you or apologize is either break up or let it go. Would your boyfriend saying “yes I reduced you to your skin color” make you feel better? Would this have bothered you if he was black?
Is she typically more open in text? Or in person? I think since its bothering you heavily it does need to be addressed asap but just keep in mind youre saying things to address the problem and move forward. Not place blame. Have you thought about what ideally you would want from her that would placate youre needs? Like taking you out on a date night once a week etc. What is the action you want her to take?.
Agreed. Please break up with her asap. She deserves better than an insecure baby.
Additionally you don’t own her and you don’t control her. She isn’t your damn property.
No, you're not sounding silly. I've thought about asking him, but he gets so crotchety about me asking him to adjust…anything, really.
I know. I feel like I’m fighting with a teenager constantly and never understand how he can expect me not to get frustrated.
And she told him she should not let him have dinner for “putting her through that”, Like holy shit I'd probably not want to be polite when I wasn't sick if I had a wife like that.
Okay, granted he wasn't having the best day and this may have caused the oversight on basic social etiquette. But then OP would see it by the time he was feeling good enough to write this post, and use this time to reflect, and probably apologize to his wife, while asking her to give him a heads-up about having company in the future. The point is, he still believes he did nothing wrong.
Married with kids and scared to hurt my kids
Why in the blue hell did you bother posting in an advice forum if all you're going to do is argue with everyone? Do you want advice or not? This is not your own little echo chamber. You need to get in touch with reality.
No you cut all contact with her. She doesnt respect you or your relationship. She chooses to keep people around that joke/want for your relationship to fail.
Cuddling with her old ex's (“it's just friendly” “we're friends more than ex's”) vs she's known them for ages and nothing has or will happen any way. This is a contradiction and a lie because they are exes.
Tomorrow, we're going to see “How do I (21F) prove that my boyfriend (74M) replaced my dog (14M) while I was on vacation?” and it will be just as believable as this post is