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Flash Ass [Multi Goal]
Date: December 28, 2022
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Flash Ass [Multi Goal]
She cheated once then knew about the possibility of the child's true paternity but keep it a secret til she was found out YEARS later. From that moment til now she has been lying to her husband and son and actually has the gull to think she can fix this.
But yeah some generic “get therapy” and “apologize” (that one kills me lmao) is going to move someone like OP.
My advice for her would be for her to get used to not having her husband and son in her life. ?♂️
Thank you for the very reasonable discussion about birth control choices. Get really tired of the fear mongering about BC when there are so many choices available.
Also wholeheartedly agree with laughing in this guy face about going raw dawg. What a scary, selfish idea, especially when this isn’t an exclusive relationship.
OP, cut her off. Simple as that. She's scared of losing your attention I think. If you've moved on, cut the final tie and end the friendship for good.
I mean my dude if I don’t get sex at least 4 times a week I start feeling distant from my husband. I do understand. I’m trying to suggest some things that could help with that feeling of distance that wouldn’t put pressure on his partner. Because his partner is carrying his child, which isn’t a permanent condition. But if he treats her carelessly now because he can’t get sex on demand it could wander into DB land after the pregnancy because of his emotional insensitivity.
And if my husband is going through it and needs me to lay off physically I do, without putting pressure because pressure to perform sexually is a mood killer for every sort of person. He knows that is something that is a major part of my needs in our relationship, when things turn around he makes it up to me. If he’s sick or stressed or just in a bad way he needs my support, not me hammering on him about what else he’s got to take care of. And this dudes wife deserves the same.
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She is not remorseful, OP. She Doesn't love you. I am sorry. She is evil, cruel, she doesn't care about you, about the wife's AP, about your little girl.
Please, for the sake of your kid, dump her. You deserve someone better.
Jesus, the mental gymnastics. Kissing someone other than your partner is cheating. And having a problem with your partner doing that is normal. Implying it’s childish only shows how little self-respect you have for self.
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He’s a liar, and he’s willing to cheat on you, repeatedly for MONTHS, to get ahead. That would be all the information I needed, no matter how he spun it.
I’d like to agree, however I wonder how OP is approaching it every night. There’s potential there for it to be pestering, even if that wasn’t his intent. I’d like to have a little more faith, but I have had a plethora of experiences that have robbed me of it. Plus lots of people don’t know the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, and how common is to be mismatched.
Umm, maybe this was Mom's way of saying she thinks you should be married by now. Technically, her daughter IS single, as in not married.
So what's good about him that makes you stay? I personally wouldn't
Sounds like you chose poorly.
Wow, you are an absolute asshole.
Your main problem is honestly that you don't want to talk about it with your girlfriend.
There's nothing wrong with going to bed separatrly, and it's understandablat that you feel a bit lost here, but how to you propose being able to find a compromise that works for both of you if you aren't willing to bring it up?
What exactly is your girlfriend's problem with going to sleep alone? Surely, she is aware that she would be doing that anyway if the two of you weren't together, so there is probably something else playing a part.
I can assure you divorce is very real, and I have a feeling you’re on your way to finding out firsthand
^ And do not let him suicide bait you into staying with him; my ex tried that with me and it only prolonged the misery (and she’s still alive and kicking just fine!!)
This is above your pay grade and life experience to deal with.
Tell a manager now.
I would end this friendship. He seems very insecure, to a point where he’s willing to harm you to make himself look better. Don’t go back to his place. Don’t talk to the girl. Reacting any other way will just make you look crazy unfortunately. Move on and enjoy college, there’s better people to meet.
It's called emotional blackmail. And so what? Call the police. She'll be put under a psychiatric hold, and they help her with her actual problems. All you are doing is enabling her behaviour.
Or you could save yourself a ton of time and heartache and just tell her you’re dumping her ass for failure to remain exclusive. She can’t go cake shopping when she’s got cake at home and then expect cake at home to just sit around waiting to be replaced
If someone said either of these to me I'd consider it a rejection. In the context of fending off an unwanted romantic advance they're pretty much the same thing and should be respected.
