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We will have rough anal, vaginal sex, you will give me your milk in my mouth [2 tokens remaining]
Date: October 30, 2022
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I wouldn't call it predatory exactly. They are both adults and people as adults get together with age gaps all over the spectrum. What I don't like is OP knowing she has a high sex drive. That's inappropriate talk for someone with a gf at home. Gf and his relationship, although mostly happy do not sound compatible.
The doesn't mean his trying to use her….. He might not understand they are FWB because she never clearly stated that….
Op don't listen to them, you need to communicate what going on and get to the bottom of it
I'm dead
Thanks, I will. If you don’t care why are you still responding? ?
First, he's not your boyfriend, but your passive-aggressive captor.
Sexond, leave him. His life choices are his to clean up; not yours. And when you leave him, do not warn him. Have the discussion after you and your stuff are in a safe location.
Good for him, honestly. Most people move way too fast; experts recommend that you not meet the kids at all until you've been together seriously at least 6 months, and then it should start casually. He's actually being very responsible here, so I wouldn't see it as a bad thing.
If someone tells me that X has robbed the last three houses they've stayed at, I wouldn't be letting them stay at my house. I don't need first hand experience. If she's mentally unstable enough that she goes on benders unmedicated then OPs husband has probably got whatever information he needs.
First hand experience is absolutely not a requirement.
It’s only really been a week. So it is understandable for him to consider it too soon to start “officially” dating. He may have had experiences in the past in which he was blinded the first week or so, and doesn’t want to make the same mistake. Therefore, he’s taking his time to see “how things are going”. I wouldn’t overthink it, just take the time to also see how things are going. You can never really know a guy in one week.
Have you read her comment where she describes what she does that makes him mad? Cause that doesn't sound like sexual harassment to me.
Using your emotions to make your partner feel bad for not sleeping with you
This is definitely not what she's doing.
Fantasies are fine as long as we don't act on them.
It's not like they're inviting his ex along, they made friends with the parents. There's nothing wrong with that.
Yes it is. Men like that, will lie
You dont,its time to say goodbye
You know… I was totally on your side, thinking your gf was just possessive… until I read that last paragraph.
Chances are your girlfriend noticed YOUR behaviour. Her jealousy isn't about the other chick, it's about you.
Thats what probably made things awkward, and it sounds pretty likely this is one sided on your end.
Leave this chick alone, for your own sake
Oh come on. Wake up.
And maybe so. Maybe they are harmless relationships, but as his girlfriend, he should take your feelings about his friendships into consideration!
Just cheat on him a couple times and dont bring it up then it wont bother u if he does. PM for anymore advice
he told me that all of his exs betrayed him, cheated, and left him. I never did any of those things but yet he decides to cheat on me. I'm loyal and loving and caring as hell and he hurts me like this..
If I am being honest here I don't think I will ever heal. I feel traumatized and I'm afraid of falling in love again.
If OP is telling the truth, he kind of sprung it on her, which I don’t think is fair.
Given how utterly ignorant and self centered OP is being in her post, I suspect the signs have been there for quite some time, she just didn't care to see them, or saw them and figured her father husband would just keep dealing with her shit anyway.
Your life shouldn't change too much anyway OP, you will still be living with a parent and probably able to be lazy and selfish in your old home.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with just asking her why she stopped texting for the time that she did. You could mention that you figured she wasn’t interested. Not in an accusatory way, more like a conversational way.
That’s not exclusive.
That’s your someone I would consider when ready and you may be waiting a long time, if ever.
I don’t see what’s so hard here.
She’s a drug addict All the things you posted that she did / does She’s a drug addict Same as #2
You get the picture.
Time to move on. As a former recreational drug user I had a gf of over two years tell me after I got clean that she didn’t want to be with me anymore because I decided to be clean. That stung pretty bad. I never said she had to stop. I just wasn’t going to.
Anyway, move on and find someone with less issues to deal with. You’ll be better off for it.
Deshaun Watson??
