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♥Katrin♥, 18 y.o.
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Date: November 24, 2022
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To wake her up i guess:)))
I haven't dated someone for years because of what my ex put me through, this is nothing compared to some threatening to cheat on me with multiple people or khs. My ex wouldn't even let me hangout with my best friend because he is a guy. He would manipulate me all the time he would lie to me all the time, I was only 15 and going through that. So my bf doing something he thought was okay because I didn't make it clear that I saw it as not okay was a miscommunication. My bf truly apologized to me well my ex would blame me for him cheating. My bf wants to be better and is getting help well my ex would just cheat or say he would end it all. Ik we might not last forever but at the end of the day Ik it's not worth ending bc of mental health and miscommunication. I just want to know how to make it better when he gets out of the hospital.
Has she gone to counseling, is she in counseling? Her trust issues are getting in the way of a healthy relationship. You do not want not get back together unless she’s willing to address her issues . This is no way to live a life.
Whatever happens, your connection, your love, your friendship, is the basis for everything. It is what made you commit yourselves, as individuals, to this thing, to become a team, to face everything, TOGETHER.
Currently, it’s buried under all the layers you’ve described in your post. You have to work together, as a team, to dig it the f*** back out.
It takes both partners to make something work. Both have to be 100% committed.
Sit down together, talk honestly, look back at photos of early times together, your wedding day, whatever and honestly talk to each other. Don’t get defensive, either of you. But you do need to be honest about how you got to this point.
You’re both hurting.
And are both reacting in ways that aren’t going to allow this relationship to grow and develop and heal what needs to be healed. But it’s going to take both of you.
I don’t mean to sound rude saying this so I’m sorry if it does. But blocking can be undone. In seconds. SHE needs to tell HIM to stop. She needs to give him the final “stop, go away” and THEN block. She really needs to mean that shit too. I’d want to know exactly what she’d say to him, but women tend get pretty defensive about that and that can mean a lot. But anyway, if she’s blocked him and for good? I wouldn’t mention him but I’d have a good conversation with her about what that all meant and what it meant to you and what you guys can do to avoid situations like that in the future. Not specifically mentioning him. It’s a pretty huge part of a relationship to be able to solve problems, have plans for the future, and to be considerate of the other person.
Leave. He is a shitty person. Shitty people make shitty boyfriends. If you stay, your shitty person who makes a shitty boyfriend will make a shitty husband and leave you with a shitty life.
Honestly, the ring thing may or may not have any significance whatsoever. People who cheat don't care about the ring and people picking up women for a one night stand don't care what their real life entanglements are. The ring is irrelevant.
That said, you sound VERY controlling. She goes to the bar twice and you loose it like this? How is her going to the bar going to make her “lose our interests of being successful and building a family.” Honestly, that is just nonsense speak that you're using to justify who her friends are. Lot's of successful people go the bar and socialize regularly and lot's of parents (the happy ones) might do the same.
It sounds like you made her cut off contact with all of her friends, are isolating her at home, and are using the fact that you out earn her to to bully her into this position. Because, why else bring up your incomes? Why else bring up the relative income of the area (poor)?
What specific thing did she do that's so bad? That merits you blowing up her phone and berating her? Simply have a night or two out is not a big deal, even in a short timespan. She shouldn't need to be some kind of stay at home stepford wife just to prove to you that she's interested in having a child.
I find your post very disturbing. And, I hope she finds a less manipulative partner if you divorce her.
That's where my mind went, too. You don't have to be doing anything wrong for a cop to ruin your life. And we already know the ex bf has l, shall we say, shaky morals. If you can notify the wife anonymously, perhaps.
Honestly, just an actual phone call (not text) every couple of weeks on a Sunday or a weekday evening to catch up works pretty well.
Find something fun for you to do that day.