Agreed. I have an apartment lined up and I plan to move some of the stuff I actually need over there slowly prior to her being served.
If that kind of thing is a deal breaker for someone, I want to screen them out real fast. The kinda person who cares about body counts is not the kinda person I want to be with.
I’ve come to find that these liberal cities with a bunch of white people are racist, just not as open. The best thing about the south is that racist people will let you know and are very upfront. You’ll know they don’t like you cause of your skin color. The ones up north are the ones who will be your friend to your face but racist behind your back or they have that micro aggressive racism which are the worst kinds. Can’t tell you how many people I knew growing up that had anti-black tendencies but swore they weren’t racist cause they were liberal and would’ve voted for Obama if they could.
So are we supposed to live like this forever? I can’t go anywhere alone?
Not given your history and how much he understands how you feel. Have you talked about your past relationships? What you want and do not want in a relationship? And how slow is slow enough for him? Is a year slow enough? The question is how long do you have to wait before you know what kind of future he wants if any at all. Until then he can uses you for sex until he decides that he does not want a relationship with you. This is just a different version of your past relationships. You getting used.
You have to think if risking scaring him off because he does not want a long term commitment is better for you than waiting and finding yourself being used again.
You're living in their home. Move out. You're 34 and he's 44 (older than me). Move out if you don't like it.
Best case scenario. He has a gym kink.
Worst case scenario. He is a controlling asshat.
Actually he is a jerk and not worth your time.
My favorite poem is by Dorothy Parker. It’s called Indian Summer.
In youth, it was a way I had To do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad To suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, And do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you!
Why are you upset w bf? He didn’t do anything wrong. What did you want him to say?
If the only reason she wants to be in counseling is because she is afraid to lose you, then you will be going through this exact same thing in the near future. As soon as she knows she doesn't have to worry about you leaving her again, her commitment to therapy and improving herself will drop off dramatically. Then she will slip back into the same behaviors that she had before.
This only works if her motivation is to improve herself for her own sake, and only then if you both put in a lot of effort.
I came to make this exact suggestion. Do not bring this up to her yet. I love that you trust each other so much, it's actually refreshing in this sub. But people that are the “sweetest” and the “most trustworthy” can act completely out of character for many reasons. Could this dude have her confused with someone else? Sure, absolutely. I realize when you have a relationship based on trust and understanding, which is how you describe yours and that's awesome you have that, its almost impossible to entertain the thought of your spouse doing anything to put that in jeopardy. Maybe if you do what this comment is suggesting, but create the mindset that you'll have him call you when he thinks she's there so you can stop by just to show him he's wrong and it's not her, and then he'll stop bothering you with this nonsense. If you think of it that way, it may make you a bit less uneasy about it. But let's say he's right and it IS her, if you even mention it to her before checking she will go into defense mode, which means turning it back on you for not trusting her, getting to make herself the victim and putting you at fault. She'll wipe her phone, and end the meetups leaving you with no proof and a shattered marriage which will be blamed on you…This is probably jarring to even think about your wife doing something like this due to the unwavering trust you have in her, but on the OFF chance it is her, if you bring this to her prematurely and without concrete evidence either way, you're doing yourself a huge disservice. If you want to keep your blinders on and refuse to believe that even the most amazing people make mistakes, that's up to you.
Why stay with someone who treats you like that? You are 30 quit wasting time on someone who shows they don't care for you.
Homie, reddit is too kind to tell you how creepy and weird you are.
That being said, you are no less valuable than anyone else. I'm a firm believer in the idea that everyone you meet has some level of impact or importance in your life. That doesn't mean the impact is significant or that they will have a purpose in your life forever.
This dude sounds done. His purpose in your life was seasonal. It happens. And it'll probably happen again. The more odd you are, the harder it'll be to find someone to accept all your oddities. And your oddities will fluctuate the longer life goes on. The challenge of self growth is to expand yourself without becoming someone else you don't recognize. As long as you can manage and stay grounded in that, you'll find someone who loves you.