I know that this new person may feel exciting, it may give you butterflies in the stomach etc. But that's just it. Often times when people in relationships are drawn to outside people it's because it feels new and exciting, and that the current relationship feels boring. But trust me when I say that that feeling doesn't last. If you still feel like you want to pursue it you need to communicate that with your girlfriend and eventually break up. Don't do this behind her back. Best of luck
The thing is. If you've cheated aswell it's a recipe for disaster. You don't BOTH cheat if your haply and its as simple as that. Cheating will cause arguments down the line just like old shitty arguments do. With that being said the only person that would suffer through all that toxicness would be the kid.
You need to leave before that mark suddenly shows up everywhere else on your body. The BF has no sense of accountability in his own actions.
If you have no one around you, there are women shelter. If you have a shared bank account or whatnot, open a new account and start stashing money to leave. And when you leave, do it when he is not there or the above will repeat.
Get out when you can and do not fall for his tricks.
That is super sweet and such a great idea!
Bottom line is that trust is the foundation of any relationship and communication is the cement that holds it together. Doesn't sound like you have trust. One thing that stands out to me is that he doesn't have a code on his phone and has said he doesn't care if you look through it.
Like king of hill with hank and his half brother good hank and cotton named that kid hank just to piss off his son Hank.
If you feel such strong (and justified) resentment therapy won't do you any good. For that you need to be willing to frogive her in the first place.
Of course it seems that you are planning to break up with her. This is an option, however since you have a child together I can suggest something that might work for you.
She has done smoething terrible to you: not only did she believe accusation of unknowen girl over you, but so much more around her childrbirth. Now is there something you could thing of that she could do to make up for it? I don't mean repair the damage to the previous state of affairs. No I mean something that would be inconvenient for her while feeling good/satisfying to you. I don't mean sex here. It's something I suffer from with serious grievances too, apology alone enough is not enough, an atonement is needed for me to forgive and move on.
I can't really make many suggestion without more knowledge about your lifes, so if you do decide to try this I can suggest one thing. Do not make her atone by giving you permission to sleep with other people. This or other things that are directly destructive to any relationship. It should be more personal.
To give an example: if someone has completely ditched you from important events one time too many an atone would be in canceling whatever plans they have at the moment just to spend time with you. Spend all holidays with you and your family (for more then one year preferrably) if they have canceled on you, because of their family. I think you should get the idea by now. Try to come up with something you can ask of her to make up to you for her actions. If you have doubts I can give my opinion when I will have time.
I mean, denying thst he was the father, for however long, is a pretttty shitty thing to do.
Neither of these two seem mature enough to have a child.
You’re being very literal! He’s just trying to make conversation?
For me, this would be it. You don't change behavior that significantly when under the influence and I wouldn't want to deal with someone who gets so fucked up that he behaves this way. He is showing a blatant disregard for OP & unnecessarily escalating the situation.
That’s some manipulative and abusive bullshit. Can she even afford a kid?
Have you actually discussed these concerns with him? What have you told him and what does he say?
Do you enjoy sex with him? Did you ever? When did you both start checking out and why?
I'm talking to OP not you.. I'm not posting pictures on here and my real name is not used…very different that TT …IG or FB
I never thought about that before.
Well it's certainly something you can consider! If you ever want to talk about this stuff I'm all ears. I also have a lot of difficulties when I try to communicate these strange nuances to people that aren't on the ace spectrum. Am I doing x behavior because I'm Aro Ace, because of my various traumas, or because I just feel like it? I don't know! Haha.
I’m moving away for 5 months only and genuinely just felt like we got on
You ain’t in an open marriage. You are a cockold.
Boots smelling in the living room isn’t as bad as stinky feet in the bedroom. You both need to work on those issues. Your husband should either clean his boots or invest in new ones. And you need to work on your feet. I’m not certain but I don’t think it’s healthy that they stink. What’s making them smell? Maybe clean them properly and take care of your feet girly.
Sounds like he’s insecure or did something he’s guilty about. Either way it’s weird af to be dating a 40 year old when you’re 21. ESPECIALLY one who sends cryptic texts like those and can’t even communicate what it means
The one thing a lot of people have to learn the hard way is how to properly experiment with sex while respecting your partner.
Experimenting with threesomes can be stressful for some partners, you obviously weren't into it, next time she's in that situation maybe she'll stop and touch base with her obviously uncomfortable partner.
Communication is key when you're starting experimentation of any kind.
Please leave him alone.
Cues the friends clip where Ross gets his sandwich eaten
Please keep us updated on how you are
Time to pull out the ultimatum.
