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DP FINGERS PARTY!!! [Multi Goal]
Date: October 18, 2022
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WeekendPussy
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Are you in North America?
This sounds very unhealthy. I know enough of Indian culture to know how difficult it may have been to back out of an engagement, even though you knew enough about their relationship and the whole dysfunctional family.
I would certainly get individual counseling to get resolution about what to do. I don't think he and his family are fixable-the embedded damage is too deep. This issue to you is you and what can you reasonably do and what will take heroic efforts.
I cant seem to get the confidence and emotional strength to break up with him. Although he had made it clear that he already thinks this is not going to work and will not improve anymore, I’m still staying. And for some reason, he also is.
I know he wouldn’t break up with me himself but he made it clear that he will not stop me if I were to leave.
A part of me still wants to make it work because I really love him, but sometimes I just go along with it hoping that one day my heart would grow tired of all the pain and I can easily break it off when I no longer love him.
Getting married isn't a need. He's isolated and feeling the effects. They just need to put the brakes on a bit.
Mental issues are unfortunate, but HIS don't have to be your cross to bear.
I had a much more healthy relationship than yours sounds, my wife being very good at many things. But she has trauma and exhibits all signs of BPD so I lived with the weight of her insecurities and fears being manifested as if they were real and thrust on me for almost a decade. It nearly broke me completely.
I wanted to help her because she's a good person. I wanted to stay in the relationship due to love and really she did help my life in other aspects.
But the weight of me trying to carry her emotional burden still destroyed me. The only thing I needed at the end of the day was someone who could come to me with their problems as if I was someone they loved, but the love disappeared at every new problem.
Long story: you have to be good for yourself first or you'll just be bad for him AND you. This relationship sounds completely awful with no redeeming qualities besides not being alone.
Yeah I think there's some cultural stuff here that I don't understand. There's a common theme in this sub that you'll somehow come out better if you blind side your spouse with divorce papers.
I don't get it at all. If I thought my spouse was cheating I would 100% just tell them that I've seen some stuff that suggests cheating, and ask them what's up.
Do you get a better deal in the US if your spouse is cheating or whatever? I don't think any of that is relevant in Australia. I can't imagine going to court with evidence of my cheating partner. “… and exhibit 3c clearly shows my ex husband smooching his painted who're your honour …” – truly surreal.
☝? You're only 25 OP. You have tons of time to find someone who won't treat you like shit!
Dude took LSD. This isn't just an alcohol situation, lol.
Do everyone a favour and Don’t have kids with the new guy. Kids aren’t like sofas, you can’t just rehome them when you want a new one. What a selfish cruel parent you are, OP. I’m so sad for your poor daughter, I hope her dad has your missing empathy.
Idk. The way OP told it, it sounds like there was some time in between OP getting slapped and her husbands actions. It doesn’t sound like he was reacting in the red. I think he had a second to contemplate and decide on what his exact response would be.
Also, we have to keep in mind that husband has probably been quite respectful and sensitive to wife’s family’s cultural norms and beliefs despite not following or agreeing with them. If he visited, he respected their wishes. Let’s assume that OPs dad doesn’t live under a rock and is aware that slapping your adult daughter in front of the whole family is unacceptable behavior in his family’s home. Not only did OP watch him lay hands on her, but he also watched someone be openly disrespectful of his own beliefs and wishes in his own family’s home (absolutely unacceptable to put your hands on a woman). Husband might have even escalated his response a little more to make sure his message was FULLY understood in case he and OP have kids one day. I’m sure it’s something that’s crossed his mind. He was pretty controlled this time, but I don’t think he would be quite as calm if this would have happened to his own daughter.
Get out as soon as you are able to. Value yourself and understand that even when this chapter of your life comes to an end, there is a better one ahead. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. No one deserves to have their trust betrayed like that.
Bob is MESSY. Everyone should be cautious dealing with that one