Homie, reddit is too kind to tell you how creepy and weird you are.
That being said, you are no less valuable than anyone else. I'm a firm believer in the idea that everyone you meet has some level of impact or importance in your life. That doesn't mean the impact is significant or that they will have a purpose in your life forever.
This dude sounds done. His purpose in your life was seasonal. It happens. And it'll probably happen again. The more odd you are, the harder it'll be to find someone to accept all your oddities. And your oddities will fluctuate the longer life goes on. The challenge of self growth is to expand yourself without becoming someone else you don't recognize. As long as you can manage and stay grounded in that, you'll find someone who loves you.
Homie, reddit is too kind to tell you how creepy and weird you are.
That being said, you are no less valuable than anyone else. I'm a firm believer in the idea that everyone you meet has some level of impact or importance in your life. That doesn't mean the impact is significant or that they will have a purpose in your life forever.
This dude sounds done. His purpose in your life was seasonal. It happens. And it'll probably happen again. The more odd you are, the harder it'll be to find someone to accept all your oddities. And your oddities will fluctuate the longer life goes on. The challenge of self growth is to expand yourself without becoming someone else you don't recognize. As long as you can manage and stay grounded in that, you'll find someone who loves you.
Homie, reddit is too kind to tell you how creepy and weird you are.
That being said, you are no less valuable than anyone else. I'm a firm believer in the idea that everyone you meet has some level of impact or importance in your life. That doesn't mean the impact is significant or that they will have a purpose in your life forever.
This dude sounds done. His purpose in your life was seasonal. It happens. And it'll probably happen again. The more odd you are, the harder it'll be to find someone to accept all your oddities. And your oddities will fluctuate the longer life goes on. The challenge of self growth is to expand yourself without becoming someone else you don't recognize. As long as you can manage and stay grounded in that, you'll find someone who loves you.
That’s very good. Just make sure that’s how you frame things to yourself in your head. The way we talk about things and the stories we tell ourselves have power even if it’s just language and framing. Good luck 🙂
Tbh your perception of the situation is the biggest issue. It shouldn't be “you are not good enough for him”. It should be “he is not really interested in you”. It seems like you are putting in a lot of effort and this situation has nothing to do with your lack of. “Being enough for someone” is pretty toxic mindset and you should get out of that type of thinking. It is just basically that they arent interested and that has more to do with them than you personally. He has trust issues over a tweet from 8 years ago. To go back that far to dig stuff up and be doubtful is more of something wrong with him than you. If your only reason for continuing is to be “good enough” then you need to stop. You are just ingraining a toxic mentality onto yourself and digging your own grave. Better for you to feel good about who you are even if it means ending it than to pursue someone that makes you lower your perception of yourself.
It doesn't matter what she did with other guys, but it matters a lot that your needs aren't being met. You don't feel like she's attracted to you, she tells you about previous guys when it doesn't sound like you really want to hear the details, and you don't feel prioritized. How does she make you life better? How are you doing as a person now vs before you started dating?
I can understand wanting to take it slow after casual relationships lose their appeal, or wanting a certain relationship “to be different”, but her words aren't matching her actions and it's hurting you.
Don't stay with someone who's hurting you.
Thanks for the very thoughtful reply! Do you have any suggestions for how I should engage the next time he brings it up? You’ve said to be careful not to coddle, so should I just listen and validate his feelings without asking follow-up questions that might enable him to continue venting to me? How can I make sure that I don’t become an enabler of him dwelling on the past? I want him to see me as an equal partner and not as his therapist or as some kind of rebound from his past trauma
Body shaming is never okay. You deserve so much better. Don't waste any more of your youth on the giant walking red flag.