If he's going to continue to refuse to work on the relationship, you divorce him.
Aw, I hope not being married didn't mess up anything. I don't think marriage changes much romantically but at least in the States I do think it's silly to not get married (if you're committed) because of government benefits.
Although I've seen it backfire, my aunt and her husband were separated but not divorced when she died and her soon to be ex husband took everything.
That sucks though, I'm sorry to hear that!
100% true. It's verbage we learned in couples counseling
OP, next time make the stories a little different. This (and the wife's story in /r/marraige) is fake as hell.
Yeah I think what’s making it difficult to tell is that it comes off as sex is the only thing that will comfort him.
If I were in op's shoes, it would not cause a divorce because he isn't just believing his brother that might be lying. He took a paternity test, and it came back that he wasn't the father, he is believing the test.
She told me she’s planning on getting me multiple gifts over time, so that’s really sweet.
Sorry this is not sweet. This is a cop out. If she's someone who likes receiving presents, and I can tell from her “list” she likes the more expensive stuff, she should know how to give it too. While she admitted it would make her feel bad, I don't see where she is really trying to make up for what she did. So some questions…
Do you believe her? Do you want several “cheap” gifts over time when you're buying her $300 Shoes and $200 Speakers at one go (while making less than her?) iPads are not cheap. How does she justify asking for that while expecting to buy you several cheap gifts over time? Does this feel like a healthy dynamic in a relationship to you? And most importantly – will you be happy always giving much more than you receive in your relationship?
A little out of the box but you could participate. If you see her turning away, rub her shoulders, and give a massage, work to touch her erotically while she is typing.
What you should do is stop trying to contact her as she obviously doesn’t want to talk to you.
He doesn’t want an open relationship but was talking about sleeping with other people, in short he wants to cheat.
Some dude got his gf off work for an afternoon and took her to a spa, and she freaked out on him. Everyone called him an asshole.
Do you have the link to that post?
I don't understand why that would make anyone mad. It's just material things.
A watch is not as important as the relationships you have. I guess it matters that you have it as a trophy for your accomplishment.but I just don't think we should place so much value on stuff
Yes I agree that would be fun but! I don’t have a computer :/
OP are you sure this ok for you? Because, this would be making ppl feel a lot more than insecure, for many people this is cheating and a dumpable offence.
Figure out how you feel and allow yourself to react appropriately. It seems like you've made this all ok very quickly and there really is no reason to, this is very suspicious behaviour for anyone in a relationship who doesn't have this agreement in place with their SO prior to doing it.
Y’all are toxic with each other. You are jealous. She tries to make you jealous. Break up.
You got enraged because a study group stoped to have some fun and pose pictures? Really? Y’all had to check in with each other to make sure nothing “funny” was going on?
A healthy relationship involving a GF going out would include what time she plans to be home and you calling to check on her 1.5 hours after that time. Just to make sure she is safe, not to make sure she isn’t posing with a zit covered boy from bio med organic frogs 3 class.
Dude. That’s exactly how I felt. Involving her family members unilaterally was probably a bad idea and there’s a good chance it came across as you trying to get your side of the story in first. You sound a little manic right now (no judgment, I was too) but honestly the best thing you can do right now is prepare yourself for the reality that this is over. Love isn’t predetermined, it’s built. You did it once at 18, you can definitely do it again without making the same mistakes
So if someone said something cruel to you it would be okay as long as after they said “whoa whoa it’s just words! Vowels and consonants and such!”?
I answered you in the other forum, but here you give some details of ways you can improve as a bf. That’s great. Those are actual things you can do to be better and to make her feel loved.
As for her hurt, you can’t make it hurt less. She needs time to work through it. She needs time to be hurt and angry. And you need to give her that time.
That does not mean you need to give in to her every demand. Sleeping with someone else is not the solution. It’s an overreaction. It may not even be what she really wants. She is hurting and she wants you to feel her pain so she may just be saying things to hurt you. It is manipulative, but it’s manipulation in the form of lashing out in pain.
How long has it been since she found out? Something as big as letting someone else into her bed should not be a decision made in anger. Maybe advice that you take a few months to process. Then you can calmly discuss the future of your relationship and see if she still wants to risk the relationship by sleeping with someone.
Now how would I feel if I were her? I would feel like I wasn’t good enough. Like that special bond I thought we had wasn’t real. I’d start questioning the relationship and if I were your gf because of love or convenience.
So here is your task for today. Make her feel special. Men are often hopeless when it comes to romance, but now you need to step up. Dinner and some flowers will not cut it. We are talking home made photo collages and going out of your comfort zone kinda romance. She needs to feel special, loved and beautiful. And you need to do it without bringing up this issue, or asking for her forgiveness. It has to be just because you want to and because she deserves it.
What a scumbag. So you find out your wife cheated and the answer is to cheat back? You think that makes you any better than a cheater? Lame I hope your wife leaves.
You went to your fiancé's baby mamma and asked her to leave her home so you could have it? That seemed appropriate to you?
Sadly you should worry about your physical health too. The number one cause of death in pregnant people is murder.
Yeah, I didn’t read past comment. I usually do, but missed it with this one. So she is all about stirring drama, wanting the attention, and acting the victim to garner more attention.
Definitely in need of therapy. Not only to work on her self esteem issues and protect herself from being hurt by someone, but also before she causes serious damage to someone’s relationship/marriage. Of course, through no fault of her own ?
“Dating advice” is probably trying to get her to talk about her sexual life. This guy is giving me creeps as I remember so many older men who would give “advice” who really wanted to know details on what kind of sex I was having… because I’m an adult and this is how adults talk… it’s fucking gross.
Chances are there is a lot more going on that OP doesn’t know about or doesn’t want to hear.
Look, you aren’t compatible. You aren’t getting enough affection/sex and he things you are a stage five clinger and nympho. Believe me, there are a ton of men out there desperate for a woman who will express romantic and sexual desire through touch and initiating sex.
You are still young. You are headed for a dead bedroom with this guy. He will shame you into it. He is already making you feel like you are at fault for his rejection of you. You don’t want to live like this. Yes, couples can have mismatched libidos but BOTH partners need to own it and figure out a compromise that works for BOTH.
Break up. Make a dating profile. If it’s Tinder, say that your love language is touch. Pick from your matches. Interview the matches for the job as your next cuddler. Ask what they think about a scenario where their girlfriend asks them to come back to bed in the morning for a little more loving? (Wait to do this in person or you will just have a guy getting himself off to a hot fantasy on the other end of the phone.)
Don’t stay with someone who gives you the cold shoulder and then blames you for it. Find a man who wants what you have to give.
Gotta ask her. But could she be manipulating me?
Never. I never play when they’re awake. It’s always after they go to sleep or if they go over to my wife’s mothers house for the day.
Dump her lying ass.
Good points, she could have texted him and see if he wanted these different things. But yes nothing is worse than spending your vacation time running around looking for gifts
Is this your first time on RA? Man cheats? Divorce! Woman cheats? What did you do to make her cheat? Therapy!
how would you do if he told you he was moving in with a female that was just a friend? How would you handle it? Would you be fine with it?
My number one concern is for the safety of his new girlfriend and you.
I think you should warn her of the violence in his past. You don't need to convince her. It's not your job to keep him from having relationships, but at least make her aware so if/when it does happen she may find it easier to walk away.
With that being said, your safety could then be compromised. He may think you are sabotaging him and want to lash out. Do not ever put yourself in a situation where you are alone with him.
Someone that is choking people regularly is not stable, nor to be trusted.
If I were him, I’d be out of there. The most my friends tell each other about that is a raised eye brows or a smirk. That’s all they need to know, they get the gist. Telling others about that very personal stuff is a huge breach of trust and privacy.
I’m not trying to be a dick when o say that somehow you need someone younger and MORE mature. What a goofy thing to say and cause unneeded drama.
Makes sense! It wasn’t even the number that he gave me, just the whole rating ‘logically’ fiasco seemed unnecessarily. Thanks 🙂
Am I like insane to feel almost like he broke my trust?
Not at all! Absent any mental health grounds for such reckless behaviour (and even then…) I'd consider this as potentially relationship-ending. Personally I'd lose every scrap of respect for him. I don't know what your best way forward is at this point but just know that your feelings are valid.
You are correct to be concerned about her boundaries.