Lol you're an idiot
This most definitely a marriage counselling issue. You need to work out what was done to you, and she needs to understand what she has done to you. So far, life is good for her. She wanted 3 kids, she has 3 kids, and now expects you to live with it. She is betting you will just roll over and deal. No consequences. What you do next is up to you. Either way, you now have 18 years of child support for a child that you both initially agreed not to have. You both need to work through this together and you need to work through your issue alone. The betrayal alone would have been a dealbreaker for me. But you do what you need to do for you. She already has what she wants.
You're right, I'll confront her tonight.
If a prenup was forced it won't be valid. Duress is grounds to challenge a pre-nup everywhere that I'm aware of. You need a lawyer and to discuss it with them.
Right ?
As a wife honestly I would laugh but for a man you need to be careful ?
You called me a liar, made multiple assumptions, implied I am stupid and have gone on other comments trying to make me sound like an idiot. Sounds like you have problems you need to take care of more than me.
Well for one I give her normal intimacy, she also still loves to cuddle and kiss and everything else. I work more than she does I also sometimes go out with friends no at much as she does because her friends are mostly just online friends or friends from where she moved to me, but I hope you’re right I’ll try everything before I would even consider ending the relationship so maybe Therapie would help if it’s nothing biological like the hormones still not working right. But yeah ultimately it would be unfair for me and her if staying meant that I would someday treat her bad
Nah I'm pretty sure you should. Do you know how long your post is? Well, I did the Maths. 627 words.
627 words and not a single word gave me or any of the other redditors on this sub that he is a good guy or worth while. 627 words of pure negativity, venting and frustration. It's time to realize this relationship offers you 0 value.
I replied to another comment here. I guess it’s always been somewhat an issue in our relationship but always salvageable. The fights are way different. Divorce is the topic every time. The degrading and name calling has been 100x worse.
I’m trying to get out my feelings as best as I can, but this post sheds a little more light on the whole picture.
i spoke to him about it a little bit ago and he said he does it because being hurt infront of me is embarassing, i said it doesnt really help but in the middle of it he got hiccups and started punching himself again, i asked him to stop but he told me to go away which hes never done before (we have been together a long time too)
i dont want to throw it away because i have never been so understood and loved by someone before. This man takes care of me when im sick, not even sick, even just on my period or down, he immediatly goes out and buys all my favorite foods, cooks for me at 3 am if i have cravings, has offered to pay for my car, schooling, apartment, etc. He does so much more for me than i can list, in his long term decisions too. thats just the material things aside from all the emotional and intimate things weve experienced together too. To leave just because he self harms (which he already used to cut, i did too, but a different form of self harm) seems weird to me
Marriage is about compromise. sometimes we do things even if they make us a little uncomfortable or if we'd prefer to do something else simply because it makes our partner happy.
You are not asking a lot – this is kind of minimum ground territory. You are asking for him to be mildly uncomfortable on a single day to celebrate a holiday that has cultural and religious significance to you and your family. This is a very reasonable request.
Honestly?
The down-payment is irrelevant unless it's a substantial amount (for example more than 10% of the value of the property). If that's the case here, then you need a prenuptial agreement. If not, please realise that she's probably going to significantly out-earn you and that a 50/50 split is the best possible outcome for you.
She's not after 50/50 for everything you own but she's right when she wants to have equal equity in a property you're buying together.
Honestly?
The down-payment is irrelevant unless it's a substantial amount (for example more than 10% of the value of the property). If that's the case here, then you need a prenuptial agreement. If not, please realise that she's probably going to significantly out-earn you and that a 50/50 split is the best possible outcome for you.
She's not after 50/50 for everything you own but she's right when she wants to have equal equity in a property you're buying together.
First off, it’s disgusting. I’m always amazed at how many women come on here to complain about their partners feces getting everywhere.
You need to give him a ultimatum. I am almost never for ultimatums but this is severe if you’re seeing his shit THROUGH HIS PANTS. Stop having sex with him.
If you have children how could you trust that this man would be able to clean them properly and teach them hygiene?
If what you said in the last part is a huge issue, he needs serious therapy.his mom passed 20 years ago, he shouldn’t be so debilitated by grief at this point that he’s unable to clean himself.