Surveys show coworkers are the #1 source of affair partner (followed by Exs).
Like most of us we don't know how to manage coworkers and Exs.
Basically it's fine to be friends with everyone (within very rigid boundaries, including discussion topics).
However, there should be zero contact with Exs for several reasons. One is their presence weakens and eventually undermines the current relationship.
Both of you should read: Not Just Friends by Dr Shirley Glass.
It's based on research (not just opinion) of couples that experienced infidelity with a 'friend '.
Lessons learned and what not to do or talk about with friends.
It also provides you with the terms, concepts, and facts to intelligently discuss opposite sex friends (without sounding insecure).
You told him you liked a ring, a cheap ring.
He got you the jewelry you said you liked for your birthday. He doesn’t understand why you’re now mad.
You didn’t tell him you wanted to get proposed to with the ring.
And he thinks it’s not a nice enough ring to propose with.
Accept your gift, graciously. Thank him for his attention to detail. ( he remembered you like the ring, not the detail you prefer he remembers; that it was an engagement ring)
And like others have said, have the conversation about where your relationship is going.
General advice: while you may like to solve an issue right there and then, not everyone operates like that and so your reaction to people dealing with conflict (differently than you) should not be getting angry and talking out of anger.
Tbh …. a really big parameter for me when dating is “how does he act when angry at others and how does he act when he's angry with me”. If my brother told me that you behaved the way that you did, I wouldn't like you either for my brother
I say that all to say that you need to work on your conflict resolution and dealing with anger. Saying things hurtful out of an anger is a no no.
Also, I understand that it sucks. A lot of times families only hear the bad things about someone's significant other and so they're not really given the chance.
In your case I think you need to decide whether he can go without venting to his family (create boundaries)
Or decide how important it is for your relationship that his family like you.
To recap:
Clean your own house, work on you. Create boundaries
You're not attracted but you're sleeping with him? What do you do during sex? Close your eyes?
It's a bit strange to share a bed at that age but to each their own I guess. Divorcing over it would also be weird.
So in this instance, you were inconsiderate, not selfish.
If there is a pattern of you changing plans without letting him know (like in this occasion) then the problem is you. You need to work on being a better communicator.
If it’s more along the lines of your comment about going to dinner and the deciding to get a drink,and there was no plans for you and him to do something together afterwards then you could communicate it as a curiosity message like “hey xyz, we’re grabbing some drinks to keep the night going, we’re heading to abc if you want to join” but you don’t have to.
If there were plans, then you need to communicate the changes.
Do keep in mind that it doesn’t matter how often you do it, it is that you do it without communicating it that is the problem.
Never ever wife a party girl. Party girls like getting drunk and hooking up, and getting male attention. Have you ask her how many times she hooked up ? She broke up with you for a reason.
Well, first off, Reddit doesn't know. In point of fact, there's only one person on the planet who knows why your girlfriend wants to tell you this stuff. If you want the answer, you'll have to ask that person. Fortunately, it should be easy for you to find her, since you're dating her and all. 😉
Second, this is just a good habit to get into in general. Every successful relationship is built on two people who just actually tell each other what they want and think and need and feel. In your case, it would be that you'd prefer her to keep some of these thoughts to herself. If you are not in the habit of this kind of radical transparency, well, it's never too late to start. =)
Your wife is abusing you.
Sit down and calculate how much it would cost to hire someone to do all of the things you do and tell me that you aren't right in saying that that money is jointly yours.
Go see a lawyer about your options. If you decided you want to try to make this work seek counselling.
Put up?!? It's an involuntary response! It is fine to stop, but claiming it is harassment is just stupid and dilutes the impact of real harassment.
He also posted something about his girlfriend two years ago… This is a troll
Be a good Husband and tell this lady you not interested in her . just remember every dollar you spending on her . You not spending on your wife and kids
He is the victim. She lied to him.
“Long before we engaged, we had an agreement saying I won't watch porn if we can be intimate”
She wasn’t having sex so he went and watched porn like the agreement states. She chose to reneg on her deal and waste his time.
He is the victim. She lied to him.
“Long before we engaged, we had an agreement saying I won't watch porn if we can be intimate”
She wasn’t having sex so he went and watched porn like the agreement states. She chose to reneg on her deal and waste his time.